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Waiting on Faith (She's Beautiful Series Book 2)

Page 20

by Nicole Richard


  “HELLO, GRACE,” I answered my cellphone on the second ring.

  “Hey.” Crabby and tired. That was how she sounded. The closer she got to her due date, the more irritable and emotional she was.

  “What’s up, mama?”

  “I need a friend, and I need to get out of here for a little while. You think I could come over for a bit?”

  “Of course!”

  “I’ll see you soon.”

  Grace ended the call. Hmm, that wasn’t like her, but then again being pregnant did weird things to a woman.

  “Hey, Cy?” I called as I walked into the living room. Cy sat comfortably in my chaise, watching some hunting show on television.

  “Hmm, baby,” he answered.

  I snuggled beside him and kissed along his jawline. “Grace called,” I said between kisses. “She wants to come over and hang out.” I bit on his earlobe. If my best friend was going to show up any minute, I wasn’t sure why I was starting something.

  “Okay.”

  Cy’s strong hands grabbed my waist, and he pulled me until I straddled him. He pushed up my T-shirt, nipped at my belly, and rubbed his thumb in places he had no business touching at the moment.

  I let out a moan and there was a knock at the door.

  Hanging my head on his shoulder, I groaned and Cy laughed. Swatting my ass, he scolded with a big, cheesy grin, “Serves you right, woman. Now, go answer the door and let your friend in.”

  Swinging my leg off, I stood, stuck my tongue out at him, and rolled my eyes, only smiling as I turned around to face the door.

  “Hey, Grace. Come on in.”

  “Thanks, Nat.”

  I shut and locked the front door while Grace strode into the living room. “Hey, Cy. How are you?”

  “Good thanks. How are you holding up?”

  Grace blew out a frustrated breath. “Don’t ask.”

  Cy chuckled and held his hands up in surrender. “Okay, I won’t. After watching two sisters pregnant four times, I know when to leave well enough alone.”

  “Smart man. Do me a favor and call AJ and give him a few tips.” Grace wasn’t ever that forward, and Cy shot me a quick glance. I gave the smallest little shake of my head, hoping he knew not to take the bait.

  “Hey, why don’t I get you ladies some sweet tea and then I’ll get out of your way.” Cy suggested. He stood and walked over to me so he could wrap me in his arms.

  I nodded into his chest. “Sounds good. Thank you, babe.”

  “Do you mind if we sit outside for a little while? I am hotter than hell right now,” Grace said. I was pretty sure the added pounds on her petite frame kept her on a constant overheat.

  “Of course, let me grab a blanket just in case. You may be hot, but to the rest of us, it’s cold out.” I laughed, earning a small smile and headshake from her.

  “Okay, I’ll meet you out back.”

  I grabbed the blanket from the back of my couch and headed outside after her. She was already settled into one of my lounge chairs and gave me a funny look when I shivered and wrapped the blanket around myself. Cy placed a serving tray holding two glasses and a pitcher of sweet tea on the little table beside us. He bent to kiss the top of my head. “I’ll be back in a little while. I love you.”

  I nodded. “Love you too.”

  “See ya, Grace.”

  Grace raised her hand in a little wave. “See you, Cy. Thanks for the tea.”

  He nodded. “You’re welcome,” he said and was off.

  “So, what’s going on?” I asked her as I poured two glasses.

  She sucked in a long deep breath before releasing an even longer sigh. “Nat, I’m just so irritated, and I really shouldn’t be.”

  I looked at her, waiting for her to continue. She didn’t, so I asked her the obvious question. “Did something happen?”

  She shook her head and took a sip of her drink. “It’s just . . .” She was stuck with her words for a minute. “How do I say this?” Grace scrunched her nose. “It’s just— AJ is so irritating right now!”

  I choked and luckily kept my lips together so I didn’t spit and spray sweet tea everywhere.

  Grace held her hand up. “Let me rephrase that.”

  I nodded, aiming to control the amount of liquid I let slide down my throat.

  “AJ’s great. I love him to pieces, and with his past and all, I understand his concern, but . . .” She sighed again. “He just doesn’t know when to let me be. I feel smothered.”

