Enlightened

by A. L. Waddington

  Ethan smirked at me. “Coward. Mom’s going ballistic. I could hear her screaming downstairs from her room while Dad was trying to talk with her. You might want to consider staying over at Jenna’s until…um, graduation.” He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side.

  “Really? That bad, huh?”

  “Yep, pretty bad! She’s going to read you the riot act when you get home. Dad told her she’s not allowed to come over here and make a scene. She was going to, but he stopped her.” Ethan shook his head at me. “I’m glad I’m not in your shoes right now.”

  “She will come around,” Jackson piped in.

  But Ethan interjected, “You don’t know our mom. This is exactly what she didn’t want for any of us, especially Jocelyn and Sidney. She has pushed college down our throats even before we started kindergarten.”

  It was the first time I ever saw my brother look at Jackson with such scorn. He had always liked him and been supportive of our relationship, but I suppose it was different when Jackson was only my boyfriend and not someone planning on marrying his sister before college.

  The room fell into an uncomfortable silence for several minutes until Jenna, who never handled silence well, finally spoke up. “Well, now that everything is out in the open, we can really start with the wedding preparations.” She bounced excitedly in her seat. “I texted Caitlyn and Hilary on my way over here and told them to get here ASAP, that you had a surprise for them.”

  “You didn’t.”

  But somehow I wasn’t surprised at all. Honestly, I was truly grateful that she was now comfortable, even excited about my upcoming nuptials. I was going to really need her support since my mother, and probably Sidney also, was going to give me so much grief about it.

  “Of course, you’re not going to stick us in some hideous bridesmaid dresses that we’re never going to wear again.”

  “Like I would do that,” I grinned and rolled my eyes playfully at her.

  “Oh, yes you would, just to see us suffer and laugh at us,” she laughed and so did Kyle and Jackson, but Ethan sat there glaring over at Jackson who pretended not to notice.

  “I would not,” I defended myself. “I’m not going to ruin my wedding pictures just to make you three look goofy.” I had to laugh because it certainly seemed like something Jenna would do just for the fun of it. “Plus, Emily’s already bought every bridal magazine on the market. She’s even got a wedding planner started.”

  “Great. Have you found anything you like? What about colors? Have you decided on what colors you want?” Jenna settled back a little and snuggled up to Kyle who grinned and rolled his eyes across to Jackson.

  “Not yet. There’s so many to choose from. It’s a bit overwhelming. I’m really going to need you three and Emily to help me decide.”

  Shortly thereafter, Caitlyn and Hilary showed up dragging Cody and Zak along with them. After the shock of the news settled in and the barrage of questions were finally answered, the four of us, along with Emily, disappeared into the dining room to begin to sort through what Emily and I had already started on the wedding plans.

  The guys all remained in the front room watching a movie. Zak and Cody seemed as if they couldn’t care less one way or another about the wedding, but my little brother still remained quiet. I wanted to go in there and talk to him, but I decided it would be best if I waited until we got home. I hated the thought of Ethan being upset or disappointed with me. He and I were so close and his support in all of this was going to make a world of difference to me. It really hadn’t occurred to me before now that he would be bothered by any of this. I guess I took his unconditional affection for me and his friendship with Jackson for granted, thinking that he would certainly be supportive of a marriage between us. I was wrong.

  ***

  Ethan and I returned home by midnight. Luckily my parents had already retired for the evening and I wouldn’t have to deal with my mom until at least tomorrow. For that I was grateful.

  I crawled into bed and snuggled down under my comforter. My thoughts had turned completely to what was going on in my other world and how I had behaved on Sunday, the day after finding out about EVE. I turned off the light on my nightstand when I heard someone enter.

  “Ethan?” I whispered.

  “Yeah. It’s me.” He came over and sat down on the edge of my bed next to me.

  “Are you okay? You didn’t say a word all evening.” I rolled over towards him.

