Point of Retreat (Slammed Series)

by Colleen Hoover

  I know she’s just trying to help, but her statement hits me hard. I pick Kel up and carry him back to the waiting room and sit him in the chair next to Gavin.

  “I'll be back,” I say. I run down the hallway to the nurse’s station, but naturally there isn’t anyone there. The doors that lead to the emergency rooms stay locked, so they don’t budge when I try to open them. I look around for someone. There are a few people staring at me in the general waiting area, but no one offers to assist me. I walk to the area behind the nurses’ station and look around until I find the button that opens the doors. I press the button, then jump over the desk and run through the doors just as they open.

  “Can I help you?” a nurse asks when I pass her in the hallway. I keep running. I round a corner and see a sign that says patient rooms to the right, surgery to the left. I turn left. As soon as I see the double doors that lead to the operating rooms, I hit the button on the wall to open them. Before they're even open far enough, I try to squeeze myself through them but a man pushes me back.

  “You can’t be in here,” he says.

  “No! I need in there!” I continue to try and shove past him.

  He’s a lot stronger than me. He pushes me against the wall and lifts his leg, kicking the button with his foot. The doors close behind him. “You aren’t allowed in there,” he says calmly. “Now who are you looking for?” He releases his grip on my arms and stands back.

  “My girlfriend,” I say. I’m out of breath. I lean forward and put my hands on my knees. “I need to know if she’s okay.”

  “I’ve got a patient… a young woman who sustained injuries in a vehicle accident. Is that who you’re referring to?”

  I nod. “Is she okay?”

  He walks past me and leans against the wall next to me. He slides his hands into the pockets of his white coat and pulls one of his knees up, settling his foot against the wall behind him. “She's hurt. She has an epidural hematoma that’s going to require surgery.”

  “What is that? What does that mean? Will she be okay?”

  “She experienced severe head trauma that has caused bleeding in her brain. It’s too early to give you any more information at this point. Until we get her into surgery, we won’t know the extent of her injuries. I was just coming to speak to the family. Do you need me to go relay this information to her parents?”

  I shake my head. “She doesn’t have any. She doesn’t have anyone. I'm all she's got.”

  He straightens up and walks back to the doors and presses the button. He turns around just as they open. “What’s your name?” he asks.

  “Will.”

  He looks me in the eyes. “I’m Dr. Bradshaw,” he says. “I’ll do everything I can for her, Will. In the meantime, go back to the waiting room. I’ll find you as soon as I know something.” He turns and the doors close behind him.

  I slide down to the floor in an attempt to regain my bearings.

  She’s alive.

  ***

  When I finally make it back to the waiting room, Kel and Caulder are the only ones there.

  “Where’s Gavin?” I ask.

  “Joel called. Gavin went outside to meet him,” Caulder says.

  “Did you hear anything?” Kel asks.

  I nod. “She’s in surgery.”

  “So she's alive? She's alive?” He jumps up and wraps his arms around me. I return his hug.

  “She's alive,” I whisper. I sit down and gently guide him back into his chair. “Kel, she's hurt pretty bad. It's too soon to know anything at this point…but they'll keep us updated, okay?” I reach over and grab a tissue from one of the many boxes of tissues scattered around the room and hand it to him. He wipes his nose.

  We all sit there in silence. I close my eyes and think back to the conversation I just had with the doctor. Were there any hints in his expression? In his voice? I know he knows more than he’s telling me, which scares the hell out of me. What if something happens to her? I can’t think about it. I don’t think about. She’ll be okay. She has to be.

  “Anything?” Gavin asks as he and Joel walk into the waiting room. “I had Joel grab you a shirt,” he says, handing it to me.

  “Thanks.” I give Gavin his jacket and pull the shirt on. “Lake’s in surgery. She’s got a head injury. They don’t know anything yet. That’s all I know.”

  Gavin nods.