  “Oh-kaay.”

  “This whole pregnancy is getting the better of me, and he is driving me absolutely insane.” Grace held the top of her head in her hands, flustered, blowing out a hot breath. “He’s just always there. I turn around, and he’s there. It’s like I can’t even breathe. I know he means well, but with this big belly in the way”—she looked down at her basketball belly—“I’m always hot and irritable, not to mention he went and bought me a damn brand new car.” She scoffed, waving a wild hand in the air. “Like, who does that? Shouldn’t we have gone together for a major purchase? I don’t even like gold, Nat. I hate gold cars.”

  I giggled at the way she grunted out the word hate, and for some unknown reason, I blurted out. “I had a baby, Grace.”

  “Seriously, Nat who the— Wait, what did you just say?” Visibly stumped, Grace stared at me. Lowering her voice, she asked for clarification, “Nat. What did you say?”

  “I had a baby,” I repeated a little softer.

  Her hand flew up, covering her mouth, and her eyes were wide with shock. Sucking in a breath, she leaned in closer toward me, and she choked out, “Why am I only finding out about this now? Does Cy know?”

  “He does now.”

  My world stopped and then everything around me tilted and started to spin at the speed of lightning. His voice was furious, and his words were so clipped, they sent a shiver down my spine.

  I turned to look over my shoulder at the man who held my heart. There was so much pain and anguish marring his face. Shoving the blanket off my lap, I jumped at the same time my heart decided to stop beating. I took the porch steps two at a time and came to a skidding halt a few feet away from where he stood.

  “Please, Cy, let me explain.” I tried to touch his chest, but he jerked his body away. Ouch. That hurt. “Babe, please. I can explain.”

  He steeled his eyes, his whole body actually. It was as if a concrete fortress went up.

  “You want to explain?”

  I watched as the muscle in his jaw ticked. My throat tightened, and there was a burn at the tip of my nose as my eyes welled with tears.

  “Cy, please,” I pleaded.

  But his head shook slowly. Not once did his hard gaze waver from me. I could have sworn I felt my heart crack.

  “I’m sorry. . .”

  He shook his head. “Don’t,” he warned harshly.

  Bowing my head, I tried the only thing I could to get him to understand why I hadn’t told him. “I’m sorry. You of all people know what it’s like to have something so painful happen to you that you just can’t talk about it! No one but Spencer knows about it. Well, now you and Grace too, but I never meant to hide it from you. I was going to tell you, I swear!” I begged him to understand.

  “Yeah, now I know. But I only know because I forgot my damn key, Natalie. I got to hear about it when you told Grace! You couldn’t even tell me, the man you have been sharing a bed with, the truth.”

  My heart broke a little more as he bent slightly at the waist and leaned toward me. “You couldn’t even tell the man you claim to love!” he shouted, pounding his fist against his chest as he spat the words at me. Each pound of his fist created another crack in my heart. “What the fuck, Natalie!”

  With my face tilted to the ground, I shook my head. The tears were falling freely now, and my hands were clasped together as I waited for the worst to come.

  Cy composed himself. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

  “Do you think standing, watching your d
isgust for me roll off you is easy for me? What happened to the man that claimed to love me?” My heart knew this was not going to end well. That I shouldn’t have lobbed those words at him at all, but it was too late to take them back. Too late to fix this.

  Cy turned and took two steps before turning back around. In a low voice, which was colder than dry ice, he asked, “How could you keep something like this from me? I thought we meant everything to each other. I gave you all of me.”

  “I didn’t know how to tell you. I wasn’t sure how’d you react.” A lone tear fell. “You have no idea the hell I lived through, and now the biological father of that child, the man who beat me on an almost daily basis, is trying to possibly harm me.” I lowered my voice to a whisper and looked into his cold, dark eyes. “I wasn’t sure if you’d still want me—let alone love me.”

  “Don’t you get it? Love means you accept and trust people for who they are and who they were! I would still have loved you, Natalie. You just couldn’t trust me enough to realize that.”

