Falling for Hadie

by Komal Kant

  I leaned in close until we were inches apart, lowering my voice. “If he really loved her, he would’ve wanted her happiness regardless of whether or not she was with him or someone else. When you love someone, you would do anything for them, not anything to destroy them.”

  I didn’t think it was possible for Hadie’s face to turn a deeper shade of red, but as we stared at each other again, it definitely did. The animosity that she’d had towards me earlier on had all but stripped away, leaving behind a girl who was confused and broken.

  It was starting to become clear to me that Hadie was like this because of some stupid high school drama. I’d thought that it was a big deal when people stared at me, but I had nothing on Hadie. Today I’d seen a bunch of guys laughing at her as she’d walked past them, while other students looked on. She seemed like such a simple girl who wasn’t nasty or stuck-up, and I didn’t believe Becky and Ciara when they said that she was easy. She seemed anything but that.

  “You’re doing the weird staring thing again,” Mariah said from beside to me.

  Her voice made us snap our heads away and I looked back down at my desk, thinking that Mariah had the worst timing imaginable.

  Chapter Nine

  Hadie

  “You should’ve seen them!” Mariah was jabbering away. “They couldn’t keep their eyes off each other! It was like no one else was in that room except them!”

  “Are you freaking kidding me?” Lana exclaimed, eyes wide. “First Bennett and now Lincoln! You’re like a freaking jock-magnet!”

  I didn’t bother reminding her that my relationship with Bennett had been the shittest in shitty town or that there was nothing going on with Lincoln and me.

  Estella shot me a curious look. “I thought you didn’t like him. You said he was an arrogant jerk.”

  I shrugged, feeling overwhelmed by my friends’ interest in my personal life. “I don’t know. Maybe I judged him too quickly.”

  “So you figured him out in one English lesson?” Lana’s tone was filled with disbelief. “I didn’t realize making googly eyes at each other was that deep and meaningful.”

  “We weren’t making googly eyes at each other!” I was embarrassed that Mariah had brought this up, but even more embarrassed that she’d seen the way Lincoln and I’d been looking at each other in English and then told our friends about it.

  I’d been desperate to believe that Lincoln was just like Bennett, but I’d heard something in his voice when he’d been talking about his old life in New York. At first I thought I’d imagined it, but then the whole staring at each other thing had happened and I’d quickly realized that Lincoln wasn’t telling Mariah everything. Normally, that wouldn’t have concerned me, but the sad look in his eyes had. It reminded me a lot of what I saw in my own eyes when I looked in the mirror.

  I couldn’t even begin to explain to my friends what had passed between us in class, but somehow we had formed a wordless connection. A bond. A link.

  I chuckled at my own lame pun, shaking my head. When I noticed that my three best friends weren’t following me anymore, I stopped walking and found them staring at me like I was a stranger.

  “What?’ I asked, puzzled by their behavior.

  “Did you just laugh while thinking about a boy?” Estella asked.

  “You, who swore off men for life and never wanted anything to do with them?” Mariah added.

  “And not just any guy,” Lana pointed out. “This is Lincoln we’re talking about. Helloooo! Hottest guy to walk these halls in a long time.”

  “You guys are overreacting,” I said. “We were just looking at each other, that’s all. It’s not ground-breaking or anything.” Then why did it feel like it was?

  Estella looked thoughtful as we stopped at her locker, ignoring the crowd surging around us as they hurried to get off the school grounds. It was like the school was uninhabitable as soon as the bell rang for the end of the day, that’s the mad rush that everyone made to leave.

  “Maybe he’s your rebound,” Lana said, neatly sidestepping a guy who had almost barreled into her.

  Mariah shook her head with vigor. “Lincoln Bracks is not rebound material. He’s the guy you take home to your parents, marry, and have pretty babies with.”

  “Lincoln Bracks is standing right behind you,” Estella said in a low voice as she shut her locker.

  Mortified by Mariah’s big mouth, I turned around to see that Lincoln was indeed leaning casually against the locker behind us. His cool, blue eyes immediately landed on me and stayed planted there.

