Players (Lessons by Loki)

by Ross, Aubrey

  “Your lessons were not part of the bet.”

  “I don’t believe you.” She set down the phone and turned toward the stairs. His hand closed around her upper arm and she closed her eyes. She’d wanted him to touch her, needed him to stop her from running away. She waited for him to turn her around, or better yet, drag her away from the stairs and shove her up against the wall. But his fingers eased then slipped away, though she could still feel the heat of his body.

  “After the party, Chase wanted to end the bet. We both realized you weren’t like the others. You’re sweet and honest and innocent.”

  “I’m not that innocent.” She opened her eyes and put her foot on the first step.

  His arm banded her waist and he pulled her back against him. “You’re pure as virgin snow compared to me, compared to us. That’s why I never approached you before. I didn’t want you to find out that all of the rumors were true. I am depraved and twisted.”

  For some reason the description made her smile. What they’d done to her in the playroom had been a little twisted, but depraved? Not even close. “Did you call off the bet that night?” Everything he’d said so far corresponded with what Loki had told her. That was part of the reason she was allowing Josiah to continue his explanation.

  “I wasn’t ready to let you go and I didn’t see any other way to justify my interest.” He buried his face in her hair, his breath teasing the back of her neck.

  “Why did you need a justification for your interest? We’re both unattached adults.”

  “Because…” His other arm slipped around her as well and he held her even tighter. “I’m not meant for someone like you.”

  “Someone like me?” She needed to see his face, to understand the emotions thickening his voice.

  “Someone wholesome and—”

  “If you say pure again, I’m going to kick you.”

  He chuckled and his hold loosened, though his arms remained around her. “After our date I agreed with Chase. It wasn’t right to continue. I didn’t want our lessons to be tainted by some asinine game.”

  She didn’t say a word, couldn’t think of anything that was both honest and distancing. She would be a fool to trust him, to give him a second chance. Yet she wanted nothing more. Her heart thudded wildly in her chest and tears burned her eyes. If she looked at him, she’d be lost. The only rational option was retreat.

  “I knew you’d break my heart,” she whispered, then shoved his arms away and flew up the stairs.

  Chapter Twelve

  Gran’s visitations felt different than ordinary dreams. Katie always sensed her presence strongly as she relaxed in bed and then a drugged lethargy would overtake her. Tonight she’d been brooding about all of the things Josiah said when strength seemed to bleed from her muscles. She wasn’t afraid, knew Gran would never hurt her, so she closed her eyes and surrendered to the weakness.

  “I’ve been trying for days to draw you here.” Gran’s sweet voice pulled her deeper into the vision.

  Reality faded to black and then the scene refocused. She was seated at the kitchen table, her grandmother across from her. Sunlight streamed in through the eyelet lace curtains and the scent of baking bread made her mouth water. “I’ve been distracted.”

  Gran smiled, her green eyes twinkling merrily. “Can’t imagine what’s captured your interest.” She’d pushed her glasses to the top of her head, which pulled the front of her silver hair back from her wrinkly face. According to Gran, her life had been long and full of wonders, so she’d never been vain about growing old. Her outfit was always the same, black jeans and a burgundy blouse with a paisley print and long, fluttery sleeves. “Talk to me, child. I hate to see you so upset.”

  “I want to hate them, but I don’t.” She didn’t need to explain herself further. Katie wasn’t sure how much of what went on around them Gran was able to perceive, but she knew everything that took place within her house.

  “It’s not in your nature to hate.”

  “Then I should forgive them and try and make it work?”

  “I can’t tell you what to do.” She laughed and shifted in her chair, making the wood creak. “I suppose I could, but I won’t. You’re the one who has to live with your decisions. I can only help you sort through the variables.”

  “I was afraid to love Chase because I thought he was still in love with Vanessa.”

  “You don’t think that’s true anymore?” Gran picked up her favorite mug and took a sip of tea.

  “He still has feelings for her, but I think he honestly wants to move on.”

  “And what about that thundercloud who was just downstairs? Do you know why he doesn’t consider himself worthy of you?”

  She’d never really thought about it in terms of worthiness, but as usual, Gran was right. Josiah didn’t feel worthy of her love. “It has something to do with his sister, but things fell apart before he could tell me what happened.”

  “Are you afraid because there are two of them? Being part of a plural union will be complicated.”

  Katie smiled, trying to imagine her mother’s reaction to the arrangement. Her mother would have been shocked and horrified. But Gran was different. Gran never judged, never projected her opinions onto others. She was more than happy to express her opinions, but she didn’t expect others to conform. “Knowing they were together is a big part of the appeal. I’ve always been drawn to nontraditional relationships.”

  Gran chuckled and set down her mug. “Which is why your time with Dillon was such a nightmare. You were pretending to be something you’re not and so was he.”

  “Well, there would be no pretending with Chase and Josiah. If I give them another chance, it would either be the best thing that ever happened to me or the worst.” She sighed and the scene around her blurred. They were losing their connection. “I’m not sure I’d survive if they rejected me.”

  “Nothing worth having comes without risk.” Her image began to fade as she said, “You’re stronger than you know, Katie dear. Are you brave enough to risk everything?” Then right before her image blinked out, she shouted, “Loki never left.”

