Explicit

by Ava Harrison

  “He’s an asshole, and I couldn’t care less if he fell off the face of the Earth,” I vow.

  “Yikes. What did he do to deserve the Lindsey wrath?”

  “Does Pierce Lancaster have to do anything in particular to be a prick?” I purse my lips, and Olivia taps a finger to her mouth in thought.

  “Nope. Good point.”

  We both laugh.

  “Spencer is about to kill him. He got himself arrested for possession, DUI, and open container. Spence had to make a call and get him off, but this is the last time. He promised me.”

  None of this surprises me. I ran in the same circle as Pierce Lancaster for a long time. I know how he rolls. The fact he’s still alive is a miracle based on his lifestyle choices. I should know since I’m barely alive in spite of making the same choice myself once upon a time.

  “With everything going on with Spencer, the last thing he has time to do is babysit Pierce.” She sighs. “Some people are incapable of change.”

  “I’m sorry Spencer still has to deal with that shit, but I’m glad I’m no longer in that scene. It has to get old, right?”

  “One would think.”

  We spend the rest of the evening eating and talking about Olivia’s new business pursuits. I tell her about the center and how life-changing it’s been for me. Hearing her speak about helping young models inspires me. I want to do more. Now to figure out what more is. If Olivia can turn her life around and make such an impact, so can I. Olivia has lit a spark under me, and she doesn’t even know it.

  After a few more drinks, I’m getting tired, and I have a long day tomorrow with the new volunteer coming. I hug her goodbye and head to bed, happy with my life just the way it is.

  I get to the center early today, wanting to make sure all the stations are mapped out and volunteers are accounted for. We’re one volunteer short, which means the newbie and I will have to tag team.

  I look over the list of volunteers and frown. Tonya, Courtney, Jaden, and Travis are scheduled to work today—none of which do a great job with the basketball station. As much as I hate the idea, any type of exercise and the chance to get on my leg is good for me. The more I use it, the faster I’ll be back to normal.

  I glance at the clock. Ten minutes before our staff will begin to arrive and I have everything ready to go. I check the computer once more for information from the courts about our newest volunteer. All I’ve been told is that his participation here is court mandated. He must not have priors because they never send us volunteers with a criminal background. Still, I like to be sure of who I’m dealing with. I should have asked Carson.

  “Hey, Linds,” Courtney shouts from the hallway.

  “I’m back here,” I call.

  Courtney comes around the corner, hair pulled into a high ponytail, blond tendrils falling around her face. She’s a pretty girl, but she’s a bit of a ditz. “Where am I at today?”

  “I’m gonna put you at the art station,” I answer.

  “Awesome.”

  Courtney is our resident artist. If it were her choice, she’d be there every day. Unfortunately for her, there are others who fight for it as it takes the least amount of effort.

  “There’s a new guy hanging around the entrance.” Courtney wiggles her brows. “He’s cute, too.”

  I roll my eyes. Courtney thinks any guy with two legs is attractive. Poor girl grew up in the sticks of Kentucky, and you’d think she’s never seen a man before.

  I grin. “Court mandated. He’s sure to be a winner.”

  Her smile drops. “I’m always attracted to the bad boys.”

  I can’t help but chuckle. “Thanks for letting me know.” I close the screen on my computer and stand. “I’ll go greet him and start the tour.”

  Stretching, I let a groan escape. My muscles are tight and I bounce on my feet, hoping to loosen up a bit. Coming around the corner, I stop in my tracks.

  And just like that, my day goes to hell in a handbasket.

  This is bad. Really fucking bad.

  Pierce Lancaster.

  “What are you doing here?” I snap. My voice is harsh, much harsher than I intend. But why is he here? Why is he in my place?

  Pierce’s wide eyes stare back at me. “I’m here for community service,” he drawls out, causing me to cock my head to the side and assess him. He notices my perusal and reads it the wrong way completely, because his eyes twinkle back mischievously as the side of his lips tips up.

  “You can’t be serious.” I roll my eyes.

  “As a heart attack,” he says, smiling that signature grin of his. This time, a small dimple I never noticed before forms on his right cheek. The desire to wipe the smirk off his face is all-encompassing. I want to smack it off.

  God!

  He infuriates me.

  Why does he have to be so goddamn handsome? It makes no difference how dashing he is when he grins like that. I still hate him. With every ounce of my body, I loathe this man. Of all the fucking places and all the volunteer positions in this city, he would end up here.

  Karma hates me.

  “Dare I ask what actually happened that forced you to do community service? I doubt it’s unpaid parking tickets,” I hiss knowing full well he got in trouble for drugs just not knowing anything more about the story as Olivia didn’t give any other details, just vague references.

  His brow rises, which makes me contemplate all the ways he could have landed himself in this position. Pierce is synonymous with partying, so I wouldn’t put it past him to have made a complete ass of himself or to have gotten caught in a really compromising situation with drugs. Both are unacceptable when working with young minds. These boys are already susceptible to those behaviors.

  I throw my hands up in the air as he begins to talk. “Never mind. I don’t even want to know.” I stalk off down the hall with him following close on my heels as I bark off explanations of each room’s purpose. After the fifth room, I feel him grab my shoulder and stop me.