  My heart beat erratically against my chest as his name fell from my lips. “Cy?” I looked into his glistening eyes. He shook his head and ran his hands roughly through his hair.

  “Cy, can we please talk about this . . . please?”

  His next words made me feel as if I died a thousand deaths. “You want to talk? You want to explain? Save your breath—I’m done.”

  “What?” I screeched a loud whisper.

  Cy turned to walk away again, but my hand caught his shoulder. He wouldn’t look at me. My throat was thick with emotion, mostly fear. I couldn’t watch the man I gave my heart to walk out of my life. “Please. We can figure this out. We can work this out. I love you!”

  “STOP!” he barked. “What’s done is done. I gave you all of me. So you tell me, how in the fuck am I supposed to trust you?” He took another step before he delivered the ultimate blow. “You know what really hurts? You couldn’t even give me the same damn respect.” He paused before shattering my heart. “And all this time, I thought I was the one that wasn’t good enough for you.”

  “Cy!” Grace gasped from behind us. I had forgotten she was there, watching.

  Then, I watched him walk out of my life.

  Adrenaline sparked, causing my feet to move, and I ran after him. Not sure what to say at this point, I cried out, “I have faith— ” but I choked.

  With his hand on the door handle of his truck, he looked at me with pain in his eyes. “Yeah, I did too, but I guess that’s another thing you took from me.”

  “SO THAT’S IT?” I threw my hands in the air. “Just like that?” My hands dropped. I shrugged then shook my head. “You know what, Cy? Walk the fuck out. Go! Run for all I care. I guess I didn’t mean as much to you as you claimed.”

  I was hurt and angry and heartbroken, so when he turned to me with fury and pain in his eyes, I didn’t care. I wanted to hurt him the way he was hurting me.

  But why doesn’t it make me feel any better? I feel worse now.

  Too late to take it back, though. We were done. The adrenaline in my body had me on a high, and I couldn’t see straight. My world was still spinning as he hopped in his truck and reversed out of my driveway, without even a glance back.

  His truck turned a corner and the sound of his engine faded. Piece by piece, I shut down. My heart, which shattered the moment he slammed his truck door, lay in slivers. The pain blinked out, and a calming numbness spread through me, consuming everything it touched.

  That was when the adrenaline wore off and the shock took over. I stood there unable to move, wondering what had I done. I barely heard Grace’s footsteps as she came to stand behind me.

  “Nat, are you okay?”

  Dumb question, not that I’d ever tell her that, but she had witnessed my life turn to shambles. The best thing that ever happened to me walked right out of my life. Poof! Gone!

  I shouldn’t be allowed to cry, I was the one that ruined what we had and made a mess of everything.

  I shook my head. “Grace, I think I want to be alone right now. Do you mind?” I asked as politely as I could. There was no reason to snap at Grace. She hadn’t done anything, and the last thing I needed was for her to be mad at me too.

  “Are you sure that’s such a good idea right now?” Her voice was gentle, but I shrugged off her concern.

  “Doesn’t matter. I’d like to be left alone. Please?”

  She exhaled. “I don’t thin— ”

  “Pleeease, Grace,” I pleaded.

  She leaned the side of her head against mine as her arm wrapped around my shoulder. “I hate leaving you like this, but if you insist, I’ll go. If you need anything, please make sure you call me, okay?” She moved to stand in front of me and held my hands clasped tightly between hers. “I mean it. You need to call me even if it’s just to have me listen to you cry it out. I’m here.” She lifted my chin with her finger. “Got it?”

  I barely nodded. I knew if I didn’t agree, she’d never let me be, and I just wanted to be alone.

  “Thank you, Grace,” I whispered, offering a weak smile.

  She hugged me tight, but I didn’t raise my arms to hug her back. I was numb. I didn’t even deserve to feel the pain of him walking away from me. What a mess I’d made.

  Once Grace left, I walked around back and went inside. Thank the Lord I had my Sadie girl to comfort me. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t speak. She loved me unconditionally.

