Rejected By Heaven_An Urban Fantasy Action Adventure

by Michael Anderle

  She took several deep breaths as a new and more insidious enemy attacked: a full bladder.

  “Damn it, Brownstone. If we hadn’t taken your stupid detour, I could have been back in town using an actual bathroom.”

  That was the one big disadvantage of her new vocational choice. Men just didn’t understand how unpleasant it was to have to pee in bushes. They figured that just because it was easy for them to whip it out, it wasn’t a big deal for women.

  “Brownstone, if I get sand up my crack, I’m kicking your ass.”

  19

  Shay finished her personal business and made her way back to the Forerunner. The entire time, she fought the urge to go check on Brownstone and see if he was still among the living. Tension spread through her neck and shoulders at the lack of recent gunfire.

  “That’s a good thing,” she muttered. “It means he won.” A sigh followed. “Or it means he lost and the dumbass got turned into a zombie.”

  Shay stopped, frowning. If Brownstone were dead, then she needed to go get some vengeance for him. Then again, a monster who could kill the bounty hunter might be too much for her. Knowing her limits was one of the reasons she was still breathing after a lifetime of violence.

  “Maybe that idiot got too cocky. I’m not like him. I’m not gonna end up a zombie.”

  “What about zombies?”

  The tomb raider pulled her gun out as she spun. Brownstone stood on the path, bloodied and scratched up, but very much in the land of the living from what she could see. He held something wrapped in a bloody T-shirt decorated with a cartoon fox.

  “Don’t sneak up on people, Brownstone,” Shay muttered, holstering her gun. “Especially when you’ve just finished hunting a necromancer.”

  “He’s not a problem anymore.” The bounty hunter shrugged, then glanced over his shoulder. “What were you doing? I thought you were going to stay in the car.”

  Shay’s face twitched. The last thing she wanted to tell Brownstone was that she had to take a leak. “I got bored, and I’d thought I’d see if you needed help.” She shrugged. It wasn’t a total lie. She had in fact thought about whether Brownstone needed help, even if she hadn’t acted on it.

  Brownstone raised the bloodied T-shirt. “Thanks, but I had things under control. I guess you could say Sombra lost his head.” He chuckled.

  Shay rolled her eyes. “That joke is so bad it should be treated as a weapon of mass destruction.”

  The fact he held a decapitated head didn’t bother her. She’d done far worse when she was a professional killer, even if she didn’t always want to remember that.

  “Next time I go after a necromancer I’m bringing a machete,” Brownstone said. “It’ll make a lot of things easier. Or maybe a big-ass sword.”

  Shay sighed and hurried over to the Forerunner. “Let me get you a bag so you don’t get his blood all over the seats. I’d kind of like the deposit back.”

  James looked around as if the cacti would miraculously cough up something for him before he turned to Shay. “Thanks.”

  She opened the back and fished a small black cloth bag out of her supplies. She tossed Brownstone the bag. “So you went through all that trouble just to end up with no bounty? You don’t really seem like the trophy type, though, so I guess I’m a little surprised.”

  “Nope, not a trophy-taker. I’m practical, not psycho.” Brownstone assured her, stuffing the bloodied T-shirt, head and all, inside the bag.

  The tomb raider stared at the bag, trying to square its presence with what the bounty hunter had just said.

  “Uh, Brownstone, I think most people would consider chopping off a guy’s head trophy-taking. Or is this part of some sort of weird magic shit?”

  The bounty hunter grunted. “I needed the head for identification. And his bounty actually listed him as worth twice as much dead.”

  Shay blinked. “Huh, really? I thought most of the time they wouldn’t take ‘em if they were dead. I read all the time about people getting in trouble back home for excessive force during bounty captures.”

  Brownstone shook his head. “Past the border, sure. Not as much down here, though usually it’s not higher, just the same. The Mexican authorities didn’t want to have to deal with figuring out how to hold this asshole. Can’t blame them after the shit I saw him do.”

