Dancing Fawn

by Ginger Simpson

  “You truly want to marry me?” Her heart raced. There was still so much she didn’t know yet about Lakota customs. “Describe an Indian wedding to me.”

  “This would not be the usual marriage because we already live together and will soon have a son—”

  “Or daughter,” she snapped.

  His brow furrowed, but he didn’t argue. He shifted his position then crossed one ankle over the other. “When a young man finds a maiden in which he is interested, he lets her know of his desire by playing his flute outside her lodge. If she finds him desirable, she might ask him to stand with her beneath her blanket. With heads covered, they may even steal a kiss, but nothing more until he makes an offer of ponies to her father. If there is more than one suitor, the one with the most horses most often wins the maiden’s hand.”

  “And then what?” She leaned closer.

  “The maiden erects her own lodge, moves her belongings from her mother’s, and takes her husband into her home.”

  Worry niggled at her. “How will we be married? I have no father to whom you can offer ponies, and you have no need to prove your ability to provide for me. I am already your possession.”

  He folded his arms across his chest and stared at her. “You are no longer considered a possession, Dancing Fawn. You are here because I wish it so. It is important that you wish it also.”

  “I do, you know that.” Her heart warmed at his confession.

  * * *

  “Then, at the next tribal council we will invite all the people to celebrate our joining.”

  She raised her brow. “What made you decide that now is the right time?”

  “I know you worry about having a child without being joined, so I will wed you and put your mind at rest.”

  Her jaw tensed. “Is that the only reason?”

  “No. My heart demands that I make you my wife.”

  She reached for his hand, ashamed for questioning his intentions. “Then I would be honored to join with you. Just tell me what I need to do.”

  He reached over and added more buffalo chips and another log to the fire. Fading flames flickered to life and cast silhouettes on the tepee wall. “There is little you must do. Since I have no mother to guide you, I will ask Singing Sparrow and Green Eyes to help prepare you for the celebration.”

  Before she could ask another question, he leaned over and rested his ear against her stomach—something he hadn’t done before.

  “What are you doing?” She petted his head.

  “Listening to see if my son approves of this joining.”

  She yanked a hank of his ebony hair. “What does your daughter say?”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Her wedding day arrived, and Fawn stood before Singing Sparrow and Green Eyes while they fussed over her. “Give me a chance to breathe,” she complained, flicking a wrist to make them stop.

  Green Eyes ignored Fawn’s fidgeting and continued tying the rawhide strips on the beautiful, white doeskin dress she and her mother-in-law had fashioned for the occasion. “We are only trying to make sure you look absolutely radiant for your husband-to-be.”

  “I can’t endure the waiting. My palms are soaking wet.”

  “Stand still,” Green Eyes pleaded. “Goodness, I cannot believe your stomach has grown so in the past three weeks. The dress may be snug, but you still look beautiful.”

  Singing Sparrow tied a beaded band around Fawn’s forehead. “There, now you are beautiful. You remind me of my daughter on her own joining day.”

  Green Eyes took her mother-in-law’s hand. “I wish Little Doe could be here. I miss her, too.”

  Nodding, Singing Sparrow wiped away tears. “I pray she is well and that perhaps we will see her at the next Sun Dance. But, let us not be sad. Today is a time for smiles and laugher.” She stood taller and turned her attention to Fawn. “Do not forget to invite Little Elk into your blanket.”

  “Is the wasichiu ready?” a voice called from outside.

  Green Eyes opened the flap and revealed Little Cloud. “Yes, my son, but she has a name. Dancing Fawn is ready.”

  A beautiful white mare, decorated with flowers and symbols, stood next to the young brave. Fawn’s heart hitched as she stepped outside. This really was her wedding day. Fear mingled with excitement and shivered through her. Like Singing Sparrow a moment ago, Fawn reached to wipe the wetness from her own cheek. She glanced at Green Eyes and noticed she wiped away tears, too.

  “Why do you cry?” Fawn asked.

