How to Be Black

by Baratunde Thurston

  It’s hard to define what “strategy consulting” means to people who don’t already know. Essentially, there is a category of professional business services offering “analysis” and “advice” and “strategy” to businesses that actually make and do real things. My role, especially in the beginning, was to conduct research related to ongoing projects and become a ninja with quantitative analysis and storytelling, using Microsoft Excel and PowerPoint, respectively. One upside of my years of service in this field remains an ability to make a spreadsheet do just about anything. At my peak, I could probably have built Facebook out of Excel. I was that good.

  I spent roughly eight years, full-time and as a contractor, in this field, flying around the country, analyzing on this, strategizing on that, presenting in boardrooms, and participating in far too many conference calls. I’ve had desks arranged in an open-air bullpen. I’ve had cubicles. I’ve had offices with doors and windows. What I rarely had during these years was more than one or two other black people with whom to share the experience. And while I had experienced playing the role of black guy in a number of settings by this point in my life, Corporate America has a flavor all its own. For those of you who’ve done a tour of duty as a black person in Corporate America, I salute you. This chapter is written for you and all the brave souls who’ve served. For those who’ve served with them, this chapter is also for you. It’s time for you to learn what it means to be The Black Employee.

  So you got a job in an office, you’re one of the few minorities and possibly the only black person. First of all, congratulations on having obtained a job. In this economy, that is amazing and makes you a superhero. Protect the job at all costs! Second, I’m so sorry for the awkwardness you have endured or will endure in this environment. Hopefully this guide will help you weather the scenarios ahead or give you a different perspective on those you’ve already managed.

  In many ways this guide is related to the chapter on “How to Be The Black Friend,” with the difference being, your coworkers are not your friends. It’s also closely connected to “How to Speak for All Black People,” so please review both of these chapters to adequately prepare for your role as The Black Employee.

  The truth is, you have two jobs.

  The first is the explicit job for which you were hired. This is the job you saw posted on the Web or heard about through a friend. It’s the job title printed on your business card and in the company directory. It’s what you put on your LinkedIn profile.

  For the sake of argument, let’s say the job was research associate at Optimus Research Group.* When you heard about this position, you were excited. Why? Because you love research, and you’re good at it. You prepared yourself. You updated your résumé. You boosted your past research experience and added personal details that connect you to the type of research this job requires. You read the company’s website thoroughly. You Googled the business and its customers. You may even have done your own research on particular employees, especially management. You are prepared to be an excellent research associate, and when you get the job, and sign the papers, and show up for your first day, that’s a role you are excited to play.

  The thing is, you were also hired for another job: your blackness. That’s not to say you were merely accepted due to some affirmative action quota. If that were the case, nothing more would be expected of you than simply being black and doing Job #1 above. That would make you a research associate who happens to be black. No, you have another job with specific responsibilities far beyond inhabiting your skin. The people who hired you likely weren’t even conscious of this extra job. It’s not as if they had one meeting about your research skills and another about your blackness talents. Nevertheless, they expect great things from you, even if subconsciously. In Job #2, you will be expected to:

  • Part A: Represent the black community.

  • Part B: Defend the company against charges of racism or lack of diversity.

  • Part C: Increase the coolness of the office environment by enthusiastically participating in company events.

  If you interpret this job description a certain way, you might conclude that you have two, three, or even four jobs, because your blackness duty combines the roles of politician, lawyer, and entertainer. Now you’re Jamaican! For the sake of simplicity and sanity, however, we will keep these jobs consolidated under the umbrella of Job #2.

  Also of note, it is not a requirement that you fully embrace all parts of the second job. I’m merely informing you of the expectations. It’s up to you to decide how good of a Black Employee you really want to be.

  During your first days on the job, before diving into Parts A, B, and C of Job #2, there’s something urgent you must do: Spot the Negro.

  Like vampires and extremely rich people, black folk can sense one another. Use your Spidey Sense (Blacky Sense?*). Use your blackdar to inspect the workplace for signs of Other Negroes. They may be working security for the building. They may be in administrative support. They may be among the associate pool, or they may even be in upper management. Black folk can be anywhere. After all, you’re here. But one of the biggest mistakes you can make as The Black Employee is to assume you are the only one. You were hired as a research associate, remember? So do some research!

  If you find that there is another Black Employee, do not panic. Employ the CARS system, as in Collect information, Analyze the data, Review your options, and Set your strategy. Like dogs sniffing each other’s butts, you will need to figure out what your relationship to this other black person will be. How black do you expect him or her to be and vice versa? Is this the type of person who feels threatened by your presence? Does this person even acknowledge that he or she is black? You must find answers to all of these questions. Your career may depend on it. For example, if you sit in the middle of the corporate ladder and the other black person is a blue-collar employee, the last thing you want to do is alienate this person. He or she probably knows lots of office secrets, has read discarded memos, and can either make your life easier or make sure your office always smells like rotten fish. On the other hand, if The Other Negro is above you and older, she may see you as a small version of herself and offer mentorship, advanced warning on promotions, or just good information about what to avoid in the cafeteria. These and all other black-on-black intra-office interactions can be plotted on the Inter-Negro Spectrum of Hostility.* Whether you gain or lose in these relationships depends heavily on where the other black employee falls on the INSH.

