Secrets According to Humphrey

by Betty G. Birney

  I sniffed some more.

  There was another familiar smell. Very old bedding. And, yes, my poo!

  Do-It-Now-Daniel had cleaned out my cage that day. At the time, I was glad my cage was cleaned, but I wasn’t so glad when I thought I might have to dig through my poo!

  But I had to keep going.

  I didn’t want to end up buried in a mountain of trash, so I had a Plan. If I didn’t have a Plan before trying something so risky, I could be one sorry hamster!

  Luckily, the bag was on the bottom shelf.

  I gave the corner a swipe with my paw.

  It opened a tiny bit, but nothing came out.

  So I swiped it a little higher and repeated.

  The paint and glue smells were getting stronger.

  Oh, and so was the poo.

  I grabbed one side of the opening with both paws and tugged with all my might.

  Then I ran away as fast as I could because I thought that the whole side of the bag might open.

  And I was right!

  EEEK! With a gigantic WHOOSH, the trash tumbled out like an avalanche!

  It really was a mountain of trash. And a little bit of poo.

  I suddenly wished that I had Og with me to warn me of the time. It could take all night to find my notebook and I didn’t want to get caught out of my cage.

  It was still hard to see things, so I used my sense of smell and my sense of touch to examine everything there.

  Used tissues (EWWW), bits of pencils and erasers, paper with glue on it, paper with gold paint on it, a few bits of food. (Who was eating in class?)

  Little by little, I climbed the mountain of trash, which was not an easy thing to do because things kept shifting under my paws.

  UP-UP-UP I went, higher and higher, over mounds of paper, rubber bands, tiny pieces of chalk and markers that had run out of ink. (Markers are very slippery when you’re climbing.)

  Of course, it would be near the top, since Aldo had swept it up last.

  I could almost see the top of the mountain when I felt something flat and firm under my paws.

  Something like . . . my notebook!

  I didn’t have to look at it to know. It was the right size and the right smell.

  “Oh, notebook,” I whispered. “Hello.” I picked it up with my front paws and hugged it close to me.

  But I couldn’t walk down the mountain on my back legs alone.

  I tried holding it with my teeth, but it was heavier than I thought. It made me a little wobbly.

  I was trying to figure out what to do when my back legs began to quiver and shiver and wobble and—there I went, tumbling down the mountain with my notebook in my teeth.

  THUMP! BUMP! SMACK! WHACK! OW! WOW!

  I rolled all the way to the bottom—but I still had my notebook!

  My Plan had worked, although I hadn’t expected the falling and rolling part.

  I was happy. I was relieved. I was tired. But I had to get the notebook back to Room 26.

  I was even more tired after pushing the notebook under the door. It was thicker than I was when I squished down my body. I had to use all my strength to force it through.

  Slipping myself back under the door wasn’t easy, either.

  I started my journey back to Room 26 with the notebook in my mouth, but after a while, it felt too heavy.

  I placed it on the floor and hopped on top, hoping it would slide like a skateboard, but it didn’t budge.

  Finally, I gave it a good shove with my front paws.

  It moved forward a few inches and so that’s what I did the rest of the night.

  Inch by inch, past the office.

  Inch by inch, past classroom after classroom.

  It was definitely morning when I pushed the notebook under the door to Room 26, then pushed myself as well.

  “I did it, Og! I found the notebook!” I shouted.

  “BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!”

  Even from across the room, I could see that Og was jumping so high, he was about to pop the top of his tank.

  “I’ll hurry,” I said.

  I pushed the notebook across the floor until I reached the table. Then, holding the notebook in my mouth, I grabbed onto the blinds’ cord and swung myself UP-UP-UP—which took a lot longer with the extra weight of the notebook.

  I leaped onto the table, raced past Og’s tank and went into my cage.

  At last, I slammed the door behind me and tucked my notebook behind the mirror.

  “Home sweet home,” I said.

  And I fell asleep.

