Tears of the Broken (Dark Secrets)

by A. M. Hudson

  The last few seconds of my life floated around on the surface of my thoughts. I can’t comprehend what I just saw. I can’t say I’m not afraid, but I don’t know what to think, either.

  “I’m sorry, Ara. It’s just that—” David lowered his head as if solemnity had swallowed him whole, right before my eyes. “I wanted to tell you. For so long. I just…I was afraid I might lose you. I knew that life with you in it, even if I had to hide my true self from you, was better than to lose you—or to have you afraid of me.”

  “So, how can you do that?” I asked, awestruck. “How can you run like that?”

  David hesitated and his shoulders came up. “That’s…the hard part.”

  “I can take it. Whatever it is, David. I swear. I can take it.”

  He smiled and took my hand, rubbing his thumb gently over my fingertips. “I’m something different, Ara. I—I wish there was an easy way to tell you. I just—” he bit his teeth together, “please don’t be afraid when I say the word.”

  “I can’t make you any promises, but I’ll try.”

  “Okay, here goes.” He took a breath. “Ara, I’m a vam—”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Come in,” I called, shrugging at David, who sent his words scattering with a breath when someone knocked on my door.

  “Ah, Ara, you’re up.” Dad looked at David, then at me—his eyes narrowing.

  “Yeah, I’m fine, Dad, really. I just need to talk to David.” Hint, hint—go away.

  “Hm.” He pursed his lips. “Well, I just came to tell you that if you’re okay now, your mum and I are going to pay our respects at the Rossi’s. Would you rather we stayed?”

  With one brow raised, I shook my head. Dads, they worry too much.

  David stood up and let go of my hand. “I can stay with her if you like, Mr. Thompson.”

  Dad looked at me, and my face broke into a toothy, hell-yes-grin. “Very well. Thank you, David.”

  Awesome. We’ll have the house all to ourselves.

  David watched the door close behind Dad and smiled—that same, soft curve of his lips that he tries to hide—his secret smile.

  “Why do you do that?” I stood up and rested my cheek on David’s shoulder. “Like, really, what are you thinking when you smile that way?”

  “I was just thinking that your dad—he doesn’t trust me to be alone with you in your room. But he was too polite to say it.”

  “Now, what gave you that idea?” I watched the space where my dad had just been.

  “Call it—male intuition.” David grinned, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

  I nodded, one slow bow of the head. “Okay. Fine. So—you were saying?” I prompted David’s explanation. “You’re a...?”

  “Okay.” He sat me on the bed and knelt down in front of me. “Now, you know I love you?” he said in a leading tone, his eyes lifting his brows.

  “Yes.”

  “And you know I could never—would never hurt you?”

  “David, just get to the bloody point.” I laughed, rolling my eyes. He waited, obviously requiring an answer. “Oh, fine. Okay. Yes, I know. Now tell me.” I breathed out, allowing the frustration to control my tone.

  He looked down for a second, then, with a loud sigh, closed his eyes as his fingers tightened around my arms. “Ara. There’s a reason I can run fast, and why I also know what people are thinking…”

  I waited, tapping my fingers on my knee. Uh, yeah, not gonna come to this conclusion on my own.

  David laughed to himself, shaking his head, and in a smooth, cool tone said, “Ara. I’m a vampire.”

  My body stiffened with a sudden rush of cool through my chest. “Oh. Um. Okay.” So, either I’m currently in the arms of dangerous predator, or I’m being punked by the guy who’s supposed to love me. Strangely, I feel fear, and I have no idea why. I love him, and I trust him, but I suddenly want to run. “David, this is a really badly timed practical joke. Really?” I laughed and stood up, pushing him away from me. Safe, on other side of the room, I spun around, planted my hands firmly on my hips and glowered at him. “You choose to play a joke on me on the day of Nathan’s funeral? Don’t you think that’s a little distasteful?”