  “What about Eddie?” I ask. “Have you heard anything else? Is the baby okay?”

  Gavin looks at me wide-eyed.

  Joel jumps up. “Baby?” he yells. “What the hell is he talking about, Gavin?”

  Gavin stands up. “We were going to tell you, Joel. It’s still so early…we…we haven’t had a chance.”

  Joel storms out and Gavin follows after him.

  I’m such an idiot.

  “Can we go see Kiersten?” Kel asks.

  I nod. “Don’t stay too long. She needs her rest.”

  They both leave.

  I’m alone. I close my eyes and lean my head against the wall. I take several deep breaths, but the pressure in my chest just keeps building and building and building. I try to keep holding it all in. I try to hold it in just like Lake does. I can't. I bring my hands to my face and break down. I don’t just cry; I sob. I wail. I scream.

  Thursday or Friday, January 26th or 27th, somewhere around midnight…

  Now that I have you back, I’m never letting you go. That’s a promise. I’m not letting you go again.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I’m in the bathroom splashing water on my face when I hear someone talking outside the door. I swing it open to see if it’s the doctor, but it’s just Gavin and Joel. I start to shut the door again when Gavin reaches his hand in and stops me.

  “Will, your grandparents are here. They’re looking for you.”

  “My grandparents? Who called them?”

  “I did,” he says. “I thought maybe they could take Kel and Caulder for you.”

  I step out of the bathroom. “Where are they?”

  “Around the corner,” he says.

  I walk around the corner and see them standing in the hallway. My grandfather has his coat folded over his hands. He’s saying something to my grandmother when he catches a glimpse of me.

  “Will!” They both run toward me.

  “Are you okay?” my grandmother says, brushing her fingers against the bandages on my forehead. I pull my head away from her.

  “I’m fine,” I say.

  She hugs me. “Have you heard anything?”

  I shake my head and hug her back. I’m getting really tired of this question.

  “Where are the boys?”

  “They’re up in Kiersten’s room,” I say.

  “Kiersten? She was involved, too?”

  I nod.

  “Will, the nurse is asking about paperwork. They need it. Have you finished filling it out yet?” my grandfather says.

  I shake my head. “I haven't started it yet. I don’t feel like doing paperwork right now.” I begin walking back to the waiting room. I need to sit down.

  Gavin and Joel are seated in the waiting room again. Gavin looks awful. I didn’t notice before, but his arm is in a sling.

  “You okay?” I ask, nudging my head in the direction of the sling.

  “Yeah.”

  I sit down and prop my legs up on the table in front of me and lean my head against the back of the chair. My grandparent’s take the seats on the wall opposite of me. Everyone’s staring at me. I feel like they’re all waiting on me. I don’t know what they’re waiting on. Waiting for me to cry, maybe? To yell? To hit something?

  “What!” I yell at all of them. My grandmother flinches. I immediately feel guilty, but I don’t apologize. I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath, trying to figure out the order of events. I remember talk
ing to Gavin about Eddie, and I remember Gavin yelling. I even remember slamming on the brakes, but I can’t remember why. I can’t remember anything after that…up to opening my eyes in the car.

  I bring my legs off the table and turn to Gavin. “What happened, Gavin? I don’t remember.”

  He makes a face like he’s tired of explaining. He explains it anyway, though. “A truck crossed the median and hit their car. You slammed on your brakes, so we weren’t involved in that wreck. But when you slammed on your brakes, we were hit from behind. It knocked us into the ditch. As soon as I got out of the car, I ran to Layken’s car. I saw her get out so I thought she was okay…that’s when I went to check on Eddie.”

  “So you saw her? She got out on her own? She wasn’t thrown from the car?”

  He shakes his head. “No, I think she was confused and must have passed out. But I saw her walking.”

  I don’t know if the fact that she got out on her own even makes a difference, but it somehow eases my mind a little. My grandfather leans forward in his chair and looks at me.

