The Cowboy's Unexpected Love: Wade and Sierra (MacFarland Ranch Book 1)

by SJ McCoy

  “That makes more sense. I couldn’t see your dad allowing a sale like that to go through.”

  Wade made a face. Neither could he. But he didn’t want to get started on the subject of his dad – that would only piss him off. “No. He wouldn’t. And as for Sierra and me.” He shrugged. “I thought I could show her a good time before she had to go back to her real life. She’s a sweetheart, and she needed someone to remind her that she’s awesome.”

  “And that’s all you wanted?”

  “That’s all I thought was possible.”

  “And now?”

  “It’s still all that’s possible. Yeah, she has the kids coming. But even if …” He didn’t continue with that train of thought. It didn’t matter. Even if she wanted him to be part of their lives? Was that where he’d been going? Even if he wanted to? Hell, he didn’t know, and he didn’t need to. “She’s a freaking billionaire who has a life of her own in California and a big ass company and who knows what else. I am what I am. My life’s here. How the hell could anything work between us even if we both wanted it to?”

  Chance took a sip of his coffee and smirked.

  “What?” Wade was pissed. He hadn’t expected Chance of all people to laugh at him.

  “Think about it, dude! This is me you’re talking to.”

  “I know! And I thought you’d be a bit more … I dunno, understanding.”

  Chance chuckled. “That’s exactly what I am. You’re just a bit slow on the uptake. You’re trying to tell me that things can’t work out between a cowboy and a sweet, smart, beautiful billionaire heiress?” He pushed his hat back and raised his eyebrows. “You’re telling me that her living in California and you living here is some insurmountable obstacle?”

  Wade continued glaring at him until realization dawned. “Shit.”

  “Yeah. You could be describing Hope and me, and we made it work.” Chance chuckled again. “You’re talking to the wrong guy if you want a pity party about the circumstances you and Sierra are facing. Well, all except one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The kids. You don’t want any and she’s about become to a mother of two, right?”

  “Wrong.”

  Chance frowned.

  Wade looked all around before he spoke again. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to tell Chance when he’d never bothered to correct his own family’s assumptions about his views on kids, and he sure as hell didn’t want anyone else overhearing what he had to say. “It’s not that I don’t want kids.”

  Chance narrowed his eyes. “But that was why …”

  “That was just a rumor that I never bothered to correct.”

  Chance sat back. “Damn. So why have you always let everyone believe that you and Josie broke up because she wanted kids and you didn’t?”

  Wade blew out a sigh and looked around again. “Because it was easier to let people believe that than to explain that I just didn’t see her as the mother of my kids.”

  Chance nodded slowly. “I can’t say as I blame you. I never did like her.”

  Wade let out a short laugh. “Yeah. I’ve heard that a lot over the last few years.”

  “But she’s the past. What are you going to do about your future?”

  “Hell if I know. You got any suggestions for me?”

  Chance held his gaze for a few moments. “I do, but I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

  “Fire away.”

  “Be honest with her. Tell her everything. Tell her how you feel about her, about kids, about the future – but more than that, tell her everything you don’t know, too. That’s just as important, maybe even more so. At least, it was for me and Hope. I knew I loved her, but I didn’t know if I could make it work. She knew she wanted to be with me, but she didn’t know if she could move here and leave her whole life behind. Loving someone is powerful but knowing all their fears and faults and working with them is even more powerful.”

  “I guess.”

  Chance took another sip of his coffee. “You keep guessing if you want. But if you’re for real about Sierra – and I think you are or I wouldn’t be sitting here spouting all this deep and meaningful shit – then you’re going to have to take me at my word and try it.”

  “Be honest about what I know and about what I don’t know?”

  “Yup.” Chance shrugged, the gesture indicating that the time for deep and meaningful shit was over.

  Wade gave him a rueful smile. “You realize you sound like fucking Yoda, right?”

  “Follow these lessons you must,” Chance said with a laugh and in the worst Yoda impression that Wade had ever heard.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “I talked to Barney today.” It was the last thing that Sierra wanted to talk about with Wade, but it was all she could think of. Conversation between them had gotten more difficult over the last couple of days. Not that they were having difficult conversations, but they weren’t having many at all. At least, not about anything that mattered. They’d spent the last couple of evenings here in the cabin watching movies mostly in silence. When they talked it was about the movie, or about little things that had happened during the day. It felt as though they were trying to avoid the future, so they kept their focus narrowed in on the present moment. Tonight was going to be their last night together here like this and she couldn’t stand the thought of letting it go by without really talking – without really being together.

  Wade came back from the kitchen where he’d been putting the dishes away. He sat down beside her on the sofa, not wrapping his arm around her but sitting sideways to face her. It felt like just another way he was distancing himself from her, and it made her heart hurt.

  “What did he have to say? Is there any news on Jared?”

  She blew out a sigh. “No. They have a team of investigators working on it, but they haven’t been able to find anything. It’s like he and Lori just disappeared off the face of the Earth when they left Park City.”

  “Are you scared?” He rested his hand on her leg, and it reminded her of her first few evenings here, before they’d made love.

