Hearing the shower turn on in Trent’s room, I get dressed and gather my things. Walking to the front entrance I take one more look around Trent’s living room before opening the door and making my way out of Trent’s house for the very last time.
Luckily Trent’s house isn’t far from my own, but it feels like the longest walk of my life and seems to go on forever. Fortunately, when I get home my dad’s car is gone. They must have gone out to dinner. I’m really in no mood to explain anything, not to mention that I’m not looking forward to the disappointment on their faces when I have to explain Joey’s past to them. I have no clue how much they know, or what Trent told them. From the way Trent was belittling Joey, I can only imagine how much worse he made things sound to my parents.
A cold shiver runs down my spine as I walk into my house, down the hall and into my room. Standing in the middle of my bedroom, hugging myself to stay warm, I look around and try to figure out what to do with myself. I feel like I’m lost in my own house with nowhere to go. I could surf, but my board is at Joey’s house where I’ve been keeping it. I could walk the beach, but that’s where Joey lives and I don’t want to take the chance that he’d see me.
I’m just stuck.
Deciding to face the music, I hold down the power button on my phone to turn it on. My stomach is in knots and my breathing is irregular as I nervously wait for the verdict, to hear what Joey has to say. The screen brightens and I have five missed calls, two voicemails, and three text messages–all from Joey. Not ready to hear his voice, I open up the first of three messages.
First one,
Second one,
Third one,
Heartbroken and aching from head to toe, my thumb hovers over the green key on my cellphone, wanting to call him. Joey’s the last person I called, so I’d only have to hit the button once and he’d be on the line. My brain teeters back and forth, trying to decide what to do, but what would I say? What would it prove? I can’t be with him, I can’t be with someone like that.
What if he falls off the bandwagon again?
What if something like this happens again?
Or worse, what if I’m in the car when something like this happens again?
I can’t put my parents through something like that again. I’d be dumb to stay in a relationship with someone like him, especially in my situation.
Deciding against it, I throw my phone on the bed.
Why do I care this much?
Although we’ve only been dating for a few weeks, Joey has been manipulating and taking over my life for over a year. Any hope that I had of a future with him is crashing down around me, like a tidal wave. This isn’t like any other break up. It’s not like our feelings or attraction for each other ran dry. It’s all there and in full effect. It’s the past that’s haunting the present and any chance of a future.
Realizing that I never submitted my online quiz, I decide it’s better late than never and pull out my laptop and notebooks. Maybe this will take my mind off the situation at hand, and hopefully I won’t fail my class for handing in a late quiz.
That would be my luck right now.
When I wake up the next morning, my head is pounding and my eyes are almost swollen shut. I don’t feel like I’ve slept a wink. The wheels in my head wouldn’t stop turning all night, no matter how many times I tried to turn it off. Thoughts of Joey kept jumping in my head–our morning surfing sessions, our walks on the beach, the sunsets, his smile, his eyes. It all keeps flashing in my head, tearing my heart apart. I miss him. I miss him more than I ever thought I would.
Having nowhere to be, and no surfboard to use, I roll over on my side and stare out my window, wondering if he is still going to surf this morning. Maybe he’s hoping that I’d still show up, even after everything that has happened.
Stop Hope! Stop doing this to yourself.
What if I just sit in the parking lot, and don’t get out? What if I just watch from a distance? He’ll never see me. Moving forward with this idea, I jump out of bed and throw on some shorts and a t-shirt before making my way to the bathroom. I quickly brush my teeth and put my hair up. When I walk out outside, my stomach drops to the ground. My surfboard is in the bed of my truck and there is a note under my windshield wiper.
Quickly looking around to make sure no one is here, Joey, I slowly walk towards my truck. With my heart pounding out of my chest and my stomach twisted in the biggest knot imaginable, I pick the note up off the windshield and open it up.
Reading it over and over again, the tears that have been filling my eyes are trickling down my face. The knots that were twisting uncontrollably in my stomach are moving up to my throat, threatening to make me burst out into a hysterical sob. He misses me just as much as I miss him.
Taking a deep breath and wiping the tears from my face, I open the truck door and drive towards the beach. I don’t know if he’s there, but if nothing else, I can roll down my window and enjoy the scent of the ocean. I’ll take what I can get.
Without realizing it I take the longer route, the way you would go if you wanted to drive by Joey’s house on the way. My heart beat accelerates when I see his car parked in the driveway.
He’s home.
Pulling into the beach parking lot, I park between two other cars, the front of the truck facing the ocean. He’s here, but he’s not surfing. He’s sitting on the sand, arms resting on his knees, staring out over the water. Wanting to enjoy the peace and tranquility of the ocean with him, I step out of my truck and jump up onto the hood. Closing my eyes I breathe in the crisp ocean air, letting the euphoria it brings cleanse my veins and work through my body. Opening my eyes, I feel a little more at peace. Joey hasn’t moved–he’s still sitting there motionless. Feeling a calmness come over me, I continue to sit here and enjoy the beach, with Joey.
