Bridge of Hope

by Lisa J. Hobman

  An ominous roar rushed toward me. When I looked up, a wall of black water was looming above me. There was nothing I could do except snatch a breath before the sea crashed around me, tearing me away from the boat and tossing and tumbling me in its depths until I couldn’t hold my breath any longer.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  My eyelids fluttered open and my head hurt like hell. Where the hell was I? I wasn’t in the water anymore. Was I dead? Confusion clouded my mind and I called out, “Mallory.” But when my voice left my body it was nothing more than a strangled whisper.

  I must have drifted off because the next time I opened my eyes there was a woman hovering over me. I tried to touch her face, but I couldn’t raise my hand. I was so very weak. “Mallory… Mallory,” I whispered again.

  “Who’s Mallory, love? Can we call her for you?”

  “Mallory…” Everything went black once again.

  ~~~

  I had no idea how much time had passed or whether I was in fact awake at the time, but I heard voices. My eyes wouldn’t open and everything echoed as if I were at the end of a very long tunnel. Maybe I was dreaming? Maybe I was dead? The cruelty of my imagination ripped at my heart as I heard her voice in my head.

  “Greg, I want you to know that I’m sorry for how I reacted when you told me about Alice. You said you don’t love her and I should’ve accepted that. It doesn’t matter that you’re still married if you don’t love her. It’s just a piece of paper that can be dealt with… You said you love me. I should have just been happy and now I’m scared I’m going to lose you, too. You need to get better, Greg. You need to come home.”

  The voice faded, and when I opened my eyes again, I was standing on the bridge over the Atlantic at night. The crescent moon was high in the sky and the stars dotted the dark canvas around it like tiny jewels. Glancing to my left, I gazed into the sparkling eyes of my true love.

  She leaned in and stroked my hair. Her touch was soft and I felt myself relaxing as I gazed at her. God, she was beautiful. “It’s strange how it’s taken something like this to kick me up the arse and make me realise exactly how I feel. I was intent on talking things through with you tonight to see if we could get past what happened between us. But when I found out that you had gone missing, I thought through everything we’ve been through. The arguments, the kisses, the laughs. And it dawned on me. Nothing else matters.”

  I opened my mouth to reply to Mallory, but no words would form. I crumpled my brow and tried again as panic washed over me. Why couldn’t I answer her? She would think I didn’t care.

  She continued, “The thing that matters most is that I love you, Greg.” The moonlight glistened on her cheeks, betraying her tears, and I tried to reach out but again I couldn’t will my body to act. “Greg, can you hear me?” Once again I tried to reply. I could hear the panic in her voice. Why can’t I speak? I need to answer her. “Greg, I’m in love with you. Please don’t leave me. I’m stupid and I’m stubborn and self-righteous. I judged you and made assumptions about you and I was so, so wrong. You told me exactly how you felt and I threw it back in your face. And now I realise that I love you and don’t want to be without you. It doesn’t matter how soon this has happened. It’s no one’s fault. It doesn’t make it wrong. Please just wake up and tell me you still love me.” Wake up? I don’t…

  Mallory faded away and once again my mind disconnected with cognitive thought.

  ~~~

  I opened my eyes and stared up at a white ceiling. A strange-smelling clear mask covered my face tightly and a cold stream of air was being forced into my nose and mouth. Something gripped my hand and I squeezed it back. It felt warm like soft skin. I turned my face toward the direction of my right hand to find Mallory staring at me, wide-eyed and very pale.

  I lifted my left hand and removed the mask from my face. “Hey, Mally. You came.” My words were filled with disbelief and my throat was very dry and sore.

  She let out a sob. “Of course I came, Greg.” I begged her not to cry and enquired about the boys, Tom and James. Hearing that they were safe and well filled me with relief, and my own eyes stung with unshed tears.

  My mind drifted back to the vivid dream I’d had about Mallory and me on the bridge. I told her she had woken me from a really good dream, and she apologised. Should I tell her about it? My mouth took over where my head couldn’t decide.