  He sighed and dropped his arms to his sides, still kneeling by my bed. “Well, the cat’s out of the bag now, Ara. I can’t take it back, and—” he stood up; not like I normally would, by stepping one foot to the ground then the other and pushing up off the bed—he floated up, without moving his feet, without pressing his weight to either side—like a rope under both arms had lifted him.

  My mouth hung open and my chest tightened. Before the little bumps even rose on my skin, he appeared beside me, took me in his arms with his fingers wrapping softly around my shoulders and whispered, “It’s not a joke.”

  A quick, half-breath reached my lungs before his hand covered my mouth—my cry for help never reaching the ears of its intended. I convulsed violently, wriggling to break free, but his hold intensified. Let me go! Get off me! I tried to stomp on his toes but he moved his foot, and my heel struck the ground with knee-jolting force—sending instant tears into my eyes as I cried out under his iron grip.

  “Ara! Ara! Look at me!” He shook me once, pinning the back of my skull to his chest by the hand over my mouth, keeping his forearm firmly around my collarbones. “Just stop struggling. Look at me!”

  Taking heaving lungful’s of air through my nose, I calmed myself enough to stop struggling, but not enough to stop shaking. David’s hold relaxed a little, but stayed firm. “If I let go, will you promise not to scream?”

  I shook my head. He’s a monster. A killer. Oh, my God. How did I not see this?

  “Ara, please?” His deep, milky voice entered my ears and set my heart on fire with the hurt beneath his calm tone. I turned my head and forced my gaze upward, meeting the painfully detached ache behind the emerald eyes I love so much.

  “Mm-bm-mm-nn,” I muttered under his grasp. It came out sounding like a jumble of words, but it was supposed to be, “David, let me go!”

  He released me instantly. The air came into my lungs in a grateful gasp. I folded over slightly, rubbing my chin. God, he’s strong.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “I’m not hurt, I—” I stood up to look at him, but he materialised on my windowsill and sat perched in the small space just above my desk. “Who are you?”

  His chest rose and fell with visible strain while he watched the day outside become dark and grey, but he said nothing, just sat and allowed a cool breeze to filter in through the window and carry the sweet scent of citrus and sugar—his sweet scent. I folded over again. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, he’s a vampire. A real frickin vampire. Holy shi...

  “What is it, Ara? Share your thoughts,” he ordered in a very polite but stern tone.

  No, he’s just David. He can’t be a—be a… Shaking my head, I walked over and sunk down on my bed, carefully planning my next sentence. I have no way of knowing if it will be my last—either because he might kill me, or because I’ve hurt his feelings with my obvious repulsion. I can see it in his eyes; he’s about to leave and I know he won’t come back.

  My eyelids dropped and I took a deep breath to centre my thoughts. “What the hell…does a vampire want with a seventeen-year-old girl?” is all I came up with.

  David snickered, insult spiking the sound. “I still have feelings, Ara.”

  “Oh.” I looked down and my thumbnails made a dull clicking sound as I scratched them over each other.

  “Ara, I’m sorry.” The vampire appeared beside me again. My heart jumped into my throat, but my body stayed still. “That was unfair of me. It isn’t your fault. You couldn’t know what my intentions are.” He stroked my hair, gently taking a few strands from beside my eye and tucking them behind my ear.

  “I—” I don’t know what to say? I held my breath. How had I been so wrong when I said he could never scare me?

  “You see, Ara.” David dro
pped his hand from my face and rested it on his knee, then looked ahead of him, lost in a million miles of thought. “Vampires, we aren’t at all like the myths you grew up hearing. Granted, there are some aspects of our lives that ring true—”

  “Like eating humans.” I could barely contain the ferocity in my tone.

  He paused and his eyes flooded with frustration. “We don’t eat people, Ara. We drink their blood.”

  “Oh, right, silly me.” I slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand. “’Cause that makes it all okay. Well, I can sleep soundly now, so thank you for clearing that up.”

  “Please don’t be difficult, Ara.”

  “Why? I have a right to be mad, David. You’re a lie. You’re not a boy who goes to my school, at all. You’re…you’re, I mean, you drink blood—” I yelled. “You kill people with your teeth.” And didn’t even tell me that before you kissed me!

