Practicing Parenthood

by Cara Lockwood

  Yvana took a hard right onto a road nearly covered by brush, and a yellow daffodil hit her knee as they turned into her uncle’s long driveway. It almost felt as if they were ducking into some deserted rain forest, but then the path widened and she saw the sandy yard, the big blue two-story house on stilts, making it as tall as your average three-story building. Yvana swung the cart into the little circular sand drive, letting Madison off at the steps.

  “Looks like the guys already brought your luggage,” Yvana said. Madison saw her suitcase and grocery tote sitting on the front porch near the front door.

  “Thanks for the lift, Yvana.”

  “No worries. And if you need anything, you call me, you hear? Anything at all. Pickles and ice cream, even.”

  Madison turned and leaned into the golf cart and gave Yvana a big hug, tears pushing out from behind her closed eyelids. Damn these pregnancy hormones.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  Yvana returned the hug. “You bet,” she said. “Take care of yourself. And I’ll be by later with that remedy I told you about. It’ll settle your stomach in no time.”

  “Thank you,” Madison said once more, brimming with gratitude. Looking at Yvana’s smiling face, she couldn’t help thinking that everything would somehow be okay.

  “See you later!” Yvana called. Madison nodded as Yvana took off around the circle. She walked up the front porch steps, a whole story’s worth, to accommodate the stilts. Most homes on the island included two livable stories, but stood three stories high. Flooding was common on the island, especially during hurricane season. She marched up to the front door, framed by full-length glass windows, her first objective being to put away the groceries she’d brought in a cooler from Fort Myers. Meantime, her stomach rumbled. If it wasn’t nauseated, it was hungry. Decide already, she thought. She didn’t know how much more of this yo-yo effect she could take. This was going to be a long nine months.

  CHAPTER TWO

  COLLIN SAT ON the ferry beneath the blistering afternoon sun and just wanted to be there already. He’d driven to the ferry station, parked and then taken an old passenger van down to the shore, where he’d boarded a small pontoon-style boat with about ten other tourists headed to North Captiva. He was currently sitting between a little boy kneeling on the seat and facing the water, hands on the edge of the boat as if he might fly off any second, and a teenager whose eyes had never left her phone. It was the only seat left, and he was lucky to have it, but now he simply wished the ferry ride to be over. He needed to see Madison.

  Collin knew the baby was his. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew it. The second Matt had said Madison was pregnant, he’d felt that it was true. Sure, he could be wrong. Hell, Madison might not even be pregnant, but he trusted his instincts. Collin’s mother had been extremely superstitious; she’d claimed ESP—or what she called really good hunches—ran in their family. Collin had never put much stock in it. He didn’t believe in hocus-pocus, but he did believe in good instincts. That was exactly how he could tell a witness on the stand was lying—or about to lie. He’d become notorious for trapping shaky witnesses, dominating the cross-examination. Maybe that was the family hunch at work.

  All he knew was that Madison was doggedly refusing to answer his calls. He’d left her a dozen messages, had texted, emailed—basically, he’d done everything but try to send her a telegraph. She was avoiding him, and he was going to find out why.

  Collin glanced at a couple on the other end of the boat beneath the shade of the awning. The woman had a baby strapped to her in a sling, and her husband was making faces at the little one. He wondered how old the infant was—he or she was so tiny. He realized, with a start, that he’d only ever held his niece, but that was long after she was six months old and big enough to hold her head up—not like this fragile newborn across the way. He had no idea how to hold a baby that small. His niece, Sari, was six, loved knock-knock jokes and was easy to entertain. He’d missed the first half year of her life because his sister and her husband had been in the Philippines for work when she was born. Now, they were stateside again, and he’d spent the last four Thanksgivings at their house.

  He reached into his pocket and felt for the small black velvet box there. He had a brand new one-carat princess-cut solitaire set in platinum inside. It probably wouldn’t fit Madison’s finger, but the salesclerk had assured him it could be sized. Collin knew the power of a big gesture, and he had one planned—although, the roses he’d bought at the grocery store stop-off before he’d reached the ferry were looking a little wilted in the heat. Not unlike me, he thought. He wore shorts and a polo, but he wished he had his swim trunks on so he could just jump into the bay and swim for it. The Florida sun was brutal today. It had beaten down on him mercilessly since he’d gotten one of the only seats in the sun. He swiped at his brow.

