For Better, For Worse

by June Francis

  ‘I suppose some people would see it like that, but I’d say it depends on what kind of life one is going to be living when one gets there. In the last century, of course, lots of blokes went off to Australia because of the gold being discovered and they wanted to get rich. Some went because they didn’t have much going on here and were just plain dissatisfied with their lot at home, being told what to do by the toffs and such. Then there were those who wanted to own their own land and farm it, to raise sheep or cattle.’

  She was surprised by the detail he went into and murmured, ‘You sound like you’ve given it a lot of thought.’

  ‘I considered emigrating myself when I was a lot younger, but things happened, and as you can see, I’m still here.’

  Grace thought sadly about his mother and brother, of his marrying and his wife dying young, and him having to rear his son alone. She became aware that the truck was slowing down and realised that they were almost home.

  ‘I found our chat interesting,’ she said, fumbling for the handle to open the door. ‘Thanks for the lift! See you both around. Goodnight, God bless.’

  ‘Goodnight, Grace,’ said Ben.

  ‘Goodnight,’ chimed Simon. ‘See you soon.’

  ‘That would be fun,’ said Grace, stepping down from the truck and hurrying away. But she did not hear the truck move off until Fergie barked and came rushing to greet her as she opened the front door. The thought crossed her mind that Ben was being a gentleman and making certain she was safely inside the house before driving off, and it made her smile.

  Chapter 7

  After not seeing any sign of Ben or Simon for a couple of days, and having spent most of the morning doing housework, Grace thought to take Fergie for a walk around the block before having lunch and going to work. She then decided to drop in on Milly to see how she and the twins were faring. She was also a bit intrigued about what Ben had confided in her last night about the thwarted possibilities of his youth, and she wondered if she could ask Jimmy if he knew anything about Ben’s background as a young man. Was it after his mother had died that he had considered emigrating, only to change his mind after he met the girl who was to become his wife? When had she become sickly? Had there been a time when they had both planned to emigrate? Had he given up his dream of adventure in a new country for love of her?

  When she arrived, Milly was in the process of tucking the twins in their pram, having already lowered the pram onto the step outside. Grace gazed down at the babies and felt a warmth rising in her chest. One was wearing a pale blue knitted helmet and the other a pink bonnet trimmed with cream lace.

  ‘Gosh, they’re so gorgeous,’ said Grace. ‘I bet your mother-in-law won’t want to leave them and go home.’

  ‘She’s no choice but to go tomorrow, she has to get back to her job, it’s only part-time, but still,’ informed Milly. ‘Besides which me mam’s coming over from Dublin later today with my stepfather and half-brother.’ She began to push the pram along the pavement in the direction of West Derby Road.

  ‘You never talk about your half-brothers,’ said Grace.

  ‘That’s because my relationship with them is complicated,’ Milly said. ‘Anyway, how are you? Did you enjoy the play the other night?’

  ‘Yeah, it was marvellous, and guess who I saw there?’ Grace’s eyes were merry.

  ‘I’m no good at guessing,’ said Milly. ‘But Jimmy did tell me that Ben planned on taking Simon to see it.’

  ‘He gave me a lift home in his truck,’ Grace chuckled.

  ‘So, you and Ben are not at odds, anymore?’

  ‘Well, he and Simon enjoyed the play as well, so we had something easy to talk about, and then we got on to the subject of travel and emigration. Apparently, he had considered emigrating himself when he was young.’

  Milly pulled a face. ‘You consider him old now?’

  ‘I reckon he’s thirty-ish.’

  ‘That’s not old,’ said Milly.

  Grace said, ‘He’s ten years older than I am and he seems a bit staid.’

  ‘Well, he is a widower and has a child to bring up,’ Milly said. ‘You surprise me, Grace. He has responsibilities, and even before he married, his life wasn’t easy. At least he’s reliable.’

  ‘You mean not like Dougie.’

  Milly flushed. ‘I didn’t say that.’

  ‘It’s what you meant. I know what you think of him… with his gambling and the like. It’s not really his fault, others cause trouble for him…’ Grace finished weakly.