  I try to be a good student and keep up with the lessons in Room 26, but I have to admit that I slept through the whole day.

  When I woke up, I felt like a brand-new hamster.

  In fact, the first thing I did was hop on my wheel and go for a good spin, followed by a big gulp of water and a tasty snack of mealworms.

  Then I settled into my soft bedding and listened to Og splashing around in the water side of his tank.

  I guess I dozed off again, but I woke up when Aldo turned on the lights.

  I hadn’t even heard the RATTLE-RATTLE-RATTLE of his cart!

  “Whooo, boys, I’m sorry I’m late. What a night!” Aldo pulled his cart in the room.

  “What happened?” I squeaked.

  Aldo mumbled to himself as he dusted the tables.

  “The things I have to do,” he said.

  “BOING-BOING!” Og replied.

  “If I could get my hands on that rotten rodent . . . ,” he muttered.

  “Eeek!” I squeaked. I was one worried rodent.

  Aldo waved his dusting cloth. “You won’t believe what happened!” I’d never seen Aldo look so angry. “I was in such a hurry to help Maria change the tire, I put the cart with the trash bag in my room.”

  (I already knew that.)

  Aldo continued. “Last night, some critter—it must have been a mouse—got into my room and chewed through the trash bag. When I went in there this evening, there was a mountain of trash all over the floor!”

  Ooops!

  “I had to spend an extra fifteen minutes getting it all back in the bag and cleaning the floor,” Aldo said.

  “BOING-BOING!” Og twanged.

  I was sorry, too.

  Aldo shook his head. “I hate to do it, but I’m going to have to set some mousetraps. So if you smell cheese, Humphrey, don’t go for it. I’d hate to see you get trapped.”

  “EEEK-EEEK-EEEK!” I squeaked. Traps! I thought I might faint.

  “I keep this place so clean, we’ve never had a mouse in Longfellow School before,” Aldo said.

  “It’s not your fault,” I murmured. “It’s my fault.”

  For once, I was glad he couldn’t understand me.

  Aldo sighed. “I was pretty mad tonight, but then I thought about the twins and I felt better. But I have to finish school—fast!”

  “You can do it!” I squeaked.

  After Aldo left, I thought about the mousetrap. But then I remembered that there wasn’t actually a mouse after all. There was only me.

  That cheese would not be touched.

  I was unsqueakably sorry that I was the cause of Aldo’s extra work.

  And I vowed to take better care of my notebook.

  HUMPHREY’S TOP SECRET SCRIBBLES

  I’m HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPY to have my notebook back to stay.

  And I HOPE-HOPE-HOPE it will never go away.

  13

  No More Secrets

  For a while, school was back to normal. Mrs. Brisbane taught and the students worked. And learned. And had some fun.

  I went home with Rolling-Rosie for the weekend and had FUN-FUN-FUN showing her all my tricks.

  At the beginning of the next week, Mrs. Brisbane made an announce
ment. “Class, we’re starting a new club in Room Twenty-six, but it won’t be secret,” she said. “It’s a book club where we all read a book and discuss it. Holly, would you hand out these information sheets to send home to the parents? Read it, discuss it, and if you’re interested, you can sign up.”

  The book club sounded pawsitively wonderful.

  But when I saw Helpful-Holly handing out the papers, I felt a pang.

  Soon, she’d be moving to Hollywood and I’d never see her again, unless I saw her on TV.

  Who would Mrs. Brisbane call on for help?

  And how would we feel without her around? How would I feel?

  I saw Thomas and Joey give each other a thumbs-up. They looked happy about the book club, but they didn’t know Holly was moving away.

  When was she going to go?

  On Tuesday morning, I found out when Holly was leaving.

  Mr. Morales came into the classroom before school to talk to Mrs. Brisbane. He had on a tie with tiny flags on it.

  “Here’s the revised schedule,” he said. “So . . . at ten o’clock you can expect some special visitors. As you can see, the TV reporter, Sandy Starr, will be doing an intro in the hallway beforehand. Then they’ll film in the classroom and do some interviews.”