  “The dream was strange. You were in it, crying and stroking my hair… and you told me you were in love with me and it made me so happy.” Tears escaped my eyes and I closed them. I could feel my lip trembling. How could I look at her now? I covered my eyes with my free hand. “But then I woke up.”

  She begged me to open my eyes and look at her, but I couldn’t possibly do that. I held my hand up to stop her and apologised for what I’d put her through. The shit with Alice. The attempt at moving on with Kate. Once again I’d ruined any chance I had at happiness with her. Every time I realised this, it was like a new pain that I was experiencing for the first time. My heart ached and suddenly I wanted to be left alone. I was exhausted and couldn’t deal with the barrage of emotions I was experiencing.

  “Greg, look at me, please,” she demanded. And so taking a deep breath through my sore nose, I made eye contact with her. Tears trailed down her cheeks but she smiled through them. “Greg it wasn’t a dream. I said and did those things. I stroked your hair and squeezed your hand. And… and I told you I’m in love with you and that I never want to be without you again.” More saltwater fell from her eyes, and I tried to process what she was saying. Had I drifted off again? Was my subconscious torturing me?

  I closed my eyes and replayed what I thought I’d just heard. When I opened them I stared deep into her eyes, looking for any sign that this was real. She smiled back at me and gave a little laugh that melted my heart.

  My face relaxed and I asked, “You did? You love me?” I searched her eyes further. This wasn’t really happening, was it?

  She nodded. “I love you. Greg, I want to be with you, always.” She leaned into me and kissed my lips gently as if afraid to cause me more pain. “Do you still… want me though, Greg?”

  A wide smile took over my face. I could feel it pulling at the taut, grazed skin around my eyes. “Do you really need to ask me that?”

  Huffing out a long breath, she stroked my hair. “That’s so good to hear. Now please get well so we can get you out of here and decide where the heck I’m going to live… seeing as I think I may have sold my house.”

  I reached up to touch her hair as I looked up at her, longing for her to really hear me. “Mallory?”

  “Yes, Greg?”

  “I love you. More than anything in this world.”

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Mallory stayed with me in hospital and visited regularly until I was able to leave. And even then she hardly ever left my side. I was plagued by a fresh set of nightmares. I would wake up screaming and flailing my arms. The images of being surrounded by water and blackness tormented me whenever I closed my eyes. It was a kind of post-traumatic stress according to the psychologist I’d been seeing in hospital. And it would pass eventually but would need time.

  Every single time she walked in, the first thing we did was kiss and hold each other. Sometimes our exchanges got a little out of hand, but we didn’t care. Even when I was moved to the general ward, I needed to feel her mouth on mine and her hands in my hair just to remind myself that this was real. She was mine and there was no way I was letting her go now.

  No. Way.

