I casually approached my uncle and stood next to my Aunt Vivian. “Excuse me, Uncle Monte, may I speak with you a moment alone please?”
“Of course, Jocelyn.” He turned towards my brother. “Please, excuse me.” He nodded towards his wife. “I shall return shortly, my dear.”
Placing a loving kiss on her cheek, he turned and followed me to the other end of the house to my father’s study.
I quietly closed the door behind us, and my heart began racing so loudly I was positive he could hear it. Uncle Monte took a seat in the armchair next to the fire and warmed his hands over the flames.
“My goodness, I believe we are going to have a bad winter this year,” he grinned slightly. “Now Jocelyn, come sit down and tell me what is on your mind.”
I took the seat opposite his and tried to think of the right words to begin with. “It is most difficult to explain, I am afraid.”
He looked at me inquisitively. “Well then, you have my full attention and curiosity.”
“Did my father speak to you regarding my engagement to Mr. Jackson?” I shifted slightly, feeling uncomfortable.
He leaned over and gently placed his hands over mine in a fatherly gesture. “Yes, he informed me Sunday. I am so sorry that you ended the engagement.”
“That is what I wanted to speak with you alone about.”
He sat back in his seat and gave me a confused look.
“I ended our engagement because he could not be honest with me about EVE.”
Uncle nodded in understanding. “Has your barrier disintegrated?” he inquired.
“Not completely. Although there are holes and they seem to be growing almost daily. I am experiencing feelings and emotions that I cannot explain, events that are out of chronological order, some very recent, some from my early childhood. None of which make a great deal of sense to me.”
“I would imagine not,” he laughed. “It can be very disturbing to say the least.”
“Yes, very much so.”
“Was Mr. Jackson not clarifying episodes for you?” He leaned forward in his chair. “The Chandlers promised me they would do everything possible to guide you through this difficult time of adjustment. And now, to hear this…” he shook his head.
“As you can imagine, the ending of our engagement has greatly changed my circumstances.”
“In what way?”
“You may not be aware of what events have been transpiring there, but I am afraid that my relationship with Mr. Jackson and the recent announcement of our engagement has caused a great deal of stress in my life and strain on my family,” I began.
“Yes, Mr. Chandler has been kind enough to keep me updated on your progress and told me what had transpired,” he leaned back again and relaxed. “And I must say that it is a relief that your barrier is finally coming down. I have been waiting anxiously to ask you so many questions about my brother, Shane. I miss him dearly. How is he doing?”
“He has been so wonderful about all of this. While he did not approve of my getting married so young, he was supportive, which is more than I can say for my mother, Amy, and Ethan,” I sighed, but my uncle laughed.
“That is not surprising. Amy is a very career driven woman. Mr. Chandler told me she was being difficult. Honestly, I expected nothing less of her. Yet, I am surprised that Ethan was so hard on you.” His eyebrows furled.
“Ethan can be very moody when he chooses to be,” I half smiled.
“And how is Sydney?”
“She is doing well. She is attending Northwestern, pre-med of course,” I said with pride. “She came home for my birthday and I believe she will be home for Thanksgiving.”
“Is she dating anyone seriously?” he inquired.
“Not that I am aware of. I honestly do not speak with her often,” I lowered my eyes. “I believe we do not have much in common with one another.”
“No, I suppose not. She was always more like your mother and you favored my side of the family more.” He patted my knee and laughed. “But are you happy there?”
“Yes, I believe so. It really is such a different world and I am still trying to absorb it all. I never would have imagined some of the things that I have learned about it and even seen for myself.”
“Yes, it must be quite a shock for you.”
“But I really have some amazing friends there. I am very active in sports. I play volleyball, basketball and softball. I am a very good student. In fact, I will be going to college next fall, but I am not sure yet what I am going to major in.” Those words felt so foreign coming out of my mouth.
“Good, good. I am happy to hear that,” he nodded in acknowledgment.
I got up and wandered over to the window collecting my thoughts for a moment. “However, this situation with Mr. Jackson has caused me more grief in both my lives than I ever thought possible.”
“What is on your mind, Jocelyn?” Uncle Monte leaned forward in his chair again.
“Needless to say, since the Chandlers only came there looking for me because of our engagement here and that no longer being an issue, I asked Mr. Jackson to return to Boston and his studies at law school for the spring semester.”
I hated myself for the tears that drifted down my cheeks. I hastily brushed them aside before I continued. “There simply was no point for us to continue our relationship or to go ahead with our wedding next summer there.” I smiled grimly and brushed the tears away once more then returned to my chair across from him at the hearth.
“My dear, you cannot be serious? I know you are very upset with his recent behavior. Are you sure there is no possibility of you two mending your relationship?”
His eyes were full of sympathy and understanding like no other I had spoken to in weeks. It was like a weight being lifted just being able to speak with someone other than the Chandlers who I could be honest with and who understood every aspect of what I was enduring.
“I believe it is too far gone for that now.” I hated myself for the endless run of tears.
