The Beach Wedding

by Lucy Kevin

  “Why didn’t you tell me I was suffocating you?” She could hear the pain beneath each word, and she hated that she was hurting him again.

  “You weren’t suffocating me,” she countered softly. “I loved being with you just as much, Jason, to the exclusion of pretty much everything else. And that’s what scared me. It frightened the heck out of me that suddenly both of us seemed to be letting go of the dreams that had been such a huge part of who we were up until we met one another. I wanted to talk to you about it, but you and I were never really very good at having serious discussions about things.”

  “Sure we were,” he said. “We would stay up for hours talking about the house we were going to build on the coast one day—” A house very much like the one he now lived in, actually. “—and the family we wanted to have, and all the places we would explore together.”

  “You’re right, we had no problem talking about the good things. But whenever I planned to talk with you about how worried I was that you weren’t following your dreams—and my growing fears that I was on a dead-end path myself—you’d touch me, kiss me. And the next thing I knew I was so swept up in our passionate connection that I’d never actually bring up any of my worries. By the time we’d wake up in bed the next morning, I couldn’t bear to ruin the moment. Not when it felt so good just to be with you.”

  “You still could have told me, could have found a time when we weren’t tearing each other’s clothes off to lay it all out for me.”

  “Even if I had, I still wouldn’t have been able to stay.” She felt utterly bleak as she remembered the day she’d accidentally intercepted a phone call meant for Jason. “Why didn’t you tell me the best writing program in the country had accepted you? And how could you have turned them down without talking to me about it? I only found out because they called the house line instead of your cell to beg you to reconsider.”

  He looked guilty for a moment, as if he still regretted keeping the information from her. “I knew how coming to California was your dream, and how much you loved it here. I couldn’t ask you to go back to where you grew up.”

  “Graduates of that program have won Pulitzers and become international best sellers, Jason. It killed me to find out that you’d turned it down. And that’s when I knew for sure that our relationship wasn’t going to work. Two people in love are supposed to bring out the best in each other, but I didn’t bring out the best in you. It was the exact opposite. Still…you have to know that it nearly killed me to pack up my things and leave.”

  He was silent as he processed everything she was saying. Finally, he asked, “But even if you thought you needed to leave for my own good, why did you do it like that? Without any warning. Without even telling me why.”

  “I know it was the coward’s way out,” she admitted softly, “but I also knew that if I tried explaining things to you, I would just end up in your arms, where you would persuade me to stay.” Couldn’t he see that it hadn’t been about not loving him? It had been about loving him too much. “And then you would never have ended up going for your dreams and getting what you wanted in life.”

  “You keep talking about all of the things I wanted, but can’t you see that the only thing I really wanted was you?”

  The force of his statement took Liz aback. Yes, her feelings for him were roiling just barely beneath the surface. But she hadn’t thought that he could possibly feel the same way ten years later.

  “After you left, Liz, everything felt so wrong.”

  But she couldn’t believe that, didn’t want to think that she’d made the wrong decision when at the time it had felt like the only one possible. She gestured to the ocean just outside his windows, then to the bookshelf where Jason’s books were lined up in their hardback editions, tangible reminders of everything he had already achieved. His career had taken off not long after they’d split up, his fame building, his name rising higher on the best-seller lists with each new book. She’d read interviews from around the world as he went on signing tours, traveling to all the exotic places she knew he’d always dreamed of seeing—Europe and Australia, Japan and South Africa.

  “How could you say things felt wrong when you got everything you ever dreamed of?” As soon as Liz had gone, his success had followed, exactly as she’d known it would. She truly had been the only thing standing in Jason’s way. “You’ve achieved everything you ever wanted. How can you argue with my leaving when it all worked out?”

  “Are you kidding?” Jason demanded in a raw voice. “I was a wreck when you left. I was so broken up that I thought I’d never be able to put the pieces back together. I loved you more than anything, and you left without even letting me try to convince you to stay. If you had only talked to me, confronted me—”

  “But you would have just held on tighter if I had told you I was scared!” The words burst from her lips before she knew they were coming. “Why couldn’t you see how overwhelmed I was? I was only twenty-one. I came to Los Angeles expecting to work hard to achieve my dreams—but I never expected to find a love that eclipsed everything else. Why couldn’t you let us each have a little space?”

  He stared at her, clearly as stunned by her outburst as she was. And then, suddenly, a wave of sadness seemed to wash over him. “Because I was afraid that if I admitted that I was holding on too tight, and if I let you have some space, I’d lose you. You’re right that I would have given up my writing for you.” He shook his head. “If only I had known just how ironic our ending would be—that you’d end up leaving me anyway, all to save my writing career.”

  “Oh, Jason.”

