Grumpy Fake Boyfriend

by Jackie Lau

  “Sorry about that,” I say.

  “It’s okay.” His voice is slow and lazy.

  I lie on my back and close my eyes, but sleep isn’t coming. I turn toward him, and he reaches out and touches my waist.

  “So, was I any good?” he asks, and although I can’t see his expression, I know the corner of his mouth is curled up.

  “I think you know the answer to that question.”

  “I need positive reinforcement.”

  “How about this,” I say. “I want to do it again. What does that tell you?”

  “Do you want to do it again now?”

  “I could be persuaded. Quite easily, I suspect.”

  His hand slides between my legs. He runs his fingers over my entrance before slipping one inside. “You’re wet for me.”

  “Yes.” I swallow. “I am. You’re so fucking sexy.”

  “Glad to hear I’m so fucking sexy.”

  “Are you laughing at me?

  “Who, me? Never.”

  We are laughing together, and then I reach for a condom and he enters me again, and I am not laughing anymore. We come together in the darkness, my soft moan and his growl mingling together.

  Chapter 13

  Will

  I fucked Jeremy’s sister.

  That’s the first thought that pops into my mind when I wake up on Sunday morning.

  Naomi is on the far side of the bed—a long ways away, since this is a king. She’s on her stomach, her head turned toward me, the sheet pulled up to her shoulders.

  Oh, God. What did I do? What does this mean?

  Actually, fucking doesn’t quite describe it. It felt more like making love, much as I despise that phrase. Except I’m not in love with Naomi.

  I’m confused. Why don’t I feel more remorse? This woman was off-limits, and I did what I’d promised myself—and Jeremy—I would never do. I feel a twinge of regret, but it’s buried under marshmallows and campfire songs.

  I’m not sure what it was about sitting on the beach at night and watching the fireworks. A sense of peace came over me, something that rarely happens in the company of others. A sense of peace...but at the same time, a longing that could not be ignored as Naomi sat on my lap and we shared a banana boat.

  So we slept together.

  It was wonderful. Perhaps the best I’ve ever had, though I can’t put my finger on exactly why it was so wonderful. It just was.

  I stand up and stretch my arms over my head. There’s a little light filtering in through the blinds, but not much. It’s rainy and gray outside. I check my phone and confirm that yes, it’s supposed to rain all day.

  I take a shower, washing Naomi and the campfire off my skin, and shampooing my hair with her rosemary mint stuff. When I step out of the washroom, a towel around my waist, she’s sitting up in bed. The blanket has slipped down to her hips and her breasts are exposed, but she’s not shy about that.

  Although one part of me is calm and well-rested, another part is jittery and half-expects the world to end at any minute. I’m not used to feeling so conflicted.

  “Come here.” She smiles at me, and I go to her.

  We kiss lazily for a few minutes, and then she looks at the clock.

  “Holy shit!” she says. “It’s ten o’clock! I didn’t realize we’d slept so late. We should go down for breakfast.”

  “Are you sure you need breakfast?” I start to kiss my way down her neck.

  She giggles and playfully slaps me away. “We need to eat. Will!”

  I’m kissing her breast. “You were saying?”

  She climbs out of bed and—sadly—starts taking clothes out of her suitcase. She holds up a pair of black panties with a little pink bow at the front. “These ones? Or...” Next, she holds up hot pink panties that are all lace at the back. “...these ones?”

  Oh, God. Her ass would look amazing in those.

  “If you’re asking me,” I say, “I can only assume your objective is to turn me on and prevent us from getting breakfast. So...the pink ones.”

  She rolls her eyes and puts them on. “Come on. Let’s get ready.”

  Hmph. I don’t like the idea of spending the day with her friends. I wouldn’t mind so much if it was nice and we could go swimming and boating, but it’s raining. Plus, I spent all of yesterday with them. That’s more than my socializing quota for a whole week. I also need to get my head on straight after that incredible night, sort out these unfamiliar conflicting feelings.

  In fact, I’m craving some time to myself. Though I’d also be okay with spending more time in bed with Naomi.

