Myth-Told Tales m-13

by Robert Asprin

  The flat screen was as neat as any tracker you could buy in a hunting and fishing shop on Perv: the tiny blips superimposed over a map of the landscape indicated the contestants, the dragons, the observers and the palace staff. We'd purposely unblipped Glory so that if the device fell into someone else's hands they couldn't use it to find her. I traced the trails. Yes, sooner or later they all met up ahead. I'd just go and wait up there for the confusion to clear up. Nothing was in my way. Except one blip, almost directly ahead of me. I looked up.

  “You! What are you doing out here?”

  “Hello, Aahz.”

  “Massha, look to your left! Fine that rider five points. He's cheating!” Carisweather ordered. The big fluffy guy pointed. I looked down. The fancy-pants dude in the turban had slipped a gizmo out and was twisting a dial on the face of it. You couldn't call me big know-all when it came to hunting contests, but if I'm an expert in anything, it's magikal gadgets. I knew a variable-output controller when I saw it The silky snake was breaking in on the spells being used by hunters trying to control their dragons and, by the smirk on his scaly face, he was enjoying the resultant chaos. With a flick of my flight ring I dropped down next to him and picked it out of his hand.

  “Naughty, naughty,” I said, waggling my finger at him. In fury, his forked tongue flicked in and out of his mouth. “Promises, promises,” I sighed, and flew up to join my fellow judges. Three of the four had big grins on their faces, but Carisweather shook his head.

  “We're only observers, Mistress Massha,” he said, disapprovingly.

  “You can say that if you want, big chief,” I told him, “but one of those dragons could kill somebody.”

  “That, alas, is one of the pitfalls of the contest,” Carisweather said, mournfully. “These are blood sports, and, once in a while, blood runs.”

  “That should be when it's unavoidable, Hot Pants,” I said, in a huff. I can't stand it when people give me that “accidents of war” garbage. “This is avoidable. Short of searching everybody, we can't find these tricks until they try to use one, but that doesn't mean they get to keep it once we see it” I tossed the disk in the air and caught it again. “He can have it back at the end of the race.”

  Carisweather sighed. I looked around again for Glory. She had shot away on foot from the starting position so fast I hadn't seen which way she went. Once we hit the skies I saw her prints on the soft ground. She had always been a good runner when she was a little thing, able to outdistance elk-deer and wrestle them down with her bare hands. She told me she'd been training hard for more than a year to make this the best contest Brakespear had ever seen. I wanted it all to work out for her.

  With only suspicions on her part and Aahz's spotting of that mystery figure in the woods it was tough to figure out who to keep a eye on. None of them had a good-conduct prize coming that I could see. Besides Snake-dude trying to mess up the dragons, we'd already spotted the scrawny-butt black-furred nymph scattering slow weed for the other 'hippuses to eat, making sure they'd all be too groggy to run after Glory in the backstretch I knew was up ahead, and both Deveels had tried to make alliances with other riders to let them win.

  The noon sun beat down on my back like a hot towel. I wanted to show the colors for Glory, but I'd have been happier in my usual lightweight clothes. A girl my size doesn't need the extra insulation; we generate a fair bit of heat on our own. How she kept moving the way she was amazed me.

  If I levitated high above the forest I could see her in the distance, sure-footed as a unicorn. Not the only thing she had in common with that fabled beast, if you get my drift Once in a while when she crested a ridge the others could see her. too. That Prince Bosheer practically bounded out of his saddle-ridge every time he spotted her. That boy had it bad for her. He must have been bitten by the love-bug the second he set eyes on her. I wondered if Glory knew it.

  Silly me. She must have known it even before he did. I knew when Hugh fell for me; Crom knows! waited long enough for Mr. Right that I was certain I recognized that look on a man's face when it finally happened. I was seeing it in front of me at this very moment. I started rooting for him to win.

  It wasn't going to be easy. The Cosus of Elova had easily the fastest steed, bought directly out of Glory's dad's stables not two weeks ago. The big white 'hippus knew the terrain and didn't have to be magikally adapted to the local atmosphere and gravity as some of the others did. He was in the lead, spurring Sugarpie every time Glory's blond head became visible amid the sparse trees. The others fought for distance, galloping heavily behind him.

