***
I climbed into bed and opened up my psych textbook. I wanted to try and get through the chapter we were covering this week in class on social psychology. However, my mind simply would not focus. It would wonder off somewhere into my other life and I soon found myself wondering about my other family, friends, my relationship with Jackson and his family. All the things that I could not afford to be thinking about at this moment and the very reason I was behind in the first place.
I finally tossed my text on the floor in frustration. This was completely pointless. I shouldn’t worry about where I was going to college in the fall because if I couldn’t get it together right now I wasn’t going to graduate high school.
It was after two in the morning before I finally drifted off to sleep. There had to be a way for me to compartmentalize my life and priorities. And I had to figure it out fast because this way was not working.
CHAPTER 12
Saturday, November 16, 1878
THE ROOM WAS STRANGELY FAMILIAR, very familiar in fact, but the furnishings were different. I was half lying on the couch leaning against someone who had their arms wrapped around me holding me lovingly. The light was low and a roaring fire was ablaze in the hearth. I was surrounded by three other couples that were curled up in various postures looking comfortable and happy. We were all facing a weird looking rectangular box that hung above the fireplace and watching the moving picture. The sounds the images produced seemed to be coming from every direction.
The three females I recognized from other visions and knew they were good friends of mine, but the boys they were with I had never seen before. I was becoming so accustomed to the bizarre attire that we all wore that I no longer paid it any mind. There were platters of bizarre looking appetizers resting on the coffee table in the middle of the room that appeared to be well picked over.
A voice from behind tensed every muscle in my body and completely stopped my breathing. I didn’t dare turn around.
“Do you kids need anything else?”
The familiarity was uncanny and I knew at once without even looking who the voice belonged to. Emily. I sat numbly as a chorus from my peers rang out about me, declining any further assistance. Fear was the only thing that rooted me in the spot it was sitting.
“Well, then. Have fun kids. We will be in the study if you need anything else,” Robert’s distinctive voice added.
I closed my eyes tightly and forced myself to take a breath. I suddenly realized whose arms I was wrapped in: Jackson’s. It had to be. But how? I couldn’t bring myself to turn my head ever so slightly to confirm my theory.
As that particular detail truly sank into my thick skull, it became obvious whose house I was in and why the structure was so familiar to me. This was the Chandler estate, the same one I had been in a million times and served as a second home to me in recent years. But how? How could I be here with these friends, in this time, in this house, with Jackson and his parents? I fought the urge to run screaming from the room or collapse into a fit of hysterics.
The arms around me tightened noticeably. “Are you all right? You seem tense.” I felt lips brush slightly against my cheek.
I inhaled deeply and looked over to confirm my hypothesis. Jackson’s brilliant green eyes glowed back into mine. A broad smile stretched across his shapely lips and his familiar fingers lightly traced lovingly across my face. It was him. Holding me in his arms in this strange period that was rapidly becoming commonplace to me. It brought about a mixture of excitement and terror that coalesced into nothing short of a pure panic attack. I felt a scream in the back of my throat that I consciously struggled not to let escape. I was scared to respond, not trusting what my shaky vocal cords would produce. I opted simply to kiss him lightly in return in order to remain silent.
Luckily, he paid no notice and only tightened his grip around me, becoming engrossed again in the moving picture box.
I rested my head back against him once more, but was still unable to control my whirling thoughts. Thousands of questions I wanted to demand answers for screamed loudly in my head. Everything I had believed to be true and false about this time period was shattered. All that I loved about the prospects that were laid before me here were the same opportunities I felt denied of in my actual reality and all hinged on the fact that I feared a life in this period.
This world. This period. Where I was given the opportunity to explore my education, become anyone whom I desired, have my own career, be something other than a wife and mother, have the ability to speak freely on any topic, and have equal footing with any male, granted with equal rights and freedoms, was truly where I belonged. But now I knew it was nothing more than simply a dream I could never have.
The already dim light began to fade before my eyes. My heart and mind screamed violently not to return to my other reality. I reached out my hands towards Jackson trying to grasp hold to him, but as always, my efforts were fruitless and the world disappeared before me.
I bolted upright in my bed, screaming with intense insanity. Arms quickly locked onto my shoulders and I vaguely heard my named called repeatedly. But I refused to open my eyes. Tears streamed down my face as the world I longed for became nothing but an incredible memory of the life I was denied. I pulled violently away from the grip of my captor, determined not to be forced back into this reality. My voice soon became raw and harsh, but the screams would not subside.
“Jocelyn! Look at me!” rang over and over again in my tainted ears.
“No! No! Let me go!” I shouted blindly at whoever was holding me. “I want to go back! I don’t belong here! Please! Let go!”
But to no avail. My captor only tightened his grip forcing me back against my pillows with a strength I could not compete with. “Open your eyes, Jocelyn! It’s me, Jackson!”
His name broke through my hysterics and the comfort of his familiar voice opened my eyes to see the frightened face before me.
