Never in my life have I experienced anything like this. I roll over and let Cutter behind me, he wraps his fist in my hair and pulls my head backwards to give me a kiss, as he finds his own release. He is still twitching moments later.
“Fuck, I can’t wait to make you my wife, so we can do this every night.”
Chapter 21
The events of New York are a blissful blur. So much changed between Cutter and me during our trip and so much has happened during the two weeks since we have come home. I never knew that love could feel this good. But before we get to what is happening now let’s rewind and I will tell you all about the last two weeks.
**
As soon as we get through the gate, Brianna is waiting with a sea of questions. She says it is the most romantic proposal she has ever seen. She talks me and Cutter to death on the drive home. She seems to have already planned our whole wedding overnight.
Hurley wasn’t able to come with her, he has to work today. According to her they had a horrible night. She got in a huge fight with Hurley, he accused her of seeing Nolan behind his back, because he seen a text come through on her phone from him wishing her a happy new years, that it’d be better if she were spending it with him.
Even Cutter admits that he can see that Nolan was doing it to be a dick, so why couldn’t Hurley? Jealousy and insecurity can kill a relationship in three seconds flat. I ban her from calling him — Hurley — the rest of the day. She needs to let him lick the spoon of the shit he is stirring up. If Hurley knew the way the River’s boys treated their woman, he would find it funny that Nolan thinks he still has a shot with her. And seriously can’t Nolan just let her be. I figured he would be long gone by now, his dad has recovered and is back to work. Why can’t he leave us all alone? I think a part of him can’t stand to see anyone happy — himself included.
After Brianna drops us off at the apartments I leave Cutter to do his own thing. I need to go see my Gram; I don’t want her to hear the news from anyone other than me that Cutter and I are engaged. Word travels fast around here. As soon as one of Gram’s old biddies’ catches wind of my engagement it will be all over town. I light up a cigarette, I am so nervous to tell her my good news. Well I hope she takes it as good. I think that she will. She seems to really like Cutter.
I rub my fingers across the red string tied to my finger.
“Gram are you home?” I call out downstairs. Her car is here. Odd. I walk out the backdoor to the patio and call out for her once more. No answer. I walk upstairs her bed is unmade. This is not like Gram in the least. She always makes her bed first thing every morning; she does it even before she goes to the bathroom. I know unusual — I can’t do anything until I have had my morning pee. I don’t know what makes me think to check the basement but as soon as I open the door and flick on the light, there she is at the foot of the staircase.
“Gram,” I rush down the stairs and to her side. She has a pulse but she is unconscious. I am afraid to try to move her. I dial 911 from my cell phone.
**
This brings us back to now. Two weeks have passed since New Years. My Gram has broken her hip. She has been in intensive care. She woke sometime after midnight the morning I found her. She thought she heard someone come in downstairs. When she walked downstairs from her room, she noticed the basement door was open. She went to close it and was shoved down the stairs from behind.
She shattered her hip and had to have replacement surgery. Now she is in recovery. Gram has a lot of physical therapy in her future. I have moved out of my apartment and back into her house so I can take care of her once she is released from the hospital. The police think it was a break in. I can’t find anything missing from the house. What kind of monster could shove my sweet Gram down the stairs like that?
I am taking the money that I would be paying out for rent and putting it into a savings account for mine and Cutter’s Europe trip. Gram is tickled pink that we are getting married; she has offered to pay for a small ceremony, once she is back on her feet.
The police suggested we change all of the locks on the house, and install a security alarm. Which I admit makes me feel safer staying here on my own. This is a big house and it has always made noises, but with Gram not home the sounds creeps me out. They don’t have any suspects, or any leads to go on. It pisses me off that some jerk wad hurt my Gram, stole who knows what and got away with it.
Cutter sleeps over when he can, but between work and his classes he is too tired to do much at the end of his day. He has picked up some extra side jobs, helping out some of Grams old biddies.
I have managed to get a part time job as well. I am doing filing for Dr. Peters. I haven’t told him of mine and Cutter’s engagement just yet. He is like a father figure to me in a weird kind of way and I don’t want to disappoint him. Not that I think he doesn’t approve of Cutter, I just don’t know how he would feel about my getting married at nineteen. I say nineteen because I will see my birthday before we get hitched. Most people assume you are pregnant when you marry young around here. But that is definitely not the case. I have been on birth control since I was fifteen, and my periods come every month like clockwork.
I am meeting with my advisor later today; he has helped me switch my classes to suit my needs. I have decided I want to be a guidance counselor. It would be a good fit for me. I know what it is like to hurt, to hate yourself. I believe I could make a difference in some kid’s life one day. Even if I only help one, it would be worth it.
Cutter misses having me next door, but he is moving in with Hurley this weekend to save on money too. I have already made it clear for him not to expect me to visit him there. That house holds too many things that have the power to bring the poison back into my life and I don’t want to visit those days again. I wouldn’t change meeting Cutter for anything but I don’t ever want to hurt like I did when we first met. And being in that house of all places could cause me to regress.
