3 Heads & a Tail

by Vickie Johnstone

  The ginger-haired guy was playing with the label on his bottle. Kay nodded to Josie. You know what that means, she seemed to say. Josie grinned: sexually frustrated!

  “So what are a couple of beauts like ya' two doin' all alone in 'ere?” asked the blonde-haired guy. “Me name's Jon.”

  Kay grinned. “We were just waiting for you!” Then she winked.

  Josie sighed and stared into the depths of her glass. It was going to be a long night.

  “Do you want a drink, love?” asked the ginger-haired lad. “My name's Jerome.”

  “Hello,” mumbled Josie, trying not to look too bored with the situation. “I'm fine. I'm okay buying my own drinks, thanks.”

  “Uh, right,” said Jerome, frowning in confusion.

  Josie sighed. “I just never feel safe accepting drinks off strangers.”

  “And there's none stranger than you,” said the shy guy, nudging Jerome. “She didn't mean it as an insult.”

  Josie smiled at the brown-haired man. He was definitely the nicest and he may have just saved her from a conversation worse than death.

  He smiled back. “My name's Kurt. What's yours?”

  “Josie,” she replied.

  “I've never seen you in this pub before. Is this your first time here?”

  “Yeah, I just moved into the neighbourhood and we thought we'd try the nearest pub.”

  “So here you are in the Shed and Sheep,” smiled Kurt. “They have bands on most nights of the week, so you could be in for a treat.”

  “Cool,” said Josie, who could do with some live music. Kay was most exploring the live action to her right, so Josie wasn't expecting too much conversation emanating from that direction. “What band is on tonight?”

  Jerome sighed, feeling like a gooseberry. “I'm off to grab a beer – any takers?”

  “Same again!” said the two guys in unison.

  “Girls?”

  “Another Pina Colada for me!” said Kay, winking again. “Try not to get an umbrella though 'cos I'm gonna end up sticking it up my nose!”

  “I'll ask! Sure you don't want one, Josie? Us, guys are in here nearly every night. No tricky business. Barman knows us. Surely I can get you a drink?”

  Josie noticed the barman give him a big smile so he wasn't making it up. “Okay, another one of these honey ales then please – the golden one. But I'm watching you like a hawk!”

  “Alright missus!” said Jerome, waving.

  Josie watched him as the barman poured the drinks.

  “You weren't kidding!” laughed Kurt, swigging his ale.

  “You mean about watching him? No, you can never be too sure. No offence, but you hear about girls having their drinks spiked all the time. I'm real careful. You never know what sort of dodgy bloke is around!”

  “You're talking right there, girl,” said Jon. “You girls should be careful, ya' kno'. We're cool, but ya' never know a lot of the time. Ya' gotta av' a brain on ya' and look afta' ya'self.”

  “Sure do,” grinned Kay. “And I'm a Black Belt if anyone's thinking of messing with me.”

  “Are you really?” asked Kurt, looking impressed.

  “What do you think, mate?!” screeched Kay, laughing her head off.

  “I guess that's a no then,” mumbled Kurt, glancing at Josie.

  She nodded. “What's the band? You didn't say.”

  Kurt swallowed. “Some blues band, I think.”

  “Cool, does the guy play harmonica?” asked Josie.

  “Maybe.”

  “Great, 'cos I love the harmonica.”

  “Well, if you ask him nicely,” suggested Kurt.

  “Here you go – many poisoned beers!” announced Jerome, thumping the drinks on to the table. Somehow, he didn't spill a drop.

  Kurt slid across the seat next to Josie, leaving a lonely-looking Jerome to take the centre seat. “I know when I'm not wanted,” he sighed. “Cheers!” He lifted his beer in the air.

  “Cheers!” they all said, tapping glasses, some more heavily than others. Josie realised she was pretty sober in comparison. The question was did she want to catch up? It was a school night after all and she didn't fancy a hangover at work. She couldn't handle those any more. That's when she missed her twenties – she never got hangovers back then. Now it was as if a forklift truck had run over her and then reversed.

  “How long have you guys been coming here?” asked Josie.

  “Maybe ten years now,” said Kurt. “Give or take. We grew up around here.”

