A Man Most Worthy

by Ruth Axtell Morren

  She remembered the last time in her life she had allowed herself to feel like this. Only Nicholas had ever touched the deepest places in her.

  But she’d paid a high price for reaching for what she’d wanted without weighing the consequences.

  Banished from home, she had had to endure the strict atmosphere of her austere aunt and uncle and endure the taunts of their offspring. She hadn’t been allowed to return to London until her twenty-first birthday.

  That had been a turning point for her. A large party had been planned, of course, at a hotel ballroom. At the last moment, her father had absented himself. It had been the loneliest day of her life—swarmed by acquaintances and few loved ones.

  Acquaintances. It had been Nick who’d first taught her the difference between them and real friends.

  That day, Alice had realized her father would never change. She would always be waiting for him to come home, and something more important would always keep him away or give him only enough time to come in and leave before she’d have a chance to do something to capture his attention.

  A week later she’d met Julian. He was a young divinity student visiting a relative in Richmond. She’d met him at church one morning. He’d called on her the next day.

  His dreams of his own church and helping the poor in his community had inspired her. During the six weeks he’d been at his relatives recuperating from an illness, she’d grown to admire the young man.

  But she’d never felt with him what she’d experienced with Nicholas.

  Her mind went over that summer before her seventeenth birthday when she’d first met Nick. He’d fascinated her then as he did now. His strength of mind, strength of purpose, his ability to focus on her and make her feel like the most special creature on earth.

  But he’d disappeared and crushed her youthful heart.

  Why hadn’t he ever written to her? Not even a note to tell her he could no longer see her? Day after day she’d waited for a line, one word from him. She would have run away with him then.

  But she’d heard nothing. Her world had been ripped apart by him. She’d even gone back a few days later to Richmond Park where they’d ridden and found their two handkerchiefs still lying on the rock, stiff and dry.

  She still had them folded away in a drawer.

  And now?

  Did Nicholas love her? He had said nothing of love. Only want. Did he want her as a possession, like owning a business? She’d vowed long ago never to marry a man like her father.

  She gripped the iron railing under her hands, knowing she should go in but knowing she would only toss and turn in bed. She had loved Julian, she was sure of it, but the tumult she felt around Nicholas threw what she’d felt for Julian in doubt. It reawakened all her girlhood longings.

  She put her head in her hands, hating the direction of her thoughts. Why did her love for Julian now seem so pallid in contrast to what Nicholas stirred in her?

  But she’d been a good wife! She’d supported her husband in his work and nursed him through his illnesses and been with him at the end. Nothing else could compare to that.

  Why did Nicholas have to reenter her life now and confuse her so? And what of Austen? Would he think so little of his mother if he thought his father was being replaced? She thought of how good Nick was with Austen. Her son was finally emerging from his shell and behaving like a normal, active seven-year-old. Would Nicholas cause him to forget his father?

  Would Nicholas always be there for Austen?

  Her son had already lost one father. She would not let him lose two.

  The next morning, Nick was down early, having woken at dawn and watched the sun rise over the Normandy coast. He entered the dining room, impatient for his first sight of Alice to see how she would greet him. Would she repudiate him? Ignore what had happened between them? Ask him to leave?

  He heard Austen’s cheerful voice soon after he had sat down. The boy came over to his table, followed by his nanny.

  “Can we see if my sandcastle is still there this morning?” was his first question as he took his place.

  Nick nodded to Miss Grove and pulled a chair out for her. “I’m afraid I checked on it last night, and it didn’t survive the tide.” At the look of chagrin on the boy’s face, he added, “We’ll build another one.”

  “After breakfast?” He lifted his chin as his nanny tied the napkin around his neck.

  Nick smiled and sat back down. “I thought we might visit the hippodrome. Have you ever seen horses race each other around a track?”

  Austen shook his head.

  “It can be quite exciting.” He signaled a waiter over and ordered breakfast for the boy. His French was rudimentary—taught to him by his mother when he was a boy. He turned to Miss Grove, who had a better command of the language. “I’m afraid you’d better order your own.”

  She smiled and turned to the waiter.

  At that moment, he saw Alice and her friend enter the dining room together. They spotted him and made their way to the table.

  He stood before they reached it and waited for them.

  He nodded to Miss Endicott and turned immediately to Alice.

  “Good morning,” he said, trying to read her expression.

  She lifted her blue eyes to him, the corners of her mouth lifting in what seemed to him a tentative smile. Was she, too, unsure how to proceed? It gave him hope. It meant she was not rejecting his suit out of hand.

  His own smile grew and he pulled out a chair for her.

  “Thank you,” she murmured.

  She looked so fetching today in a white gown all ruched up the front, with big blue bows matching the deep color of her eyes going up the length of it.

  He turned reluctantly away from her and to Miss Endicott.

  “Thank you,” she replied when he’d pulled out a chair for her as well. “It’s a fine morning, is it not?”

  He made an attempt to join in the casual pleasantries as they ordered their breakfast and he mentioned his idea for visiting the famous hippodrome. They seconded the idea enthusiastically.