I stop by the hospital to check on Gram before I go to my meeting and leave it to her to be holding her quilting lunch in the cafeteria of the hospital. My Gram is tough as nails; it is going to take more than a hip replacement to bring her down. She will get to come home in a day or two. I grab a sandwich and chips and sit down with Gram and her friends. They all start badgering me for wedding plans. And they everyone think they are an expert on married life, and try to give me their unwarranted advice.
To be honest I want Cutter and I to exchange our vows on the bridge at the falls, where it all began for us. I think it would be so romantic to be married in the woods, with just a few guests. I want the ceremony to be intimate. Cutter and I both have said we don’t want anything fancy. He says his family won’t want to attend. So I figure that it leaves Gram, Hurley, Brianna and Dr. Peters as our guests. I don’t need anyone else there.
We will have to get a permit to hold the event at the falls, but Gram says to leave all of that up to her and I intend to. She says Cutter and I just need to worry about showing up. Gram has enlisted Brianna to help her plan it all, the only thing I get to decide on is my dress. Brianna has been throwing bridal magazines at me left and right, it is a bit overwhelming.
I have hinted to her on more than one occasion that we have plenty of time to plan but she seems to think we are already getting a late start on planning. The girl is crazy, I have told her that she should switch her major and become a wedding coordinator. She would be great at it, the girl is bossy. She and Gram already have binders full of ideas; I think they forget that the ceremony is small. They need to downscale their big plans.
**
My new classes are going great, and I really am enjoying being back in Gram’s house. The only difference is I have had to move to an upstairs bedroom, so Gram can sleep in my room, being that it is downstairs. It will be a lot easier for her to recover and move about the house. I am so sad to see my claw foot tub go, but Gram needs one of those medical supply store showers for handicapped and elderly people. She is having my tub st
ored in her shed outback. I don’t believe she wanted to part with it either.
Cutter is coming over after work to have dinner with us. I think Gram looks more forward to his visits than I do. Gram is in the kitchen barking ingredients at me. I am cooking because she still isn’t able to move around all that great yet. She says it is great ‘training’ for once Cutter and I are married. Really I think she just gets frustrated that the walker she is required to use gets in the way of her moving around in the kitchen like she used to.
Gram claims she is starting me out with something simple, lasagna, but there is a hell of a lot of steps in making her recipe. Mercy, who needs five different cheeses, seriously? If there were enough time, I swear she would have me making the garlic bread from scratch. Simple my ass. I play the good pupil and pacify her and follow all of her instructions. I bite my tongue when she snaps at me, I know she is frustrated.
Gram is one of them old southern women who thinks that they don’t need help from nobody, she thinks she is as able bodied as a man to do just about anything. She is learning the hard way that she is getting older and that her body has limits.
Cutter comes through the back door, and I must have forgotten to turn the alarm off, because it starts blaring through the whole friggin neighborhood. I hurriedly punch in the code before the whole police force comes barreling through our doors.
“Mmm, it sure smells good in here, what has Gram cooked for us tonight?” he places a kiss on Gram’s cheek then mine. He is such a kiss ass.
“I’ll have you know, I prepared this lasagna with blood, sweat and tears,” I smack him with my oven mitt. “Now go wash up, I am starving to death after slaving over the stove for you two all day.”
After supper Cutter and I go up to my room to snuggle and watch a movie. Gram has went to bed for the night. Cutter passes out shortly after the movie starts. I am not sure if it is from exhaustion of the day setting or from Gram mentally draining him by showing him her wedding binder. I curl up beside my fiancée and for the first time in months I have a nightmare.
I wake up in a pool of sweat, with images of Harlan dancing around in my head. I go to the bathroom and splash some water on my face. I’m not sure what triggered the dreams. It has been so long since I have had them that I almost forget how terrifying they can be. I am working for Dr. Peters tomorrow after class; I will talk to him about it and see what he thinks might have brought them on. I decide against telling Cutter about it. I don’t want him worrying about me. It could be nothing. It’s probably just the stress of everything getting to me.
I twist the ring on my finger; Cutter decided it was time to replace my string with the real thing. He bought me a beautiful rose ring to match my pendant. It is a silver rose head with a diamond in the center. He surprised me with it a few nights ago. I love it, it is perfect. It means so much more to me than any traditional ring ever could.
**
“Alex, can I ask you something personal?”
“Bella, you can always come to me about anything, you know that.” He takes his glasses off and cleans them on his shirt.
“Well, I have some news to share with you and a favor to ask of you. You can say no, but I just thought I would extend the invitation. I don’t want you to feel pressured to say yes, because of your history with my mom, and well me. If it crosses the line, it’ is okay to just say no.” I am twisting my fingers around, and now I really want a cigarette, but I promised Cutter I would try to quit.
“Bella, you’re rambling, what do you want to ask me?”
“Oh, right. I am engaged,” I flash my left hand at him with a nervous laugh. “I was wondering if you’d give me away, at the ceremony that is. I just respect you and you have done a lot for me. I don’t want you to be disappointed in me and think I am rushing or acting like an idiot, but I really love Cutter.”