  “Will. I know you don’t want to deal with it right now, but they need as much information as you can give them. They don’t even know her name. They need to know if she’s allergic to anything. Does she have insurance? If you give them her social security number, they may be able to figure a lot of this out.”

  I sigh. “I don’t know. I don’t know if she has insurance. I don’t know her social. I don’t know if she’s allergic to anything. She hasn’t got anyone but me, and I don’t know a damn thing!” I lay my head in my hands, almost ashamed of the fact that Lake and I have never even discussed any of this before. Didn’t we learn anything? Didn’t I learn anything from my parent’s death? From Julia’s death? Here I am, possibly facing my past head-on again…unprepared and overwhelmed.

  My grandfather walks over to me and wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry, Will. We’ll figure it out.”

  ***

  Another hour passes with no word. Not even about Eddie. Joel goes with my grandparents to take Kel and Caulder to the cafeteria for food. Gavin stays with me.

  I guess Gavin gets tired of sitting in the chairs because he gets up and lies down in the floor. It looks like a good idea, so I do the same thing. I put my hands under my head and raise my feet up into a chair.

  “I’m trying not to think about it, Will. But if the baby isn’t okay…Eddie…”

  I hear the fear in his voice. He can’t even finish his sentence.

  “Gavin…stop. Stop thinking about it. Let’s just think about something else for a while. We’ll drive ourselves insane if we don’t.”

  “Yeah…” he says.

  We’re both silent, so I know we’re both still thinking about it. I try to think about anything else.

  “I kicked Reece out this morning,” I say, doing my best to tear our minds away from reality.

  “Why? I thought you guys were best friends,” he says. He sounds relieved to be talking about something else, too.

  “We used to be. Things change. People change. People get new best friends,” I say.

  “That they do.”

  We’re both quiet again for a while. My mind starts drifting back to Lake, so I reel myself back in. “I punched him,” I say. “Right in the jaw. It was beautiful. I wish you could’ve seen it.”

  Gavin laughs. “Good. I never have liked him.”

  “I’m not so sure I did, either,” I say. “It’s just one of those things where you feel obligated to the friendship, I guess.”

  “Those are the worst kind,” he says.

  We're silent again. Every now and then, one of us will lift our head when we hear someone walk by. We eventually become too tired to even do that. I begin to drift off to sleep when I'm sucked back into reality.

  “Sir?” someone says from the doorway. Gavin and I jump up.

  “She’s in a room now,” the nurse says to Gavin. “You can go see her. Room 207.”

  “She’s okay? Is the baby okay?”

  The nurse nods at him and smiles.

  And he’s gone. Just like that.

  The nurse turns to me. “Dr. Bradshaw wanted me to let you know they’re still in surgery. He doesn’t have any updates yet, but we’ll let you know as soon as we find something out.”

  “Thank you,” I say.

  ***

  My grandparent’s eventually come back with Kel and Caulder. My grandfather and Kel are trying to fill out the paperwork for Lake as best they can. There aren’t any questions on the form I could answer that Kel doesn’t already know the answer to. They leave most of the questions blank. My grandfather walks the forms to the nurses’ station and returns with a box.

  “These are some of the personal items that were found in the vehicles,” he says to me. “Take what’s yours and Layken’s and leave the rest in the box. I’ll take it back.”

  I lean forward and look inside the box. My satchel is on top, so I pull it out. Lake’s purse is there. So are my cell phone and my jacket. I don’t see her phone, though. That doesn’t mean anything…she probably just lost it again. I open her purse and pull out her wallet and hand it to my grandfather.

  “Look in there. She might have an insurance card or something.”

  He takes the wallet out of my hands and opens it. They must have already given Eddie’s things to Gavin, because there’s nothing left in the box.

  “It’s late,” my grandmother says. “We’ll take the boys home with us so they can get some rest. Do you need anything before we go?” she says.

  “I don’t want to go,” Kel says.