“Jocelyn?” He lowered his tone, but his breathing was still panicked. “Are you with me?”
I nodded numbly unable to form any words. He swiftly wrapped me up in his arms and pulled me close to his body. I could feel his body heaving in sobs that he fought against and felt his tears falling down upon my face.
“I am so sorry, so sorry darling. I should have realized the depths sooner. Please forgive me. I would have never let it gone this far. I am so sorry my love.” He repeatedly kissed the top of my head and held me tightly.
He gently and almost numbly rocked us back and forth as he continued to sob uncontrollably, babbling words that made no sense to me whatsoever. The only thing that was crystal clear in all his mutterings was that he was indeed responsible for the visions I was witnessing. But I couldn’t understand how.
He slowly let me go as I edged myself back away from him, sitting up staring at the face I loved in pure bewilderment. “You did this to me?” My voice was raw and my throat screamed painfully. “But why? Why would you do this to me?” I wiped the steady stream of tears off my cheeks with rapid haste. My body was quivering unsteadily. My mind and heart was being ripped in two.
“I am so sorry. I had no idea you were seeing so much. I looked for clues, questioned my parents, Olivia, your brother, about your nightmares, trying to figure out what you were seeing, but no one knew. You wouldn’t tell anyone.” His eyes pleaded with me for understanding that I couldn’t give him.
“Why would you do this to me?”
He reached out for my hand, gently taking it in his and looked longingly into my eyes. “For us to be together. Always.” His shaky words only confused me more.
“We are together. Always,” I sobbed. “I love you. We are getting married and…and…” But words failed me.
We sat in silence for a long time, calming down, each lost in our own thoughts. After all that had transpired in the last several weeks, I began to doubt whether I even knew the man sitting before me. Then I realized for the first time my room was still dark and the only ligh
t was coming from the embers of the fire. Why would he be in my room in the middle of the night? What would my parents say? His parents?
I straightened myself up and took a deep breath trying to calm myself. I desperately needed to clear my head and attempt to make some sense out of what he was trying to explain to me.
“Jackson, what are you doing here? How did you get in my room? My father will kill you if he finds you in here.”
My throat was still screaming raw at me, and every word escaped painfully.
Jackson took several noticeable deep breaths, and finally, a small smile etched across his defined lips. “God, I love you.” A full-hearted laugh burst forth from him followed by a deep sigh of relief. “It is so like you, in the throws of hysterics, you notice something so incredibly trivial.”
“Trivial?” He certainly wouldn’t think it was trivial if someone caught him in here.
“Do you honestly believe that I would be in here without permission?” He continued to smile at my naivety. “Your parents know I am in here, as do mine. Everyone is greatly concerned about these night terrors.”
I nodded numbly, absorbing every word that flowed from his lips. “After you went to bed last evening I spoke with your parents about them and they told me that Mimi has been staying close to you most nights. Given her age and the toll that this is having on her, I asked your parents if I could sleep in the rocker next to your bed in case you had another episode. Since they trust me and are genuinely concerned, they agreed with the stipulation that I not enter your room until you were in a sound sleep so that you would not be aware of my presence.”
Unbelievable!
Jackson got up and crossed over to the pitcher next to the basin and poured me a glass of water. He sat back down on the corner of my bed and handed the glass to me. I reluctantly took a sip knowing it was going to enflame my throat going down. It did.
“Thank you,” I squeaked between sips.
“Confused?”
“Very,” I answered flatly. “I do not know what to say or think. None of this makes any sense.”
“I imagine not. I felt the same way when it happened to me.” Jackson slid a little closer to me on the bed and took both my hands in his. “I need you to be completely honest with me. None of these, ‘it is nothing’ or ‘I can handle it’ responses, you have to tell me what you are seeing!”
His face was plainly serious. A knot in my stomach clenched tightly and I felt like I was going to get sick.
I cannot possibly tell him the truth. He will think I am insane. Maybe I am?
I stared at him blankly, unable to give him the answers he desperately needed.
“Please, darling. You have to tell me. I know how you are feeling. I have been there also. It terrified me and I was sure I was losing my mind.”
I loved him for being empathic, but there was no way he could possibly understand what I was feeling. Again, I shook my head numbly unable to find any words for him.
Jackson cleared his throat and exhaled loudly. “Let me see, you have seen objects like horseless carriages, talking and moving picture boxes, people talking or pushing buttons on small objects, um…things like wires plugged into people’s ears.”
How could he possibly know all this?
“I am sure you are confused by the unusual styles and clothing, weird furniture, and accessories. Things like that.”
I nodded stupidly filled with an indescribable amount of fear and confusion as the tears poured down my cheeks.
“I am sure that you have seen Jenna, Caitlyn, Hilary, their boyfriends, your younger brother, Ethan, and your other parents too.”
My jaw literally hit the floor. There was no way he could possibly know their names! Can he read my mind? See my visions too?
“And by the expression on your face I am going to take a guess and say that you have seen either me or my parents or all of us there as well.” He patted my hands reassuringly.