  Chapter 10

  “Hey, look who just walked in,” whispered Kay, nudging Josie, who turned around. It was Ben with two guys they'd never seen before.

  “I didn't know he drank here,” said Josie.

  “Well, it's the nearest pub to your house, I guess.”

  “That's true.”

  Kay got up. “Just going to say hello to a friend of ours,” she announced and squeezed out from the table. Feeling a little embarrassed for some reason, Josie took a refreshing swig of her drink.

  “He a friend of yours too?” asked Kurt, looking her in the eyes. He had that familiar, hopeful look. Big puppy browns – a bit like Glen's, only lacking the fur.

  “Yeah, he's my new housemate. He's alright.”

  “You don't wanna say hello?” asked Jerome, squinting at her.

  “I will, in time!” said Josie. “You're making me feel guilty now. Kay's up there speaking to him.” She turned to Kurt. “So when's this band coming on?”

  Kay strode up to Ben and tapped him on the back. “Hey, stranger!”

  He looked round with a start. “Oh, hi Kay, I've been trying to catch the barman's eye – unsuccessfully!”

  Kay stuck out her cleavage and flicked her hair. “That's to get his attention!”

  “Ha! Good move, honey!” laughed one of Ben's friends. He looked at her with 'that' look and nudged the other guy. On cue, the barman sped over with a big smile and took their order.

  “Well thanks,” smiled Ben, nervously. Kay made him quake in his shoes. Luckily, she didn't seem to notice. “I didn't expect to see you here – thought you'd like something more upmarket than an old man's pub.”

  “I'm downgrading!” she grinned. “No, seriously, we decided to try out the local area. This was the first pub we hit.”

  “Cheers honey!” interrupted one of Ben's mates as they took their beers to a corner table by the window. One of them put some money into the pool table. It clanked.

  “Josie's here too?” Ben asked, looking over his shoulder. He spotted her, sitting with three guys, and his eyes drooped slightly.

  His reaction wasn't lost on Kay. “So how come you haven't asked her out?”

  “You're very direct!” Ben went slightly red.

  “Yes! I knew it!”

  “Knew what?” asked Ben, clutching his pint as if it was a defensive shield he was about to raise to reflect the Gorgon's stare.

  “That you like Josie,” smiled Kay. “Don't worry, I won't say anything.”

  “Okay, you got me, but I'm not that fast and she might not be interested – probably not, in fact.”

  “You should have more confidence. I think you'd be a good match. You seem similar and I thought there was a spark that first day!”

  Ben shook his head. “Nah, you were imagining that. I don't think she'd be interested and I'm not that fast, as I said.”

  “But your housemate is fast...”

  “Yeah he is – very!” Ben frowned, thinking. “What do you mean by that?”

  “Nothing, I just think you should go for what you want. I'm just offering some friendly advice – giving you a nudge in the right direction.”

  “Advice noted,” smiled Ben. “I'm just not very good at all that.”

  “I hear you. Sorry if I sound pushy,” said Kay, smiling. “It comes from being with the wrong person for too long and I like to see my friends happy!”

  “Aye, that's understandable. Thanks.”

  “Right, I'll head back, and
let you go and play. Your mates are staring over, pining for you.”

  “I think they're actually pining for you,” laughed Ben, taking a drink.

  “Ha! My powers are unstoppable tonight!” laughed Kay, nudging his arm. “Have fun. I'll tell Josie you said hello and asked how she was.”

  “You're terrible.”

  “I know,” she grinned, winking.

  Kay walked slowly back to the table, knowing that every man at the bar was now watching her perfect legs make a perfect stride across the room. She smiled inwardly. There was no way she was ever going back to being boring, frumpy Kay who put her boyfriend's selfish needs before her own every day of the week. She didn't miss his constant criticism at all. From now on she was going to have fun.

  “Now boys and girl,” she smiled when she reached the table, “what did I miss? Josie, Ben says hello and hopes you are enjoying yourself.”

  “Aha,” mumbled Josie, swigging her ale, which was disappearing a little too fast. Mr Puppy Dog Eyes smiled back at her.