“It is never too late for someone you love,” my uncle added softly, taking my hands in his.
“If only that were true I would fight for him.”
“Then fight for him. Tell him that you love him. Tell him you forgive him. Do not let the one you love slip through your fingers, my darling. If you do you will regret it the rest of your life.” He looked deep into my eyes and held them.
“Uncle Monte,” I brushed the tears aside. “I read your journals.”
“I see.” He sat back in his chair and shifted his eyes towards the fire. “You must understand Jocelyn, I never intended for you or anyone to see those.”
“Shane found them and showed them to me.” My uncle nodded but remained silent. “He thought you were an amazing writer. He said it made him feel like you had actually experienced it all firsthand.”
“I did,” he muttered softly, still staring at the fire. “I should have destroyed them before I left.”
He looked back towards me, but his eyes looked sad.
“Left? Don’t you mean died?” The memory of being at his grave came rushing through me.
“Jocelyn…”
“I know you made the conscious decision twelve years ago to leave your life there and live solely on this plane.” His eyes widened and he slowly nodded. “As you could not live in a world where your wife did not exist, I cannot live in a world where Mr. Jackson does. Please I beg of you, Uncle Monte, if you love me and ever want to see me happy, tell me how to leave this plane so that I may attempt to rebuild a life there without him.”
“Jocelyn, have you thought about this? I mean, really thought about this? What you are asking is not something that you can change your mind about later. You cannot take it back and this would devastate your family here. Do you realize that?”
“Yes, I know and it is not something I would think of doing irrationally. Besides, is it so very different from what you did to us there? I remember what your death did to my father…my family. Shane
still goes through it even now. He just now went through your stuff. That is how he came across your journals.” I shook my head in frustration. “He barely talks about you and that is saying nothing of what it did to your parents. I was young, but I do remember it.” Strange as it was, I honestly did. “How is my situation any different than yours?” I pleaded.
“I was not running away when I made my decision. I could not imagine ever loving someone else the way I love Vivian. I never wanted to be with another woman, there or here. What I did was selfish. I know that and a lot of people were hurt because of it. You will move on with your life in time, my dear. I know it does not feel like it but I promise you, it is true,” he explained.
I shook my head in despair. “No. No. You are wrong. There is no moving forward. Not here, but perhaps I can there. Perhaps I can find a way before the barrier is completely demolished. I can believe that this has all been a dream, some horrible nightmare that I can finally awaken from. I can find a way to believe that it never really happened. That he was not real.”
“Tell me something honestly.” He got up and walked over beside me. “Did you also find the photo albums?”
I turned back towards the window and stared at the black evening sky. The thick cloud cover allowed no penetration by the sparkling stars. I couldn’t see even the smallest bit of light breaking into the darkness. Nothing but black hovered over the outside world. I wanted desperately to deny discovering the albums, but I knew he would see straight through me. I had admitted the journals that were obviously packed in the same trunk as the albums so there was no getting around it. I nodded my head slowly without turning towards him.
“And you looked through them?”
“Yes.”
“You saw your family…the family you and Jackson have?”
Tears rolled gently down my face. “Were going to have. But not now.” I brushed the tears aside and turned back to my uncle. “How does that work exactly, Uncle Monte? What happens when things change events that in one era have already happened?”
“To be honest, I have not the slightest inkling.” His eyes drifted towards the window as if he was lost in his own thoughts for a moment while considering the possibilities. “The entire concept of EVE was always very baffling to me. There were so many questions I wanted answers to but never found.”
We returned to our seats by the hearth.
“I know. Imagine how I felt when I was told the me there was even named after the me here!” I shook my head with dismay.
“Yes,” Monte chuckled a bit. “I always thought that was rather ironic when Shane and Amy told me about it. Of course I could not say anything to them.”
I leaned over running my fingers through my hair. A low laugh from my uncle caused me to look back up at him. “You realize that Shane does the same thing when he gets upset about something.”
“Excuse me?”
“The gesture you just made. Your father, Shane does the same thing when he is upset.”
“Really?”
“Yes, your other self is really starting to shine through,” he smiled softly.
“And what will the impact be on my family line now that Jackson and I are not going to get married and have children? What will happen now that I have chosen to leave here?”
My uncle shook his head slowly. “I just don’t know, Jocelyn. I wish I did but I really don’t.”
“Then I will have to risk it,” I stated firmly.
“You cannot risk something we know so little about. Your decision could end your family line there and then you may not have a life to lead there,” he tried to reason. “If you are set on only living on one plane of existence then you should leave your life there, not here.”
“Are you serious?” I stared at him with disbelief. “You have to be kidding?”
“Not at all. You cannot risk so much. The consequences could be disastrous.”