  On one end, you have The Chill One.

  This other black employee takes everything in stride. She acknowledges you in subtle ways, occasionally offers advice, and is overall an easygoing presence in the office and in your professional life. At a company meeting, when there’s a mildly embarrassing racial moment, the two of you subtly smile at each other, connect eyes briefly, knowingly, and then return to business. Sometimes The Chill One will display light hints of subversion, but it’s nothing over-the-top. For example, when the two of you are in the coffee room, she might say to you, “Hey, we should just take all these white people’s shit and burn it.” But then she laughs, and you laugh, and another coworker enters the room, asking, “What’s so funny?” and without missing a beat you both say, “Tina Fey!”

  My advice: if you encounter someone on the Chill end of the spectrum, be natural. This is the best type of other black employee to have.

  At the other extreme of the Inter-Negro Spectrum of Hostility, you have The Nemesis.

  This other black employee feels threatened by you. Everything is a competition. If you sign up for the community service committee, he brags about how much they got done last year. If you stay an hour late, he stays ninety minutes. He probably brandishes his education more than necessary, and he laughs too loud. He is naturally insecure, and your presence there serves to elevate his self-doubt further.

  Do not respond directly to the competitive energy from The Nemesis. The best defense in this case is simply to do you
r job. You will probably find many opportunities to publicly undermine him, but don’t. That’s cruel. He’s probably just scared because he’s never not been the only black person before, and he’s afraid you’ll take his place. Take the high road. Be inclusive. Hopefully, with time, he will learn that there is room enough for two, maybe even three black people at this company.

  At the very center of the spectrum you may encounter a type of black employee known as The Denier. This person simply does not acknowledge her race at all, perhaps hoping that by ignoring it, she’ll never have to deal with any negativity associated with her race. While not explicitly combative with you, she’s also unlikely to be a useful ally, especially if she ranks above you. It’s not that she feels threatened by you. It’s that she feels nothing. So she won’t act to improve the situation at the company, either. Your best bet here is to accrue as much power in the company as you can so you can use your position for good and undo some of the damage caused by The Denier’s apathy.

  There’s no guarantee you will be the only black employee, so I hope these descriptions help you orient yourself accordingly. Now, let’s get into the details of your second job’s requirements.

  What Do You Think?

  Your biggest Job #2 responsibility is to represent the black community (Part A). We addressed this function partially in the chapters “How to Speak for All Black People” and “How to Be The Black Friend.” Representing the race spans many roles, but representing all of blackness as The Black Employee is unique. When you’re vying for the spokesperson role on cable news, that’s a conscious act and desire. You know what you’re signing up for. When you entertain the questions and assumptions of your white friends, you have the mutual love and respect of your relationship with them to keep you motivated and temper your frustration. As The Black Employee, though, the potential upside is far more limited. There’s no media exposure. There’s no friendship. You just get irritated. You didn’t sign up for this. You don’t want to do this. You think, understandably, that this is not your job. My goal here is to gently remind you that yes, this is your other job.

  So when you’re in the elevator and a coworker asks, “Hey, Tiffany, Jim and I were wondering, are you disappointed with Obama?” you have some choices to make. The Black Friend would be honest and might go back and forth with your coworker on the substance of the question, relishing the opportunity to learn and enlighten. The Black Spokesperson would check his teeth for leftover food, adjust his blazer, and present a nuanced theory on the effectiveness of President Obama versus early expectations of his term, then attempt to get on MSNBC that night to say the same thing.

  What you need to realize before opening your mouth is that although this appears to be a question for you to answer, it is, in fact, a setup for your coworkers to share their own ideas on the subject and passively seek validation of their opinions from you.

  In this situation, The Black Employee has three basic options:

  1. Avoidance: “You know, that’s a really interesting question. I haven’t spent much time thinking about it, honestly. These quarterly reports have been kicking my ass!”

  2. Confrontation: “What? Are you asking me because I’m black?? You know we don’t all think alike, right?”

  3. Answer the question: “Honestly, I am a bit disappointed with President Obama. I’d still vote for him, but I feel let down in a number of ways and think he hasn’t been a strong enough advocate for working people.”

  Which option did you choose?

  Let’s review the possibilities.