Glancing down at my watch, it’s already time for me to get home. I can’t believe we’ve been sitting here for an hour already. Hopping down, I get in the driver’s seat and turn on the engine. In that moment, I see Joey stand up and look in my direction. Locking our eyes together, I swear my breathing stops as my heart jumps out of my chest. Our expressions are blank and we don’t move a muscle. We just stare at each other. Swallowing the pool of saliva filling my mouth, I shift the truck in reverse and make my way back home.
“Mornin’ Sweetheart,” my dad greets me as I enter the kitchen.
“Mornin,” I answer, pulling a mug down from the cupboard before pouring myself a cup of coffee. “How’s mom?”
“Fed, showered, and dressed,” he responds like any other morning.
Pulling me into his side and kissing the top of my head, he asks, “How are you doing, sweetheart? You know, with the whole Joey thing?”
Unfortunately my hope of brushing it under the table and avoiding the conversation with him doesn’t appear like it is going to happen. I suck it up and face the music.
“I don’t know, dad,” I answer honestly. “I really don’t know what I’m feeling.”
“Well, let us know if you need anything, sweetheart. We’re here if you need us,” he says before kissing the top of my head again. “I’ll see you later. Mom’s in the living room watching her news.” He picks up his travel mug and heads off to work, but not before he stops and says goodbye to my mom.
That’s it? He doesn’t have anything else to say about it?
Shocked that we haven’t had the long drawn out conversation that I was expecting, I shrug my shoulders and count myself lucky. Catching them out of the corner of my eye, I watch and admire my parents as my dad kisses my mom goodbye and whispers something in her ear, making her giggle before he leaves. I hope to find love like the love my parents share. It runs deeper than any love that I’ve ever seen before. I imagine they are just as in love now as the day they got married, maybe even more.
Although I don’t feel like doing anything, I realize life must still go on and there are things I must still get done. Falling back into our normal routine, I check in on my
mom and see if she needs anything before heading for a shower.
The day continues on like any other. I do homework while my mom watches her shows. We have lunch and she takes a nap while I enjoy a little reading, escaping into the world of love and lust. Before I know it, my dad’s pulling into the driveway and I get ready to head out to work.
“Hey, pretty lady!” Sheila greets me as I walk into work.
“Hi, Sheila,” I respond with my best fake smile.
Pretending to be happy and pleasant tonight is going to take some serious effort. I can already tell.
“Oh darlin’, I almost forgot. These beauties are yours,” Sheila says, handing me a huge bouquet of flowers that is sitting on the front counter.
Giving her a shocked look, I ask, “These are mine?”
“Well, you’re the only Hope Taylor I know and that’s what the card says,” she says with a wink.
Carrying them back to the waitress area and taking a sniff on my way there, I place them on the counter and pull the card free. Recognizing the writing from my letter this morning, my stomach churns as I open it up.
Closing my eyes and holding the small card to my chest, I’m startled when Kelly comes up next to me.
“Ugh, why do you always get the perfect guys?” she complains, smelling the flowers.
Feeling the tears start to build in my eyes, I shrug my shoulders and give her a glum look.
“Oh no,” she says, seeing my obvious sadness before hugging me. “What’s wrong? What happened?” she asks with a single breath.
I know that if I open my mouth to try and explain any of it, the tears that I’m holding will come out in full force, so I shake my head no, indicating I don’t want to talk about it right now.
“Okay. Later?” she asks with sympathetic eyes.
“Yeah…thanks,” I whisper past the knot in my throat that’s itching to get out.
“Hope, two at table one!” Sheila announces across the restaurant.
Taking a deep breath, and wrapping my apron around my waist, I pull myself together before making my way to my first table.
Thankfully I manage to work through the rest of the night without shedding a tear. My stomach remains knotted, and my heart aches every time I walk past my flower arrangement from Joey, but I am able to hold myself together, barely. Tonight is oddly slow, so Sheila lets Kelly go home early, getting me out of my obligation to explain the Joey situation to her…for now.
As soon as I get home, I quickly get ready for bed, exhausted to the core. After brushing my teeth, I come back to my bedroom and see the green light flashing on my cellphone, indicating that I have a missed text message. Unlocking the screen, I find out it’s from Joey. Feeling the anxiety building, I take a deep breath before opening it up.
Oh, how I want to text him back! To let him know that I’m thinking about him, too. All the time actually, but I don’t. Sighing with mixed emotions, I gently set my phone down on my nightstand before crawling under my cold, lonely covers. In no time at all I drift off to sleep.
No!
Sitting straight up in a panic, breathing heavily and sweating profusely, I look around and take in my surroundings.
Oh, thank god! It was just a dream.It didn’t really happen–everyone is okay!
Taking a deep breath in relief, I run my hands over my face and head, pushing back the stray hairs that have fallen in my face. I dreamt it. I dreamt what I worry might happen if Joey and I ever get back together, if he falls off the bandwagon again.