“Bella, you’re doing it again. And yes I would be honored to give you away at your wedding. Congratulations. But just because you are getting married does not mean you can drop out of school. When is the big day?”
“Thank you,” I give him a hug. “It really means a lot to me and no way am I dropping out of school. The wedding isn’t until October. I am taking next fall off, but only because Cutter and I are going backpacking across Europe and we won’t get back to the states until a week before the wedding, we thought about doing it before, but I want a fall wedding at the falls. Oh and do you think I will be okay going abroad for five months, how will we handle my prescriptions?”
He steadies his arms on my shoulders, “just breathe Bella, and cut back on the caffeine. Oh and please go smoke that cigarette you are clutching before you drive us both crazy. I will figure out what we need to about your medicine and how to work it into your travel plans.”
I decide against talking to him about the nightmare until my next appointment. I figured it’d be best to wait and see if they come back.
At home I snuggle up on the sofa by my Gram and show her the recording of my New Years proposal; she still hasn’t watched it yet.
“Bella, how sweet and romantic. You two look so good together,” I brush her compliments off and tell her about how that producer guy wanted to make a show about Cutter and I.
“Gracious, I hope you both said no. Marriage is hard enough without the world peeking in your windows and telling you how to handle your problems.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She goes on to give me more words of wisdom but I have tuned her out and started texting Brianna, she is wanting help planning a special evening for Hurley on Valentines Day. She tells me to be sure to keep Cutter here with me that night. I agree to help her; I have my own plans for Cutter.
Chapter 22
February
I am at a physical therapy appointment with Gram at the hospital. She really is doing great. It won’t be much longer and she won’t have to depend on her walker so much. I think being able to hike the trail for my wedding on the bridge is perfect motivation for her. My phone starts vibrating in my pocket. I excuse myself from the physical therapy aquatics room to take Brianna’s call.
“Hey chick what’s up?”
“Are you busy right now?” She asks in a panicky tone.
“I am with Gram at her appointment, is anything wrong, you sound I don’t know jumpy.”
“I need you to come over to Hurley’s ASAP, preferably right now.”
“You know I don’t like that house Brianna, can’t you just meet me after I take my Gram home.”
“No, trust me you are going to want to see this. It is important, and Bella, don’t tell Cutter you are coming here. He is in class all day right?”
“Yeah, but why? You are seriously freaking me out right now Brianna.”
“Just get here,” the line goes dead. She better not be dragging me out there to show me her sex game and lingerie she bought for Valentines Day. This better be important. I heard panic in her voice though, there has to be something going on and I am partially afraid to find out what it is.
Okay, I try to calm my nerves I don’t want to panic my Gram. I go back inside and ask Gram if she would be okay taking a cab home if I call one for her. I don’t go into details, and I tell a white lie. I tell her Brianna and Hurley had an awful fight and she needs me to come get her. Of course Gram tells me to go. I place a call to a local cab service and take off for Hurley and Cutter’s place like a bat out of hell.
You never know what might be going on with Brianna. I know it sounds selfish, but I hope whatever is going on is more to do with her and Hurley than it is me and Cutter. But I know things have been going so well lately. I get a sick feeling in my gut telling me she wants to tell me something about Cutter. Karma is coming back to tip the scales, life has been going too good for me lately.
I throw my car into park and run up the walkway and through the front door without knocking. I know it is bad that Cutter has been living here for weeks and this is the first time I have come over. “Brianna I’m here where are you?�
��
“In here,” she calls from one of the bedrooms down the hall.”
I make way down the hall pausing to peek in each room; I’m not sure whose room she is in. I stop at the door that I know has to belong to Cutter. Hurley uses the back bedroom. I look into the room and sure enough Brianna is sitting on his bed going through a huge box on the bed.
“What are you doing and what’s in the box?”
“Okay one don’t freak out on me, I wasn’t being nosy. So two, I was snooping sort of but it isn’t what you think. I was looking for an address for Cutter’s parents. I know he says they don’t have anything to do with him, but I though just maybe if you reached out to them, they may consider coming to your wedding. But that is beside the point. You are engaged to a fucking creeper Bella. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t show you this?”
I take a seat on the opposite side of the box from where Brianna is sitting and look at the contents. I am going to be sick.
Inside of the box are pictures of me and Harlan, newspaper clippings about the accident. He even has Harlan’s obituary. There are pictures of me at the falls, at Harlan’s grave. But that isn’t the worst part. He has my fucking patient file, the one that was stolen from the hospital. What the serious fuck— in the bottom of the box under the pictures and papers is a wig that matches Harlan’s hair color almost spot on and there are hundreds of paper daisies inside of a manila envelope. My heart tells me, Cutter didn’t do any of this–that someone else is behind it, but my logic tells me it’s true.
I run from the room, I am overwhelmed and numb all at once. I violently throw up in the gravel driveway beside of my car. Tears are streaming down my face as the darkness consumes my heart once more. All of this time, he has been fucking with me but why? Why would he dress up like my dead boyfriend and fucking stalk me? It makes no sense. None if it makes any fucking sense. How could I be so blind? I can’t control the sobs as they escape my throat, ripping me in half as they come out.
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