  The occasional peeks were for the benefit of the riders, she'd told me The dragons were following her own scent plus the spoor she laid down from the brimstone pellets in her belt pouch. One of the big reds suddenly got frustrated with having to thread its way through the trees and let out a blast of fire. With an expression on his big chops I can only call smug, he slithered forward on his belly over the smouldering ashes. The rest of the dragons followed his lead, and the king had a head start on this year's controlled burn. I had a coughing fit as the wind carried clouds of hot cinders up into the sky, so I missed Belizara, a Weeka from Sowen, zoom down on her broom to break up a disagreement between a pair of contestants as to who got precedence to cross a bridge.

  Riding alongside but not with the group was the king. He rode a handsome black stallion. Behind him, a litter slung between two beasts carried the prize. No one accompanied him; I mean, who was going to bother the king? Nobody would, especially not a king as well prepared for an attack: Hank was in full armor, carrying a sword, sixteen spears including the famous Broken Spear, a dagger in his belt and each boot, bandoliers of throwing stars, a shield, a mace, and a morning star. So far, everything was running well. With Aahz keeping an eye on the action down below, and me up here, nothing should go wrong.

  “You!” I demanded, as Nunzio slunk out of the shadows. “What are you doing here? You ought to be back there keeping an eye on Gleep.”

  “He doesn't need me, Aahz,” the Mob enforcer said. “I had to talk to you in private.”

  I eyed him. “What's going on that you couldn't ask me back there? Who don't you want to hear you?”

  “Massha,” Nunzio sighed, sitting down on a stone and fanning himself with his broad-brimmed hat. “She's queering the whole deal.”

  “What deal?” I glanced over his head. No sign of the dragon pack yet, but they couldn't be too far behind me. “Talk fast.”

  “The safe, the first prize, isn't supposed to be in circulation. It was going to be stopped, but there's been a mix-up.”

  “What kind of mix-up?” I asked. “Who doesn't want it out there?”

  “The Council of Wizards.”

  “Uh-huh,” I nodded, thinking hard. The COW was a transdimensional advisory board that had a representative for every gateway to a dimension that used magik. They did a pretty good job of helping keeping items out of a place that wasn't ready for 'em, but there were occasional slip-ups.

  “Yes. The safe was a prototype, designed to protect irreplaceable artifacts, but once the scientists let the critics get a look at it, they figured out it was just too easily used for ill-gotten gains,” Nunzio said. “Think of what would happen if you put loot from a… business transaction into it Law enforcement could retrieve the merchandise, but all a perpetrator would have to do to get it back again was to reach into the safe …”

  “I get it,” I said. I let out a long whistle. “Pretty smooth. Another case of technology running too far ahead of the law. So of course they've got to get it out of circulation again. You'd think something like this would have a major APB out. I never heard anything about it.”

  “You might not have, perhaps because you've been a little out of the loop lately.” Nunzio looked abashed, thinking he'd hurt my feelings. I felt a twinge, but he was right I had had a lot of other things on my mind.

  “So the transaction's going to take place where no one can see it Who's out there?”

&n
bsp; “Someone from COW,” said Nunzio. I shrugged again. Who was I to disagree with COW? “They're going to stick up the king.”

  “What?!!?” My voice echoed down the narrow valley. “Let it happen,” Nunzio said, quietly. “He's the one who called COW in the first place and told them he had it He's an honest man. A crook would never have let it go.”

  I peered closely at Nunzio. “So he never intended to give it away at this race?”

  “The race is good cover,” the enforcer said. “So's a robbery. Otherwise there might have been too many questions asked, the king just giving up a choice piece of merchandise like that. It's a shame that Princess Glory caught some mention of it She called Massha, Massha called you, and here we are, where none of us ought to have been in the first place.”

  “Uh-huh.” I nodded, as all the pieces fell into place. “So that'd explain the figure in the woods.” Another truth dawned on me. “So I'm getting saddle sores for nothing!” I bellowed. Fireball danced under me, responding to my outburst. Nunzio looked really embarrassed. “All right All right! Ill look the other way. Crom save me from future eavesdropping princesses.”