  Reality returned and Katie found herself in bed, staring up at the ceiling, more confused than ever. She wasn’t surprised about Loki. After all he’d invested in this conflict, it didn’t make sense that he’d give up before it was resolved.

  As for Chase and Josiah, when she stripped away all of the uncertainty, it all came down to trust. She had to be able to trust her partners if they were going to build a future together.

  She trusted Chase. Despite his participation in the bet, he had never lied to her. He’d left an awful lot unsaid, but what he’d said was true. Their attraction was slow and steady. There were no flash-fire highs or devastating lows. He was dependable and fun. Life with him would be comfortable, solid.

  Josiah, on the other hand, was combustible. Dangerous. He would devour her affection and ravage her body. And still leave her aching for more. If it weren’t for Chase’s steadying influence, she wouldn’t even consider a relationship with someone as volatile as Josiah. But she couldn’t deny her attraction to him. She wanted to feel the heat and be overwhelmed by his intensity. She just needed Chase there as well to protect her from her own cravings.

  But could she trust Josiah?

  That was the crux of the issue. Chase had already proven he could commit to one lover. Vanessa hadn’t been the right partner, but Chase had been devoted to her. Could Josiah change the way he’d lived for more than a decade? Would he be content in a committed relationship, even if it was with a man and a woman? That question was much harder to answer, but one thing was for sure. She would never find out until she stopped ignoring them.

  * * * * *

  The next few days passed in a flurry of activity. Time passed quickly at work, yet the nights seemed endless. Each morning she found a new gift on the hood of her car. The first morning it had been a fabulous bouquet of roses, which she’d taken to work with her. On day two th
ey left a memory stick onto which they’d recorded a video. Rather than groveling and asking for her forgiveness, as she’d expected, they earnestly asked for the opportunity to speak in person. Josiah reminded her that her phone number was unlisted and she’d never given it to them. The third morning brought an apology card from Chase and another message from Josiah. He told her that he’d instigated the bet and asked that she focus her hostilities on him. He ended the message by saying, “Chase is really torn up. I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please talk to him.”

  The selfless gesture could have been calculated, but Katie didn’t think so. Josiah had always been protective of Chase and vice versa.

  All she had to do to end this nonsense was lock her utility door. Leaving it unlocked was giving them hope and that wasn’t fair unless she was willing to give them another chance at some point. But did she really want to give them another chance? Almost a week had passed since the night in the playroom and she was still struggling with the question.

  By Friday evening, Katie was exhausted from work and tired of their little game. There had been no gift that morning, so she wasn’t sure what to expect. Had they finally given up or just run out of ideas. When the doorbell rang, she thought she had her answer. Apparently, it was time for a live performance. Then she pulled open the door and froze. Rather than Chase or Josiah on her porch, she found Vanessa.

  “I think you have the wrong house.” She tried not to sound as annoyed as she felt. The last thing in the world she wanted was another round with this cold-hearted bitch.

  “May I come in?” Her voice lacked its usual haughtiness.

  “Why?”

  “I just want to talk to you. I promise I won’t start a fight.”

  She couldn’t imagine what Vanessa would want to talk to her about, but she pushed open the screen door. “I just worked a twelve-hour shift, so I’m grumpy as hell. Just thought I’d warn you.”

  Vanessa moved to the nearest chair and sat. She was wearing jeans for a change, but her boots had four-inch heels. Why did she feel the need to tower over everyone? Vanessa was naturally tall and her obsession with heels made her taller than most men.

  Katie left the main door open while the screen door swung shut, then she sat on the couch facing her unexpected visitor. “Why are you here?”

  “I saw Chase the other day and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him.”

  It was all Katie could do not to roll her eyes. “We’re not together anymore so have at him.” Her rebellious heart clenched at the thought, but Katie didn’t take it back.

  “He was buying flowers for you, so I figured there was trouble in paradise.” She crossed her legs then uncrossed them as if she couldn’t find a comfortable position. “I’ve been a royal bitch to you and still you’ve been civil and honest with me. Most people can’t rise above a conflict like that.”

  “Don’t make me sound so honorable. I’ve slung my share of mud.”

  “No. You pretended to sling mud.”

  Did she mean… “You weren’t fooled in the parking lot?” Vanessa’s smile confirmed it. Katie frowned. The memory was much more fun when she thought Vanessa had fallen for the ruse. “I thought I was pretty convincing.”

  “You were very convincing. I just happened to have the perfect angle to see that his pants were still zipped.”

  A tense pause followed, so Katie said, “Surely this isn’t why you’re here.”

  Vanessa fortified herself with a deep breath then revealed the purpose for her visit. “I shouldn’t have told you about the bet. It was mean spirited and I’m sorry. I know you were hurt because of my spitefulness and you didn’t deserve it.”

  What the hell was this? Women like Vanessa didn’t apologize for anything. “You were right. I was the target of their bet. You have nothing to apologize for.”

  “I’ve known Chase for a long time. We were friends for years before we started dating. I wanted to change him, mold him into my idea of the perfect husband. That’s just as wrong as what they did to you.”