  “Linds, come on. I know we didn’t exactly leave on the best terms, but you can’t tell me you’re not happy to see me.” He smirks, which only irritates me further.

  “Actually, Pierce, I’m not happy to see you. You’re an ass, and quite frankly, you aren’t competent to work with these kids.”

  He frowns.

  “If you do a good job, we’ll get along just fine. When your time is up, we’ll never have to see each other again, and I like that even better.”

  “Come on. It’s no fun to hold grudges. You of all people should know how fast life can be over,” he responds matter-of-factly.

  I stop in my tracks. How dare he bring up my accident like he knows anything about it? His words hit a sore spot, and he knows it.

  “You make it easy to hold grudges,” I spit out.

  “Lindsey, I’m sorry. I don’t. I . . .” he trails off. “I meant to say we’ve had fun in the past. Wouldn’t it be easier to go back to those times?”

  “I much prefer hating you to any other emotion, Pierce. Like I said, you make it effortless.”

  I turn from him and head down the hall. He doesn’t say another word while I continue to give him a tour of the building. “The basketball station needs both of us today. You may want to change out of those clothes.” He looks down at his jeans and Henley tee. “Please tell me you brought shorts.”

  “Yeah, I have a bag in the car. I can run out and get it.” He turns to leave.

  “You drove here?” I blink a few times, not understanding why anyone would choose to drive in the city.

  “I had someplace to be before here. It was just easier.”

  “Sure.” He starts to go. “Pierce.” I stop him again, still having more to say.

  He turns back and looks at me expectantly.

  “No matter our past, this job is very important to me. These kids are very important to me.” I can’t stress the words enough. “They need good role models, and they need to know there’s a way to live that doesn’t include
the streets and all that comes with it. Alcohol, drugs, all of that could ruin their lives. They are highly susceptible to it based on their situations. Whatever got you in here, I don’t want those boys to know anything about it.”

  “Lindsey, I—”

  I stop his words with a raise of my hand. “You will act like a model citizen. Do we understand each other?”

  He nods.

  I pray he heeds my words. If he doesn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do.

  “Okay, boys, this here is Pierce, and he’ll be volunteering at the center for a few hours in the coming weeks. Today you get to school him in basketball.”

  The boys bob their heads up and down and say their hellos.

  “This should be fun,” I mutter under my breath. “Christopher, Xavier, and Terry, you guys take on Pierce, Rocky, and Jackson. I’ll keep score.”

  Pierce narrows his eyes. “How do you get out of playing?”

  “I’m in charge here, so you’ll stop asking questions and just play.” My boys chuckle at my words and I smirk. “All right, boys. Get playing.”

  For a solid half hour, the boys run up and down the court, shooting free throws and making three-pointers like it’s no big deal. These kids are so talented. A couple have even talked about joining the basketball team at their local school, which makes me so happy. They should. They are good, and it will help keep them off the streets.

  Pierce wipes sweat from his brow, leaning over as if out of shape. But as he does it, the large cutouts in the side of his shirt show his ripped abs. The man is cut from stone and my cheeks heat from staring.

  Look away, Lindsey.

  I berate myself for being so damn weak. The last thing I need to do is appreciate anything about Pierce Lancaster. The last time I did, it led to me dealing with a bruised ego for months and almost falling back to my old ways. The urge to lose myself in a bottle or even worse, coke, was strong. I barely pushed through the last craving. Who knows what I’d do if I ever get that weak again.

  They begin to play an actual game, and I watch the corded muscles of his arms flex as he raises his hands above his head to block Xavier’s attempt at a shot. I never would have imagined Pierce to be athletic, but he is. I always saw him more as a party boy than athlete. Burning the candle at both ends and not taking care of himself. But it’s obvious from this little exhibition that I was wrong. He’s actually really good, and the boys are loving having him play.

  It irritates me.

  I don’t want my boys to like my enemy, and my enemy he is. He took what he wanted and left me in pieces. The words he spoke shredded my heart and left me feeling vulnerable at a time when I was already at my lowest, and I have no doubt that his words were intentional.

  No matter how much of a Greek god Pierce Lancaster is, I won’t be pulled back in. He can do his time here and I will play nice, but I won’t let him back into my heart. He had his shot and he lost it. The most he can hope for is to earn back a little of my respect. If he treats these boys the way they deserve to be treated, I can deal with his presence here. Then, when it’s time for him to go, we can part amicably. But I’ll never forget his harsh words. And he doesn’t deserve total forgiveness.

  He of all people should know how deeply words cut.

  “What were you thinking?” I demand, barging into Carson’s office.

  He looks up from the stack of papers in his hands, a line forming on his forehead. He lifts one eyebrow at me as he gives me a puzzled look. “Am I supposed to know what you’re referring to?”

  “Pierce Lancaster?” I throw my hands up in the air in frustration. “Do you have any idea why he has to do community service?”

  He lowers the papers to his desk, folding his hands in front of him, and stares at me. “I am aware. But I’m curious as to how you came about this information?”