  Option 1 (avoidance) is a passive and polite way of telling someone to fuck off. You preserve a cordial and professional work environment and also manage to avoid getting any deeper into the subject. By pivoting the conversation back to work matters, you’ve effectively dodged the bullet. If you chose Option 1, you did well. This is an acceptable choice. If you’re feeling generous that day, you could use the same deflective response but then add, “What do you think?” This will give your white colleagues the opening to express themselves they were hoping for. Whether you choose to listen to what he or she has to say is completely discretionary.

  Option 2 (confrontation) is a risky move because it puts your coworkers on the defensive, and no one wants to be in that place. You’re one step short of calling someone a racist, which is a far worse crime than actual racism. However, it’s also a guaranteed method of drawing a clear boundary, and it discourages any similar inquiries in the future. If you choose the path of confrontation and rejection, you won’t be the most liked employee, but being left alone leaves you time to focus on Job #1. Remember, you love research. If you chose Option 2, you did well. People will be less likely to engage you in office small talk of any kind, but that’s likely a benefit when you consider the fact that every ten minutes of office small talk takes one year off of your life. If you are overly concerned about your coworkers’ feelings, Option 2 is still available to you. Just make sure you deliver your response with a smile, maybe even a little laugh. Folks love happy black people, even when those black people are dissing them.

  Option 3 (honesty) is a classic mistake. If you chose this, you have failed the exercise. Read carefully to understand why. You probably thought that by being honest, you were giving your coworker the benefit of the doubt. You’re a good person, and that’s a lovely way to live, on occasion, but under no circumstances should you tell your white coworkers what you actually think about a race-related matter! This leads to them sharing their own ideas, which leads to you getting upset, which leads to them wanting to talk about it even more, which leads to you getting even more upset. It’s a vicious cycle, which likely ends in you storming out in the middle of a conference call, singing the Black National Anthem at the top of your lungs, and boarding the next flight to South Africa.

  Even if your honesty in this case doesn’t lead you to start roommate-hunting on Craigslist Johannesburg, answering the question with your true thoughts sends a signal to your white coworkers that you’re down to play this game. Before long, you’ll be on the receiving end of every black-related thought in the office, no matter how tenuous the connection:

  “So, I was thinking of checking out this Ethiopian restaurant on Saturday. Have you heard anything about it?”

  “I think it’s so tragic the way the kids at that pool were discriminated against. Can you believe some people still think that way? I mean, it’s the twenty-first century!”

  “How do you get your hair to do that?? It’s so cute! Can I touch it?”

  By being too accommodating in some aspects of the implicit Job #2, you leave no time to do the explicit Job #1 and risk your position at the company. It’s much less costly to avoid saying anything that commits you to a position (Option 1) or risk mildly hurting people’s feelings but protecting your sanity (Option 2).

  The Diversity Committee

  Many U.S. companies understand the value of having a diverse workplace. They rightly believe that a variety of voices helping to shape their goods and services makes the entire enterprise more accessible to the increasingly diverse American consumer market. In order to demonstrate their commitment to this noble end, these companies create committees, diversity committees. Part A of Job #2 was all about your representing your people. By hiring you, the company really got all black people! Part B is about defending the company against charges of racism or lack of diversity, and your membership on the company’s diversity committee is essential to fulfilling this job requirement.

  The primary functions of the diversity committee are to establish meetings, generate reports, and use the word “diversity.” A sample description might look like this:

  Here at Optimus Research Group, we believe in three things: maximizing shareholder value, providing an exciting environment for professional development, and diversity. We heart diversity. Diversity is a core value and has been since our founding. The diversity committee embraces a diverse definition of diversity and seeks to provide programs an
d other opportunities that encourage knowledge of and respect for diversity. This includes, but is not limited to, race, gender, religion, age, sexual orientation, ethnicity, geography, socioeconomic background, taste in music, hairstyles, language, preferred airline, mental health status, body size, and mobile phone service provider.

  The world is an increasingly diverse place, and to remain competitive, we must actively embrace a diverse mind-set in order to best tackle the diverse challenges ahead. With a diverse approach to diversity management, Optimus Research Group is positioned not just to survive in the changing marketplace but to thrive, becoming industry thought leaders on diversity.

  As such, the diversity committee is responsible for leading efforts to proactively spread the values of diversity throughout the organization and meets monthly to ensure such projects are on track. The diversity committee will also create a task force to respond to any diversity issues raised by members of the diversity committee or other employees. The committee reports to the board of directors annually.

  Remember, diversity is not a destination. It’s a journey! So let’s get on board!

  Members of the Diversity Committee

  The diversity committee is made up of a diverse set of people representing the strength of Optimus Research Group’s commitment to diversity. The committee consists of five committed individuals.

  Chair: Bob Bobson, CEO

  Bob, who goes by “Bob” around the office, is the company CEO. He has always valued diversity and is known throughout the office for the diversity of ties he wears to work! His presence on the diversity committee is a symbolic and substantive testament to Optimus Research Group’s commitment to diversity. Bob has two black friends and once ate a spicy meal at an Indian restaurant.