  “I guess it bothers me more than I thought it would. I mean, when you and I were in here earlier and Dad was over at Jackson’s, it never occurred to me that he would give you his blessing to do something so stupid. I figured that he would put a stop to all this and you’d pout, but life would go on like it is now,” his voice sounded sad.

  “I thought you liked Jackson.”

  “I did. I do. I just sat here for over an hour after you left and listened to our parents screaming about this wedding and to be honest, Mom had some really good points, Jocelyn.”

  Now it all made sense. “Like what?”

  “That the possibly of you getting pregnant before you even finished your undergraduate work is very likely, making the likelihood of you graduating very slim, let alone completing grad school. All your hard work up until now will have been for nothing.”

  “I’m not going to get pregnant, E. There are ways to prevent it.”

  “Nothing is full proof. You know that.”

  “True, but we’re going to be very careful. My education is every bit as important to Jackson as it is to me,” I tried to explain, but I could tell my efforts were falling on deaf ears.

  “What about the fact that you have only known him for a few weeks? If one of your friends, Caitlyn, or Hilary, or even Jenna was planning on marrying some new guy that just moved to town a few weeks ago you’d be going ballistic, ranting and raving about how insane they were to be even considering something so stupid,” he took a deep breath and sighed. “You and I both know you would.”

  I sat there for a moment and considered carefully what he was saying and as much as I hated to agree with him, I knew he was right. “True. I would be, but this isn’t one of my friends, it’s me and I need your support, Ethan. I really do. I need to know that you are with me whether or not you agree with my decision,” I pleaded with him for understanding.

  “Jocelyn, you know the odds of this marriage lasting are so low it’s ridiculous. You both are so young. I mean, I’m barely younger than you and I can’t imagine making a commitment to someone like that. I can’t imagine even wanting to. I want to play football in college and then maybe grad school. I would never let some girl derail me from my dreams. Why would you let Jackson do that to you? Do you really want to be divorced before you even finish your bachelor’s?”

  “No, of course not. Look, I understand why you feel the way you do, but you have to realize that he is not trying to rob me of my dreams. He supports them. In fact, his parents even offered to pay for my tuition if our parents withheld my trust from me.” I propped myself up on my elbow to see him more clearly and read his facial expressions. He looked so sad.

  “Either way, you have known him for such a short amount of time. What do you really know about this guy…I mean seriously? Why not just go to school with him, share an apartment if that’s what you really want, but don’t marry him until after you at least complete your undergrad.”

  “Because I want to marry him Ethan, more than anything. I don’t know how to explain it to you. We belong together.”

  “Great! Wonderful! I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be with him, just wait to get married.” He placed his hand on my side as if pleading with me. It only made me feel all the more horrible.

  “Please E, I need you with me in all this. I want you to stand up there with Jackson when we get married. It would mean a lot to me.” I felt like I was begging and I guess in a way I was.

  “I don’t know, Jocelyn,” he shook his head looking down at the floor. “I just
don’t know.” He slowly rose and walked over to my door.

  “Ethan, don’t go. Let’s talk about this,” I hollered after him.

  “Not right now. I’ve had enough for one day.” He paused with his hand on the door but did not turn around towards me. “Good night, Jocelyn, sweet dreams. I love you.” He closed the door behind him.

  I rolled back over with a sharp pain in my stomach. I knew Ethan must really be hurting if he told me he loves me. He never speaks to me like that. I knew he loved me, I’ve always known that. However, he and I never say it. It’s always just a given between us. His words stung deep into my soul and I couldn’t shake it. I knew I could never get through all this without him. I hated the thought of hurting him. It killed me to know that I was the source of all the pain sweeping over my family and even worse, I felt incredibly selfish because I knew I was doing it for my own happiness despite their well founded and good intentioned objections.