How can he be so casual and calm?
I was barely remaining seated on my bed and the only reason I was, was because my entire body had gone numb. Thousands of words were screaming in my head and I couldn’t put them in any sensible order to convey any type of message.
“Jocelyn? Please, say something.”
He paused and looked deeply into my eyes searching for some sort of recognition. But I had nothing. I couldn’t form words to express the overwhelming amount of emotions that were coursing through me.
“Sweetheart, please.” He gently brushed my hair away from my face. “You are starting to scare me.”
“This is too much,” I stuttered softly.
“I know, darling.”
“How? Why? I do not understand. You say you know what I am experiencing, but that is not possible.”
“Please. Get dressed and come with me over to my house. I believe that my parents may explain everything to you better than I can.”
He climbed back off my bed waiting for me to get up also, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.
“Are you serious? It is still dark outside. Look.” I pointed over towards the windows. “Everyone is asleep. What time is it anyway?”
Jackson lifted the pocket watch off the night table and flipped it open leaning towards the light of the fireplace.
“Four-thirty,” he answered casually.
“Four-thirty in the morning? How can you expect me to go over there and wake up your parents? Absolutely not!” My arms gestured wildly expressing my disbelief with his suggestion.
“Trust me. They will not mind. They will be thrilled to finally get the truth out in the open.”
My eyes scrunched up in confusion. The truth? The truth about what?
“Come on, throw something on, and I will leave your parents a note downstairs telling them where you are.”
But I still didn’t move.
“Jackson, I am not going anywhere at four-thirty in the morning.”
“Will you please trust me on this?” he pleaded impatiently by the door.
“No. I will not. And if it is that important, then you can come back over here and explain it to me yourself.”
Jackson reluctantly let his hand drop from the door knob and walked back over to my bed. My out-spoken behavior not only surprised him, but I surprisingly shocked myself as well.
“All right.” He took a deep breath and sat back down on my bed facing me. “I still do not believe that I can explain this to you properly, but I will give it my best. Then later, we will go over and speak with my parents.” He readjusted himself. “This is very difficult to explain. First answer me this. Was I correct in the statements that I said before about what you were seeing?”
I nodded.
“Do you have any idea as to what time period you were seeing?”
“No. But it was so amazingly different from anything I had ever seen before in my life.” I was doing my best to push the memories out of my mind and remain focused on Jackson’s words.
“I believe you were seeing your life in the twenty-first century.”
“What? How? My life? But…” I hated myself for sounding like an idiot, but I couldn’t form the right words to put together.
“2009 to be more precise. Many, many years from now. And yes, you have a full complete life in that time period also. Much the same as you do in this one. Of course, there are numerous differences. Many of which I am sure you have noticed. Women in 2009 have many liberties and freedoms that you do not share here.”
I numbly sat and stared at Jackson, intensely absorbing every word that rolled off his lips.
Everything that I had seen—could it really be real?
“You see, Jocelyn. You have been blessed with a special gift that you inherited from your Uncle Monte. It is called Essence Voyager Era or rather, EVE. As I understand it, our consciousness shifts between two planes, often in sleep, one in 2009 and one in 1878. Of course, it is not you that physically travels, just your soul.”
“How could you know such a thing?” I
babbled in disbelief.
“Because I have the same gift, my whole family does.” Jackson squeezed my hands tenderly, full of love and understanding.
“So you see, yes I do understand what you are experiencing. I went through it also several years ago and I know how terrifying it is.”
I remained rooted in my spot, unable to fully comprehend what he was saying. It made no sense.
How could something like this even be possible? “I…I do not understand.”
“I know it is a lot to take in, but it is okay. I promise. Everything is going to be fine.”
I knew his words were sincere, but I found no comfort in them. “How can you say that? Everything is not fine!” I could feel the blood rushing to my face and found it hard to even breathe. “If what you are saying is remotely true, then you are telling me that I am some kind of freak of nature. Cursed!” I scrambled out of bed as quickly as I could. I had to get away from him.
He did this to me. This was all his fault! The visions, the terror, sleepless nights, fearing I was losing my mind. It was all his fault! My mind was screaming a thousand different things all at once. None of which made any rational sense whatsoever. I paced back and forth mumbling to myself. Jackson sat quietly on my bed watching me rant and rave a path across my bedroom floor.
“Why? Why did you do this to me?” I stopped a few feet from him and demanded.
“Jocelyn, I did not do this to you. You inherited it. It is genetic,” he calmly stated.
“What? What do you mean genetic?” I shouted.
“It is a trait that is passed down through families, like eye and hair color. Things like that.”
“Then why am I the only one in my family who has this?” I fired back.
“Your Uncle Monte has it as well. You inherited it from him. He is your father’s brother,” Jackson shook his head at me.
“Why would you put me through something like this?” I shouted.
“Will you please keep your voice down before you wake up the entire house?” he calmly asked.
Enlightened Page 12
