by Gina Shafer
“No. Once more, and then you can have your break,” Lincoln says. Fuck.
Okay.
I don’t even warn Lincon before I start again. I simply close my eyes and breathe, the way he’s been teaching me. I feel the earth move around me as my breathing slows. I can feel the grass growing, the water drops trickle down the blades, the inchworms beneath my feet crawl through the mud. I feel the vibrations of it all. Lincoln taught me how to bypass the difficulty of switching bodies because of the demon blood in my system. He’s been teaching me to tap into that power that the demon blood brings me, helping me overcome the burn. It was hard at first, but my body has gotten more used to it. My fingers don’t turn black anymore. I have learned to use my magic the right way, as Lincoln calls it.
“That’s right Soren, tap into it,” Lincoln calls to me and I feel him back away from me.
“Don’t forget to control the burn. I won’t have you turning into a shadow-walker out here. Supress the flame and use the blood. Use the power. The heat is not where your true power comes from. It’s the blood. Remember Soren…” Lincoln keeps talking, but I cant hear his voice anymore. He’s drifted into the background.
All I hear now is thrumming, buzzing, the beating of my veins. I can feel the power of my blood rushing through my body. Sparks fly from behind my eyes and I feel like I’m on a different plane. My mind feels like its surrounded in darkness, free in space, it knows no bounds.
Suddenly I hear a crash and my mind is jolted back into my body. It’s painful. Less painful than it was the first few times, but there is still a sting to it. It feels like I’ve been pinpricked with a sharp needle on every inch of the surface of my skin. It used to feel like razor blades.
“Are you back Soren?” I hear Lincoln’s voice again.
“Yes, I’m back,” I tell him, a little out of breath.
“Good, tomorrow we will practice holding your magic even through distraction,” He says.
“Was that you, the loud noise?” I ask, but I don’t get an answer. Only a smile. I’ve come to accept that sometimes, that’s all I will get from Lincoln. I move to sit on the bench at the far side of the lawn and Lincoln follows me. We’re out back, like usual. Lincoln says it’s easier if I’m not caged in.
“Can I ask you something?” I ask him, knowing this could go one of two ways. Either Lincoln is feeling chatty and will give me the information I want, or I wont get an answer.
“What is it, Soren? Worrying again?” He asks me. Of course, I’m always worrying… about everyone. It’s what I do. I cant help it.
“I just want to know what will happen to me,” I say, crossing my fingers over my lap and looking down.
“Again? You’ve asked this plenty of times.” Lincoln feigns annoyance, but I know he doesn’t mind telling me again.
“Fine, very well. You’ll concentrate. Abe will most likely be distracted talking. This is going to be your time to get in the right head space. I’ll have a body waiting for you. Find it in your mind, and then take the leap just before the knife hits you. You’ll be fine. It may take a moment to gain your bearings, just stay still until I come to find you.” Lincoln finishes and turns his head, locking eyes with me and waiting for me to speak.
“And my dad… what will happen to him?” I already know the answer to this one too, but I cant stop myself from asking.
“Soren… you know what we’re risking. We will do whatever we can to protect him, and the others,” Lincoln says. And he’s right, yet again. I would do anything to keep them all safe, sacrificing myself is just one of those things.
“Anything else?” He asks, standing abruptly and dusting his hands off on his jeans. I know his hands are clean, but I’ve come to realize that Lincoln does this whenever emotion seeps it’s way into our conversation. I do have one more question though, one I haven’t asked yet.
“Yes… why are you helping us?” I ask him, looking him dead in the face. I pierce his eyes with mine so that he wont look away.
“Soren…” He begins, but I wont let him brush this one off. I know there is something underneath that he hides. Deep.
“No, Lincoln. I need to know. Or I wont continue,” I tell him, crossing my arms in defiance. He thinks hard for a moment, and I can see the battle wavering inside of him. In the end, he huffs out one puff of air, and starts to talk… finally.