  I shake my head. “No. I’ll stay here.”

  As soon as I say it, my body tenses up. She’s going to pout and tell me to go. I’m sure of it. But I’m not in the mood to give in today.

  Well, that’s it. The spell I was under last night is broken.

  Naomi pauses in pulling up her shorts. “Don’t you want to eat?”

  “I’ll be fine.” I have a protein bar in my suitcase. Coffee would be nice, but I can survive without it.

  She puts on her shirt. “You’re sure?”

  “Yes.” I lift my chin. Daring her to contradict me.

  I know I’m an ass, not wanting to go to breakfast with the fake girlfriend I fucked last night. But I cannot bear the thought of making inane small talk and watching Jordan and Krista lock lips. I’m an introvert at a three-night house party. It’s kind of my worst nightmare. I need some time alone.

  “Okay,” she says. To my surprise, she doesn’t seem disappointed.

  “Really?”

  She nods as she pulls her hair into a ponytail. “I know it’s a lot to expect you to pretend to be my boyfriend all weekend, with a whole bunch of people you just met. Plus, you’re probably exhausted after last night—”

  “Hey. I’m happy to do it again.” I crawl toward the edge of the bed. “Show me your ass in those panties, darling.”

  She hops away from me, laughing. “Later. I promise. For now, you can stay here. I can say—ooh, perhaps you have a deadline and you have to write! How about that?” She sounds excited to be planning this falsehood.

  I stare at her. “You’re going to let me spend the day cooped up in the room?”

  “Who said anything about the whole day? But if you want to stay here until lunch, that’s cool. I’ll run down and bring you back some cereal and coffee.”

  She’s going to let me stay here for a couple of hours, and she’s going to serve me food.

  Huh.

  “Courtney is like you,” Naomi says. “She goes crazy if she doesn’t get time to herself.”

  After she leaves the room, I get dressed, pull out my laptop, and set it up on the desk in the corner. I read over the last two pages of my current project, the final book in the series. They’re utter crap, so I start rewriting them.

  Naomi enters with a bowl of Cheerios and a mug of coffee. She sets them down on the desk. “I didn’t put any sugar in yours, since you don’t like anything sweet.”

  “I like chocolate. And properly-roasted marshmallows.” And you.

  She kisses me on the cheek and leaves once more.

  I write five pages in less than an hour, which is much faster than I’ve been writing lately. This manuscript has been causing me grief, but today, the witty banter between the captain and the professor is flying from my fingertips.

  When I finish the chapter, I lean back in my chair and smile. I think that’s enough writing for today. It’s the holiday weekend, and I’m supposed to be having fun.

  I return to bed, prop myself up on the pillows, and try to read. I can’t concentrate, though, so I toss the book to Naomi’s side of the bed.

  Yeah. We have sides of the bed now.

  But Naomi and I agreed that we’re just having a little fun for the long weekend, so there’s no reason for Jeremy to know. We’re adults who’ve decided to have casual sex—nothing wrong with that, and it’s none of his business. I can relax and enjoy it. Although this
isn’t an arrangement I’ve had many times in the past, it suits me just fine. Hopefully she’ll be willing to desert her friends briefly this afternoon, and we can do it again, and then there’s tonight, of course. Perhaps we can squeeze in one last round before I drive her home tomorrow.

  I picture her downstairs, talking with her friends, a mug in her hand. Gesturing wildly, maybe spilling some coffee on the table.

  I really do like Naomi, except when we’re in the car together and she’s critiquing my driving skills. I’ve always been attracted to women who are different from me. I enjoy seeing her chat with other people, smiling and at ease. I like her energy.

  Yet, unlike the women I’ve dated, she didn’t balk at my request for time alone. That shouldn’t seem so remarkable, but given how my family treats me, it kind of does.

  I take a deep breath and pick up my novel, no longer feeling jittery. A little reading, some sex, maybe some boating when the weather clears up. It’s going to be a great weekend, and I won’t feel guilty about it.