  CHAPTER 14

  Sunday, November 17, 1878

  TIME, I BELIEVE, STOPPED. Reverend Jacobs was never going to conclude his services and it was taking every ounce of my willpower to remain seated. Now I was regretting my decision to attend this morning. I wished I had followed my first instinct and stayed home with Olivia and William. Mother had even said it was all right if I did since I was still looking pale and hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in some time now. The fact that I had invited Elizabeth and Lee over afterwards was the only reason I was stuck sitting here. I couldn’t cancel on her again. I knew she was excited about being a part of my wedding party and I didn’t want her to feel as if I was postponing her inclusion.

  It was a quarter after one before Reverend Jacobs finally shut up. A full forty-five minutes longer than his typical sermon.

  Figures, today of all days he had to be so darn long-winded.

  Elizabeth and Lee came home with us directly after services. It gave me no time to spend alone with Jackson and grill him a little further. I was doing my best to remain as pleasant as possible even though I felt as if it was physically killing me. The last thing on my mind at the moment was picking out another bridesmaid dress.

  After our Sunday supper, I spent another full four hours going over patterns with all the ladies in my father’s study trying to pick out the perfect dress, fabric, lace, ribbons…you name it. I honestly felt like throwing up my hands in the air and telling them to decide for themselves, that I truly did not care what they chose. However, I knew any behavior of that nature would only end up causing everyone to be more concern about me. My family was still treating me like I was some fragile china that might break at any moment.

  Strangely, all day Jackson had been giving me the quirkiest grins, like he either knew something or was up to something. I was not sure which it was. I wanted to get him alone, but Sunday family gatherings never really allowed for it. Our oversized families were practically hanging from the rafters and there was no place to escape since the weather had turned so cold.

  Having decided upon a dark emerald satin fabric for the gowns and similar patterns for both Elizabeth and Olivia, we retired to the front room to relax around the hearth. Mother and Emily along with my brothers’ wives were going over the final details of the gowns while Olivia and Elizabeth joined me closer to the fire.

  Olivia was starting look more like her old self. She looked healthy and was glowing with her new pregnancy although she was not showing yet. She was, however, beginning to thicken a little bit around her midsection and there was a little more fullness to her now constantly rosy cheeks. She was the perfect image of an expecting mother and she and my brother seemed to be very happy with one another. I felt so relieved and thrilled for the two of them that despite all the obstacles they have had to hurdle and the more they had before them, they seemed determined to tackle them all together.

  “Are you getting excited about the Thanksgiving holiday and meeting Mr. Lee’s family?” Olivia turned her attention to Elizabeth.

  “Nervous more than excited.” Elizabeth let out a weak laugh. Her shyness was going to make this introduction very painful for her.

  “You have nothing to worry about. His family is going to love you as much as he does,” I reassured her.

  “Well, of course they are, and Mr. Lee seems to be a lovely young man,” Olivia added.

  Elizabeth’s face flushed with embarrassment. “I truly hope so,” she took a deep breath and sighed audibly. “It is amazing to me how much things have changed since summer. I mean, you married Mr. William and are starting a family,” she gestured over at Olivia. “You, Jocelyn, are almost done with your studies and making the final preparations for your own wedding; Miss Maryanne and Mr. Dimitri separated; and both Miss Christine and Miss Laura are engaged and finishing up classes, also.”

  “Time certainly has gone quickly,” Olivia smiled.

  “It feels like such a short time ago when we were all starting school and playing with dolls,” I laughed. “I remember chasing my brothers around in the backyard and them teasing me relentlessly to leave them alone because I was too small and a girl. I hated the fact that I was always excluded from everything they did like playing baseball and fishing. Now it all seems so trivial.”

  “Yes, but it sure was fun,” Olivia said. “I had the biggest crush on William for as long as I can remember. I certainly never imagined marrying him.”

  “I know what you mean. I remember following Jackson around like a lost puppy and he never gave me a second look. He was always busy with my brothers and oh…that girl he dated when he was in prep. What was her name?” I paused trying to recall.