“There’s someone. Important. She needs my help and I will do anything I can to get to her. Abe took her prisoner a long time ago, long before you even had hair on your chest. He didn’t know our connection, and he still doesn’t. I want to take him down, I have to get her back. And I’ve been waiting a long time until you were strong enough to help me. Your father coming back was just the catalyst for all this. It’s you Soren, you’re my only hope. That’s why I’m doing this.” Lincoln finishes and I’m stunned. Truly stunned. I have no words for him. I never though Lincoln was capable of caring for another person, he always struck me as so selfish. This changes things so much, it changes my opinion of him drastically.
I can tell he’s uncomfortable, sharing his secret with me, so instead of questioning him further, I simply stand.
“Ready to go again?” I ask him. His eyes rise to mine, and he nods with one simple swift motion of his head.
“Concentrate Soren,” Lincoln begins…
Present Day
I’ve spent three weeks inside this body and it still doesn’t feel like my own. I’m not sure how the other demons deal with this, but I hate every minute of it. It’s like I can feel the edges of myself, wrapped tightly by a heavy wet blanket. Only in this case, the blanket is another person’s body. It’s odd, looking down at my hands and not seeing the same ones I’m used to. I have new freckles, hair, even my fingernails are different. Of course they would be, I’m in a different body… I tell myself. But this never gets easier. I’ve known my old hands, my old body for twenty-five years. When I look down, I still expect to see it. What I see now… I hate it, but it’s necessary.
My name is Wesley now. Wes for short. I’ve been staying with three other demons since Lincoln killed my old body. He used his rank to pull a few strings so that I could join the group of demons that protects Abe from a distance.
I’m taller, more muscular, with even more stamina than I had in my old body. Not a single scar mars this body’s tan skin. The face covering mine is sharper, with a stronger jaw, and straight eyebrows. My hair is lighter, almost blond, and my eyes aren’t the familiar brown they used to be. No… now they’re a deep green. Like my mother’s were. And I can’t stand looking at them. I’m different, but so much the same inside that when I look in the mirror, I’m startled at the face staring back at me most of the time. I feel like myself, why don’t I look like myself? I guess that part will take some getting used to.
I hated lying to everyone. I wasn’t even sure if it was believable when the words left my mouth. Every time someone asked me how I training was going, I just shrugged it off like it was no big deal.
It was.
It was a huge deal. If my dad had found out what we were planning, there would have been no way we could have pulled it off. For one, he would never have let me put myself in danger by secretly joining the ranks of our enemy. If anyone found out that Wes is really me, I’m not sure what they would do to me. No, I needed my dad’s reaction to be real, genuine loss. Abe would have never bought it otherwise.
Lincoln explained what was going to happen when we raided the empty compound countless times. He knew that Abe would be waiting for us. He also knew that there were going to be hundreds of demons waiting along the back of the hangar once we entered. That unless we came up with something crazy, something to make Abe flee, we would all die. Lincoln knew about my dad’s dagger, the one my mom left behind. He knew it would scare any demon who saw it, especially Abe. Lincoln told me that Abe had only seen it once before, but the acridness of fear Abe left behind still stings his nostrils when he recalls the memory. It holds powerful magic, and Lin
coln knew that Abe would run as soon as he saw it. There would be no way he would take the chance at fighting us when the dagger was that close. Lincoln was right. Abe fled like the coward he is, and he hasn’t been able to talk about anything else but that dagger since we left.
When I first came to Lincoln, asking him to kill me, he looked at me like I was crazy. He was right, it was a crazy idea, and he argued that there was no way I could shift in time. I worked at it for hours, every day, until I finally got the hang of it. Even though the training was hard work, the power came naturally, and I’ve had enough time now to realize how disturbing that is. The part of me that’s connected to my mom must be stronger that I want to admit. I would shift into Cormac’s body, and Lincoln would dive into mine at the same time. Once, we stayed that way to see if anyone would notice. My dad just looked at me with disgust and walked over, clapping my body on the back, asking if I’d eaten. Unbeknownst to him, he was talking to Lincoln. I still feel guilty for that one.