  “Perhaps we can take a ride around the countryside afterwards,” suggested Miss Endicott. “I’ve heard there are some lovely chateaux and apple orchards to be seen.”

  They continued planning their day as they ate.

  When they broke up after breakfast, planning to meet again in a short while, Nick arranged for a trip back to Le Havre to follow up with a company which looked promising. He could work some this evening to catch up.

  He didn’t have a chance to talk alone with Alice until late that afternoon. During their outing, they behaved as if nothing had happened to them the night before. He took his cue from her, although he caught her looking at him a few times, and he was hard-pressed to keep from gazing at her.

  When they returned from their long drive, they all separated to freshen up and take naps. Nick spent the time working in his room. He descended to the hotel lobby as soon as he could and looked about for Alice, hoping she might, too, want a word alone with him.

  He stopped at the entrance of the veranda. Several guests were there and he’d almost turned back in disappointment when he saw her at the far end chatting with a couple. When she spotted him across the verandah she nodded and smiled. Encouraged, he walked over to the group. After a few pleasantries, they excused themselves from the couple.

  When they were out of earshot, he turned to her. “Where’s Austen?”

  “He’s still upstairs with Nanny Grove. I told her to put him to bed early this evening.” She smiled at him. “He had a full day today. Thank you for planning such a lovely outing.”

  “You’re welcome. It was nothing too extraordinary.”

  “You are good at organizing things.”

  He looked at her quizzically, not sure if she was complimenting him or not. He’d thought long and hard last night about how he should approach her. “I think we need to talk. Would you care to take a short walk before dinner?”

  He waited, no
t realizing he was holding his breath for her answer. She looked at him steadily. “Yes, I think we do.”

  He didn’t know if her reply signaled good or ill for them, it was said so seriously. At least, it meant she hadn’t dismissed his kiss.

  This time, they walked along the boardwalk on the grassy sand dunes above the beach. The surf had continued rougher than in the preceding days and there were no bathers in the water nor many people on the sand.

  They walked until they came to a small pavilion overlooking the ocean. Thankfully, it was deserted at the moment, most people having gone in to dress for dinner.

  He motioned to the wooden bench set under the pavilion and took a seat beside her after she’d sat down.

  Suddenly, all his neatly prepared speech deserted him. He cleared his throat. “I—”

  “Wha—” she began.

  They both stopped and then said, “I’m sorry—” at the same time.

  “You first,” she said quietly, clasping her hands on her lap like an obedient schoolgirl.

  “I merely wanted to beg your pardon if I offended you last night. Was it presumptuous of me to—” he paused “—kiss you?”

  He watched the color rise in her cheeks. Slowly, she raised her eyes and looked into his. Their deep blue pierced him anew and he wanted nothing more than to lean forward and kiss her again, this time showing none of the restraint he had last night. “No.” The word was so low a whisper he would have lost it if it hadn’t been so clearly apparent from the shape of her rosy lips.

  Instead, he dared reach out and cover her hands with one of his. “I—that is—” Why was he acting so unsure of himself? He cleared his throat anew and began again. “I would like to court you, Alice.”

  The warmth grew in her eyes and then it slowly faded and she looked away from him at the ocean in front of them. “I thought about you last night, that is, about us. I didn’t know what your intentions were.”

  He wanted to protest that his intentions were very clear but he remained silent sensing she needed to speak. He watched her profile and waited.

  “I loved my husband and am not sure—” she bent her head and looked down at their hands “—if it’s right to think of giving my affections to anyone else. Part of me feels as if I’m being disloyal to him.”

  He could see the words were difficult for her. They were no less difficult for him to receive. Would she ever love him the way he loved her? The irony was that he’d known her before ever Julian had met her.

  He schooled his features to show nothing. “I don’t want to compete with your late husband,” he said, looking toward the ocean, whose whitecaps reflected his turbulent emotions. “I met you many, many years ago, and regret now that I didn’t speak for you then.”

  “I never knew what our kiss had meant to you.”

  His hand reached out for hers again and he clasped it. “It meant the world to me. You were too young, and I left, thinking I would never have the right to pay my addresses to you, not if I remained in England. When I saw you upon my return, it was as if I’d been given another chance.”

  He squeezed her hands gently beneath his. “I would like to marry you, Alice.”

  She drew in her breath and he saw wonder in her eyes. Did it really come as a surprise to her? Before he could formulate any words, she tilted her chin the slightest degree upward and he found himself leaning down to her.

  Once again, their lips met and he could think of nothing else.

  She was the one who drew away first. “We mustn’t here—in a public place like this…” Her breathing was rapid and she didn’t quite meet his eyes.

  “I’m sorry.” He struggled to keep himself in check.

  She moved a little apart from him and he felt a sense of loss.

  He gave a deep sigh. “The Lord has allowed me to prosper and has given me the chance to come back and claim you. I don’t ask you to know your mind now. All I ask is if you would permit me to call upon you when we return to London.”

  Slowly she nodded.