  Mrs. Brisbane smiled. Smiled! “This will be a day to remember.”

  The day Holly was leaving felt like a day I’d like to forget.

  “Did you give the schedule to Mrs. Wright?” Mrs. Brisbane asked.

  “Oh, yes,” Mr. Morales said. “I don’t want to get in trouble.”

  It was FUNNY-FUNNY-FUNNY to think that Mr. Morales, who is the principal, didn’t want to get in trouble with Mrs. Wright, who is a teacher.

  Maybe he was afraid of her whistle, too.

  I hopped on my wheel and did some spinning to help me calm down a bit.

  Og splashed around in his tank. Maybe he needed calming down, too.

  My friends all came into class, laughing and talking.

  Holly showed Rosie the book she was reading and I heard them talk about joining the book club.

  But Holly wouldn’t be joining the book club.

  Do they have book clubs in Hollywood? And isn’t it funny that a girl named Holly was moving to a place called Hollywood?

  I watched the hand on the clock inch its way from 8:00 to 8:30 to 9:00 to 9:30.

  My friends went out for recess and I spun on my wheel some more.

  By the time my classmates were back in their seats, the clock had inched its way to 9:55.

  Five minutes until the surprise!

  At 10:00, Mrs. Brisbane was talking about the book club again when there was a knock at the door. She acted surprised.

  “I wonder who that could be?” she said.

  As if she didn’t know.

  She walked over and opened the door. “Well, it looks like we have some special visitors!”

  A man and a woman—both wearing uniforms—entered. The woman carried a huge teddy bear. The man had a huge bunch of balloons.

  I knew that woman—it was Phoebe’s mom! And the man must be Phoebe’s dad!

  My whiskers wiggled and my tail started twitching. When I glanced over at Phoebe, she looked as shocked and surprised as I was!

  “Phoebe . . . we’re home!” her mom said.

  “We’re all going to be together again,” her dad said.

  Phoebe raced over to her parents and the three of them hugged and hugged and hugged some more.

  “You’re here! You’re really home!” Phoebe cried.

  My friends were buzzing with excitement.

  Calm-Down-Cassie was so excited she got up and started jumping up and down and clapping.

  Og splashed around like crazy and I let out a loud “Yippee!”

  Phoebe’s grandmother had come in, too, along with people with cameras and a perky woman with a microphone. It was Sandy Starr from TV!

  So many cameras flashed, all I could see were colored dots floating in front of my eyes.

  When she was finished hugging her parents, Phoebe hugged her grandmother.

  Then Sandy Starr moved in with her microphone. “Phoebe, how does it feel to see your parents again?” she asked.

  I was pretty sure I already knew the answer to that.

  “Oh, I’m so happy!” Phoebe’s voice quivered as they hugged her again. “It’s just what I wished for.”

  “Are you home to stay?” the reporter asked Phoebe’s parents.

  “Yes,” her dad said. “We’re all moving back to Winfield.”

  For the first time, I looked at my other classmates. Some of them looked happy and some looked surprised. Kelsey was actually crying.

  Mr. Morales and Mrs. Wright came into the classroom to shake hands with Phoebe and her parents.

  Phoebe hugged her grandmother again. “You didn’t tell me!” she said. “Oh, but I’ll miss you.”

  “Don’t you worry,” her grandmother said. “I’ll come visit you all the time!”

  Sandy Starr asked Phoebe and her parents a lot of questions. She interviewed Mrs. Brisbane and Mr. Morales, and then went to talk to some of the other students.

  “How do you feel about Phoebe’s good news?” she asked Tell-the-Truth-Thomas.

  He looked surprised to have a camera in his face, but he smiled and said, “I’m happy for her. But I’ll miss her.”

  Sandy Starr turned to Holly. “Were you surprised by what happened today?”

  Holly looked directly at the camera. “Yes, I was,” she said. “I’ll miss Phoebe so much, but I know she’ll be happy to be with her parents again.”