  “Sue Ellen,” Elizabeth remembered.

  Olivia smirked. “I remember her always trying to be so perfect. Little Miss I cannot get dirty, I cannot run or play or do anything that would mess my dress or hair,” she laughed out loud, and Elizabeth and I joined in at her mocking impression of the girl.

  “What ever happened to her?” Elizabeth looked between the two of us.

  “I believe she married one of the Conley boys and moved somewhere out West.”

  “Why did she and Mr. Jackson ever split up?”

  “Oh, their relationship was a childhood crush,” I smirked. “They were fourteen or fifteen when they separated so it was not like it was a serious relationship. Although I do remember being so jealous of her.”

  “Yes, I remember that too,” Olivia grinned at me. I was sure she recalled all those long hours I complained about how much I hated that girl.

  “But you ended up with Mr. Jackson,” Elizabeth beamed.

  “Yes, I did,” I could not help but giggle. “And who did you have a crush on growing up?”

  “Probably, no one,” Olivia laughed with Elizabeth who was turning red again. “You were always so serious, studying all the time.”

  “Yes, I read a lot growing up. Still do, actually,” she shrugged. “But I did have a crush on someone.” She gave us a slight smirk that intrigued both Olivia and me.

  “Really? On who?” I could never recall Elizabeth paying special attention to anyone while we were growing up.

  “You will laugh.” She looked down at the floor embarrassed.

  “No, we won’t,” Olivia reassured her.

  “It’s silly really. He never even noticed that I was alive, honestly.”

  “Who?” I urged.

  “Mr. Dimitri,” she said quietly.

  Our eyes grew much larger with the shocking news. I would never have guessed such a thing. Funny enough, they really would have made a cute couple, much more so than Dimitri and Maryanne. Plus, Elizabeth would have made him very happy with her sweet gentle ways that truly complimented his.

  Olivia shook her head. “I had no idea.”

  “Me neither. How come you never said anything?” I inquired.

  Elizabeth shrugged. “Why would I? He has been with Miss Maryanne for the last two years and before that, well, I was always buried in a book and he never noticed me.”

  “Ima
gine how things could have been different if he had known,” Olivia said absentmindedly.

  “Well, I believe that it all worked out for the best. I am with Lee now and he makes me very happy. Therefore, I know that it was not ever meant to be for Dimitri and me,” Elizabeth glowed.

  “I think it is wonderful about the two of you. You deserve someone who makes you this happy,” I added.

  We fell in a short silence. I rocked gently, absorbing the heat from the fire and thinking about my conversation with Emily last evening. She had spoken to me at great length about why her family had gone looking for me in 2009 and about pregnancy. We discussed my goals and dreams in my other life and how getting pregnant here would destroy my world there. I spent all evening and morning thinking about how much I envied my other self and the opportunities that lay before me in that world. Going to a large university and even obtaining a graduate degree was something I knew I could not risk jeopardizing. I was excited about the barrier disintegrating completely so that my conscious self would be living the dream I had always longed for. I knew it was a matter of time and that I would not be starting college until next fall, but I was so anxious to witness first hand a world in which I never otherwise could have possibly imagined.

  It was after six o’clock before everyone departed our home. It had been a grueling day that had been mentally and emotionally draining on me.

  Jackson strolled into the parlor and joined me on the lounge. Finally, we were alone. I leaned over and kissed his soft full lips then hugged him tightly. It felt wonderful, safe to be in his arms again. The world was in balance once more.

  “How are you holding up?” His voice was soft and sincere as he leaned up and his lips gently brushed across my forehead.

  “Better now that I am with you.”

  “I am sorry that it took so long for us to be alone today. I could not escape from everyone long enough to get two words with you in private.”

  “I know. There is so much going on with finalizing all the wedding preparations. Your mother has been truly wonderful in volunteering to create the gowns for both Miss Olivia and Miss Elizabeth. I know she will do such a beautiful job.”