  For now, it would have to be enough for him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Alice felt sad to leave France. It had been a wonderful interlude, a time in which she wasn’t required to think about anything back home. But she knew it couldn’t last. Her work required her back in London. But she feared what a return to their normal lives would bring to the growing closeness between her and Nick when each returned to their work.

  She was afraid to depend on Nick’s attentiveness and thoughtfulness. What would he be like when he was pulled by the demands of his business? Would he even have time for her, much less a little boy, who’d grown dangerously fond of him?

  As soon as she returned to her office, she put the final touches to the gala dinner for Nick, which was to be held that evening.

  Even the lord mayor was going to be present. She smiled in satisfaction as she eyed the acceptance she’d just received in the post. It would be a grand event, a fitting event for Nick. No one deserved it more than he, who’d worked hard to achieve the success he was enjoying now.

  She was looking over the menu in her office when she heard a throat clearing. She looked up to find her brother in the doorway.

  “Hello, Geoffrey, what brings you here?” Her brother never came to the Housing Society office.

  He walked into the office with barely a nod and took the chair opposite her desk. “I thought it the best place to find you this time of day.”

  She frowned at his grim tone. “What is it, Geoff? You sound as if you’d had some bad news.”

  The chair creaked under him as he leaned forward and removed his top hat and placed it on his lap. As usual he was impeccably dressed in a black frock coat and charcoal trousers. He fiddled with the brim of his hat.

  “Are you still seeing that Tennent chap?”

  She put down the pencil she’d been holding. “If you mean Nicholas Tennent, he is a friend of mine.”

  He frowned at her. “Is it true he showed up in Deauville at the same hotel you and Macey were at?”

  “Yes.” Who had told him? And why did she feel defensive as if she were still twenty-one?

  He nodded at her as if he knew something she didn’t. “You’d better have a care. Elizabeth Raleigh and her husband said they saw you there in his company quite a bit.”

  A British couple she’d seen one afternoon there. She shook her head at how quickly gossip traveled. “Mr. Tennent was very good company. He made himself very useful with Austen.”

  Geoffrey’s lips thinned. “Careful he doesn’t start looking at him as if he’s his papa.”

  She looked down at her pencil, considering how she would answer. “Would that be such a bad thing?”

  He made a choking sound. “I cannot believe you are even contemplating such a notion.”

  She looked at him steadily, her irritation changing to real anger. “Geoffrey, in case you’ve forgotten it, I am a full-grown woman who needn’t consult with you about whom I am seeing.”

  “Except when it’s an upstart scoundrel who is trying to muscle in on our family’s firm.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “He’s bought out Steward.”

  She stared at him, the words making no sense. “Old Mr. Steward?” That was Father’s principal partner, a silent partner who’d always left her father in full control of the day-to-day business of the company.

  He nodded grimly. “Alistair was a trusting simpleton. Tennent seems to have charmed him at his club and convinced the doddering old fool to sell him his partnership. You know what this means?”

  She didn’t dare hazard a guess.

  Geoff rubbed a hand across his chin. “He now owns fifty percent of our company, the firm our grandfather established and our father built up to what it is today.”

  She looked down at her desk, the papers she had been studying before her brother had walked in making no more sense to her. “I don’t believe it. There must be some explanation.”

  He
r brother gave a dry bark of a laugh. “Oh, Alice, don’t be so naïve. There’s an explanation all right. Tennent wants to get back at us for some slight that happened over fifteen years ago.”

  He jumped up and began to pace. “He’ll stop at nothing until he destroys this family. Well, I won’t have it!”

  “What are you talking about?” Now, she was truly alarmed. Her normally stolid brother was acting positively choleric.

  “Father sacked him. For what I don’t know. Probably incompetence.” He stopped in mid-stride and looked at her, thrusting his hat at her to drive home his point. “I spoke to Father’s old secretary, not Simpson, but the man he hired to replace Tennent when he up and left Father.”

  She waited, dreading what her brother might say to destroy her newfound hopes for happiness.

  “He says Father gave Tennent the boot without so much as a reference. It was right after that accident. He was in his rights to do so, since Tennent had only been with him a few weeks.” Geoffrey shook his head in disgust. “It was then he took off for America. Now that he’s made good, he probably wants to get back at Father.”

  Alice sat back in relief. “He already told me about Father. But he was almost thankful for it now. It was the reason he emigrated.” She waved a hand. “My goodness, he’s amassed a fortune. He doesn’t need your company!”

  Her brother wasn’t listening to her. “It’s clear Tennent has had it in for us since he has returned the wealthy American. He’s out to prove something. He’s got to be stopped or he’ll destroy all our family has worked for for three generations—as well as your heart and reputation if you let him.”

  “You’re wrong, Geoff.”

  Geoffrey pinioned her with a look. “This concerns you as much as it does me. This is Austen’s future. Do you want some upstart secretary muscling his way in and stealing your son’s inheritance?”

  She gave an outraged laugh. “Nicholas would never do that!”

  “So, it’s Nicholas now? Gone as far as that, has it?”