  “Boones,” I yelled toward the kitchen. Nothing. I walked through my house with Sadie in my arms and he wasn’t there. Cy had taken him when he left. Sadie rested her head on my shoulder while I pet her. “Hey, Sadie girl, your best friend left too,” I said to her and she replied with a little howl. Yup, she felt it.

  How would I recover from something like this? What would this do to Cy? Despite all of his insecurities, he had let his walls down and taken a chance on me. He had trusted me completely.

  I was relieved once night came, not that sleep came easy, but when it did, not even Trent could plague my dreams. Every light inside me went dark. I shut my eyes, and all I saw was a black hole that resembled my heart.

  I SLAMMED MY truck in park and pounded my palms against the steering wheel. “FUCK!” I roared.

  Boones, who was riding shotgun, yelped at my loud outburst. Burying my head against the steering wheel, I shed the tears that welled in my eyes. I had never been ashamed to cry, but I never made it a habit of having an audience. If a guy with a heart ever said he never cried, he was a motherfucking liar.

  How could she not tell me she had a kid? And where was this kid? I had never seen her with one. Did she give it up for adoption? What the hell was I supposed to think? My mind was reeling. Didn’t a woman who had a child have stretch marks? Didn’t her breasts sag, at least a little? Nothing, none of the signs that hinted a woman had a child were on Natalie’s body.

  The worst part of it all, the part that put the ache in my heart, was that I thought we’d make a family together. I had imagined little redheaded, green-eyed beauties running around, or a little guy who’d tag along with his daddy. I had wanted that with her. But how could I start a family with a woman who didn’t trust me enough to share everything with me?

  Had I made the right decision by ending it all right there? I hadn’t even given her the chance to explain. I punched the steering wheel again. She had months to explain.

  Eventually, I made it out of the truck with Boones right on my tail. He dragged himself behind, and once I locked the front door, he walked right toward the doggie beds and lay at the foot of Sadie’s.

  I couldn’t watch to see my pal upset, but there was nothing I could do to fix his hurt. I turned away from the sad sight and headed to my room.

  One step beyond the doorway, her scent overwhelmed me. Her clothes were strewn over the lone chair by the window and some of her outfits were hanging in my closet. The last time we made love, she had kicked the sheets off my bed, and they were still lying in a rumpled
pile by my footboard. I groaned a maddened sound and walked over to the chair, picked up the blouse she had tossed haphazardly over the side, buried my face in it, and inhaled her scent.

  It all became too much. I balled her top and threw it across the room before shoving the rest of her clothes off the back of the chair, scattering them across the floor.

  How the fuck could she do this to me? To us?

  I stripped out of my T-shirt and jeans and left them where they landed on the floor before I walked to the bathroom.

  Her shit littered the counter. Her crimson-colored robe hung on the door. Her shampoo, conditioner, and body wash were still in the shower. I hated all of it. There was no way I was going to be able to stay here. I couldn’t stand staying in a house filled with her things or sleeping in a bed that smelt of her. I couldn’t be here if she tried to contact me and beg to work this out. I needed to call Levi. His door was always open to me. He’d let me kick it with him until I knew what the fuck to do. Flipping the shower handle on, I stripped off my boxers and stepped into the hot spray, leaning my forehead against the travertine tiles and letting the scalding water run down the back of my body as I washed.

  How could she not tell me something of such significance?

  Still wrapped in a towel, I grabbed my cell phone, sat on my bed, and dialed my best friend, my brother who would always have my back.

  The call went to his voicemail. “Hey, bro. It’s me. Look, some shit went down with Natalie, and I need you to call me back man. Talk to you later.”

  I pulled a pair of gym shorts from one of my dresser drawers and collapsed back on my bed. I felt lost. Her scent was on the pillow lying right next to me. It went flying across the room.

  A text message alert came through.

  Blue: Cy please let me explain.

  Delete.

  I tossed the phone on the bed in the spot that her pillow used to be. Another text message alert pinged.

  Blue: I’m sorry. Will you please talk to me?

  Delete.

  “If I fucking wanted to talk to you, I would have never left your house. Was I not clear enough when I said we were done?” I snapped out to the ceiling.

 

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