  One particularly heated exchange had Mallory blushing and panting. God, I wanted her so badly and I couldn’t wait until I was fitter. I told her the truth straight from my heart, “If being out there in that icy water, fearing for my life, has taught me anything, it’s that from now on I’m not going to hide my emotions anymore. I love you and I want you and I don’t care who sees or who knows it.” The way she gazed back at me through hooded eyes told me she felt exactly the same and my h
eart was full to bursting with love for her.

  ~~~

  On the day I was released she picked me up in the Landy and I was suitably impressed at her driving such a huge vehicle after her tiny one. But that was Mallory. She liked to surprise me.

  I expressed how proud I was of her and she laughed. “Yes, and boy, that was a fun experience. It put a smile on my face, that’s for sure.”

  “See, I knew I could convert you. We’ll need to get you one instead of that pocket-sized, pretend car you drive around in now.” I loved to tease her. “Winters around here are a sight to behold but my, oh my, will you know about it if you try to go out in your toy car.” She pursed her lips at me and I could tell that my comment was being added to her mental list of things to get me back for at a later date. I couldn’t wait for her to take her revenge.

  As soon as we were back at my house, I pulled her down onto the couch with me and took her mouth in a deep, passionate kiss, stealing the breath from her body as she melted into me. I slipped my tongue over hers as my hand grasped her hair. I wanted to be inside her. My whole body wanted her.

  When the kiss was over I met her crystal-clear blue eyes. “God, I’ve wanted to do that properly for so long. And I’m willing my ribs to get better quickly. I’m not sure where we are on the taking-it-slow thing, but I’d appreciate a heads-up ’cause I’m just about going to go crazy here.”

  “Please, just get well, Greg; quickly.” The kiss that followed her fevered words told me all I needed to know. She was desperate for me too.

  As the evening wore on I became more and more exhausted. I was struggling to keep my eyes open, and Mallory helped me up the stairs to bed. We laughed as she tried to get me out of my clothes and I couldn’t help the odd cheeky remark.

  As I stood before her in my boxers, she traced the tattoo on my chest with her fingertips. The contact stirred up the longing deep within me again and I closed my eyes.

  Eyeing my marks with intrigue, she asked in a whisper, “What does your tattoo mean? This one on your chest.”

  Trying to focus on her question and not on the fact that my blood was making a speedy journey southwards, I answered, “It’s Gaelic. I studied it at school and it’s always been special to me. The tattoo translates, roughly, as ‘Love conquers all.’ I got it to remind myself that no matter what life throws at me, whether it’s my wife and best friend betraying me; Mairi being killed on a mountain; or me ballsing anything up in a big way… for example with the woman I’m in love with now… Whatever it is, love will still find a way and I’ve not to give up on it. And you see…” I leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I was right.”

  We climbed into bed and turned out the light. I slipped my arm around her and she nuzzled into my chest. “Hmmm, feels good to be next to you again,” I whispered.

  “It really does.” She stroked my chest until I fell into a peaceful, nightmare-free sleep.

  ~~~

  At the end of November Mallory was still cautious about us and it worried me a little. When it came down to her telling Sam’s family about us, she faltered and I became scared that maybe she hadn’t quite put her trust in us. But I discovered her worries lay more around what her Canadian family would think of her for betraying Sam’s memory. Of course I knew they would think nothing of the sort, but I could understand her trepidation. We talked it all through and she decided to make the call.

  I sat beside her as she sobbed down the line to Renee. Her pseudo-mother-in-law was wonderful about the whole thing. It turned out that she’d known from the moment she met me that Mallory and I were destined to be together. Knowing that fact settled my mind and I felt a kind of acceptance that I had never experienced before. I was part of a loving family once again and it felt amazing.

  The relief was evident throughout Mallory’s whole demeanour once her call to Canada had ended and I think we both knew at that point that we could move forward.

  We spent as much time together as possible from then. We took walks along the beach with Angus and Ruby, the two of us wrapped around each other against the cold. We visited Little Blue where she had been moored again ready for repair. Seeing the mangled and splintered pieces of the hull made my insides knot and brought back terrifying memories; but like they say, if you fall off the horse it’s best to get right back on, and I would as soon as I was able.

  Even mundane tasks like supermarket shopping were fun. I made her laugh hysterically by singing along to the music purposefully out of tune.

  “Ever thought of being a singer?” she asked me as we stood in the canned-goods aisle.

  “Why? Do you think I should?” I had just finished a terrible rendition of “Pour Some Sugar on Me”. I actually should have been suitably impressed that the store was playing decent music instead of ruining it with my caterwauling, but it made my girl laugh so what the heck.

  “Well, you do have the voice of an angel,” she teased.

  Slipping my arms around her waist, I kissed her right by the baked beans—and no that’s not a euphemism. Everything we did together was new and exciting. I wanted to experience everything with her.

  I began to get funny looks as I walked through the village, whistling to myself and smiling. I guess people thought Grumpy Greg had been abducted by aliens or something. But I really had changed. I had to admit to myself that I was happier right then than I’d ever been. I think I found myself when I found Mallory. Or when she found me. Or when Mairi and Sam brought us together.