  Nunzio nodded once. He was a man of relatively few words; once he knew he'd convinced me he didn't waste any more of them. He slid into a crevice, vanishing among the shadows. Pretty good disappearing act for someone with no magik. I gave Fireball a kick to get him started again. He didn't need it Just as Nunzio disappeared, the knot of dragons caught up with me. Fireball whinnied and took off, me clinging to his neck. We bounded down the canyon with the yelps of thirty couples of drakes, wyverns, wurms, firebreathers, and Gleep behind us.

  While Fireball ran I had time to think. I needed to figure out a way to distract Massha and the other judges at the time of the stickup. I glanced up as the airborne quintet zoomed overhead. I owed it to her to tell her the truth, but there wasn't any time. The day was rushing by.

  I had to get out of the way of the dragons. With the help of the tracker I located the next handy pocket canyon, and yanked Fireball aside as we reached it. The horde thundered past me with the hunters in their wake. Now that I knew none of the others were involved I could stop babysitting them. As he rode by. Prince Bosheer tipped me a merry wave and a salute. I grimaced back. Whelves wrote the book on cheerfulness. I could only take them in small doses.

  Now, to locate the king.

  I quivered with joy as we flew along above the hunters. We were in the ride to the finish. Over the top of the trees the castle came back into sight. Glory was going to make it!

  Down below I saw Aahz rejoin the pack. He gestured furiously at the Samiram, and made a throat-cutting gesture with his finger. That must be our man. I thought he was too scaly to live. I was going to keep an eye on him. Mr. Wrong was never going to have a chance to blow the contest. I tipped a thumbs-up to Aahz, but he was already zipping back into the woods.

  Glory was on her way. She was in the zone now, running hard, her cheeks bright pink. She stumbled, and the dragons let out a howl of delight as they gained a few steps on their prey. With the castle so close she couldn't afford to make any detours, or the hunters would cut her off. She was still on top of her game, with lots of energy left. I was so proud of her.

  Little Gleep turned out to be amazingly fast for his size. He zoomed out ahead of the pack until he was running side by side with Glory. She reached out and patted him on the head, earning a wide-eyed look of adoration. That dragon was just a love sponge. The big green dragon in the lead, shoving out into the open field, took a few steps and launched himself into the air, gaining on Glory. He set down within a few paces of her. Gleep wheeled on his little blue tail and hissed. The big dragon was so surprised it sat back on its tail, causing a huge pileup as the other dragons caught up with it.

  I grinned. The little guy was amazing. Skeeve ought to be proud of him. Later I planned to tell him all about Gleep's adventures, with some judicious editing. It bothered him to hear too much about Aahz.

  He still felt guilty for Hot Stuff being without his magik, as if it was his fault that the moronic Imp assassins hit Skeeve's old master before he restored Aahz's powers. Skeeve also blamed himself for not catching and understanding all the words of the antimagik spell; the counterspell had to be exact, or it would make matters worse. Aahz would never get his powers back, and he might have some other problem. Skeeve wanted to make sure that would never happen.

  Glory was in the straightaway now, with the drawbridge directly ahead of her. Out in the open for good, she wove from side to side. Now and then she threw a handful of brimstone out wide. The dragons on her tail couldn't resist the noxious little pellets, diving for them and crunching them up with gusto. They got in each others' way, squabbled over the titbits, and, suddenly, fell into pits that Glory had dug days before to delay them. She wasn't going to get caught, not if she could help it.

  The 'hippuses started falling over dragon tails and flipping into the pits, too. From twenty, only fourteen hunters still remained in the chase. Ooops, ouch. I winced. Make that eleven, as three of them stumbled into a net that dropped out of the trees. Glory had leaped over the tripwire as she passed, but the 'hippuses had gone right through it, setting off the trap.

  A shower of love-doe powder claimed four more, as the hunters suddenly had to fend off the advances of a herd of amorous deer-elk stags who bounded out of the woods, looking for the wonderful females they smelled. The number dropped again, as two riders were suddenly thrown out of their saddle ridges and onto the ground ahead of their 'hippuses. Their mounts, unable to move, bellowed for help. The remaining five leaped over the sward of stickum turf and pounded forward after the remaining dragons. The furry, skinny-butt female shrieked as she and another rider were lifted straight out of their saddles by huge birds of prey. They would be able to fight their way free, but they were effectively out of the contest for the time being. Glory had left all these surprises for last. That's my girl, I thought with pride.