  “It wasn’t my secret to tell, Ara,” he answered my thought.

  I gawked at him. “So you read minds, too?”

  His head moved, so slight it was hard to make out as a nod.

  I balked. “So, have you always been in my head, or is it just when you really need to know something that you have no right to know?”

  “Pretty much always.” He flexed away from my side as if my icy-glare implied he might get slapped.

  Are you doing it now?

  “Yes. But it’s only your immediate thoughts.”

  I gasped, touching my hand to my lips.

  “To see anything past the present, I need your permission. I have to touch you,” he assured me. Some assurance. “But most of the time I don’t listen. Otherwise I would’ve known how miserable you’ve been these past few days.” He softened a little then, studying my angered scowl. “Ara, my love. Please, don’t be afraid of me?”

  But I am afraid of you, David—terrified.

  He cringed and looked away. “I’m still the same guy—nothing’s changed.”

  Except that you kill people.

  He dropped his head into his hands, resting his elbows on his knees.

  My heart sunk. What am I saying? This is the boy I love. The kind, sweet and protective David. Not a monster. Not a vile and disgusting, blood-drinking fiend.

  That was cold of me. I wish I hadn’t said that—no—thought that.

  The image of him feeding from a helpless young girl disappeared and gave way to the face, the smile of the boy by the lake. All I want now is to wrap my arms around him and tell him I’m sorry for being so afraid of him. But he’s not that boy. He’s a vampire—a murderer.

  The cold silence lingered past comfortable. Neither David nor I have anything to say, but I imagine there’s a one-sided conversation going on while he pries through my head.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered after a while.

  “I feel so violated, David.” My tone rose upward on the end.

  “I know.” He nodded. “I know, and I hate myself. I truly, truly do.” David dropped his head again and my heart followed.

  I hate to see him in so much pain. My fists clenched themselves against my will and I let out a loud, growling sigh. “God. I’m so mad at you.” I have to stand up. I need some height to make me feel like I have some power, some strength. He’s taken all of that away from me.

  “Shall I leave?” he asked softly, with no resolution to his tone.

  I looked at him looking at me, and my teeth grinded together in the back of my mouth. No way is he getting out of here without giving me some answers. He’s going to tell me everything I want to know—for once! He owes me that much. I slumped onto the floor with a huff and sat with my legs crossed. “Okay. I’m—” I took a deep breath. “I’m listening now. So? You’re a—a vampire. And you like to be with humans. Why?” It’s a reasonable question. I mean, there’s no way I could live in a chocolate factory.

  He leaned forward on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and drew a short breath through his closed teeth—leaving my question unanswered, again.

  Okay, this is the uneasy kind of silence. Is he carefully considering his words, or pulling out a script from a previous occasion? Whatever the reason for his sudden reluctance to speak, the tension in his shoulders tells me he’s really uncomfortable with all of this.

  “Despite what you believe, we’re not monsters, Ara.” Each word came with a careful amount of warning and persuasion. “I know you think my lifestyle is—” he paused, probably choosing his words carefully, “—distasteful.”

  Ha! I would’ve said horrendous, repulsive. Unforgivable. But that’s just the human in me.

  “Anyway.” He shook his head, almost certainly dislodging my thoughts from his unwelcome ears, again. “The reason we live among you is because the human lifestyle is vital to our survival. Without it, we do become monsters, of a sort. We get kind of—lost in ourselves. We would hunt only at night, live in darkness and soon, the daylight would become unbearable to our senses.

  “We would have no respect for human life, and we would kill purely for the fun of it. So, existing within the limits of the human lifestyle is what keeps us—human.”

  “There is nothing human about what you are,” I said with a mouthful of spite.

  “We fall in love,” he offered, “and we can eat and sleep and walk in the day, as if we were still human. But—”

  “But you’re not.”