  “Lincoln!” Mariah said, completely unfazed. Nothing ever got her down. If that’d been me, I wouldn’t stood there spluttering like a fool, but Mariah was always on her game. “We were just talking about you.”

  “So I heard,” Lincoln said, without missing a beat.

  The guy was as cool as a cucumber. Okay, seriously, what a lame cliché. It didn’t even make any sense. How were cucumbers “cool”? Saying he was as cool as an iceberg, or Greenland, made a lot more sense.

  “How annoying was English today?” There went Mariah, talking non-stop as usual. Lincoln would be lucky to get a word in. “I mean, Wuthering Heights is sooo boring. And Ms. Flick is a total slave driver.”

  “I don’t know, I thought English was pretty interesting,” Lincoln said, his eyes boring into me.

  Mariah not-so-subtly elbowed me just then, and I shot her a glare. Way to go and make everything even more obvious, Ray.

  “Are you going to the field party next Saturday?” Lana asked with a brilliant smile. “Everyone goes to those things.”

  “Not everyone goes.” Estella’s smile was just as brilliant, but more reserved.

  Not for the first time, I had Estella-envy. She was so beautiful, so poised, and so graceful that I wouldn’t blame Lincoln for checking her out. Except he wasn’t. He still had his eyes firmly planted on me. I felt so self-conscious, I didn’t know where to look.

  “I’m not even sure what a field party is,” Lincoln admitted, running a hand over his short hair, “so I probably won’t be going.”

  “Aw, you should come! It’ll be fun!?” Mariah enthused. “It’s kind of like a bonfire, but without the bonfire. We usually have those up at Verdana, but this one’s going to be in Statlen because no one can be bothered to drive up to Verdana. Besides, the really drunk ones can just walk home because it’s so close. So, whaddya say?”

  Lincoln shook his head. “I’m not much of a drinker or a socializer, so I think I’ll pass. I’ll tell my sister, though. It sounds like her thing. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you, Hadie.”

  I glanced up at the sound of my name. “Oh, sure, was it about those English notes? Because I don’t need my book today, so if you wanted to finish copying those notes then you can borrow it. Or did you want me to tutor you, because I’m free today, but not Wednesday or Friday because I have work…” I stopped suddenly. I was rambling again.

  “Where do you work?”

  “At Belle’s. It’s a diner. They sell burgers and fries and coffee and…”

  “Yeah, I think we had diners back in New York,” Lincoln said smoothly, making my face heat up and proving, once again, that I was a rambling idiot. “Anyway, since you failed miserably in your duty as my buddy during my first week here, I thought you could make it up to me by showing me around town tomorrow after school.”

  “Hey! You were the one who avoided me and refused to let me show you around!” I argued.

  Then I stopped as the rest of what he’d said sunk in. Had he just asked me out in an indirect way? Me? He had asked me out! Me!

  This time I was going to play it cool. I was not going to make a moron out of myself. Composing myself, I pushed away my insecurities and looked him right in the eye. “I guess I could do that, as long as you keep your hands to yourself and try not to stare at me. I know it’s a tough ask, but my dad keeps a shotgun handy and he’s very trigger-happy.”

  Lincoln seemed surprised by my response as I tur
ned to go. My friends laughed and followed after me, Mariah talking excitedly as usual. “We finally got you back, Hadie!”

  Ray was right. This was the closest to normal that I’d been since the breakup and I was liking it.

  And to think that Lincoln, of all people, had brought it out of me.

  Chapter Ten

  Lincoln

  Hadie had surprised the heck out of me yesterday. She’d seemed so closed off before and then all of a sudden it was like she’d become a completely different person. The real Hadie, not the broken, angry one.

  When I walked into school this morning, I’d become determined to speak to her again. What was I going to say? I had no idea. All I knew was that something had passed between us yesterday and some pathetic part of me wanted to hold onto it even though I had no right to be interfering in her life.