This lie is worse, no doubt. I constantly have to fight the urge to drive to him, find him. Find the guys, let everyone know I’m okay. I have no contact with them anymore, and being in the dark has been the hardest part. I want to know what they’re planning, if they’re even planning at all. My dad has to be taking it the worst, losing his son so soon after he pretty much just met him. I even slipped up the other day. I’ve been dabbling with other magic ever since I died. Well, part of me died. I couldn’t resist, so I sent my dad a vision of me out by the lemon tree, hoping that it would bring him some kind of peace in the time I have to be away. I called to a bird, a crow in fact, and magicked the message into its wings. I wish I could have just gone myself. Every day it becomes increasingly difficult, them not knowing I’m alive, me not being able to speak to them. I only hope I can return to them soon with the truth.
But then I remind myself that if I blow my cover now, everything I will have put them through won’t be worth a damn. As soon as I left my body, I jumped immediately into the body Lincoln had waiting for me, just out of sight from the others behind a dumpster on the outside of the airplane hangar. Some random unburnt that wanted to join the demons, wanted to give up their freedom to join these soul-less monsters. For the life of me I cannot figure out why, but I can’t say I’m not grateful it worked out the way it did. After the thirty seconds I had to acclimate myself to this new body, I saw Lincoln dart from the building. He guided me into the group of surrounding demons, and not one of them even blinked an eye at me. They accepted me immediately. It was so odd, being surrounded by so many of them, my enemies.
But it’s all for a reason. Lincoln put his life on the line for me so that I could take down Abe once and for all. He needs my help and I need his. And I have no problem giving it.
It’s been harder than I thought it would be, trying to get close to Abe. He doesn’t allow many outsiders in his organization, no matter who vouches for them. Lincoln succeeded in proving himself to Abe after he stabbed me, and I’ve been hearing whispers from him that he should be able to get me even closer soon. I plan to join his personal guard, learn as much as I can, figure out what happened to my mother, then kill him. We will finally be rid of him, once and for all.
As for now, I wait. I pretend. I fake it every day, hoping no one will notice the hatred seeping from my skin for every demon around me. Soon, my time will come.
The window of the diner has been fixed since I shattered it with the sugar container the last time I was here. Other than that, it’s exactly the same. I have a hard time swallowing past the dry lump in my throat. I hate being here, and I want to leave as soon as possible. But, we’re here to capture a demon, so that’s what we’re going to do. Karina is currently parked about a half mile down from where the diner sits, engine running, ready to get us the fuck out of here whenever we let her know we’re ready. Scarlett and Willow stayed behind to monitor the computers. If anything lights up about us through demon communication, she’s promised to alert us. Xo is crouched down next to me, behind a bush across the street from the diner. Marcel and Micha are somewhere to the left of us, behind another bush. They have explosives at the ready in case we get in over our heads and end up having to torch the place. As of right now, we’re looking for an easy mission. In and out before anyone realizes something was amiss. We don’t want anyone to know what we’re here for, or that we were even here in the first place. No one can know our plan.
Noticeably absent from our ranks, my thoughts drift to Soren as we stakeout the diner. Being back in action without him by my side is rough; I wasn’t expecting to miss him so much during the little moments, the simple moments. But, I knew this would be hard. When Soren was with me, I felt the luxury of always fighting beside someone who would look out for me, and I would do the same in return. To make up for that feeling, I find myself overly anxious about the Sicarri with me, and I end up checking over my shoulder more than I normally would.
While we wait for a demon to emerge from the restaurant, my thoughts drift to the moments leading up to this one. When I sunk my dagger into its sheath at my ankle as we were gearing up to leave earlier, I remembered something that Abe said, before Lincoln plunged his dagger into my son’s heart. He asked me where I got this weapon. The look on his face… I’m sure I didn’t mistake that look. He was afraid. I pull my dagger out and turn it over in my hands, studying it once more. My eyes run over the stone imbedded into the wood at the bottom, and no matter how many times I look at it, I still don’t understand it. Why would Vara leave this for me?