  ‘Yeah, but it just slipped out. I didn’t mean to hurt you.’

  Grace wriggled her shoulders. ‘I know. I also know that Ben hasn’t had an easy life. He told me about his brother.’

  Milly looked surprised. ‘How did that come about? Jimmy told me it’s something he hardly ever mentions.’

  Grace felt embarrassed. ‘I wish I hadn’t started this. But I suppose it’s to do with wanting to help Simon. I feel sorry for the lad, that he has no fun. I was even wondering before whether Ben would agree to my suggesting that Fergie could keep the boy company part of the day when I’m at work.’

  ‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea after what happened in the park.’

  ‘If Simon hadn’t gone climbing a tree, it wouldn’t have happened at all – accidents happen.’

  ‘You can’t blame Ben for being overprotective.’

  ‘I don’t know why I care so much,’ said Grace fiercely.

  Milly said, ‘It’s probably because it’s filling a gap in your life with Dougie away – anyway, when did you last see Dougie’s mother and your cousins?’

  ‘Not since we waved Dougie off.’

  ‘Have you been in touch with them?’

  ‘No, but they haven’t been in touch with me neither.’

  Grace knew that was just an excuse, because if the truth was known, she dreaded going to visit the house where she had spent so much time with Dougie, knowing it would cause her to question her deepest feelings about Dougie. She gripped her hands tightly together, feeling guilty, and thinking how good her aunt Polly had been to her in the past. Grace was aware that she wasn’t Polly’s favourite person of late, but that’s because her aunt thought the world of her son, and no one was ever going to be good enough for him.

  ‘That’s no excuse,’ said Milly, pausing on the kerb, waiting for a couple of cyclists to go past.

  ‘I know,’ Grace hesitated. ‘I’ll drop in there after work and see how they’re getting on.’

  She bent over the pram and blew a couple of kisses at the babies before turning right and heading towards the shop to pick up some ingredients for a steak casserole that she planned to make for her employer’s supper. She then made her way to the large Victorian terrace where she worked.

  She did not need to use her key because the front door was open, and the vestibule door was unlocked. She could hear the sound of a dental drill from the waiting area, which made her shudder a little, so she wasted no time climbing the stairs to the upstairs flat, thinking as she did so that instead of being here she could have been with Dougie on a liner heading to the other side of the world, relaxing and playing deck games and they could be getting romantic under a bright moon at night, but would that mean he would expect sex even though they weren’t married?

  She set about making the bed and dusting and cleaning, thinking now about what Ben had told her about his having considered emigration after his mother had died. She found herself imagining a lonely Ben grieving for his mother and the brother who was missing, presumed dead, wanting to build himself a new life to help him overcome his loss. She wondered if he ever thought about how he would have missed out on having Simon if he had emigrated, having rejected the woman he fell in love with, even though later he was to lose her.

  After Grace had washed up the crockery and cutlery from that morning and the night before, she put on the kettle and set about preparing the casserole. She thought of her father and wondered how he had felt after her mother had died and h
e had to choose between giving up the sea and finding a shore job, which would have been difficult at the time with the lack of jobs available, and care for his young daughter himself or hand her over to his sister-in-law whom he knew did not approve of him. If he hadn’t had a relative to look after Grace, would he have married again?

  Once the casserole was in the oven, she made a pot of tea and laid a tray with the tea set and a plate of biscuits for the dentist and his staff. She left the tea tray downstairs with Joan, the receptionist. Tired out by all the housework of the day, Grace returned upstairs, drank a restorative cuppa, and busied herself by tiding up behind her and washing the floor. Feeling rather peckish, she shouted a cheery goodbye to Joan as she left the building, intending to stop at the butcher’s on her way home to get some meat for herself and her dad’s tea.