  I was a lost cause. A girl like Hadie didn’t need someone like me in her life, screwing things up. That’s what I always did—ruin things. I shouldn’t be ruining this poor girl’s life for my own selfish reasons, but I couldn’t keep away. Hadie wasn’t like the other girls I’d known. She was troubled, frustrated and angry, but she was also kind, caring, sweet and funny. Was it such a bad thing that I wanted to see that sweet side of her, that I was intrigued as to why she was so broken?

  As I headed down the corridor, I saw three girls coming right towards me dressed in cheerleading uniforms. I drifted to the left so they could pass, but instead they stopped in front of me, blocking my path.

  “Hi, Lincoln,” Kance said, flashing me a sickly sweet smile. “Where are you off to?”

  “Hey,” I said absently, my eyes flickering over to the two girls who were with her. One of them was Ciara and I didn’t recognize the other girl, who had white-blonde hair and long legs. “Just looking for someone, that’s all.”

  “Anyone I can help you find?” Kance’s offer was nice enough, but it was obvious she didn’t like the fact that my attention wasn’t solely on her.

  “Nah, I’m good.” I said, and then quickly became distracted as I glimpsed Hadie through the crowd, her back to me as she pulled books out of her open locker.

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  “Uh huh.” I nodded again, craning my neck around Kance’s head so I could keep my eyes trained on Hadie.

  “So, you did you play sports back in New York, Lincoln,” she asked, looking me up and down. “You definitely have the physique for it.”

  Oh, gross, she was flirting with me. Her mouth curved in a smile that she probably thought was seductive, and she was running her fingers casually around her upper chest to draw my eyes there.

  This girl had clearly been around town and I wasn’t interested in taking a ride.

  “Uh, yeah, I did,” I said, and then noticed that Hadie was zipping up her bag. “Sorry, I gotta go. It was nice talking to you, Kance.”

  Before she could say anything else to subdue me, I was running down the hall towards Hadie who had slung her bag over her shoulder and was just about to shut her locker.

  “Hades, hey!” I called out as I neared her.

  Hadie visibly jumped at the sound of my voice and she turned her head, her hand lingering on the edge of her locker. She looked extremely flustered when she saw me and her eyes darted left and right, like she was trying to find the nearest exit.

  Okay, that was weird. Only yesterday she’d opened up a little and I’d caught a glimpse of what she was really like. Had she miraculously changed overnight to her old self?

  “I’m glad I caught you before first period. I checked my schedule this morning and realized we don’t have English today, so I wanted to make sure you were still going to show me around after school.”

  Hadie had this weird look on her face as she nodded. For some reason, she looked panicked. “Yeah, um…I’ll wait for you at the front gate in the afternoon.”

  “Great, I’ll see you then,” I said, wondering if I was being too forthcoming. I had to ask, I had to know if something was wrong. “Are you okay? You’re acting kinda weird…”

  She nodded vigorously. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just not feeling the greatest today, but I’ll get over it.”

  I wasn’t buying her excuse for a second, but I let it go. If she wanted to keep something to herself then that was her business and had nothing to do with me.

  “I’ll see you in the afternoon then,” I said with a nod.

  Hadie gave me a forced smile, her fingers pale as they clutched the locker. “See you then.”

  ***

  Hadie looked a lot better by the time she met me by the front in the afternoon. Whatever had been bugging her in the morning didn’t seem to be weighing on her mind anymore, which was a relief. I was glad she was over it; otherwise it would’ve been a really awkward afternoon.

  “Should we take my car or yours?” Hadie asked once she’d waved to Estella, Lana, and Mariah, who were blatantly staring at me.

  “I didn’t drive today,” I said, conveniently leaving out the part where my parents had taken away my driving privileges a year ago.

  Sometimes it sucked to be me.

  “I guess we’ll take my car then.” She led me across the street and past a few houses before stopping at a silver Audi that was in pretty good condition.

  I let out a breath. “Nice ride.”

  She shrugged. “My parents upgraded, so I got their old car.”

  My parents would never get me a car like that even if I was allowed to drive. Becky maybe, but not me.