  Shay chuckled. “No wonder this guy had to make his own friends.” She started the vehicle once Brownstone had situated himself in the passenger seat. “Let’s get back to the hotel before you accidentally run into more armed men. Or the head starts to smell the car up. Roll down your window.”

  The next day at lunch, Shay lifted a delicious taco to her mouth. It’d been a while since she’d visited El Paisá, but the wonderful flavors in her mouth were the same as she remembered. Ah, the spices, the crunch of the shell, and the mixing of the textures between the lettuce, meat, and cheese. Too damn tasty.

  “Flavor this good should be illegal,” Shay murmured to herself between bites. Her thoughts drifted back to her call to the Professor the night before.

  Smite-Williams seemed delighted, if a bit tipsy, at her recovery of the artifact, and he had alluded to another job he wanted her to do soon.

  “Whatever,” the field archaeologist mumbled to herself. “I’ll worry about that when I get back to the US.”

  Money was money, and the Professor seemed to have a lot of it to throw around. These successful recoveries also were helping build her reputation, which meant other people would throw work her way.

  The tomb raider put down her taco and frowned. There were certain lines she hadn’t crossed yet. Smite-Williams seemed like a decent enough man, but she wasn’t sure what she’d do if someone dirtier needed her help. The Rod of Supay, for example, would be very dangerous in the wrong hands.

  Am I a total mercenary or not? Guess I should figure that out before someone does it for me.

  Shay took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. She’d scored an artifact and managed to not get killed, so it had been a good trip. She needed to focus on that, more than some future ethics concerns.

  She considered lingering a day or two and relaxing in town. It’d been a long time since she’d been able to enjoy a place like Cabo San Lucas without work hanging over her. The Professor probably didn’t need her to immediately leave for the new job.

  Brownstone stepped into the taqueria. She was glad he’d dumped that ugly-ass coat, but several customers stepped away from him, eyeing him with visible concern.

  Shay frowned, then realized she’d gotten used to his somewhat odd appearance. She even found it attractive, in its own way. Between the muscles, the ridges and birthmarks on Brownstone’s face, and his extensive arm tattoos, she could see how a normal person might be afraid that he belonged to some gang like MS-13.

  She pushed the thought out of her head, happy to see he wasn’t carrying the head around with him anymore. From what he’d told her the night before, they’d sent James away from the local police station, telling him to come back the next day. This was despite the fact he literally had a head in a bag. She couldn’t help but wonder how often that exact scenario played out, if the local authorities were so blasé about it.

  With both the field archaeologist and the bounty hunter tired from a long day, they had decided to just grab a quick bite to eat and rest at the hotel until the following day.

  The bounty hunter had disappeared after breakfast with the necromancer’s head, and she’d texted him when she’d headed out to let him know she was grabbing lunch at the taqueria.

  Brownstone nodded to Shay and headed over to her table to take a seat. He had a slight frown on his face.

  “Problem, Brownstone?” Shay asked after swallowing the current bite. “Did you get your bounty, or are they making you wait some more?”

  “Nah, they gave it to me, but it was a fucking hassle to get it processed.”

  “Why? Didn’t pay your local bounty dues or some shit? They want bribes?”

  The bou
nty hunter shook his head. “No, they just didn’t believe me at first.”

  Shay leaned forward. “You had a fucking head in bag,” she whispered.

  “Yeah, but they didn’t believe it was him. I’m not the first gringo to show up with a head in a bag and claim it was Sombra the Deathbringer. That was why they made me come back today; so they could inspect the head more carefully.”

  Shay nodded. “They don’t have DNA on file they can run a comparison on?”

  “Nope. They don’t. I got lucky, though.” Brownstone grunted. “I wasn’t going to leave this town without them paying me.”

  “How did you get lucky? You intimidate them into paying you?”

  “Nope. They confirmed the identity.” He tapped his cheek. “Turns out our boy used to be in a gang and had a unique gang tattoo inside his cheek, so that proved it was him. He was also wanted for the murders of several Federales a few years before this more recent shit.”