  Grace crossed the main road in Kensington and stopped outside a butcher’s and stood for a while in the shade of the striped awning as she gazed in the window. She went inside and bought some chicken giblets, which were going cheap, as well as some bacon bits. Then, via more back streets, she reached Lodge Lane on the other side of which was Wavertree Park, with its lake and botanical gardens, which she had visited often with Dougie and his sisters when she had lived with her aunt Polly and her husband nearby. The day was warm, and Grace was feeling flushed, hot and tired, by the time she banged the knocker on her aunt’s front door. She hoped her aunt was in, although if she was not, Grace knew that she could always use the key that hung on a string on the other side of the letterbox and put her meat in her aunt’s meat safe.

  She had not been waiting long when she heard footsteps coming down the lobby to the front door. ‘Who is it?’ called her aunt.

  ‘Grace,’ she replied.

  ‘About time too,’ said Polly, opening the front door. ‘Did you forget the way?’

  ‘Of course not! I’ve been busy.’

  ‘Too busy to come and see your favourite aunt?’

  ‘You’re my only aunt and it’s only been a few weeks,’ Grace said. ‘Can I come in? I’ve bought some meat and would like to put it in your meat safe, please?’

  ‘I suppose so,’ said Polly, holding the door wide open and standing aside. ‘So, what have you been doing besides going to see the play at Exchange Flags?’

  Grace’s heart seemed to jiggle inside her chest, and she wondered who had seen her there to report back to her aunt. Feeling a bit strange, but not knowing why, she changed the subject.

  ‘A friend, Milly, gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl. They’re lovely. I was visiting her when she went into labour and had to go and fetch the midwife.’

  ‘I’d love a grandchild,’ murmured Polly.

  ‘You need to say that to one of the girls,’ Grace said. ‘It’s time at least your Marion was married. You’re going to have a wait if you were depending on Dougie and me to provide you with one, since he’s in Australia!’

  ‘You don’t have to remind me,’ said Polly. ‘Anyway, have you heard from our Dougie?’

  ‘Just a postcard from Las Palmas. It didn’t say much. I wish he’d sent it in an envelope with a letter.’

  ‘Same here,’ said Polly, going into the back kitchen. ‘I’m his mother and deserve better than just a card of palm trees and a beach with a few lines of writing saying he’s enjoying shipboard life and playing games on deck with several new acquaintances.’

  Grace followed her, listening, while watching her put on the kettle. ‘He said as much on mine.’

  ‘His dad told him he should have applied for a job before he left,’ complained Polly.

  Grace remained silent, wondering why Dougie had not taken his father’s advice. She was annoyed that he had not mentioned it to her. If Dougie had found himself a job before he set off, then her father might have given his permission for her to accompany him to Australia. It made her feel funny to think of that, but she couldn’t place why that would be.

  ‘So, did you enjoy the play?’ Polly asked, returning to her earlier remark.

  ‘It was great,’ said Grace. ‘I don’t remember telling you that I was going – did Dad mention it to you?’

  ‘I haven’t seen your dad. It was my neighbour who noticed you, and saw you climbing into a truck driven by a man afterwards.’

  ‘Oh, that was Ben who lives in the next street. He and his son were at the play and he offered me a lift home.’ Grace flushed.

  ‘Was his wife with him then?’

  ‘Oh, he’s a widower. His son had an accident, fell out of a tree and broke a few bones, so I’ve helped keep the boy company a couple of times as he’s off school.’

  Polly’s lips compressed and she darted Grace a stern look. ‘You don’t want to be too helpful or he’ll start expecting it.’

  ‘I doubt it,’ Grace said. ‘He doesn’t trust me to take proper care of Simon. He’s very protective of him.’

  ‘How did he lose his wife?’

  ‘She was hit by a car. Ben works with my friend Milly’s husband and it’s through her that I met Ben’s son, Simon. Milly’s helping look after him, but I volunteered to give her a hand as she’s got the twins to see to.’ Grace paused and changed the subject. ‘Anyway, I can’t stay long. Dad is home again this evening, he’s been gone a couple of days.’

  ‘I was surprised when he showed up to see Dougie off,’ said Polly.

  ‘It was probably a spur of the moment thing,’ said Grace, fiddling with a lock of hair.

  ‘You really think so?’ Polly sniffed as she opened a packet of custard creams.

