The Sapphire Widow

by Dinah Jefferies

  Gwen was wearing a blue gingham cotton dress with loose sleeves covering her arms down to her wrists, and she now opened a large white sun parasol attached to her chair, designed to protect her delicate complexion.

  Hugh ran up to Gwen, who gave him a towel and his bathing suit. Then he went across to the boathouse to change. Louisa watched all this with a feeling of anticipation. It was such a stupendously lovely place and the sky was so blue you couldn’t really be sad. She gazed across at where the bright green tea bushes grew and could see the women tea-pickers, or “pluckers” as she now knew they were called. It seemed too hot to be working so hard, though of course it was cooler here than in Galle. A gust of wind whipped a loose strand of hair into her eyes and they watered. As she wiped her eyes and then tucked the curl behind her ear, Gwen leaned over to her.

  “Are you all right?”

  “It’s just the wind.”

  “Good. When Hugh has changed would you like to use the boathouse? Here are my spare bathing suit and a towel. The bathers were always too big for me but as you’re taller they should fit.” She passed a bag to Louisa.

  “Thank you.”

  As the wind got up a little more, Louisa stood, letting the warm air blow through her hair. Above the shimmering lake, a cobalt sky stretched across the horizon. She closed her eyes against the intense glare of a yellow sun reflecting off the rippling water, and acknowledged how good it felt to be momentarily released.

  By the time she had changed and was approaching the water’s edge Hugh and Laurence were already in the lake, splashing each other and shouting.

  Gwen came down to the bank. “I need to give Alice her feed now but do join the others. Just watch out for leeches at the edge.”

  Louisa glanced down and ventured slowly into the water. “It’s cool,” she said. “How lovely.”

  “I always find it refreshing,” Gwen said, then turned her back to walk across to the boathouse.

  Louisa waded in, and despite going deeper was relieved to still be able to feel the rocky bottom. Laurence and Hugh were farther out now and swimming across to a small island. Not being familiar with the lake, she decided to remain in the shallows, and as she slid through the water she enjoyed a wonderful sense of exhilaration. Just feeling weightless with her body moving like this seemed to reconnect her to herself in some way; a simple but vital pleasure. That’s what going on living meant. Not just struggling through one day and the next, but fully experiencing what it meant to be alive; she had been missing this more than she realized.

  After a while she left the water and stood in the sunshine, towel-drying her hair. She could see Laurence and Hugh were taking a breather over on the island and Gwen was back in her chair under the sunshade, holding the now sleeping baby in her arms.

  Louisa settled down next to her. “That was absolutely marvelous.”

  “I often swim here with Laurence,” Gwen said. “Our daughter loved the water.”

  “You must miss her terribly.”

  “I do, but it was complicated. She had a wasting disease.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Anyway, it’s you we should be talking about now. How are you feeling?”

  Louisa pulled a face. “Pretty good today, and all this helps so much but…well, you see, I’ve found out certain things about my husband I didn’t previously know.”

  “Things? Do you want to talk?”

  Louisa sighed. “I just don’t know what to think. Please don’t tell anyone, but the thing is, he lied about owning some shares in a cinnamon plantation.”

  “Is that so bad?”

  “Well, he seemed to spend an awful lot of time there. And now I don’t know where he really was. Plus, he had debts I didn’t know about. Although he denied it, I’m worried his gambling had gotten out of hand. It’s just so awful having to face the fact that I didn’t know what he was doing.”

  “Men do seem to have this ability to compartmentalize their lives.”

  “Surely not Laurence?”

  Gwen shook her head. “It was a long time before I got to the truth about his first wife’s death.”

  “He told me she took her own life.”

  “And that shows how far he has come. When we were first married, he refused to discuss it. He had bottled it up for so long he didn’t know how to unburden himself.” She paused. “I don’t know, but maybe Elliot had gotten himself into trouble and kept it to himself to protect you.”

  “Maybe. But lying about having shares, how was that to protect me?”

  “I don’t know. It is odd.”

  “And it just leaves me feeling tainted by something I don’t understand. I want to grieve over him, and what we have lost, but all this makes it so much harder. Home feels full of ghosts.”

  “I do understand…Look, I’m not sure how to say this, but was he still in love with you?”

  “I thought so.”

  “And you with him?”

  Louisa nodded. “Very much so, even after twelve years. Don’t get me wrong, he had his faults.”

  Gwen laughed. “Don’t we all!”

  They sat in silence for a while, gazing out across the water, Louisa thinking about what Gwen had said. After a while she let it go and allowed herself to simply be present at this beautiful lake, sitting in the sun with a woman who was proving to be a good confidante and friend.

  “I’ll hold Alice, if you’d like to swim,” she eventually said.

  “You don’t mind?”

  “Not at all. Give her to me and go and change.”

  Gwen stood and Louisa took her place under the sunshade, then adjusted the frilly bonnet Alice was wearing.