  “And now,” announced the barman, who had bounded over to the mike. “The band you've been waiting for – The Horse Wrestlers!”

  “Bizarre name for a band,” said Kay. “Do you think they do?”

  “Only when they've just 'ad a butcher's of Brokeback Mountain!” laughed Jon. “Haw haw.”

  Josie stared into her drink. Kurt padded his head in a what-are-you-on-about message to Jon.

  “What did I do?” asked Jon, looking blank. “Jus' jokin', man!”

  Jerome laughed, honking loudly through his nose. He burst open a big bag of crisps, which exploded loudly on to the table as the band began to play.

  Phew, saved by the band, thought Josie, at a loss for something to talk about. Kurt was really staring and it made her feel awkward. Kay seemed really into Jon, so that meant they were going to be stuck with these guys all night. Thankfully, the singer of the band was a gifted harmonica player and Josie drifted on the wave of sound.

  “Hey!” said a voice.

  Glancing back over her shoulder, Josie came face to face with Ben. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kay stifle a smile.

  “If you're not too busy, fancy a game of pool?” asked Ben. “We're three men and we need another to play doubles!”

  “But I'm not a man!” said Josie, her eyes sparkling.

  Ben laughed. “You know what I mean! Come on.”

  She didn't need to be asked twice. “Sorry guys, I've got to rescue a game! Catch you later. “

  “Sure thing!” mumbled Kurt.

  Jerome patted him on the back, “Shot down in flames!”

  Chapter 11

  Josie followed her housemate across the room, carefully hugging her pint so that it wouldn't spill.

  “Hello!” said Ben's friends, whom he introduced as Bill and William. They seemed friendly enough.

  Josie crossed her bag over her chest so that she could play without it swinging off, and placed her pint down on the small, round table. She draped her jacket on a chair. “Who am I playing with?”

  William laughed. “Who's she playing with, Ben?”

  “Come on!” said Ben, laughing. “Sorry Josie!”

  “No offence taken,” said Josie. “William, I'm definitely not playing with you now, you cheeky monkey!”

  “She told you Willy! She's not playing with you!” said Bill, laughing.

  Ben shook his head as he set up the balls. “I guess you're going to be with me as these two jokers can't be trusted!”

  “Suits me,” said Josie. “You go first, 'cos I can't break to save my life.”

  “Bet you can really,” said Bill. “Everyone thinks they can't, but it's pretty easy – it's just like any other shot.”

  “No, really, I'm rubbish.”

  “Right,” said Ben. “I'm going to show you.”

  He beckoned Josie over to the end of the table and handed her the cue. She took it sheepishly, hoping not to do anything stupid like rip up the green. “Stand there. That's it. Position the white ball where it's going to hit the most balls. Yep, that's it, and just aim. Hit square and hard – something's gotta go down.”

  Bill exploded into laughter while Willy quaffed his beer and spluttered.

  “Guys, give me a break!” Ben sat down wearing a goofy expression.

  Josie blinked. Concentrate, she told herself, trying not to grip the cue too tightly. She bent down, positioned herself and the cue, and focused on the nearest ball. She aimed and hit it dead centre as hard as she could. Whack!

  “Whoa!” cried Willy and Bill as two spot balls shot down two different holes.

  Ben grinned. “Not bad!”

  “It was all down to my teacher!” Josie smiled and sat down. She needed a quick swig of ale.

  Will nudged Bill, who looked at Josie. They looked at one another and at Ben, who was engrossed in his beer, and smiled conspiratorially. Bill took the cue and his shot.

  Josie was really enjoying herself. Ben was such easy company and his friends were nice too. As the game crept on, she decided to stay rather than return to Kay's table, knowing her friend could take care of herself. Towards the end of the game, the two teams were neck and neck, and it was Josie's shot. They each had two balls left, and the black sat smugly in the middle. She took a deep breath, bent down and took aim. Smack! Potted!

  “Yes!” shouted Ben, his fist flying up into the air.

  Bill frowned. “Fluke!”

  She grinned. One more ball to go, and then on to the black – could she do it?