I dreamt that I was in the passenger seat of Joey’s car during another drunk driving accident. I was begging and pleading for him to pull over and not drive. He wouldn’t listen, assuring me that he was fine. He kept giving me his sexy smirk, telling me everything would be okay. He was patting my leg and not paying attention to the road. The next thing I know, we smash into an oncoming car. I run in front of the car to make sure the other people are okay, but see my father get out of the driver’s side. He is yelling at me, asking me what I did to his wife–that she’s pregnant. I kept screaming no, that it’s not my fault, I tried to get Joey to pull over, but he wouldn’t, and that’s when I woke up. It was so real, like I was really there; like I was living my parent’s and Joey’s worst nightmare. It was horrific and awful and something I never ever want to see or be involved in again.
Noticing the sun is starting to come up, and that my heart rate is barely going down, I realize I need to surf today. I need my escape. Getting my bathing suit out of my drawer, I quickly get ready and I’m out the door in no time. Knowing that I can’t go to my usual spot, by Joey’s house, I drive an extra ten minutes to the next beach over, Ocean Isle beach. It’s been years since I’ve came here, but I just can’t take the chance of seeing Joey, especially after the dream that’s still fresh in my head.
Slipping on my wetsuit and tucking my board under my arm, I make my way down to the beach. I’m immediately greeted with the heavenly crisp salted scent of the ocean. Already I know this is a good idea; I can feel my muscles relaxing, being back at the place I love most. No matter which beach it is, as long as I have sand and ocean, I’m home.
Paddling out into the water, I have a smile spread across my face for the first time since Trent handed me that newspaper article. I feel like there may be a little happiness left in me after all. If all else fails in my life, I can be sure of one thing that will put a smile on my face and this is it.
Seeing a wave approaching in the distance, I turn around and start paddling away from it. As soon as I feel it pushing up behind me, I jump up and plant my feet on my board. An image of me standing with Joey on his board flashes in my mind, but I quickly disregard it as I drag my fingers along the inside fold of the wave, letting it’s intensity and energy pass into me. When I see the end of the wave closing in I jump off, diving into the water. Coming up, I feel refreshed and recharged. Loving the rush I get after riding a harmonious wave, I quickly hop back onto my board and start paddling back out in search of my next ride.
I ride wave after wave, beating my body and my board to death until I can barely move and collapse on the beach. The waves are amazing. Deep down, there’s a small part of me that wishes Joey was here to witness and attack them with me. Annoyed that this thought is even crossing my mind I rub my hands on my face and try to scrub the idea from my head, but it’s no use. The guy has invaded my life from day one and I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to clear him from my brain.
Noticing that’s it getting late, I decide I better get going.
“Mornin’,” I greet my dad as I enter the kitchen.
“Mornin’ sweetheart. How were the waves today?” he asks as he pours coffee into his travel mug.
“Perfect. How’s mom?”
“Fed, showered, and dressed.” He smiles. “She’s all set, and in the living room. I’ll see you later.” He picks up his briefcase, says goodbye to my mom and heads out the door.
After checking in on my mom, I head to the bathroom to take a quick shower before starting my day. I actually have a lot of homework to do for my online classes, so that should keep me busy.
“Honey!” my mom yells when I open the bathroom door.
Worried that something is wrong, I rush to the living room to see if she’s okay. Noticing that everything appears to be fine, I allow my heart rate to slow back down to its normal pace.
“Did you need me?” I ask, coming up beside her.
“Your cellphone was ringing, then the home phone rang, so I just wanted to let you know.”
Thankful that everything is okay, I take a calming breath before picking up my cellphone that I had tossed on the couch earlier. Unlocking the screen, I see I have a missed call and a voicemail from Sheila. Anxious to hear her message, I call my voicemail. Apparently there has been a water main break in one of the pipes in the basement, so she will be shutting down the restaurant for the next couple of days to get it taken care of. Although it’s always nice to have a couple of days off, it
hurts financially. Not to mention that I look forward to working as it’s a great distraction from my depressing life right now.
“Everything okay?” my mom asks as I place my cellphone on the coffee table.
“Yeah. Something happened with the pipes at the restaurant, so Sheila’s closing down for a couple of days to get it fixed.”
“Well, that gives you a nice little break,” she responds with a smile.
Just as I’m about to explain that I’d actually rather work, I hear a knock on the door. Confused and nervous, I turn the corner cautiously. Thankfully it’s neither of my exes, but it is a florist holding a bouquet of flowers so big that I can barely see his face.
“Hope Taylor?” he asks, looking at the name on the card.
“Yes, thank you,” I respond, taking the flowers from him.
“Have a nice day, ma’am.” He smiles before walking away.
After wishing him the same, I close the door and carry yet another beautiful bouquet of flowers into the living room, setting them down next to the other one.
“Wow, those are stunning,” my mom says with big eyes.
Grabbing the card that is sticking out of the top, I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what is written inside.
“Honey?” my mom asks, breaking me out of a daze.
“Huh?” I respond, looking up at her with a blank face.
“What’s the card say?”
“Um, it says…it says, he is lost without me,” I softly say, feeling the infamous knot returning in my throat.
“And?”
“That’s all it says.”
“And, what do you think?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.
Summer Rush (Because of Hope) Page 12