  He’d been running through everything he planned to tell Madison when she swung open that door: Do me the honor of being my wife or Let’s be a family or This means we’re meant to be together. Suddenly, more sweat rolled down his temples. Was it the sun or were nerves getting to him? He felt jittery.

  He texted his elder sister, Sophia. They’d been thick as thieves growing up, relying on each other as their single mom worked long hours to care for them after their father went to jail. It had been a poor childhood, and in some ways hard, but not an unhappy one. Sophia had made sure of that, even though she babysat him when she was barely more than a child herself. She could easily have slipped into poor choices, but instead she’d taken her responsibilities seriously, and she’d managed to make straight As. She’d pushed him to do better as well, which was the reason he’d opted for law school.

  On the ferry... I’m nervous.

  Collin had already talked to her about Madison and the baby and his plan the night before.

  You have no reason to be nervous. Any woman would be lucky to have you.

  Collin wasn’t sure that was true.

  Yes, but she wasn’t exactly happy with me, remember?

  Whose fault was that?

  That is NOT helping.

  Collin was beating himself up about the way he’d handled the aftermath of their night together. He’d not exactly been sensitive. Or, even nice about it.

  Listen, guy-who-got-asked-to-the-prom-by-FIVE-different-girls, I think you’ll do fine. Really, I do. And what’s the worst that can happen? You offer to do the right thing and she turns you down? Then, you avoid a shotgun wedding, and it’s probably for the best.

  Collin felt a pit in his stomach open up. That was not what he wanted, actually. He wanted a family; he wanted this situation to work out. It might not be the way he’d planned it, but as far back as he could remember, he’d wanted kids, a traditional family, like he’d never had. Sophia texted again.

  You sure you want to do this? Propose to a stranger?

  They weren’t exactly strangers. He remembered flashes of their night together—a melding of bodies, heat, desire. He recalled being wowed by her, that her body was even more perfect than he’d guessed. The fact that he might see that same body tonight sent a shiver of anticipation through him.

  Besides, he knew couples who’d dated for years before tying the knot, only to get divorced half a dozen years down the road. You could live with a person for a decade and he or she could still surprise you, so why not marry a stranger?

  I don’t have any doubt that we can make this work. I want a family. I want my child to be raised right.

  Sophia sent him a heart face.

  That’s why I love you, little brother. You’ve got a big heart. Don’t worry. You’ll do fine. She’s lucky to have you.

  The sun relentlessly bore down on his head and Collin wondered if he should’ve worn sunscreen. He wiped his brow again as he saw the island before him grow larger. Almost there. The baby at the other end of the boat let out a cry. The mother bounced the child
in her little sling, but the cries just got louder. Collin glanced at the dad, who helped the mother untangle the baby and then took him in his arms, but he wailed even louder. He wore a blue onesie, so Collin assumed he was a boy. No matter what they did, the baby just kept fussing, growing ever more red-faced and angry. Collin wondered why they couldn’t make him stop crying.

  Then the mother lifted up her shirt and Collin glanced away, hoping to give her some privacy. Did Madison want to breastfeed? Didn’t doctors say that was healthier? He didn’t really know. He glazed over when that kind of news came on. His interest in breasts had nothing to do with babies or milk.

  The boat landed at the dock with a little thump, and the passengers started to file out—all but the mother, who sat with her baby a little longer. Collin moved past, careful to keep his eyes averted as he stepped out onto the dock. The father of the baby struggled with the gear, and Collin lent a helping hand, picking up the stroller and assisting the father in maneuvering it down to the dock.

  “Thanks,” the man said, looking tired and sporting deep dark circles under his eyes. Collin wondered when the man had last slept through the night.