  She covered his hand with hers and took a deep breath. The children were arriving tomorrow. Amelia was already here. She’d been staying in a hotel near the entrance to Yellowstone, but she was coming up tomorrow, to meet the children and possibly to stay at the big cabin. Everything was about to change, and Sierra had decided that she wanted and needed to be honest with Wade before it did. “I am scared.”

  His hand tightened around her leg, but she pressed on before he could speak.

  “I’m not scared of Jared. I don’t think that he’ll come after me now. Why would he? What would be the point? But I am scared …” She stopped and swallowed. “I’m scared about what’s going to happen between you and me.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down before he spoke. “What are you scared of?”

  “I’m going to miss you.” She looked around the cabin. “I’m going to miss this. I don’t want to say goodbye to you.”

  The lines around his eyes deepened, and he looked almost as though he was in pain. “It’s not goodbye, Sierra. We’ll still see each other. Anything you want, anything you need.” He smiled, but it looked forced. “It’s like I said at the beginning, whatever you want, tell me and I’m on it.”

  “I know. I don’t think that you’re going to abandon me. But it won’t be the same, will it? And I don’t want things to change.”

  He nodded sadly. “I don’t either. But let’s be honest, darlin’; things were always going to have to change for us.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “That what we’ve had this last couple weeks, it couldn’t ever have been anything else.”

  “It couldn’t?” Her heart felt as though it was trying to beat out of her chest. Had she been stupid? Had she gotten so caught up in him and the way she felt about him that she’d missed the fact that he was only in it for two weeks? No. She hadn’t. She didn’t believe that.


  He gave her a sad smile. “I’m not saying that I didn’t want it to be something more. But you’re … well, you’re you, and I’m me. And …” He shrugged. “Your life is in San Francisco. Mine’s here. You’re a beautiful, talented artist. I’m just a cowboy.” He blew out a sigh. “And even though we’ve never talked about it, you’re kinda wealthy, and I’m kinda not.”

  “But that doesn’t matter!”

  He blew out a sigh. “It does, though, doesn’t it? You’re used to a life that I can’t give you.”

  She could feel tears pricking behind her eyes. “But that life can’t give me the kind of happiness I’ve found with you.” She sucked in a deep breath to steady herself. “So, even if it weren’t for the children, you wouldn’t want … you don’t …” She didn’t even know how to ask. She’d been so caught up in the fact that he didn’t want children that she’d blinded herself to everything else. She was stupid. She must be.

  “Sierra, come here, darlin’. Don’t cry.”

  He wrapped her up in his arms and she burrowed into him. She might be stupid. He might not want her, but she couldn’t help wanting to get as close to him as she could. A sob escaped from her lips as she realized that this would probably be the last time.

  “I’m going to tell you the truth. I should have done it before now. Chance told me that I should tell you earlier this week, but I didn’t. I didn’t want you to feel like I was pressuring you, and I’m not. It’s just … seeing you cry … knowing that you think I don’t want you? It kills me. I do want you. The truth is, and you have to remember that I’m not asking you for anything, the truth is …”

  She held her breath as she waited. What was he going to say? Was he going to tell her that he cared about her? That he couldn’t be with her because of the children? That he was going back to Josie? All those possibilities seemed equally likely and equally ridiculous at the same time.

  “I don’t know if I can be what you need.”

  Her heart leapt with hope before it sank again. “Are you talking about the children?”

  She felt him nod. “Yeah.”

  That was the one thing she couldn’t fight. It broke her heart, but she knew she had to let him go. She had to. It didn’t matter if she’d gone and fallen in love with him. That was her burden to bear. It had happened way too fast, and she knew that it would take a heck of a lot longer to get over him – if she ever did. But there was no way around what he was saying. No way she would ever ask him to be part of the children’s lives if he didn’t want to be. It just wouldn’t be fair to them or to him.

  She tightened her arms around him and nodded against his chest. “Okay.” She wanted to scream that it wasn’t okay. She wanted to cry and beg him to see things differently, to meet them first and at least give them a chance. But she wouldn’t do that to him, or to them.

  “What’s okay?”

  She buried her face deeper in his chest. She couldn’t look at him. “I can’t be what you need either. You’re right. We’re too different. Our lives are too different. It’s better this way. I really do hope that we’ll always be friends. But I suppose, after tonight, this is it for us.”

  She felt him stiffen beside her. It was hard to say the words, and she imagined it would be hard for him to hear them, too. But they both knew it was for the best. Even if she could feel her heart breaking. She tightened her arms around him. “Take me to bed, Wade. Make love to me one last time?”

  He hesitated for a moment, and then stood before scooping her up off the sofa and carrying her through to the bedroom. It just made her cry harder. She’d never even allowed herself to daydream about having a man who would treat her the way he did, and now that she’d found him, she had to let him go.

  ~ ~ ~

  Wade’s head was spinning. He wasn’t even sure how they’d ended up at goodbye. He’d been struggling ever since his chat with Chance earlier in the week. He’d wanted to just come out and tell her that he’d fallen in love with her, and that he wanted to see if they could make something work – something that would include the children. He’d kept putting it off, not wanting her to feel like he was pressuring her for something that she didn’t want to give. He wanted her to be able to make her own decisions, and if he was honest, he’d been hoping that she’d be honest with him about how she felt – maybe even tell him that she felt the same way he did.