  “From happiness. Seeing my son reminds me of my wedding day. Only then the young brave holding the pony was Little Elk. He delivered me to the man of my heart. So today, my son will repay the favor. Go. Let Little Cloud take you to be joined with your love.” She brushed a kiss against Fawn’s cheek.

  Little Cloud webbed his fingers together and held them in front of Fawn. She placed a moccasin-encased foot into his hand, and with a boost from her friends, planted her behind firmly on the horse’s back—sidesaddle style. Finding her balance, she cradled her pregnant belly in her arms. “My stomach flutters, but I know not whether it is my child or my nervousness.”

  Green Eyes stepped forward and grasped Fawn’s hand. “Do not be nervous. You are already the wife of Little Elk’s heart. This just makes your joining... How do I say it...official? Today you truly become part of the tribe.” She glared at Little Cloud. “Perhaps my son will change his attitude then.

  Singing Sparrow straightened Fawn’s gown. “Food is already prepared, and the drums are ready. Normally we would wait until the newly-joined couple returned from time in seclusion, but you and Little Elk have already enjoyed your time together alone. Today will announce to the tribe that you and he accept each other as mates for eternity.”

  Eternity was a long time, but Fawn couldn’t imagine spending it with anyone else. She clutched the animal’s mane with both hands as Little Cloud led the horse to the other side of camp where the tribe had congregated to await her arrival. She swallowed hard. Being around the people one or two at a time hadn’t been hard, but never had she been the focus of all. She pondered asking Little Cloud to turn around, but it was too late. He led the mare to where Little Elk stood, and all eyes fixed on her.

  Knees trembling, she slid from the back of the mare into the arms of Little Elk, and together they stood before Chief Lone Eagle. Fawn wasn’t sure what to expect since her intended had been so vague describing the ceremony. Why hadn’t she asked more questions? Who needed drums for the celebration? Her heart thudded like one.

  * * *

  Her gaze rested on the multi-colored blanket hanging over the chief’s arm. Without a word, he passed the mantle to Fawn, who remembering Singing Sparrow’s instructions, accepted it. She unfolded the cloth and, with hands shaking, draped it around her shoulders. Her mind raced, wondering what more she was supposed to do. She glanced around the arena, uneasy with the spectator’s stares as they waited, but for what she had no idea.

  “If you wish to join with the brave standing next to you,” Lone Eagle’s booming voice startled her. “Then open your blanket and take him inside.”

  Fawn turned and faced Little Elk. His happiness showed in the sparkle of his dark eyes, and hers blossomed into a smile. She clasped the mantle’s edge in her hand to keep if from sliding off and extended her arm. She took a deep calming breath. “I open not only my blanket to you, but also my heart.”

  Little Elk stepped into the folds of her cover. “I gladly share your blanket and your lodge. From this day forward you will be known as the wife of Little Elk, Lakota warrior.”

  No sooner had he spoken the words, than the crowd erupted into whooping cheers. There would be no customary kissing of the bride, but Little Elk would show her far more affection when they were alone. She swallowed her nervousness. She’d just become a married woman. Her wedding wasn’t quite the one little girls dreamed of, but her happiness weighed more than any sense of disappointment.

  * * *

  After the cere
mony, she and Little Elk joined the entire tribe around a blazing fire and ate in celebration of the marriage. A group of braves danced in concert to a steady drumbeat. Their chanting was foreign to her, but Little Elk leaned closer. “They dance to celebrate our union and ask Wakan Takan’s blessing upon our coming child.”

  “That’s so nice.” She raised her voice to be heard over the noise. “I thought they would be unhappy if you married a white woman.”

  “Like Green Eyes, your heart is Lakota, and the people look within rather than at the color of your skin.” He closed his hand over hers. “One day, perhaps everyone will celebrate our love for one another.”

  “Did you say our?” He hadn’t actually said the ‘L’ word.”

  He gazed into her eyes. “Yes, I do love you, Dancing Fawn, with my whole heart.”