  “Actually, I was going to say but—” he tried to keep a light grin on his lips, but the hurt of my repulsion revealed itself within his eyes, “everything is stronger. Our bodies, our minds, all of our senses. We feel everything with an intensity I cannot describe; happiness, pain, heartache,” he cringed on the word, “and love—are so much stronger than you can possibly imagine.”

  I softened a little—about five-percent. It’s the way he says love. There’s something about it that’s so…vulnerable. “I don’t know.” I shrugged one shoulder. “I think I might be able to empathise with you on the feeling-things-more-strongly aspect.”

  The sharp, crescent-moon dimple returned as he nodded. “You have a lot of heart, Ara. Perhaps that’s why I’m so drawn to you. You’re not like other humans.” His smile dropped away and he looked down at his hands. “I am sorry that I’ve hurt you with my secrecy. More than you know.”

  Apology not accepted…yet. I squared my shoulders. “Okay. You need to be with humans to act human. So why do you need to eat them? You said you eat and sleep and everything else? Why be a vampire at all?”

  “It’s not by choice,” he went to yell, but restrained himself. “You see, it’s like an alien, I guess. I thought about it once—how I could describe it to a human.” He pointed at me as he spoke, then touched his chin. “It’s like an alien comes down and plants itself in you. You’re everything you were before, except that now, you have these incredible abilities, and your human side is driven by the desires of the alien’s first nature—blood.

  “I’m still David, but I’m also this alien. I drink because I have to. I’m compelled to. If I don’t drink, I become weak and desperate, and then I’d eventually turn into a monster.” He laughed lightly and added, “Much like you if you don’t have breakfast. Only, there would be no stopping me. I would kill…uncontrollably.”

  Great, so, I’m in love with an alien-operated vampire.

  We sat in silence again for a minute.

  “So, why humans? Why not squirrels? Or cats?” I subconsciously nodded toward my window.

  David laughed. He must’ve seen the image in my mind of Skittles on a plate, with potatoes. “It is vital to consume the blood of your own kind. I am human, in part. Without human blood, human energy and human life force, I’m nothing. If I drank animal blood, aside from the fact that it isn’t fulfilling, not to mention it tastes awful, I would start to become an animal—figuratively.

  “I can’t pretend to be a normal human unless I have control, and I cannot have control if I’m hungry or undernourished. So—” he looked up at me, resting his hands on th
e bed under his knees, “eventually, you end up back at square one—killing remorselessly.”

  “Remorse? You feel remorse for them?” I thought it was a compulsion, not a choice.

  “It’s not a choice.” Agitation stole his composure. “You don’t understand. I suffer for every single one of my—” he paused and I could see him biting his teeth together inside his mouth.

  What? Victims? Meals?

  “You know me, Ara. Do you think I don’t feel for them?”

  My nose crinkled with a twisted scowl and I rubbed my forehead. “How would I know what you feel?”

  “Vampirism is a curse,” David demanded. “I have to kill. I have to eat, but I do feel for them after. It’s the greatest punishment, for the greatest gift—for all eternity.” His words fell softly away and his head dropped into his hands—revealing the shadow over his life.

  “Eternity? So, you’re immortal?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then, is that what you meant—that day by the lake? That eternity didn’t have to seem so long if we were together?”

  David nodded.

  I ran my hands through my hair. “Boy, I never thought you meant it literally.”

  “I know. You weren’t meant to.” He lifted his head off his hands a little and smiled at me.

  “So, you can’t die?”

  He shook his head.

  “At all?” I double-checked.

  He shook his head again and sat tall. “No. We’re virtually indestructible.”

  “Virtually? What does that mean?”

  “It means we can’t die, but we can still get hurt. Our bones are like cement—iron coated cement. They do not break. Ever. And our flesh is extremely difficult to penetrate—not that it would do any good to cut a vampire, because we heal incredibly fast.”

  “Well—so, like, there’re no stakes or holy water or silver or decapitation?”

  “No. Immortal means immortal, Ara. There is no death. There is no peace. Only an endless eternity of mourning and solitude—watching everyone you love grow old and wither away—forever just a memory, and only a fruitless hope of finding happiness again.”