  He shouldn’t have left it until tonight. He knew that. But he’d hoped that she’d like the idea of him wanting to be a part of the kids’ lives, too. He’d thought long and hard about it, and he’d reached the conclusion that he could maybe be good for them. He knew he’d gone about it the wrong way. He’d wanted to tell her that he loved her and that he was going to love the kids, too. That if she’d let him, he’d do everything in his power to make sure they had a good life. But he’d started out with being honest – with saying that he didn’t know for sure if he could be what she needed – and that was all it had taken for her to finally be honest with him.

  He was still reeling as he laid her down on the bed. Instead of the conversation he’d hoped to start about how neither of them knew for sure what they could and couldn’t be and do, she’d gone right ahead and told him that she couldn’t be what he needed either. And now here they were at goodbye. She wanted him to make love to her, and his heart felt like it cracked in two as he remembered the look on her face when she said one last time. He kicked his boots off before climbing onto the bed beside her. He couldn’t deal with his emotions right now, but he could give her what she’d asked him for. He’d make it good for her. He’d make it good for himself, too. He had to – it was going to have to last him a lifetime.

  As soon as he was next to her, she wrapped herself around him. Her lips sought his and the kiss tasted of tears. He would have stayed there, content to hold her close and lose himself in that kiss, but she struggled with his shirt and then with his buckle and the zipper on his jeans. She showed none of the hesitation and uncertainty that she had when he first met her. She didn’t wait for his lead. Her cheeks didn’t even color up when she broke away and pulled her shirt off. It was bittersweet to know that he’d been able to do that much for her.

  “I want to be naked with you,” she breathed.

  He wanted to be naked with her, too. He forced himself to narrow his focus down to this moment. There’d be plenty of time for regrets and for sadness over what might have been – he had the rest of his life for that. If this was his only night left with her, he wasn’t going to waste a moment of it by not being fully present.

  He got rid of his clothes and then tugged her jeans and panties down over her hips before pulling them off and throwing them across the room. She’d already taken care of her top and bra, so when he was done, she lay beautifully naked before him.

  Her eyes shone with tears as she looked up at him. Flashes of emotion shone in the deep dark gray. He ran his finger down her cheek and then on down between her breasts. He rested his hand on the curve of her stomach and leaned down to brush a kiss over her lips. “You’re beautiful.”

  “Thank you.”

  He had to tear his gaze away from hers. He could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes. She didn’t need to see that. He was proud of her for knowing what she wanted, even though it wasn’t him. He didn’t want to make her feel bad by letting her see how much it hurt.

  He dropped his head, and closing both hands around her breasts, he took one taut peak into his mouth. He worked her with his lips and tongue, lavishing attention on one breast then the other until she was moaning and writhing underneath him.

  “Please, Wade. I want you.”

  He closed his eyes. He’d planned to work his way down her body using his hands and mouth to take her there over and over before he finally sank himself inside her. But the need in her voice tugged at his insides. He reached over to the nightstand for a condom and rolled it on.

  “Do you want to ride me?” He wanted this last time to be whatever she wanted it to be. Yeah,
the memory would have to last him a lifetime, but what he would cherish most about it was knowing how far she’d come in the short time they’d shared. The first time they’d been together she hadn’t wanted to get there before him – hadn’t been sure if she’d be able to come more than once. Since then, her confidence had grown and she’d gotten adventurous, climbing on and riding him when she wanted to. He closed his eyes when he remembered looking up from rolling on a condom and finding her on all fours, ass in the air, looking back at him with flushed cheeks and a smile – asking if they could try it that way.

  She shook her head and held her arms up to him. “No. I want you to love me.”

  He closed his eyes again, and bit down on his bottom lip to stop himself from telling her that he did. His head wanted to deny that thought, wanted to list out all the reasons why this wasn’t really love, but his heart knew better – it wasn’t about reasons, it was a feeling, and it wouldn’t be denied. Come tomorrow, he’d have to bury it, but he wouldn’t deny it.

  Still, he couldn’t burden Sierra with it. So, he propped himself up on one elbow and curled his other arm around her, drawing her closer until he leaned over her and brushed his lips over hers. She traced her fingers down his chest and kept going until they curled around him, but he caught her hand and pinned it to the bed beside her head as he covered her body with his.

  She spread her legs wider, rocking her hips, trying to position him at her entrance. He had to smile. “Are you trying to rush me?”

  She smiled back, but her eyes still shone with tears. “I am. I want you, Wade. I want you inside me. I want you to make love to me all night long, and the sooner we get started, the better.”

  He let go of her hand and slid his hand under her ass, opening her wider and lifting her hips to receive him as he pressed inside. He wanted to take it slowly, wanted to savor every moment of the way her body yielded to him. How she tensed at first, making it feel impossible that she’d ever accommodate him and then how with one final push he was seated deep inside, and her body welcomed him home. Shit. She wasn’t home. She just felt like it.