  “Kel, sweetie. You need some rest. There isn’t anywhere you can sleep here,” she says.

  Kel looks at me and silently pleads.

  “He can stay with me,” I say.

  My grandmother picks up her purse and coat. I follow them out and walk down the hall with them. When we get to the end of the hallway I stop and give Caulder a hug. “I’ll call you as soon as I find out anything,” I say to him. My grandparents hug me goodbye and they leave. My entire family leaves.

  ***

  I’m almost asleep when I feel someone shaking my shoulder. I jerk up and look around, hoping someone’s here with some news. It’s just Kel.

  “I’m thirsty,” he says.

  I look down at my watch. It’s after one in the morning now. Why haven’t they told me anything yet? I reach into my pocket and take out my wallet. “Here,” I say, handing him some cash. “Bring me a coffee.” Kel takes the money and leaves, just as Gavin walks back into the room. He looks at me for answers, but I just shake my head letting him know I still don’t know anything. He sits down in the seat next to me.

  “So Eddie’s okay?” I ask.

  “Yeah. She’s bruised up, but she’s okay,” he says.

  We’re both quiet for a while. I’m too tired to make small talk. Gavin fills the silent void.

  “She’s further along than we thought she was,” he says. “She’s about sixteen weeks. They let us see the baby on a monitor. They’re pretty sure it’s a girl.”

  “Oh yeah?” I say. I’m still not sure how Gavin feels about the whole thing, so I refrain from congratulating him. Doesn’t feel like a good situation for congratulations right now, anyway.

  “I saw her heart beating,” he says.

  “Whose? Eddies?”

  He shakes his head and smiles at me. “No. My baby girl’s.” His eyes tear up and he looks away.

  I smile. “Congratulations.”

  Kel walks into the room with two coffees. He hands me one and plops down in the chair and takes a sip of the other.

  “Are you drinking coffee?” I ask him.

  He nods. “Don’t try to take it from me, either. I’ll run.”

  I laugh. “Okay, then,” I say. I bring the coffee up to my mo
uth but before I take a sip, Dr. Bradshaw walks in. I jump up and the coffee splashes on my shirt. Or Joel's shirt. Or Gavin’s. Whoever the hell’s shirt I have on, it’s got coffee all over it now.

  “Will? Walk with me?” Dr. Bradshaw nudges his head toward the hallway.

  “Wait here Kel, I’ll be right back.” I set the coffee down on the table and walk out.

  We walk to the end of the hallway before he says anything. I have to brace myself against the wall…I feel like I’m about to collapse.

  “She made it through surgery, but we aren’t close to being in the clear yet. She had a lot of bleeding. Some swelling. I did what I could without having to remove a portion of her parietal bone…now all we can do is watch and wait.”

  My heart is pounding against my chest. It’s hard to pay attention when I have a million questions on the tip of my tongue. “What is it we’re waiting for? If she made it this far, what are the dangers?”

  He leans against the wall next to me. We’re both staring at our feet, almost like he’s trying to avoid looking me in the eyes. I know he has to hate this part of his job. I hate this part of his job for him. That’s why I don’t look him in the eyes…I feel like maybe it takes the pressure off.

  “The brain is the most delicate organ in the human body. Unfortunately, we aren’t able to tell just by looking at scans what exactly a person’s injuries are. It’s more like a waiting game, so for right now we’re keeping her under anesthesia. Hopefully by morning we’ll have more of an idea of what we’re dealing with.”

  “Can I see her?”

  He sighs. “Not yet. She’s in recovery throughout the night. I’ll let you know as soon as they take her to ICU.” He straightens up and puts his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. “Do you have any more questions, Will?”

  I look him in the eyes. “A million,” I reply.

  He takes my response as it was rhetorically intended and he walks away.

  ***

  When I walk back into the room, Gavin is still sitting with Kel. Kel jumps up and rushes to me. “Is she okay?”