  I read for close to an hour, with only a short break to imagine doing Naomi from behind. Pink lace covering her ass, the crotch of her panties pushed aside for my cock, my hands digging into her hips.

  Beautiful.

  Chapter 14

  Naomi

  I can’t help but smile. I’m in a great mood.

  I walk back downstairs after bringing Will his breakfast. In the kitchen, I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down at the table with Tom, Ian, and Ridhi.

  “Looks like someone had a good night,” Ridhi says.

  “Oh.” I laugh. I’m tempted to make a naughty comment, but I don’t think Will would appreciate me even hinting that we had sex. Even though everyone thinks we’re a couple and assumes we do that anyway. But he’s a private person, so I don’t say anything.

  “Where’s Will?”

  “Writing. He’s got a deadline.”

  He was a little gruff this morning, but still playful. I smile again when I think of him. He seemed surprised that I didn’t mind him staying upstairs, but I really don’t.

  “Thank you so much for switching rooms,” Ridhi says. “I slept like a log.”

  “Julia’s still asleep,” Tom says. “I think it’s the first time she’s gotten more than eight hours of sleep in years.”

  “What’s the plan for today?” I ask.

  Tom shrugs and looks out the back doors. It’s raining steadily. Certainly not beach weather. “We could drive to Sarnia?”

  Ridhi slaps him on the shoulder. “Be serious. Nobody goes to Sarnia for fun.”

  He laughs. “We can play board games. Hopefully Julia won’t get too competitive.”

  “What do you have?” I ask.

  “Almost anything you can think of. Chess, checkers, Snakes and Ladders, Yahtzee, Mastermind, Battleship, Connect Four, Candyland, Game of Life, Scrabble...”

  “Not Scrabble,” Ridhi says. “Playing with Ian is no fun. He knows all the words that aren’t really words but are in the dictionary. Like q-a-t.” She pats her fiancé’s hand. “What about Yahtzee?”

  “Sounds good,” Tom says.

  I’ve never played Yahtzee before, since we didn’t have it when I was a kid, but I quickly figure it out. You roll five dice and try to get different combinations. The best is getting five of a kind. Tom and Ian insist on discussing probabilities, which I think takes some of the fun out of it.

  We’re on the last round when Krista walks into the kitchen. Her hair is messy, but in a stylish kind of way. Did she do it on purpose, or is this just her version of sex hair?

  Lucky her. My sex hair never looks like that.

  “Good morning,” she says. “Everyone sleep well?”

  Nobody says, “So much better since you moved to the guesthouse,” but I’m sure they’re thinking it.

  Krista puts her arms above her head and stretches. “I had such a good night.”

  I want to make a snarky remark, but I bite my tongue.

  “Did you wear Will out, too?” she asks me.

  “Um,” I say. “He’s upstairs writing.”

  Is she pleased because she thinks she had a better night than me?

  I didn’t have the awkward morning-after with Will, but my morning is starting to feel awkward now.

  * * *

  An hour later, Jordan and Julia have emerged, and we’re all sitting outside under the covered part of the patio. It’s not raining too hard now.

  Jordan, surprisingly, brings his chair next to mine. “I haven’t talked to you much this weekend.”

  Um, no, you’ve been too busy making out with your new girlfriend.

  Instead I say, “How’s it going? How have you been for the past six months?”

  “Not bad. Work is going well. I got a promotion.”

  “Good for you.”

  “I bought a new place. Two bedrooms. I want Krista to move in with me.”

  Oh. Jordan and I didn’t even broach that subject until we’d been together for a year and a half. Even then, he was reluctant, and we agreed we wouldn’t talk about it again until our two-year anniversary.

  And now he’s talking to me about his living arrangements with his new girlfriend?

  My God, he’s an insensitive asshole.

  I nearly burst into laughter at the realization.

  Jordan really is an ass.

  Of course, I’ve had that thought before. But it was right after we broke up, and I assumed I was just being dramatic because I was heartbroken. Now, though, I know it’s true. His behavior this weekend proves that.