  My favourite times were when we stood on the bridge over the Atlantic, looking out at the ocean and holding hands or kissing. It was becoming our special place and I loved that.

  Chapter Fifty

  December 2011

  By December my healing process was almost complete, and I was getting about much easier. My fractured ribs had meant my relationship with Mallory had to be taken slow. We had agreed to wait before taking things further, and my God, it was slowly killing me to lie beside her and be unable to make love to her. It was all I wanted, to connect with her completely, but I kept reminding myself that when it did happen, it would be worth the wait. It was like a daily mantra. Who am I kidding? It was a fucking hourly mantra.

  I was still plagued with a few other aches and pains, but nothing that a strapping six-foot-two bloke like me couldn’t handle. Christmas was on the horizon and I was excited to be sharing it with Mallory. My last Christmas hadn’t been that great, so this one was under pressure to be perfect.

  The first weekend in December was tree-buying time. I had always thought I was a big kid when it came to Christmas, but it turned out Mallory was just as bad—if not worse! She hummed and hawed about which tree to get and we stood there in the tree lot for ages.

  “That one looks a bit spindly, don’t you think?” she asked as I hugged my arms around my body to keep warm.

  “Just pick one so we can bloody go home, woman,” I said, nudging her with my shoulder.

  She turned to me, slipped her arms around my neck, and pouted. “It’s got to be just right though, Greg. This is for us.”

  And there went my heart, melted into a puddle of mush on the floor beneath her furry boots. I leaned in and kissed her tenderly with a smile. “Whatever you choose it will be just right. Because it’s for us.”

  Eventually we went back to the first tree we’d looked at—but I now understand this to be a typical female trait. We loaded it into the Landy and climbed in. I glanced over and she looked a little sad.

  Reaching over I stroked her cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong, gorgeous?”

  “Oh… nothing. I was just wondering…”

  After a pause I became inquisitive. “Wondering what?”

  “Nothing, it’s silly. You’ll think I’m daft.”

  I chuckled. “I already think you’re daft. You’re my girl, remember?”

  She smiled and rolled her eyes. “I was just wondering… if there is a heaven… and Mairi and Sam are up there, do you think… Do you think they’
re friends?”

  She broke my heart with the way she thought. God, she was so cute sometimes.

  Tilting her chin around so she faced me, I placed a kiss on her nose. “I know they are.” A peaceful smile played on her lips. I’d apparently satisfied her with my answer, and so we set off for home.

  Getting the tree into Mallory’s cottage was interesting. You don’t realise the quirkiness of cottages until you have to manoeuvre something like a hunk of trunk with spiky branches through two doors. Mallory was as much use as a bloody chocolate fire grate. As I struggled with the bloody thing, she giggled uncontrollably which, of course, in turn, had me laughing too. Two laughing adult plus one large, spiky pine tree equals a bad combination.

  Once the tree was situated in the living room, I poured us a wee dram of sherry and we started going through our decorations. I have to admit at this point to having very little taste when it comes to such things. My ornaments were… how do I put it? Well, tacky and brightly coloured, whereas hers were classical and showed an understated elegance that my childish ones could never aspire to in a million years.

  Whilst I hung fat-bellied, red-nosed Santa Clauses and goggle-eyed snowmen at the front, she surreptitiously removed them and placed them toward the back, replacing them with her own handmade, wooden Christmas trees and gold-sprayed pine cones. I watched her doing this for a while, trying not to give the game away, but eventually I wrestled her to the ground.

  Tickling her ribs, I sat astride her torso. “Admit it, Westerman, admit that you’re ashamed of my plastic snowmen.”

  Giggling and struggling, she shouted, “Never! I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You’re taking them off and moving them, you cheeky wee mare.”

  “Not a clue what you mean,” she squealed. “Stop it or I’ll pee!” We rolled around laughing hysterically and eventually, even if a little begrudgingly, my plastic snowmen and Santa ornaments took pride of place amongst her grown-up ones. Greg one… Mallory nil.