  Once we were in the car, Hadie wound her way through some unfamiliar streets before driving onto the main road of the town where all the commercial buildings were. And by commercial buildings I meant a gas station and a few essential shops. At least they had a movie theater here.

  Hadie pointed out the diner where she worked, her dad’s law firm, and the animal shelter that Estella volunteered at. For the most part, we both remained quiet. The silence wasn’t awkward though. It felt right; like we didn’t need to say unnecessary things or make pointless small-talk.

  The only sound was coming from the radio. Hadie must’ve put it on for the sake of having some background noise because it wasn’t loud enough to really catch what was being said.

  My ears perked up as a familiar song came on and I glanced over to see if Hadie had noticed.

  Nope. She was still staring straight ahead, a twisted expression on her face that I couldn’t figure out.

  It was her car and all and I should probably ask before touching the radio, but since she seemed distracted it didn’t seem like a big deal.

  I reached over and turned up the volume, and Lovefool by The Cardigans filled the car. Leaning back in the seat again, I began humming along to the words.

  Hadie shot me a quick look of surprise before focusing on the road again. “You did not just turn that up.”

  The smile wouldn’t stop itself from spreading across my face. “Why? I can turn it up if I want.”

  “I bet you don’t even know the words,” she said with a frown.

  “Mama tells me she wants a brother. That I should just stick to eating Spam…” I trailed off, the words escaping me.

  The corner of Hadie’s mouth quirked up as if to say, “See, I knew you didn’t know the words.”

  Not wanting to prove her right, I reached over again and turned up the volume full blast as the chorus came on.

  Hadie flinched in her seat and shot me a withering look. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

  “CAN’T HEAR YOU. I’M BUSY.” I gestured at my ear and then closed my eyes as I began singing. “Want me, want me. I know you want me.” I opened up my eyes again to find that Hadie had pulled over on the side of the road. “Drool on me, drool on me. Just go on and drool on me.”

  “You’re crazy,” Hadie mouthed at me.

  With a shrug, I leaned in closer to her and saw her take a sharp intake of breath. “So I die, and I whine for you to want me, want me. Say that you want me.”

  Hadie shook h
er head in disbelief, but there was a small smile growing on her face as I started dancing around in my seat, rolling my shoulders in time to the music. I knew I looked ridiculous and barely knew a single word to the song, but I didn’t care. That glowing smile on Hadie’s face was worth it.

  “COME ON. SING!” I yelled, “AND KEEP DRIVING.”

  She shook her head again as though she couldn’t believe she was taking orders from a dancing, singing, crazy person like me. She pulled out from the curb and continued through the town.

  As she drove, I noticed that she was bopping along to the song. There was a fun Hadie hidden underneath the reserved one; someone just had to dig it out of her.

  “Want me, want me. Say that you popped me…” I trailed off, looking at her expectantly.

  “Hold me, hold me. Go on and scold me,” Hadie continued, and then burst out laughing. Her laughter sent thrills through me, and I couldn’t stop looking at her.

  I mean, I didn’t want to stare at her like a weirdo, but seeing that broad grin on her face had knocked the wind right out of me. She’d been so serious and sad since I’d met her, but now she was being herself. And that made me happier than she would ever know.

  We sang at the top of our lungs, our voices completely out of tune and our words not even slightly resembling the actual words of the song, but neither of us cared. Our version of the song was silly and ridiculous, but we sang right until the end, and when it finally ended we both leaned back against our seats with goofy smiles on our faces.

  “Is this something you do with everyone?” Hadie asked, turning down the radio as some rap song came on.

  “No,” I said sincerely, “just with you.”

  She didn’t respond, but when I looked over at her there was confusion etched into her face. To be honest, I was confused too. Confused as to why I felt like I could be myself with Hadie; confused as to why she made me feel like my walls could come down around her.

  As the silence set in again, Hadie drove out of the town and further away from it. Houses grew scarce as more trees popped up, until all we were surrounded by were forests for miles. It was total and complete isolation.