  She had no idea what Vanessa expected her to say or why she was telling her all this, so she just nodded.

  “You were with them for a week and yet I saw more pain in his eyes than when I broke up with him after almost a year. You are everything they’ve ever wanted, everything they need. Don’t let my meddling screw that up for them, or for you.” She looked as if she was about to cry. “I know you don’t believe it, but I really do want the best for Chase. I’ll never forgive myself if I end his best chance at true happiness.”

  Dumbfounded Katie watched as Vanessa stood up and let herself out.

  She sat there for several minutes too confused to move. Then she stood and went outside. Vanessa was gone, but Josiah stood on his front porch. Their gazes locked and he advanced; his stride purposeful.

  The coward in her urged her to run back inside and lock the door. But she was tired of hiding. He crossed the street and went as far as the sidewalk before he stopped. “If I come up there, will you call the police?”

  She allowed herself a half-smile. “I’m feeling generous tonight.”

  He walked up her driveway and across the walk path, but stopped before stepping up onto the porch. “What did Vanessa want? Are you all right?”

  His concern was sweet and she really was too tired to fight, so she opened the screen door and motioned him inside. “Believe it or not, she came to apologize.”

  That brought him up short just inside the doorway. The screen door swung shut behind him as he looked at her quizzically. “Vanessa apologized?”

  “I was as surprised by it as you are.” They stood near the door as if he was still unsure of his welcome. “Do you want something to drink? I have pop, juice or ice water. Sorry, I’m not a fan of beer.”

  “I’m fine, but can we sit? This feels confrontational.”

  “Afraid I’ll open the door and shove you out on your ass?”

  “Basically.”

  He smiled and she quickly turned around so he couldn’t see her lips curve. Josiah was sexy as hell when he brooded, but she liked him best when he smiled. “So what happened this morning? Did you over sleep?”

  “We didn’t want to be predictable. We figured if we deprived you of our attention for a day or two you’d realize how much you miss us.”

  “Playing hard to get.” She chuckled as she curled up in the recliner. “Not a bad strategy.”

  He sat on the sofa and rested one foot on the opposite knee, not looking nearly as comfortable as usual. “Nothing else seemed to be working.”

  “If it hadn’t been working, I would have locked the door.”

  He didn’t smile, but warmth lit his gaze. “That’s what Chase said. I wasn’t so sure.”

  “That’s surprising. I didn’t think anything had the power to make you insecure.”

  His stare locked with hers, drawing her toward him like a physical tug. “Only you, Katie-cat. Nothing else has this much power over me. I thought you realized that.”

  The pet name blanketed her wounded heart, so she didn’t object to its use. “I don’t know how to get past this. I’m not even sure I want to try.”

  “If you’re willing to listen, I’d like to explain what happened in the playroom.”

  “I asked about your past, it pissed you off, and you took it out on my body. There’s no mystery.”

  “Your assessment isn’t wrong, but it’s overly simplified.”

  It was time for her to choose. She would either let him back in or turn him away, but she needed to decide on a course and stick with it. Who was she kidding? He’d tipped the scales in his favor when he campaigned for Chase. Loyalty was important to her, and Josiah was obviously loyal.

  She stood and walked toward him. He scooted over, making room for her beside him on the couch. “Help me understand.”

  He stretched his arm out along the top of the cushions, close to but not touching her. “Like you, I was raised by a
stepparent. I never knew my biological mother.”

  “The trophy wife was your father’s number two?”

  “Actually number three, but number two lasted less than a year.” He took a deep breath and looked past her as he went on. “I was thirteen when Dad married Melissa. She might be in it for the money, but he really does love her.”

  “Are they still married?”

  “Yeah. We were never close, but it’s not like we’re feuding or anything.”

  She knew the conflict involved a sister, but she didn’t want to rush him so she just sat quietly and waited for him to find the words.

  “Melissa wanted half a dozen kids, but she had trouble getting pregnant. The time and energy they put into their quest for a baby only made me more rebellious. They already had a family. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough.”

  “You were still in your early teens?” He nodded. “That’s a hard time for any boy.”

  “Melissa announced that she was pregnant at my fifteenth birthday party.” His jaw clenched then released. “I was furious.”

  “That was really insensitive.”

  “I don’t blame her. I was an asshole back then.”

  “You were an adolescent trying to find acceptance.”

  He shrugged and glanced into her eyes. “No, I was a rebellious pain in the ass who did everything in my power to make her miserable.”

  She smiled, but inside she was a twisted knot of uncertainty. Only something incredibly painful was this hard to talk about. “The baby was a girl?”

  Again he nodded. “I expected to hate her, but she looked up at me with these huge dark eyes in this perfect little face. I was mesmerized.”

  Dread rose up around Katie as her mind raced on ahead. If he’d loved his baby sister, why did talking about her bring out something dark and dangerous? A chill dropped down her spine. It was obvious that this story didn’t have a happy ending.

  “Melissa tried to keep us apart, but Lana loved me as much as I loved her. As soon as she could walk she followed me around like a shadow. My friends all thought it was hilarious, said I should knock up someone if I really wanted a kid that badly.”