  It looked like Holly was going to be on TV after all!

  Then the man with the TV camera said he wanted to get some shots of our room. So he moved all around, filming my friends and Mrs. Brisbane, and he even brought his camera over to our table.

  “HI-HI-HI!” I squeaked as he passed by. Everything happened so fast, I could hardly keep up. Then suddenly, all the cameras and guests—and even Phoebe—were gone.

  “Class, I know this day has been an exciting roller coaster,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “Let’s talk about it.”

  “YES-YES-YES!” I squeaked, which made everyone laugh.

  I’ve always known that Mrs. Brisbane was a great teacher, but that day, I knew it even more.

  She talked to my friends about how difficult it had been for Phoebe to be so far away from her parents. But her parents had an important job to do for the country.

  “Don’t forget, lots of children have parents serving in the military,” she said.

  Then she talked about how Phoebe’s grandmother had helped her deal with her loneliness and her worries about her parents. And she told my fellow classmates that their friendship with Phoebe had been a big help to her whole family.

  “We’ll all miss Phoebe,” she said in a shaky voice. “But we can be happy for her at the same time.”

  My whiskers wilted and my tail twitched.

  I felt as sad as I had when Ms. Mac left and went FAR-FAR-FAR away.

  But I was happy for Phoebe.

  The next morning, Phoebe came to school as usual.

  Once class began, Mrs. Brisbane asked her if she had anything to say to her friends.

  “Today is my last day in Room Twenty-six,” she said. “I’ll miss you all so much, but I’m so excited to move back home with my mom and dad. Can we keep in touch—please?”

  My friends all said they’d keep in touch, but I didn’t know how I could do that.

  At the end of the day, when her parents came to pick her up, Phoebe came over to the table where Og and I live.

  “Humphrey and Og, I know I’ve sometimes been forgetful this year,” she said. “I was always thinking about my parents. But I want you both to know that I’ll never,
ever forget either one of you.”

  Then she gave me a little piece of carrot and she threw some Froggy Fish Sticks into Og’s tank.

  “BOING-BOING-BOING!” Og thanked her as he dived for the food.

  “Thanks, Phoebe,” I squeaked. “I love you.”

  I know she couldn’t understand me, but for some reason she said, “I love you too, Humphrey.”

  Room 26 was very quiet on Thursday.

  Mrs. Brisbane announced the first book for the book club—it took place in Egypt!

  I could tell that Kelsey especially missed Phoebe. After all, they’d been Sisters of the Nile. But the other girls spent more time with her and by the end of the day, she even smiled a little bit.

  I spent a lot of time spinning on my wheel.

  I was HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPY that Phoebe was with her parents. I’d heard her say how much she missed them.

  But I was SAD-SAD-SAD to lose a friend.

  I was cheered up quite a bit when Tall-Paul stopped by my cage.

  “Guess what, Humphrey? My parents are getting me a hamster!” He had a huge smile on his face. “You convinced them and they kept it a secret all this time! I’m getting it this weekend. Thanks!”

  “You’re welcome,” I said.

  It would be nice to be a pet for just one child. But I think it’s even better to be the pet for a whole classroom.

  After school, I was about to grab my notebook and write down my thoughts, when the door opened and Ms. Mac came in.

  “Hi, Humphrey,” she said. “You had a big week. It was great to see you on TV last night.”

  I had been on TV, too!

  “I’m sure you miss Phoebe, the way I missed you when I left Room Twenty-six and went to Brazil.”

  “I was SAD-SAD-SAD!!!” I squeaked.

  “I told you how I’ve missed having a classroom pet,” she said.

  I don’t know why, but her voice sounded . . . different.

  “So, I finally made a decision and got a pet for Room Twelve. Not a hamster, of course,” she said. “No hamster could ever be as wonderful as you are. So I got . . . a guinea pig!”

  “Eeek!” I shouted.

  “BOING-BOING!” Og yelled.