I shake my head, clearing my thoughts, returning them to the task before me.
Simultaneously, Xo and I turn our heads when we catch sight of a lone demon walking through the parking lot. He beeps the lock of his car twice, flashing the headlights and giving away that his vehicle is parked at the far side of the lot, away from any other demons. This is sheer luck, and we are going to have to move quickly.
Xo whispers over the radio, telling Karina to be ready. He also instructs Micha and Marcel that we’ll perform the grab when the demon rounds the front of the car. My muscles tense with the suspense of waiting. Xo grabs a burlap sack and wraps his fingers around it, ready to place it over the demon’s head. My dagger is firmly grasped in my palm, ready to slice the demon’s throat if need be, before he gets the chance to open his mouth to yell for help.
He’s getting closer; any second now we should be seeing Micha and Marcel’s bodies emerge from the bushes.
He’s rounding the car in…
Three…
Two…
One...
Xo and I bound across the small space from the bushes to the demon’s car, followed closely by Micha and Marcel. Xo reaches the demon first, slipping the sack over his face tightly, blocking out most of the startled sound the demon makes. Micha tightly wraps his arms around the demon’s shoulders, all while he’s struggling to get free. I poke my dagger into his neck, making sure he feels the sharp stab of pain as I press down, almost drawing blood… but not quite. My arm aches with the tension, my muscles corded thick. I want more than ever to kill this demon, and from the fear rolling off of him in waves and the strangled sound that echoes through his chest, I’m sure he knows it.
“You will not make another sound, or I will rip this dagger through your throat and you’ll never breathe again,” I say, low, slow, and menacing. I feel the demon nod his head slightly, trying not to move. He doesn’t want my blade sinking any deeper into his skin. He remains still as Xo expertly ties ropes around his torso and legs, so quickly that he’s done in mere seconds.
“This way.” Marcel points to a pathway behind him, and we follow, dragging the demon along with us. Karina is parked in the empty parking lot, the back of the SUV swung open for us to slide the demon in with ease before hightailing the hell out of here.
When we make it back to the house, I try not to celebrate inwardly, but I find it more difficult than I would have expected. This is the first mission since I’ve woken t
hat has succeeded, where no one was hurt. Where we weren’t blindsided by demons. If only Soren were here to see it.
My chest hurts at that last thought, but I recover when I remember there is a demon in one of the downstairs bedrooms, waiting to be interrogated. We brought him in without saying a word, though he asked, begged, and pleaded to know who we were and why we had taken him. He’s been quiet now, for a while. So much so that I feel like it’s about time we begin with the interrogation. We’ve all decided that we should take turns when asking him questions, feel him out, to figure out what it will take to get him talking. I chose to go first.
I tap Karina’s shoulder as I walk past, hoping she’ll join me on my way to speak to our captured demon. She does. We walk hand in hand until we reach the door and I calmly turn the knob, keeping my face as straight as possible. Karina is close behind me, so close I can feel her body heat. She doesn’t make a sound. It feels good to have her with me. Normally, in a situation like this, Soren would be my second, my backup… but, having Karina here… well, it doesn’t feel so much like replacement. It feels more like family standing in for family.
“What is your name?” I ask the demon quietly. He is tied to a hard wooden chair with thick heavy rope and his face is still covered by the burlap sack. He mumbles something inaudible and I rip the sack from his face, causing his head to loll forward for a moment before he straightens himself. We’ve kept him down here all night, alone and tired, in the hopes that he would break a little before we ever even spoke to him. When I hear him sob quietly, I know we’ve succeeded.
“What is your name?” I ask again, my tone still quiet, calm.
“Aiden,” he whispers with a hoarse voice.
“Do you want some water, Aiden?” He nods, carefully, untrusting. He’s right not to trust me.