  She bit her knuckle and fought tears. Hard to believe she was a wife, and even more, a soon-to-be mother. That last day with her family, she never expected her life to become so confusing, and possibly dangerous, yet fulfilled. For the moment, knowing Little Elk loved her allayed her fears of not being accepted by the tribe. In her heart, she knew she had become an outcast to those who shared her skin color.

  * * *

  Fawn sat in the shade of her lodge and scraped rabbit pelts she’d use to warm her child. It had been three weeks since she married Little Elk, and the scared, young girl who had been dragged into the village seemed just a distant memory. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine she would love, let alone marry, one of her captors. Nor did she ever think she would be this happy.

  The month of April had so far been unusually warm, and the sun had soaked up all traces of moisture from the winter. Her mind wandered from the task at hand, and she traced a line in the fine dirt beneath the grass. Occasionally, something fluttered inside her, and she stopped and stared at her stomach. Placing a hand on her mid-section, she sat and waited for the strange sensation again.

  “What are you doing in there, my child?”

  Fawn jerked her head up to see Rain Woman. “I thought I felt something. Maybe it’s the baby.”

  The old grandmother squinted in the bright sunlight. “Soon you will have no trouble telling.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  * * *

  “As the child grows within you, the space becomes cramped. Like you, the baby will tire of being in one position all the time. You will see what I mean soon enough.” Cackling, Rain Woman hobbled away.

  Fawn shook her head. “How come everyone knows what to expect except me?” she muttered.

  Her confusion was drawn to three braves on horseback riding into the village. The strangers reined their animals to a halt, dismounted, and hurried toward Lone Eagle’s lodge.

  Their seemingly urgent arrival caused her to wonder, and she stood and surveyed the area for anything out of the ordinary. Nothing seemed odd, so she turned her interest back to her pelts, hanging them on the drying rack. She went inside to get the water bladders to refill.

  Fawn stoked the fire, emptied the last of the water into a cooking pot. and was about to trek to the river when she recognized her friend’s voice outside the lodge and pushed aside the flap. “Come in.”

  Green Eyes’ brow furrowed, and she wrung her hands. “Oh, Fawn. I just overheard some terrible news.”

  Fawn froze it place. Was it about Little Elk? Where was he? “What did you hear?”

  Fearing the answer, her heart pounded hard inside her chest.

  “The blue coats attacked the village of Chief Standing Bear. Most of his tribe was massacred.”

  Fawn felt her knees go weak, and sat. “Even the women and children?”

  “Yes.”

  “How far away is their village?”

  “Not far. The braves who brought the news heard it from one of the few survivors who made it to a neighboring tribe. I have dreaded the day something like this would happen.”

  Fawn peered up at her friend. “What does this mean for you and me?”

  Green Eyes sagged to the floor and dropped her head into her hands. “I do not know. We will have to wait until the tribal council meets and decides what to do. Lone Eagle has gone to call them together.”

  Fawn clasped her hands behind her tense neck and stared at the ceiling. “I was just beginning to look forward to a happy life. Please tell me this won’t change anything.”

  “I wish I could. We will just have to wait.”

  * * *

  Curious about strangers coming and going Fawn kept busy with outside chores as much as possible. Braves from other tribes rode in throughout the day, bringing with them the same dismal news—the bluecoats had declared war on every Indian in the area. Little Elk had left early to hunt for game and had not returned. Upon hearing from Rain Woman that a few hunting parties had been attacked and everyone killed, Fawn, fraught with worry, went inside and paced ruts in the floor. She prayed Little Elk would make it home safely.

  Green Eyes announced her arrival outside the closed flap.

  “Come in. Please. I really need some company right now.”

  Green Eyes peered inside the dark lodge. “Why have you shut yourself away?”

  “I’ve worried myself sick about Little Elk. He hasn’t returned yet.”

  Pulling the door flap up, Green Eyes stood ready to fasten it. “You don’t mind, do you? Fresh air and sunlight will make you feel better.” She glanced over her shoulder.