  ‘Are you thinking he was there just to make sure Dougie really left?’ suggested Grace, feeling a bit affronted, as she took a biscuit from the plate.

  ‘Well, let’s be honest,’ said Polly. ‘Your dad has always been against you and my son making a match of it. As was I. Not that I could ever understand why you and Dougie would want to make a go of it – you were almost brought up as brother and sister. I still can’t understand why he should want to marry you with you being so young or you him. Your relationship was far too close. Your mother wouldn’t have approved.’

  ‘But you’re not going to stand in my way when the time comes for me to follow Dougie to Australia?’ Grace retorted hotly. Although she felt ambivalent about going all the way to Australia herself, she felt duty-bound to defend Dougie’s plan for her.

  The older woman said, ‘A lot could happen between now and your twenty-first birthday next spring, Grace.’ She shoved the cup and saucer across the table towards Grace. ‘So, tell me about the babies. What did they weigh?’

  ‘I don’t remember exactly, although I thought one of them felt the same as a five-pound bag of spuds.’

  ‘Big enough if one is giving birth to two babies. Our Dougie was eight pounds, two ounces. Such a gorgeous boy. Now you were only six pounds, four ounces, a fact that your mam was glad of, her only being petite.’

  ‘I’m only petite,’ said Grace. ‘Anyway, enough of this talk. I’ll drink me tea quick and get my meat out of the safe, then be on me way to get things ready for Dad.’

  Within minutes she was on her way out. Her aunt followed her to the front door. ‘Don’t be a stranger,’ said Polly. ‘Your uncle and I do miss you.’

  ‘Give him my love and the same to Marion and Beryl.’ Grace pecked her aunt’s cheek. ‘Look after yourself.’

  ‘And you,’ Polly gave her a brief hug. ‘And if you need any womanly advice, I’m here for you. I promised your mam I’d look out for you.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Grace blew her a kiss as she reached the pavement and wasted no time hurrying home.

  * * *

  By the time she arrived at the house her father was already home and standing at the sink washing and peeling potatoes before popping them in a saucepan of salted water on the wooden draining board.

  ‘Where’ve you been?’ He glanced at her hot face. ‘You been rushing?’

  She nodded. ‘I thought I’d best go and see Aunt Polly.’

  ‘You wa
lked there and back, in the heat?’

  She nodded. ‘I went straight after work and felt in need of air.’

  ‘So how is Polly?’ he asked, lifting the pan, and carrying it into the kitchen and placing it on the fire.

  ‘I was going to cook chicken and bacon bits,’ she said, having followed him through into the kitchen, trailed by Fergie who was sniffing at her shopping bag.

  ‘Chicken!’ he exclaimed.

  ‘It’s only chicken giblets,’ she said. ‘Yer know, hearts, liver, the neck and that. With some scraps of bacon, barley and carrot and onion, it’ll be tasty.’

  ‘I bought some sausages,’ said her father. ‘I thought we could have sausage and mash.’

  ‘All right, have it your way,’ said Grace wearily, sitting down and easing off her shoes. ‘I’ll cook the giblets and bacon bits this evening, though, I don’t want them going off in this weather. They’ll be good in a soup what with the salt from the bacon.’

  Her father stared down at her. ‘Your mam used to make lovely giblet soup. Real tasty it was.’

  ‘I wish I’d got to know her better, so I had more memories of her,’ said Grace, getting up and setting the table for two. ‘Aunt Polly hardly ever talks about her, although she mentioned her today. She was saying she’d like a grandchild.’

  ‘Then she needs to get one of her girls off her hands. Give them a kick out of the door. It’s not for you and Dougie to be worrying about, just now.’

  ‘Let’s be honest, Dad, there’s not many options out there for them – there’s still more women to men – despite it being sixteen years since the war’s end, most available men are either too young or too old.’

  ‘Or they’re crippled physically, mentally or emotionally,’ said her father.

  She nodded, thinking of Ben and his brother again. ‘It’s a disgrace, so sad.’

  ‘So, did Polly have anything to say about that boy of hers? Is he still causing mischief, although he’s miles away?’ Norman asked sharply.