  After he dumped me, I spent the weekend alone in my apartment, alternately eating pretzels and chocolate ice cream, never changing out of my pajamas. Hugging my stuffed Care Bear because there was no longer anyone to hug me.

  I was such a cliché.

  And over and over, in between the movies I watched on Netflix, I wondered what was wrong with me. I was twenty-eight, and a lot of my friends—like Julia and Ridhi—were engaged. I had seven weddings to go to in the next year. Everyone was moving on to the next stage in their life.

  Except me.

  My long-term boyfriend had just broken up with me with his whole “I never really loved you” speech, and once I was over him, I found I had no interest in dating again.

  No wonder I didn’t want another boyfriend, if I imagined all relationships would be like the one I had with Jordan, a bland douchebag who thinks he’s the center of the universe. He’s not a cruel person at heart, but he’s thoughtless and insensitive and self-absorbed.

  What did I ever see in him? Why were we together for so long? Was it simply because I liked the idea of a long-term relationship and all my friends were doing it?

  God, what a terrible reason.

  Jordan frowns. “Why are you smiling?”

  “No reason,” I say. “No reason at all.”

  I vow that I won’t let myself date a tool like Jordan ever again. I could do so much better, and I deserve so much better.

  The rain picks up, and I watch it hitting the lake, soaking the sand.

  When I turn back to my ex, he’s making out with Krista again.

  Whatever. I won’t let it bother me.

  I close my eyes and focus on the sound of the rain, and another smile touches my lips when I remember Will kissing his way down my neck.

  Chapter 15

  Will

  It’s two o’clock, and we’re all sitting in the living room, trying to figure out what to do. A rainy day at the beach isn’t fun. It’s pouring now—even just running to the car would get us soaked.

  Naomi is sitting beside me, her arm around my shoulder. By the time I’d finished reading around noon, I was looking forward to seeing her again, even if we wouldn’t be alone.

  Her friends... Well, I don’t mind them. Except her jerk of an ex-boyfriend, who insists on making out with his new flame in front of her.

  Even if Naomi weren’t Jordan’s ex, it would be an asshole move. If you’re going to
a beach house with friends for a long weekend, you’re supposed to actually talk to your friends, not ignore them and focus on your girlfriend’s lips.

  Says the man who spent two hours hidden away in his room.

  I know, I know. Perhaps I’m a bit of a hypocrite. But I don’t consider wanting a few hours to myself as rude—just reasonable, although my parents would disagree.

  Julia and Ridhi are doing most of the talking now. They’re discussing their weddings yet again. All the problems they have dealing with their families, caterers, invitations, etc.

  It’s a bit of a snoozefest.

  In between planning more Renata-Jon scenes and looking at Naomi, I catch snippets of conversation. The main things I’ve learned are that Ridhi’s family is crazy and Ian’s family is crazy.

  Tom’s family is also crazy. As is Julia’s.

  Basically, everyone’s family drives them nuts. This is not news to me, although adding a wedding to the mix seems to increase everything by a factor of ten. I can’t say I remember much about the planning when Sam got married. I tried my best to stay out of it.

  Since everyone believes Naomi and I are a real couple, they probably assume I’ll be going to these weddings with her. That isn’t the case, however, unless she wants to continue this charade. That’s taking a fake relationship pretty far, though. Usually these things only last a few days or a week...so I think. I don’t have much knowledge of fake relationships, I admit.

  It could be fun to go to a wedding with Naomi. I bet she’d look really great on the dance floor. I could watch her from the edge of the room and join her for the occasional slow dance.

  I place my hand over hers, and she looks at me and smiles.

  “...ass-grabbing game,” Ridhi says.

  Wait. What did I miss?

  Jordan looks up from his make-out session with Krista. “What did I miss?”

  I’m disturbed that Jordan and I are having the same thoughts. Seems like a bad sign.

  Ridhi laughs. “Pay attention. You know the games they have during the reception at Chinese weddings? We’re going to have some of those.”

  “How does this ass-grabbing game work?” Jordan is expressing interest in something other than kissing Krista for once. Though he’s probably just thinking about grabbing her ass.