“Let’s not be melodramatic, Uncle Monte,” I huffed. “I have four brothers to carry on the family line. And if you think I would give up everything I have there for the life I have here…well then, you have forgotten all the amazing changes the world has made in the last century. If I was still going to marry Jackson on both planes then I know I would have been able to find a happy medium.” My eyes drifted towards the flames for a moment. “All right, so perhaps I am exaggerating a bit. I know I would have been happy no matter where I was as long as I had Jackson. But you are forgetting the bigger picture here. Our engagement is off.”
“You can change that if you want. Besides, it is not your brothers whom your father, Shane, me and the other you are directly descended from. It is from your daughter…your and Jackson’s daughter,” he stated pointedly.
“But Alyssa Nichole, along with Gavin and Ethan are never going to exist,” I shot back a little more quickly than I had intended. “I am sorry, Uncle Monte.” I dropped my head back down in my hands. “This is so unfair,” I complained. “I have given this a great deal of thought and my mind is set. This dual existence is not what I want. I just want to be normal.”
“Jocelyn, please.”
“Uncle Monte, I know you understand how I am feeling. I read your journals. I know you have felt this sense of loss. Please help me. I cannot live like this. I must leave in order to move forward. If I do not, I know I will forever be unhappy,” I begged with all my heart.
My Uncle stared at me for a long while with endearing love and empathy. I leaned forward a tad anxiously waiting with baited breath for Uncle Monte to speak the words I longed to hear to finally put an end to all my pain and torment. I knew I could never survive the pain of a life without Jackson and the very thought of watching him move on and eventually be with another was completely unbearable.
Suddenly a loud commotion outside the study drew both our attention towards the door. “I do not care if she wants to see me or not!” My heart stopped. “William, please…step aside!” Jackson’s voice pleaded very loudly.
The office door swung open and there stood Jackson with William gripping his arm. The mere sight of him took my breath away and sent a blazing dagger straight into my heart.
“Jackson, leave her alone,” William said through gritted teeth.
“She has to hear what I have to say,” Jackson responded without taking his eyes off me.
“It is all right, William,” I forced the words out. I couldn’t breathe.
“I will leave you two alone. Excuse me.” Uncle Monte leaned down with a slight smile and kissed the top of my head before he left the room, closing the door behind him.
Jackson stood there for several minutes staring at me without uttering a word. The silence was worse than the yelling.
“I thought you had something to say to me?” I forced myself to remain seated and not run into his arms like every ounce of me wanted to.
“Jocelyn,” he softly began. “Please, do not do this.” He crossed over and knelt down beside my chair. “I am begging you.”
“Jackson…”
“Please, do not leave this plane, leave me, leave us.” His emerald green eyes were surrounded by dark circles and looked mournful, dark, like he hadn’t slept in days and his face was scruffy.
“You flatter yourself,” I got up and crossed back over to the window. “I would have to still care about you in order for me to consider doing something of that nature.”
He walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes and willed myself not to break down. “I love you, Jocelyn. I have always loved you and I always will. Nothing in either world will ever change my feelings for you,” he whispered, leaning into my ear. “I only want to spend my lives with you.” I could feel his hot breath on my neck.
“Jackson, please…” I hated myself for the tears that returned. “It will never be over between us because I will never stop loving you.”
“Nor I you.”
He turned me around but I refused to look up at him. I knew it would render me powerless and I was alrea
dy quickly losing that battle.
“I was stupid and childish. I am so sorry I did not tell you the whole truth. I should have trusted you, trusted us. I never meant to deceive you. Please forgive me,” he begged in a soft tone.
I stared down at the floor afraid to meet his eyes. I felt so ashamed for my recent behavior—on both planes. I was the one who had overreacted and behaved like a child. Not him.
“I am so sorry, for everything,” I whispered. “Can you ever forgive me for the horrible things I said and the way that I behaved?”
“Marry me,” he lifted my chin with his fingertips forcing me to look into his beautiful brilliant green eyes. “I love you sweetheart, please say you will.”
I nodded stupidly lost in his eyes. A slow grin spread across his shapely lips. “Are you serious?”
Again, I nodded.
He pressed his lips firmly upon mine and I melted into him feeling the passionate fire soar through me instantly. Jackson picked me up and twirled me around in his arms.
“Oh…. I love you so much, baby!”
“I love you too.” I laughed. “I am so sorry for everything.”
“No, it was all my fault. I am sorry for all the pain I caused you. I never meant to hurt you, I promise.”
We held each other tightly in front of the fire, savoring the moment and never wanting it to end. I could hear the commotion outside the office door and knew it wouldn’t be long before we were interrupted.
“Are you all right?” he asked with my favorite lop-sided grin.
“Never better.” I rested my head against his chest, inhaling the smell of his cologne. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling better than I did at that moment.
“We should probably open the door before your brothers kick it in,” he laughed, giving me a tight squeeze.
“Let them. I do not care. I never want to let you go.” I tightened my grip around him. “I missed you so much.”
Jackson leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “I missed you too, my love. I have been so miserable without you.”
“Me too.”
“Never again.”
“Never,” I happily agreed.
Enlightened Page 29