  “No problem,” Collin said. “Beautiful baby you have there,” he added, even though the baby’s head was covered in a burp cloth as he finished his afternoon snack.

  “Yeah, good thing, too.” The tired dad shook his head. “They’re a handful.”

  Soon I’ll have a baby, too. I’ll be just like this dad.

  He glanced at the man whose shirt was wrinkled, his socks mismatched. Collin noticed a white stain on his shirt. Baby drool? Baby spit-up? The momentary unease left him, and he felt like his old confident self again. Collin had never met a challenge he hadn’t happily faced head-on. Not that women had ever been a problem, at least not since his freshman year of high school—after he’d had the growth spurt that launched him from five-one to five-eleven in a single year. He’d spent most of his twenties and, so far, his thirties leaping from one casual encounter to another. He hadn’t ever pursued a serious relationship, in large part because his job was so demanding. He barely had time for anything more.

  But now, he’d have to make time. Somehow. He’d do it.

  There was no way he’d ever be like his own father.

  Collin remembered daycare, when the other kids were making gifts for their dads for Father’s Day and he’d been one of the few who hadn’t. The teacher had told him to draw a picture for his mom instead, but Collin never forgot the slow burn of embarrassment, feeling the hole in his life where his father should have been.

  No. He wouldn’t do that to his son.

  Because, oddly enough, he knew it would be a boy. That certainty had just come to him...

  The other guests from the boat ambled over to the waiting golf carts, apparently regulars on the island. Probably homeowners here, he thought, as they seemed to know exactly what to do. He still found it weird that there were no cars on North Captiva.

  The island was prettier than he’d expected. Colorful tropical flowers lined the dock and the sandy path leading to the parked golf carts. He could see tennis courts in the distance and signs that led to a large pool and bar.

  Collin, at a bit of a loss, wandered into the front office. He’d looked up Madison’s uncle’s house in the public record, but he wanted to find out if he could rent a golf cart to get there.

  Inside the office, he found a large amiable woman behind the counter, wearing sparkly, dangling earrings, a colorful scarf over her head and a big smile on her face. Her age was impossible to guess. Forty? Fifty? Her name tag read Yvana. He presented her with his most charming smile as he set down his backpack that held two changes of clothes and his laptop. He didn’t know how long he’d stay, but his plan was to convince Madison to come home with him.

  She gave him a slow once-over in response, a sweep of judgment, and he could sense he met her approval.

  “I’m Collin Baptista,” he said, leaning on her desk.

  “You have a reservation, hon?” she asked him.

  “Uh...no, not exactly.” This was where it might get odd. “So, I need your help... Yvana.”

  The woman’s eyebrows rose, and he knew she was trying to decide whether or not he was worthy of her help. He was an excellent reader of people. Tread carefully here.

  “Well, that depends on what you need.” Yvana studied him.

  “I want to ask your advice. If you were going to propose to a woman, where would you do it?” Collin pulled the velvet box from his pocket and flashed the engagement ring.

  Yvana fanned her face. “Oh, my, that is gorgeous! You sure you don’t want to just propose to me? That ring would look perfect on me.”

  He laughed. “Don’t tempt me,” he said, and she laughed, too.

  “Who’s the lucky girl?” Yvana tapped a bright fingernail on the counter.

  Collin hesitated, wondering if he should be so forthcoming. But he knew he’d have to be. He needed her help.

  “Oh, sugar, you can tell me. I’ve got to have the details if we’re going to make sure she doesn’t say no.”

  Collin shrugged. What was the harm? He wanted Yvana’s help, and pretty soon he and Madison would be engaged, anyway, so what would it matter?

  “Her name is Madison,” he said.

  Yvana just stared at him for a second. “Madison Reddy?”

  “You know her?” Collin couldn’t hide his surprise.

  “I’ve known her for years. Since she was this big.” Yvana held up her hand about waist-high. Now she studied him even more closely, like a bug under a microscope. “You going to make her happy?”

  “I plan to try,” he said honestly.

  “Hmm.” Yvana nodded thoughtfully. “Does she know you’re coming?”

  “Nope.”