  At Fawn’s nod, she secured the deer hide in place and turned. “You need not worry. Little Elk is very skilled in all things. He will return before long.”

  Fawn sagged to the floor next to the empty fire pit. “I hope you are right. I don’t know what I will do if anything happens to him.”

  Green Eyes sat beside her and heaved a sigh. “I understand, believe me. There have been times when I have been just as worried about Lone Eagle, but I have learned over the years that our braves are not afraid of pain or death.” She patted Fawn’s shoulder. “You have not yet been to a Sun Dance, but come summer, you will witness one first hand. All the tribes gather and….”

  “Gather and what?”

  “I just had a horrible thought. If things do not get better, we may not have a Sun Dance. There may not be enough tribes left.”

  Fawn widened her eyes. “Oh, don’t say that. Surely things will improve. You’re supposed to make me feel better, not give me more to worry about.”

  Green Eyes smiled, but concern clouded the emerald eyes for which she’d been named. “Please forgive me. I really am trying to stay strong, but when danger threatens the ones I love, positive thoughts are hard to summon. Lakota women have strength I envy. If they worry, they do not show it, and their beliefs are the same as their men. Death is an honor, and dying in battle is preferable to old age. I do not know how they hold up during times like this.”

  “If death is an honor, then I hope I’m not honored for a very long time. I just want Little...”

  The sound of horses in camp caught her attention. She struggled to her feet and rushed outside. Little Elk, with a deer carcass dangling across his mount, led the hunting party into camp. Fawn patted her chest in an effort to slow her racing heart and took a long relaxing breath. Seeing him safe and sound filled her with desire to smother him with welcome-home kisses, but that would have to wait for the privacy of their lodge.

  She fell into step alongside his horse and glanced up at him. “Welcome home. I worried about you.”

  He stopped and dismounted, dangling the lead rope to a heaving stallion. “Why did you worry? Do you not trust that I am a good warrior?”

  She widened her eyes at his reaction. “My concern has nothing to do with trust. I don’t expect you to understand, but all morning I’ve listened to nothing but talk of war and killing. I was so afraid….”

  His lips thinned, and he shook his head. Turning his back to her, he gave one tug on the deer, and the animal thudded to the ground. “You worry needlessly. I forget you are not yet used to
our ways.”

  She yanked on his sleeve. After all she’d been through, his condescension insulted her. When he faced her, she pulled herself to her full height. “And what way would that be? I have done everything that has been asked of me. I’ve scraped hides plucked birds, cooked your dinner and kept your home, and now I carry your child. Why wouldn’t I worry? What will happen to me and this baby if something happens to you?” She cradled her stomach, fighting back tears.

  His expression softened. “I am sorry I have upset you. Even though there is danger, we still must eat. I will not sit back and let fear of the white man cripple me. I must trust that Wakan Takan will keep me safe and help my arrows find their mark.”

  She met his gaze. “I think my condition makes me more sensitive. Even though Green Eyes explained how you Lakota think, I’m sorry, but I don’t agree.” Fawn lowered her head and stared at the ground. “I don’t want you to die in battle, or anywhere else for that matter. I don’t care how honorable you believe it to be.”

  He cupped her chin and lifted it. “I am not going to die. I have a son on the way.”

  Handing his horse’s reins to another and stepping over his kill, Little Elk took Fawn’s elbow and walked her toward their lodge. His comment about a male child went unchallenged. She was too tired to argue.

  * * *

  Little Elk’s arm rested beneath her head as they lay together on their sleeping mat. His attempt to put aside her worries of war did little to help. Still, she loved learning more about Lakota tradition. The way he demonstrated key points about the pipe ceremony with his free hand amused her.

  “The one holding the pipe allows the smoke to drift in the four directions, then toward Mother Earth and Father Sky.” He pointed upward. “Because tobacco is scarce on the Great Plains, kinnic kinnick is often used in its place.”