BoldLust

by Sky Robinson

  “Why would you need someone if I’ve decided to stay?” It didn’t make sense he would get rid of her. He said he liked her work and that hiring her had been the best decision he’d made since he came to Alaska. How could that all have changed so quickly?

  “Have you decided to stay?” he asked.

  “Yes. At least for a while.” She ran her hands down the front of her skirt, wiping off the perspiration on her palms that the whole situation had caused.

  “Great.” He pulled her in and kissed her lips lightly. “I’m so glad to hear it.” Carter grinned and then squeezed her around the waist, pressing her entire body against his.

  Just the smell of him, his touch, caused a tingling between her thighs. He had some power over her, but Kate couldn’t let her mind turn to jelly. Not yet.

  “What am I going to do now that you’ve given my job to Betsy?” She needed that job back, needed him to go and tell Betsy that he had made a mistake, needed to keep a little of her newly found independence. Needed to make enough money that she could go home if she wanted to.

  “You don’t need to work. I’ll take care of you.”

  She didn’t want to be taken care of, she wanted to be independent, wanted to be loved for the things she could contribute. He was trying to control her just like everyone else in her life had. Just like her parents and Sean had, and she couldn’t let it happen anymore.

  “What do you expect me to do all day?” She had to make money, had to take care of herself.

  “Just sit there and look pretty for me.” Carter smiled, but Kate’s stomach churned.

  She couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. Kate wanted to be valued, to do something helpful, not sit there bored. She’d spent her whole life being taken care of, and that hadn’t worked out so well. It wasn’t going to happen any longer.

  Kate shook her head slowly. “I can’t do that.”

  “Of course you can.”

  “No.” She couldn’t let this happen again. She wouldn’t rely on a man only to have her heart broken and be left stranded when he changed his mind, decided that she wasn’t quite right for him anymore. “I can’t.”

  Kate stormed out of the room, down the stairs and out of the house before the tears began to fall. She didn’t want either Carter or Betsy to see her cry.

  Kate couldn’t fall into the same pattern of letting herself be supported by a man, following meekly, doing whatever he wanted of her. She wanted a job where she was actually needed, where she was important. She wanted the independence that Opal and Emma had. They were both happy and didn’t have to worry about being left alone.

  Kate’s eyes were blurry as she made her way up the boardwalk, almost home. She was doing the right thing, standing up for herself for the first time in her life. She should be proud. But pride wasn’t even close what she felt right now. She felt like the entire world was closing in on her, she felt like she was going to throw up.

  Opal was in the living room when she got home, sitting in the soft chair, a book in her hands, but she closed the book and stood quickly when Kate came in the door.

  Did she look that pitiful? Probably. She was that pitiful.

  “What happened? Is everything okay?” Opal moved over so she was standing next to Kate, the concern evident in her eyes, her face.

  “No, everything is wrong.” Kate gave up on holding back the tears, gave up on holding back the pain, and Opal pulled her into her arms and hugged her tight.

  Kate let herself sob into the most welcoming set of arms she would find in Alaska. As unlikely as it might seem, she and Opal had become friends. Kate knew Opal would be understanding, supportive of even the dumbest things Kate could do.

  After a couple minutes of letting the heart-wrenching pain out, Kate forced herself to stop crying and tell Opal her story. “I lost my job. I walked away from the man I’m falling in love with and I don’t know what I’m going to do now.” Sharing her situation with Opal made her heart feel a little less heavy.

  “I’m sure if you went and talked to Carter he’d give you your job back.” Opal smoothed a stray hair back from Kate’s face.

  “I don’t want it back. Not the way things are now. He wants me to sit around and do nothing.”

  “And what’s the problem with that?” Opal didn’t understand. She didn’t know what it felt like to be at the mercy of others, to not have independence. She did what she wanted, whenever she wanted, held down by no man. Men begged for her attention and she was always in control of her future.

  “I want to do something of value. I want to be important. I can’t sit around and wait for the next man to walk out on me and leave me helpless.”

  “You are not helpless. You are a very intelligent woman who is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. In fact, you could start working with me tonight, start making a lot of money on your own.” Opal looked at her with a serious expression, but she couldn’t be serious, couldn’t expect Kate to become a sporting woman. She was in a bad spot, but not even close to where she would consider becoming a prostitute.

  “I don’t think I could do what you do.” Kate knew she sounded as shocked as she felt, even though she tried to hold her surprise in.

  “No, not that. You could sell the whiskey here. Keep your half of whatever you sell. You could keep the drinks flowing while I’m upstairs entertaining.” Opal clasped her hands together excitedly, obviously proud of her new plan and Kate’s involvement in it.

  “So I would just sell drinks?” Kate asked hesitantly. She wasn’t going to get herself into an even worse situation. She would live here on the money she still had and write to her family for passage back before she would sell her body to men.

  She didn’t condemn Opal for the choice, but she didn’t have any interest in doing it herself. Selling drinks was something she would consider doing. The only harm would be to her reputation, and that was on the edge anyway because she lived in this house.