  “Public knowledge, Carson. Anyone can learn anything if they do some digging.” The truth is, Olivia told me and I’m sure Carson knows that since his girlfriend is Olivia’s sister. He’s well aware of how the gossip mill works in the Miller family. “These boys and this center are my reason for living. You founded this center to teach these kids right from wrong and to make sure they don’t go down that path. So, we’re putting a convicted drug user and alcoholic in front of them?”

  “Lindsey, we have all made mistakes,” Carson says as he gives me a pointed look, and I realize how hypocritical I sound.

  “Fine.” I raise my hands in defeat. “But you have to admit, it’s not okay that he’s always in the newspaper. If these boys look him up, he’s not a good role model.”

  “Again, I understand your concerns, but it’s also a part of this program to demonstrate that mistakes are part of life, but no one is unredeemable. We want them to know that no matter where their past has taken them, their future doesn’t have to be the same. Look at me. Look at you. If they looked us up, they’d see some pretty bad things too. If we changed, so can he.” He sighs. “Pierce has an opportunity to show the boys that their pasts don’t define them. It’s a growing experience for all of them. Pierce isn’t a bad guy. He just made some bad decisions.”

  Bad decisions? Bad decisions! Making me feel like shit is more than that! I want to scream. Instead, I inhale a sharp breath and ponder a response that might get through to him. “That could be said for a lot of former criminals, but we don’t allow them through those doors,” I say matter-of-factly as I place my hand on my hip.

  “I know Pierce, and I know his character. I know what I’m doing, and I hope you trust me enough to not question my judgment. If he makes one wrong move, he’s gone. Until then, I want you to give him a chance.”

  “Fat chance,” I murmur under my breath.

  “Lindsey, I need you to trust me. You know about my past. You know how I feel about these boys. Some of them have been with me for years. Don’t you think I have their best interest at heart? I would never put the boys in harm’s way or sacrifice our program if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure.”

  “I trust you. I just”—I blow out an audible sigh—“hope he doesn’t disappoint you, because the Pierce I know can’t be trusted.”

  Carson doesn’t respond. What more is there to say, anyway? I said my piece, he said his, but in the end, this is his club and I’m an employee, no matter how much my heart is invested in the children.

  Having lost the fight, I turn on my heel and exit the room. As soon as I’m out, I see Pierce standing there with a frown on his face. He obviously heard everything I said, though I’m too angry to care. Serves him right for being here.

  “You’re that desperate to get rid of me that you need to try to hurt me?” he asks.

  “You don’t have a heart, Pierce. I couldn’t hurt you if I tried.” I turn to walk away, but he grabs me by the elbow, spinning me around so we’re nose-to-nose.

  “But I clearly hurt you. You cared that much about me?” His eyes bore into mine, and I attempt to avert my gaze.

  “You’re so full of yourself. I could never care for you.”

  Lies. At one time I would have done anything to have Pierce Lancaster, but now I see him for what he is—bad news. He’d drag me back into the habits I’m running from, but I won’t allow that to ever happen.

  “You’re lying. I can see it in your eyes,” he says, sounding hurt at my words. “I cared about you, too.”

  “You don’t need to bullshit me, Pierce. I’m not your family.”

  He laughs, but by the way the emotion doesn’t touch his eyes, it’s obvious he’s not laughing because he finds it funny. “That’s the thing, Lindsey. You think you know me, but you don’t. You know one persona, the one I put in front of all my friends, but you have no idea the things I’ve been through and what I’m running from.”

  “You’re right. You made sure to push me away. It worked. I don’t want to know you.” I drill him with a cold, hard stare. “Stay out of my way, or I’ll make sure Carson sticks to his word and kicks your ass to the curb.”

  I
stalk off down the hall with Pierce’s eyes glaring holes in the back of my head.

  That was torture.

  She hates me.

  Rightfully so.

  But in my own defense, she kicked me out. Still, in hindsight, and seeing how much pain I caused her, I can admit I was scum. Don’t know why she expected anything else…

  But shit.

  She still hates me. I just kind of assumed time would pass and she’d forget and we’d fuck. Yeah, that ain’t going to happen. I’m trash in her eyes. I heard all the shit she said about me. The desire was strong for me to storm into that room and say fuck this shit, but I couldn’t, so instead, I’m back home, in my safe haven and I’m throwing a goddamn pity party for myself once again. Fuck, today sucked. No way I’ll be able to make it through the rest of community service as Lindsey Walker’s punching bag.

  No. Way.

  Still in my clothes from the center, I pull out my paintbrushes and stand in front of the blank easel. I try to empty my mind, to not think of Lindsey, but her words replay over and over again, and before I know it I’m dripping with sweat, paint splattered everywhere. I’m completely and utterly lost in thought when I hear something from behind me and jump, almost knocking the painting over.

  There standing in what should be my safe place from my family is Spencer. Why can’t I ever just have peace?

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I fire.

  “Making sure you haven’t screwed up your life today.”

  “Well, can’t you at least knock?” The mocking tone of my voice makes him set his jaw tight.

  “I own the place. Didn’t think I needed to,” the smug bastard says. The look on his face makes me wonder how my fist would feel if I decked him.

  Good.

  It would feel damn good.