  Louisa watched Gwen, Laurence and Hugh swim, the three of them bobbing about in the water, splashing each other and laughing. She glanced down at the sleeping baby and then back to the little family in the water. How happy they look, she thought. And though it seemed unlikely, she hoped, once she came through to the other side, she might find such happiness again. The past she couldn’t alter, but she couldn’t let what had happened shape her entire future, nor could she let Elliot’s death be the only thing that defined her. The trick would be finding a way to prevent that. A few moments later, Alice woke up and gazed right into her eyes, with no hint of displeasure that she wasn’t waking up on her mother’s lap. Louisa helped the little girl sit up and they both watched the others playing in the water.

  “Shall we go and see what Mummy and Daddy and Hugh are doing?” she said, then eased herself out of the chair and as she carried Alice down to the lake for a closer view, she hummed to herself.

  Louisa stayed at the tea plantation for a few more days but then felt she needed to be at home after all. To forgive herself for living, when he did not, she decided she must make something of her life. After all, she was the sort of person who needed to be doing something to feel energized, and she still had the Print House to think about. She knew the only way to survive was to put one foot in front of the other until it became second nature. Live through one hour and then another until the day was done. And then do it all over again. Eventually the happiness she had rediscovered at the lake with Gwen would become normal.

  She was resting with her feet up in the garden, her secateurs on the table, with Tommy and Bouncer vying for her attention. While she gently fondled Zip’s soft ears as he lay on her lap, Camille informed her there was a man to see her.

  “Who is it?” she asked.

  “I do not know his name, Madame. But I have seen him here before.”

  She frowned. “Didn’t you ask?”

  “He just said he wanted to see you.”

  “Where’s Ashan?”

  “He is out. He asked me to see to the door.”

  “Well, I suppose you’d better show him through, but I’m not going inside. You can bring him out here
and then would you please get us something cool to drink.”

  She got up to put away her secateurs, taking care to look out for one of the venomous Russell’s vipers, sometimes found in garden sheds. But she was accustomed to being cautious and knew they were fine if left undisturbed. Today she saw no snake.

  When she sat down again she straightened her back and then turned as the visitor approached.

  The man was small and stocky with dark hair and a swarthy look. She recognized him instantly as the Burgher she’d seen with Elliot in his study during the Christmas party and then again, a few weeks later.

  He came up to her and bowed slightly. “Pieter De Vos at your service, Madam.”

  “Will you sit?” she said and offered him her hand.

  The dogs began to growl.

  “Hush, boys,” she said, and put a hand out to stroke one, but Tommy got to his feet and was backing away. Bouncer and Zip remained by her side. She reached out and stroked Bouncer’s head but he gave a warning growl, his ears lowered against his head.

  “I do apologize. They can be a little overprotective.”

  “Not a problem. I have dogs of my own,” he said.

  He was a serious, softly spoken man, and Louisa had to lean forward to hear properly.

  He then sat on a chair a few feet away from her own. A breeze got up in the garden and Louisa watched as the leaves on the trees shivered and small birds shifted on the branches under the great blue sky, and the heat rose from the earth in waves.

  “I’m sorry to intrude at such an unfortunate time,” he said. “But I thought I should introduce myself.”

  “Yes, I’ve seen you with Elliot but we’ve never actually met, have we?”

  He nodded. “I thought it was long overdue.”

  “It’s very kind of you to come.”

  “Not at all. My pleasure entirely.”

  She didn’t speak again until Camille came out.

  “Mint and lime juice?”

  He nodded and then gazed at her with a consoling look. “I do hope you are managing. It must be very hard.”

  She was quiet once more and held her hands together in her lap and glanced around the garden. Usually it was so well maintained but she had been neglecting it. The jasmine had grown wild.

  “So,” he said, inclining his head as he smiled. “You may already know your husband and I had shared business interests.”

  “He mentioned something.”

  “I just wanted you to know there are a few loose ends to be tied up.”

  “What kind of loose ends?”

  “There’s no need to go into detail now. Plenty of time for that in due course.” He paused. “Your husband was a wonderful man. You must miss him terribly.”

  “I do.”

  Louisa wiped her moist hands on her shirt and stared at him as he sipped his drink.

  “Well,” he said. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you properly. I just wanted to pay my respects. But if there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know. Anything at all.”

  “Thank you.”

  They both rose.

  “We’ll talk again, Mrs. Reeve.”

  “Indeed.”

  * * *

  —

  Louisa longed to be able to sit Elliot down and ask him exactly what he’d been doing and why there might be no shares in Cinnamon Hills. More than anything, she longed to put her memories of him away somewhere safe where they could not be contaminated by doubt. Elliot was the only one who could make that possible. Surely, he’d tell her it was all a mix-up, nothing to worry about. A misunderstanding.

  But, for now, she had to let it go. Her father was due to arrive back from a business trip and, though she wanted so much to confide in him, she couldn’t bear for him to know about her fears.