  “Yeah. You could make good money, all on your own, no man involved. Well, you have to take the money from the men, but you’ll be the one in charge.”

  “They won’t expect me to…” Kate could feel her cheeks turning pink.

  “You just tell them that I’m the only sporting woman here.” Opal’s grin eased most of Kate’s worries.

  “Okay, I’ll try it.” What could it hurt? She could sell booze to Opal’s customers. Betsy could gossip about her with the ladies in town all she wanted. They probably already did.

  Kate would make a quick buck working for Opal, gain a little independence and move on. It was the perfect solution to all her problems.

  “Good. Now go dry your tears and put on something nice. We’re opening for business soon.” There was excitement in Opal’s voice that Kate found contagious, made her forget about all the drama in her own life.

  The rest of the evening went by in a blur. Kate flirted with men, sold them drinks, had some fun and made a lot of money.

  “You want to take me upstairs, honey?” an older man asked Kate.

  “That’s Opal’s position, not mine.” She was caught a little off guard by the question, but he seemed to accept her answer without argument.

  “Well, then how about another drink?” he asked.

  “I can do that.” She smiled, poured the man another and took his money.

  The door opened and Kate looked over to see who had come in. All the breath sucked out of her chest to see Carter’s six-foot frame, and he sure didn’t look the least bit happy when he spotted her. A scowl appeared and his entire body tensed.

  He walked straight over to her and stared down with his eyes narrowed. “What the hell are you doing?” His words were growled, definitely angry.

  Kate took a deep breath and held her head high when she answered him. She wasn’t going to back down from her decision to find independence even when her knees wanted to shake and her body wanted to be pressed up against his, wrapped in the safety of his strong arms begging for forgiveness.

&nbs
p; “I’m working.” Her voice cracked a little and she couldn’t get out any more of an explanation than that.

  “You had a job with me, a future with me. Why would you want to do this instead?”

  “You gave my job away.” She took a deep breath. “And this is a fine way to make money. Opal needs my help.”

  Kate had known that making him angry was a possibility when she decided to work with Opal, but she didn’t want to face the reality of it. Having him here, knowing this could be the quick end to whatever little bit of a romance they had started caused a piece of her heart to be torn off.

  “I never thought you were this type of girl.” His face showed obvious disgust at her new career choice and she began to doubt it herself. “I guess I completely misjudged you.” Carter snarled out the words.

  Kate’s heart pounded. She desperately wanted him to understand she was only doing what she had to do.

  “What exactly is ‘this type of girl’?” She didn’t back down from him, wanted to make sure things were clear between them even though what she really wanted to do was run into the corner and cry. “I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m not taking anyone upstairs, and there are plenty of bartenders at the saloons who do exactly the same thing as me. I bet you don’t judge them harshly.” She expected the town folk to judge her, but not Carter. He knew her, loved her. At least she thought he did.

  Carter’s venomous words were like a knife stabbing straight into her heart. She didn’t want him to be angry with her, didn’t want him to look at her like that. Just wanted him to show her his love again, but it was obvious that had disappeared as suddenly as it appeared.

  “No. But they’re also men.” Carter took a deep breath, worked at relaxing his shoulders, rolling them backward and calming himself. His words were soft when he spoke again. “You’re just selling booze?”

  “Yes. I’m just selling booze. Nothing else.” Kate blew out a long breath, trying to calm her own nerves.

  He’d given her job away, what did he expect? Someday he would see why she couldn’t just sit around and let him take care of her. She couldn’t be that kind of woman anymore.

  Carter stared at her for a minute, not saying anything but obviously contemplating something. Deep lines set across his forehead and his jaw twitched.

  “Well, I’ll let you get back to your work then.” He quickly made his way past the crowd of men in the house and disappeared through the front door.

  Kate stared at the door even after he was clearly gone. What had she done? She wanted to be independent, do something on her own, but she didn’t want to run Carter off.

  This was supposed to be the perfect solution. She could have her independence and a man that made her core throb, but if Carter thought she was selling herself, he wouldn’t want anything to do with her. Tears threatened but she held them back, plastered on a fake smile and went back to serving booze to the crowd of men that filled the little house.

  She would give Carter a little time to cool off, time to think, and then go and talk to the man. Kate wasn’t giving him up without a fight, but she also needed some time to think, some time to figure out what it was she really wanted in life and then time to find the words to communicate all of it.

  Chapter Eight

  Betsy was at work bright and early again the next morning, and Carter couldn’t stop the disappointment that lodged in his gut because it wasn’t Kate. He didn’t understand women. Why would Kate choose selling booze to men over being with him? All he wanted was to take care of her, provide for her, and now she was ruining any chance of that being able to happen.

  A respectable business owner could not date a prostitute and definitely couldn’t marry one. He believed Kate when she said she wasn’t selling herself to the men, but not many others probably would. Not that he really gave a damn about what the people in this town thought. Even when it should change the fact that he wanted her, it didn’t. Not even a little bit.