  Behind Gloriannamarjolie, only three hunters remained: the Samiram, the Deveel called Alf, and Prince Bosheer. They were all looking desperate, grim, and tired. I crossed my fingers. Glory didn't have far to run. She was going to win.

  The woods thickened ahead of me. Fireball protested as I led him off the main path, making him pick his way through the undergrowth. I didn't want to interrupt the exchange, but I wanted to make sure no one else interrupted it, either. The king and his litter clanked along. Navigating behind him by sound, I paid attention to the rhythmic jingling, creaking, clattering, and clop-clop-clopping. Suddenly, the noise came to a halt.

  “Have you got the chest?” a female voice demanded. The representative from COW was a woman. They occupied about half the council seats. The current president was a Gnome named Helvita.

  “Of course!” the king's deep voice rolled out. I pulled Fireball to a silent halt. I slid out of the saddle and tiptoed forward, trying to see the exchange. Henryarthurjon and his challenger were in a stand of woods too deep to let in much light Perfect place for a little daylight robbery, I thought. I saw the silhouette nod.

  “Hand it over, then. Hurry up! We haven't got much time.”

  “Patience, patience, good dame,” the king said. More clinking and clunking as he untied the bindings holding the chest in place on its litter. “My goodness, you're a strong little thing, aren't you? Oh, I say! Take it easy, wench!”

  “Shut up,” the figure hissed. “We have to make this look good. Hold still!”

  “Ah, I see. Mmm. Mmmph!”

  All was going according to the plan. I gave the COW representative a few minutes to finish her work and leave with the chest. A short implosion of air told me she'd used a D-hopper to depart. I shoved through the trees. King Henryarthurjon stood tied up like a bundle of sticks inside a circle of his own spears stuck point down in the ground, his hands tied behind his back and a gag in his mouth. I loosened the gag.

  “Yell,” I said. “I'll get help.”

  “Aid! Aid to the king
!” bellowed Henryarthurjon. “What ho! Aid to the king!”

  “Aid for the king!” I shouted. I ran to Fireball and spurred him down the hill and into the midst of the hunt “Help the king! He's up there! He needs help!”

  “The king? What happened to the king!” Everyone not directly in the running went to the rescue, including most of the disappointed hunters. I was feeling kind of smug, being in on the facts. I tipped the king a wink as we untied him and helped him back onto his stallion.

  “That was a little bit of a too-convincing robbery, what ho?” he told me in an undertone. “You could have reminded your compatriot it was all a sham, eh?”

  “My compatriot?” I asked. I admit my expression went blank.

  “Yes, a scaly wench, a little taller than you, but otherwise could have been your sister. Do you have a sister?”

  “Not in this neck of the woods,” I said. I kept my face impassive, but my heart sank.

  A Pervect. The image in my mind slid over one notch and clicked down. That's where I had seen a silhouette like it in my own mirror every morning. I gritted my teeth. If the COW rep from Perv was here, the least she could have done was to tip me the wink.

  “Nothing to do with me, majesty,” I assured him sincerely, though inwardly I was smarting with humiliation. I was still in disgrace at home for having lost my magik — not because it had happened, but because it had been in such a stupid accident. The Pervect representative probably didn't want anything to do with me. “I'm here with Massha.”

  “Eh?” the king asked, puzzled. “Oh. Her governess. Ah. 'Course y'are. Welcome, too. Welcome. Ah, well, let's go back to the castle. Glory ought to be getting there pretty soon. C'mon, we're all of ten minutes' ride away.”

  A few steps away we heard, “Mmrrph! Mllph! Lllp!”

  “I say,” the king exclaimed. “Do you hear something?”

  But with my more acute hearing I was way ahead of him. The sounds were coming from a copse of nut bushes not far away. I swung off Fireball and pushed into the undergrowth toward the sound. I noticed that the twigs were broken off during some kind of struggle.