  Yvana put one hand on her hip. “So, you show up here without a reservation and a ring and think...you’re going to propose, just like that?”

  The doubt on Yvana’s face made him pause.

  “Uh...right. That’s right.” Collin nodded. He glanced out the window, as he saw a golf cart speed by. “Something wrong with that plan?”

  Yvana shrugged one shoulder. “Oh, honey, that’s not for me to decide.” She chuckled, then picked up the phone. “Let me call her and see if she’s willing to see you.”

  Willing to see me? Now Collin was definitely feeling anxious. He thought about all the times she’d refused his calls.

  “How about you just tell me how to get to her house and I’ll surprise her? It’s number fifty-nine, Harbor Bend Road?” He pulled out the printout from his pocket, the result of his search for her uncle’s property.

  “Oh, I know where it is.” Yvana picked up the phone and punched in the number. “Maddie, sugar?” she said.

  Maddie? Collin had never heard her called that before.

  “I’ve got a male visitor here for you. His name is...” She cupped the receiver with one hand. “What’s your name again, hon?”

  “Collin.”

  “Collin’s here. He wants me to take him to you, but I thought I’d...” She paused, listening. “Oh, I see. Mmm, hmm. Is that right? Well, now.” She studied him, frowning. What was Madison telling her? “Oh... I see.” She eyed him. “All right, then. Don’t you worry none. I can handle this.”

  Was Madison refusing to see him? That didn’t compute with Collin. He’d driven all this way, paid for the ferry, lugged this one-carat perfectly cut diamond from Fort Myers—and it had never occurred to him that it might be a wasted trip.

  “You take care of yourself, you hear?” Yvana said and then hung up. She focused her dark brown eyes on him.

  “What was all that about?” Collin asked, but Yvana ignored him. Her body language made it clear that she had no intention of sharing any details.

  “Well, how about you wait out there on that bench?”
Yvana said sweetly, pointing to the bench near the line of parked golf carts bathed in North Captiva sunlight. “I’ll get Gus to drive you. He’s running a few patrons out to their houses, but he should be back in fifteen or so.”

  “Maybe I could just walk?” he offered. He didn’t want to wait that long. The ring felt suddenly heavy in his pocket. It belonged on Madison’s finger.

  “Oh, honey, you’d get lost.” She shook her head, then gave him a big smile. “Wait right there. Gus will come by. You sure you don’t want me to hold on to that ring for you?”

  Collin chuckled. “No, I’d rather keep it, thanks.”

  “Suit yourself.” The phone rang and Yvana picked it up. “Hello, North Captiva Club,” she sang. Collin let himself out, the cool breeze from the beach ruffling his hair. He looked at a line of tropical flowers. There were worse places to wait, he figured, as he headed to the bench in the shade. He slumped down and checked his watch. He’d come this far. What was another fifteen minutes?

  CHAPTER THREE

  COLLIN BAPTISTA WAS HERE.

  Madison paced her uncle’s third-story deck in a panic. She bit her thumb as she glanced out over the treetops toward the ocean, which sparkled blue in the distance. Collin had found her. How? Did he know she was pregnant? God, she hoped not. Then again, she remembered that her uncle had spilled the beans to Yvana. Was he trying to play matchmaker with Collin, too?

  No. He couldn’t do that. She hadn’t told him who the father was, after all.

  Would Collin have been able to find out some other way?

  She’d steadfastly refused his calls. Surely, he would’ve gotten the message that she wasn’t interested. Besides, why was he even interested? And why now? He’d been more than clear that he didn’t want a relationship. I don’t date defense attorneys. Wasn’t that what he’d said? No, he doesn’t date them. Just sleeps with them, that’s all, she thought bitterly. And then dumps them like garbage the very next day. She remembered how coldly he’d treated her. She got that it had been one night, but she had assumed he’d enjoyed it as much as she had. Obviously, that hadn’t been the case. She’d thought the sex had been...exceptional, and yet he’d treated her as if it had been the worst night of his life. Maybe it had been. That idea was painful. He hadn’t felt the connection, the spark that she had.