  “Good morning, Carter.” Betsy greeted him in the grating voice that was already starting to drive him crazy. She was a good worker and he needed someone, but everything about the woman was annoying. It could have something to do with the fact that he wanted it to be Kate’s sweet smile and soft voice greeting him every morning.

  He would preferably take that greeting from Kate in his bed after he had spent the night ravishing her beautiful body, but that wasn’t looking very likely.

  He moved too fast, too hard, and scared her away. That much was obvious. It was the only reason he could think of that would make her turn to selling booze in a house of prostitution. She had to earn money as fast as she could to get the hell out of here. Away from him. Away from Alaska. Hell, he couldn’t blame her.

  “So,” Betsy paused, “I heard your little girlfriend found a new job as a…well, a prostitute.” She looked way too happy to be providing this bit of gossip to him.

  “She’s not a prostitute,” he grumbled, knowing his words were going to be lost on deaf ears.

  “Well, that’s not what I heard. The gossip mill was humming this morning about another girl taken to the dark life, and it was your girl Kate that they were talking about.” Betsy straightened the counter as she spoke. “I should probably go over there and try to save her.”

  Carter snorted but didn’t comment. Betsy held real tight to all of her opinions. It wasn’t worth his breath to argue with the woman.

  Betsy continued talking. “You should probably stay away from her…that is, if you want to keep the business of the civilized people of this town.”

  Betsy was just telling him what he already knew. He couldn’t see Kate without the harassment of his friends, without the stigma of taking a prostitute. Even if it wasn’t the truth.

  “It’s really none of your business, Betsy,” he said and then went upstairs to start working.

  Carter had no interest in discussing his personal life or Kate’s with Betsy. He had to figure things out for himself.

  He loved the girl but he knew she wasn’t going to stay in Alaska. This was where his life was. He was in the middle of a major project that he couldn’t afford to drop. He wouldn’t fail in business. Couldn’t. It was the only thing he had left.

  Chapter Nine

  Kate started to walk down toward the docks without thinking about what she was doing, but she stopped herself. It had been seven miserable days since she had seen Carter, but it seemed like an eternity.

  She couldn’t stop thinking about the man. She wanted to see him again, wanted to touch him, but she couldn’t. Not after the way he looked at her, the way he let her know he didn’t approve of the work she was doing with Opal. He wouldn’t take her back. The sooner she accepted that fact, the better.

  Kate needed to focus on making enough money to get home. She shouldn’t be thinking about Carter at all, let alone letting thoughts of him torment her the way they were. She hadn’t known him that long, but her heart didn’t seem to care about that. Her heart had attached itself to the idea of keeping him. It was silly.

  “Is everything okay?” Opal’s voice behind her startled Kate.

  “Yes. Everything is fine,” she lied.

  “You are thinking about him again, aren’t you?” Opal jutted her chin in the direction of Carter’s store.

  Was it that obvious?

  “Yes.” She might as well admit it to the one person who knew her entire pathetic story. Not that she could hide anything from Opal anyway. She could read people, knew what they were thinking, what they wanted. It was uncanny.

  “You might as well go down and talk to him. What would it hurt?” Opal said simply.

  But there was nothing simple about Kate’s situation, nothing simple about the emotions that engulfed her every time she saw him and nothing simple about how another rejection from him might just kill her.

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.” Kate said the words Opal probably expected.

  Talking to Carter was the sensible thing to do. Kate should go and talk to
him, should see if he shared any of the feelings that grasped at her heart. Knowing wouldn’t really kill her, and not knowing felt pretty horrible. It really couldn’t get much worse than this torment. And it could make things better.

  “Thanks, Opal, for the good advice as always.” Kate took a deep breath and set down the boardwalk. She could do this, could face up to the mess she’d made with Carter.

  The closer she got to his store, the harder her heart pounded. He shouldn’t have this much of an impact on her. Just going to talk to Carter shouldn’t be this scary.

  But it was.

  She walked slowly, barely resisting the urge to turn around and run back up the boardwalk and jump under the covers of her bed and never come out again.

  Kate couldn’t do that. No matter how tempting it was to play it safe, she had to take the chance, had to know what he thought about her, had to talk to Carter one more time before she left Alaska.

  She had enough money to leave now, but there was something holding her back. Maybe clearing things up with Carter would stop that feeling. Or make it worse.

  She paused in front of his door, leaning her back against it, mustering up the will to raise her hand and knock, but the door opened before she had the chance and Kate fell right into solid arms.

  “Sorry. I was upstairs looking out the window when I saw you coming down the hill.” His words were hot, tickling the hairs at the top of her head.

  He didn’t release her even when it was obvious she had regained her footing, but Kate didn’t want him to either. It felt too good, too right to be in Carter’s arms again. Made her want to stay there forever.

  But she didn’t know if he had any interest in her. Not after what she had done, not after she had ruined her reputation by selling booze to Opal’s customers.

  “No, I shouldn’t have…” Hesitated? Come down here at all? There were a lot of things she shouldn’t have done lately. Would coming here tonight be another thing to add to that list?