  She watched the sky turn pink then went indoors to prepare for supper. In the bathroom, she stared at herself in the mirror. For a moment just witnessing the lost look in her hazel eyes made her want to cry. She pulled herself together and, instead of crying, she washed and dressed, sprayed a little eau de toilette behind her ears and then sat at her dressing table to fasten a rope of pearls; an anniversary present from Elliot, they were real. At least Elliot had said they were. She put one to her lips and rubbed it against the edge of her front teeth. Yes, there was a gritty feel to it, and that meant they were real. She felt ashamed for doubting him.

  When she heard the front door being opened, and then the sound of her father’s voice, she steeled herself not to show her distress. She had already decided what they were to talk about. It was time to decide what to do with the Print House.

  She went through and greeted her father in the hall.

  “Sorry I’m late,” he said, “but I got delayed at the cutting house.”

  “Have you put somebody in charge there?”

  He shook his head. “Not yet. I’m seeing to things myself for the time being.”

  “Well, shall we go straight through?”

  Once seated at one end of the dining table, he gazed at her. “So,” he said, while she toyed with her food. “I hope you’re feeling better after your trip away. I do think distraction helps.”

  She chewed the skin at the back of her lips while she wondered how to answer. “Is that what you did? Why you never talked about my mother?”

  “Not exactly. I was kept very busy. I had a young child to look after and a business to run. It would not have helped if I’d sat about and moped.”

  “Moped? Do you think that’s what I’m doing?”

  “You and I are different. I’m a practical man, but you turn your thoughts inward. I just meant it must have helped to be able to spend time with Gwen Hooper. Talk about what’s been eating you.”

  “It did help…I’m managing to find my way through.”

  “Is there something more?”

  She nodded. “Just something I want to discuss.”

  “Oh?”

  “The Print House.”

  “Ah. It’s a bit of a white elephant now, isn’t it?”

  “How do you mean?”

  “The emporium idea. Surely you’re not going to go through with it?”

  She shook her head at the conflicting thoughts crowding her mind, then took a breath before speaking. “I think I will go through with it. And that’s exactly what I want to talk about.”

  “Is it money? You want me to back this?”

  She smiled. “It would be wonderful if you could. But maybe I could cash in some of my remaining shares too, though it will be tight.”

  “I can’t let you do that. What will you live on?”

  “I’ll survive.”

  “No. Whatever you decide to do with the place, your income comes from your investments and the life insurance Elliot left you with.”

  Louisa glanced down at the table.

  “What is it, darling?”

  She shook her head.

  “Don’t tell me there’s no life insurance!”

  She glanced up at him and could see the look of impatience on his face. “I haven’t been able to find a policy. I…” Her voice trailed off.

  “Well, of all the irresponsible things! Have you checked with the solicitor?”

  She nodded sadly.

  “Very well, if you are determined to hang on to the Print House, I will find the funds to provide the backing you need, though I can’t help thinking that selling it might be best.”

  “I need something to do.”

  “I do understand.”

  “Do you?”

  He nodded. “I certainly hope so. As I said, distraction, or at least keeping busy, helps.”

  “And I’ll go crazy without a project.”

  “Well, we can’t have that. So, it seems this is cause for celebration. The si
gns are we shall be in business together. Have you champagne in the house?”

  “Of course.”

  As she smiled at her father, a new feeling of excitement seized her. It seemed the Print House would be the thing to save her. If she could keep steering her mind in the right direction, this might give her just the chance she needed.

  Margo arrived back in Galle a day later. Now, the following morning, the two women were talking over a breakfast of tea, toast and fruit with buffalo-milk curd. It was still early and though the dawn chorus had ended, birds were still singing in the garden. Louisa had thrown open the French windows so they could enjoy the sound.

  “Gosh, I’m starving,” Margo said, and yawning, stretched her arms out wide. “I’m sorry I couldn’t talk last night. I was just so exhausted from the bus journey and, I have to admit, from being with Mother.”

  “How is she now?” Louisa asked as she poured the tea.

  Margo paused before she spoke and Louisa could see the tiredness etched on her sister-in-law’s face, especially in the purple shadows under her eyes. She hated seeing the girl looking so worn down. Now Margo screwed up her forehead and pulled a face.

  “Not good. The thing is, I can find no way to comfort her. Nothing I do or say is right, though I’m not sure anyone can help her just now. I’ve done my best and don’t want to be disloyal, but if I wasn’t to end up screaming, I had to get away.”

  Louisa, listening to the hum of insects in the garden, could well understand Margo needing a break from her mother.

  “It must be terribly hard for her,” she said and passed a cup to Margo. “I understand that.”

  “I’ll go back when I think I can be of some use. I hated to leave her, but I think she’s best left alone for now. Luckily, my father has work to think about, so that keeps him out of the house. Gosh, I hope I don’t sound callous.”

  “Not at all. We all know Irene can be tiring.”

  “She can be awfully difficult, but I am worried about her! Think about it. She has now lost two sons, after all.”