  Shay stared at Brownstone. “Wait, some necromancer joined a gang? That’s kind of dumb. If the guy can raise an army of zombies, why does he need to bother with a bunch of thugs?”

  “That’s the fun part. Because he wasn’t Sombra the Deathbringer until last year. Before that, he was just Sombra the low-level gang enforcer.” Brownstone shook his head. “He stumbled on some sort of Oriceran artifact that changed him, and then he turned into a bigger arrogant prick than before. I’ll give him credit; for all his bullshit speeches about how tough he was, he must have understood that if he’d hung out in the city he’d have been taken down sooner rather than later. He wasn’t a total moron.”

  “But he still got his head chopped off by a bounty hunter.”

  “I didn’t say he wasn’t a moron, just not a total moron.”

  Shay picked up her beer to take a sip. “And he still got enough attention to have a huge bounty on his head. You would have thought he would have kept a lower profile, even out in the countryside.”

  “That kind of worked to his advantage. From what the authorities told me, locals didn’t fuck with him as long as he stayed in his little canyon, and no one came after him. None of the bounty hunters who went after him came back. After he took out a village the government tried to bomb him out, but when they sent in a small squad to confirm his death, those soldiers died, too. After that point, even the government decided to leave him alone.” Brownstone shrugged. “They just massively increased the bounty and hoped someone like me would show up and take his ass out.”

  There was an uneasy expression on the bounty hunter’s face. Shay wouldn’t call it fear, but it was discomfort at the least. The man had butchered two housefuls of Harriken without showing discomfort.

  It was not a good look on him.

  Shay couldn’t help but wonder if dealing with the zombies had freaked Brownstone out more than he was willing to admit, but since they’d both completed their missions, she saw no reason to bring down the mood by probing at a potential sore spot. She might be able to kick serious ass, but she was far from fearless herself.

  “Hey, you hungry?” she said. “These tacos are damn good. Want some?”

  The bounty hunter held up five fingers. “Cinco.”

  Shay flagged down a waitress and put in the order. Once the other woman was gone she couldn’t help but stare at the bounty hunter, again thinking how he didn’t seem like his normal arrogant self.

  “What?” The discomfort on Brownstone’s face turned to irritation. “Why are you looking at me like that? Got something on my face?”

  “Oh, nothing. Just thinking about the bounty money,” Shay lied. “I mean, the Mexican government doesn’t have enough money for regular law enforcement and military shit, so I was wondering how they can afford big-ass bounties.”

  Brownstone shrugged. “They don’t pay them, mostly.”

  Shay blinked. “Huh? Then why does anyone bother to go after bounties here?”

  “It’s not that the bounty hunters don’t get paid. It’s more who does the payment.” He gestured toward the door. “Resort areas in particular have tons of bounties, because the businesses and hotels all pay into a fund. I think they all understand that if the crime situation gets out of control and starts affecting tourists they’ll be in trouble.”

  “So zombie necromancers are fine until they threaten Spring Breakers?” Shay rolled her eyes. “And people say I’m ruthless.”

  Brownstone nodded. “Yeah, imagine if Sombra had bought a fucking clue and kept quiet about converting people. He could have started his own little Mexican zombie apocalypse before anyone knew what was going on. When I fought the guy he had hundreds of zombies, and those fuckers don’t go down without removing the entire head. Cops and Federales would have had a hard time dealing with them.”

  “Look, at you, saving the world…or at least Baja California Sur.” Shay grinned.

  The bounty hunter had opened his mouth to say something else when the waitress appeared with his tacos. She placed his plate down in front of him and offered him a polite nod before leaving.

  Shay watched Brownstone expectantly as he lifted a taco to his mouth and took a huge bite. His mouth worked for a moment before he swallowed.

  “So, what do you think?”

  Brownstone smiled. “These are fucking fantastic.”

  20

  Later that evening, James knocked on the door to Shay’s hotel room. It took a surprisingly long time for her to answer.