  “Josie!” called a voice out of the blue. She turned to see the brown-haired guy. His two mates were waiting by the door. It looked as if they were leaving. Where was Kay? Then she noticed her, squeezing the blonde guy. She could have guessed!

  “I'm off now, but I hope to see you another time. We're in this pub a lot. If you fancy meeting up, here's my number.” Kurt held out a beer mat with some scribbles on it. 'Be a man – go for gold!' it said, above a photo of a golden-coloured pint of ale.

  “Thanks,” said a surprised Josie.

  “It was nice to meet you, lass. See you soon, I hope.” And off he went.

  The two other guys and Kay waved from the pub door. Josie waved back. She hoped Kay would be alright. She would text her later to make sure.

  “Looks like it's your lucky day,” said Ben, pointing at the slogan on the beer mat. “Go for gold.”

  “Yes, well,” muttered Josie, ramming it into her bag. “I better take my shot.”

  “Good luck!” Ben was a little perturbed, but didn't let it show.

  Josie focused her attention on the last remaining ball. Smack! She missed it. “Ugh,” she breathed. “Sorry, I really thought I was going to hit it.”

  “So did I, no worries,” replied Ben. “It's not over yet.”

  “Oh, yes it is!” Willy grinned. “Step aside for the master of the cue!”

  “Go, Willy!” said Bill, standing up.

  “Here goes,” said Willy, effortlessly banging the ball into the pocket.

  Ben frowned. “No way!”

  “And now for number two,” announced Willy, potting a second without even thinking about it.

  “You hustler!” laughed Bill, sipping his whiskey. He drank it straight, but he wasn't standing that way.

  “And now, for my final trick, I will pot the black,” announced Willy, his voice getting louder. Luckily, the noise of the band concealed it from the other drinkers.

  Josie laughed. They had lost, but this was kind of funny. Ben's face was a picture. She realised he must be quite competitive after all, even though he gave the impression that he wasn't bothered about anything.

  Willy bent over, spread his legs, gave a little wiggle to annoy Ben, aimed and took his shot. Whizz! He missed!

  “Ha!” yelled Ben, punching the air.

  “No way!” said Bill, thumping his glass down on the table in mock anger.

  “Yes, way!” grinned Ben.

  “Alright!” cried Josie.r />
  Willy sighed, pretended to hide his face in embarrassment, and took up his pint.

  Ben grinned and took the cue. He focused, pretending not to watch Josie's reaction out of the corner of his eye, and potted their remaining ball. Clean and simple, down it went. He didn't look up, but quickly chalked the cue and moved on to the black, shooting it smoothly into the pocket.

  Willy gasped.

  “Yay!” said Josie. “We won! I just won my first doubles game!”

  “We just won our first doubles game,” corrected Ben, laughing at his two crestfallen mates.

  “Are we having a rematch?” asked Willy, finishing his drink. “I'm going to the bar if anyone wants another.”

  “What do you think?” asked Ben.

  “Well,” considered Josie, “Kay seems to have abandoned me and it's not too late yet, so I reckon one more pint please, Will, and one more game will be okay.”

  “Cool with me, too,” said Bill.

  Willy went to the bar, and Josie asked the guys how long they'd all been friends.

  “Since we were this high,” said Bill, pointing to his knee.

  “And he doesn't mean when we fell down drunk,” said Ben.

  A long time then, thought Josie. He must have grown up in the same area where they lived now.

  Chapter 12

  At 11 o'clock, with a win a piece, they conceded that it was time to go home. Bill and Willy headed in one direction, and Josie and Ben wandered off in the other.

  “I guess they're kind of crazy,” said Ben.

  “They're funny,” countered Josie. “I like them. That was fun.”

  “Good, I'm glad you enjoyed it.”

  “What's not to enjoy? A good thrashing at pool!” she giggled. “Well not really a thrashing, I guess, as they won one!”

  “Yeah, they did and I can tell you now they are going to want a rematch. In fact, they'll demand it,” added Ben, laughing.

  “They're on! I like that pub. Funny name, good ale, nice band, pool, and you can roll home afterwards!”

  “You sure can. Well, here we are. Home again. I'm glad I bumped into you.”