  He frowned, wondering if she was in trouble. He doubted a fight could break out across the hall without him hearing anything, but he couldn’t be sure.

  James pounded on the door again. “Shay, you in there?”

  The lock clicked in the door, and the bounty hunter stepped back. He didn’t want to go down easily if an enemy lurked on the other side.

  The open door revealed Shay, not an attacker. Her dark wet hair clung to her face and neck, and she wore nothing but a soft white cotton robe.

  “Hey, Brownstone,” she murmured, her voice low. “Sorry about the wait. I was just taking a shower. You know how it is when you get in there and there’s all that steam and water flowing over your body. It just gets you all relaxed. Makes your mind wander.”

  “Yeah, I understand how showers work.” He shrugged, confused by where she was going with any of this. “I mostly think about barbecue in the shower.”

  “Of course you do.” Shay rolled her eyes. She leaned against the doorjamb, tilting her head. Her leg moved forward, flashing a little skin. “Wanna come in for a bit?”

  “Nope,” he stated flatly.

  “Huh?” A slight frown appeared on Shay’s face.

  “Sorry. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t need me. I was planning to buy a ticket and head back to LA. From what you said a little while ago, you’re good to go without me.”

  Something James couldn’t interpret played in Shay’s eyes, but he decided it’d be best to leave it alone. Even though he knew about the woman’s dark past, he still couldn’t claim he understood her. Sometimes she could be totally ruthless, and sometimes she worried like a soccer mom.

  She was complicated, and that unsettled him more than he wanted to admit.

  “You’re leaving so soon?” Shay sounded almost disappointed.

  “No reason for me to stay,” James told her. “I got the bounty, and you got the artifact. I’d rather sleep in my own bed, and we have good tacos in LA. Not like we have a shortage of good Mexican cooks there.”

  “Oh, well…”

  “Problem?”

  She sighed and shook her head. “Nah, don’t worry about it.” She smiled. “I think I’m gonna stick around for a day or two. The Professor mentioned some other work, but we’re not gonna go over the final details until I come back to LA, so I think I can manage a couple days off.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Nice working with you, Brownstone.” Shay laughed. “I don’t know if we can consider this job bloodier or less bloody than last time.”

  “Las
t time I killed three guys. This time I only killed one. Those zombies were already dead.”

  “Fair point.” She blew some wet hair out of her face. “I guess I’ll see you back in LA then.”

  James nodded. “See you.” He turned to leave.

  “Brownstone, just one thing.”

  He turned back around. “What?”

  “Burn that fucking coat when you get back to LA. I don’t care how useful it is for concealing shit. It’s a crime against fashion, and I can’t in good conscience continue to let you wear something like that.”

  James chuckled. Shay was developing quite the mother complex.

  It was too damn late when James found himself standing in front of his house. He didn’t care if the flight was short. Something about being that high up for more than a few minutes always left him feeling off and tired. Maybe it had something to do with the air recirculation.

  He didn’t know.

  Yeah, next fucker I’m after will probably hide in an airplane bathroom. It would be just my luck. The Prince of Planes, or whatever shit.

  “Fucking cowards,” he muttered. “Stay on the damn ground.”

  James opened the door and stepped inside. It’d only been a couple of days, but it felt like it had been weeks.

  Not that there was anything there waiting for him. Leeroy was dead, and Alison was gone.

  The bounty hunter pulled out his phone and prepared to call her before sighing and slipping it back into his pocket.

  It was late in Los Angeles, so it was super-damn late in Virginia. He scrubbed a hand over his face. He’d taken down a level-four and a level-five bounty in less than a week. It wasn’t like he needed to go rushing off to do anything else.

  Maybe Shay had the right idea. He’d take it easy for the next couple of days. Everything would look better after a shower and good night’s rest.

  “I swear by the cumin,” said Bill, the host of the Modern Super BBQ podcast. “If there’s no cumin involved, I might as well go home.” He went on to extol the virtues of cumin in barbecue sauce.