  Her heart broke for the mistakes they’d both made. All she wanted was to find a way to chase away the shadows, and the pain, so that everything would be all right again. She wanted so badly just to feel his strength as she wrapped her arms around him and—

  No. Liz clenched her hands tight, her nails digging into her palms hard enough that it hurt. She was getting caught up in him—in them—again. She needed to get some distance, or she wouldn’t be able to think properly.

  “I need to go.”

  “Don’t go, Liz. Stay this time. Stay and keep talking with me about what happened between us ten years ago.” He moved closer. “And about what’s happening now.”

  “I can see that you have a book you need to get back to,” she said as she stumbled back to put some space between them. “And I need to get everyone at Married in Malibu prepped on the details of the wedding.”

  “Liz, please—”

  “There are only two weeks. There’s a lot to take care of.”

  She scrambled through his house, out the front door, and into her car. Only when she was clear of the house could she breathe again. It had been way too intense in there.

  She and Jason weren’t like Rose and RJ, who were two halves of a whole and whose lives seemed to mesh so perfectly. Then again, hadn’t Rose said something about how it hadn’t always been smooth sailing for her and her husband?

  “You shouldn’t even be thinking about this,” Liz told herself. “You have far too much work to do.”

  She had a wedding to plan, Jason had a book to write, and it wasn’t like they were going to get back together or anything crazy like that. Not even if they’d been on the verge of a kiss in his kitchen before Amber had called and interrupted the moment.

  No, nothing was going to happen between them. They weren’t going to let their relationship derail both of their lives a second time.

  She wouldn’t let it.

  Chapter Six

  Jason had always appreciated that whatever his mood, he could look out his windows and find some part of the ocean that would match it—some days felt like calm seas and others were closer to the rolling power of the waves. He often needed to stare out at the water for a while before he was ready to start writing for the day. Right then, though, it didn’t seem to matter how long he stared out over the surf. He simply couldn’t sum up everything he was feeling. Couldn’t even begin to, actuall
y.

  He was supposed to be working on his latest thriller—the publisher’s deadline was only a couple of weeks after Amber’s wedding date. Early on, he’d learned that there was no substitute for simply sitting down and writing. He was currently working on a key chapter that would define who the hero of this novel was at his core, but Jason still wasn’t sure if he had the guy completely clear in his head. After a fruitless half hour of doing little more than staring at the screen and seeing only Liz’s face instead of any of the words on the page, he pushed his laptop away and moved to stand at the window.

  If someone were to look up at the house from the beach, he knew how he would appear: brooding, stony, like one of the heroes in his books. But he wasn’t unfeeling. If anything, he was feeling far too much. It was impossible not to when Liz had been close enough to touch and yet a million miles away. In the end, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from asking why she’d left.

  Her answers had left him reeling.

  Jason’s computer dinged, and when he realized that Amber was trying to get through to him on Skype again, he leaped to answer her call. Was she having second thoughts about the wedding at Married in Malibu?

  “Amber, is everything all right? I thought you’d be busy shooting.”

  “I was, but I hurried back to my trailer as soon as I got a break. Is she still there?” Amber looked concerned. When he said no, she went on, “I need to make sure that you’re absolutely okay with things.”

  “Don’t worry about me, honey. You should just be concentrating on your movie and your fiancé right now.”

  “I know how much Liz meant to you. I know how broken up you were when she left. You don’t have to pretend to be a tough guy with me.”

  “That was all a long time ago,” he said, and though it was the truth, he now knew for sure that time hadn’t done one single thing to diminish his feelings.

  “It doesn’t matter how long ago it happened. The point is that it hurt you. She hurt you. And now she’s back. Are you certain that it’s going to be okay working with her on the wedding?”

  Thirty minutes ago, Jason would have agreed with Amber’s assessment of things. He’d thought it was all so cut and dried—Liz had left and broken his heart, end of story.

  But now he knew that their story was a million times more complicated and layered. And he was only just beginning to unravel his thoughts and emotions in the wake of all that Liz had finally explained to him.

  Nonetheless, he wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of his niece’s big day. Not even the fact that seeing Liz again had spun his world completely off its axis. “Your wedding will be perfect, honey. Both Liz and I are going to make sure of it.”

  “I love you for wanting the best for me and Robert, but you know that’s not what I asked,” Amber pointed out with a slight frown. “I need to know that you’re okay.”

  “I’m the uncle here,” he said with a smile. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be looking after you.”

  “I know. But I can’t stand the thought of you getting hurt again.”

  For so long, he’d wanted to know why Liz had left. Now that he did, even though it was a lot to take in—especially the parts where Liz had pointed out that he’d been so afraid of losing her he’d held on too tight—Jason realized he actually did feel better.

  Liz hadn’t left because she hadn’t loved him. Instead, she’d loved him so much that she’d tried to do whatever she could so that he could achieve his dreams.

  “Liz and I have just spent some time talking things through,” he told his niece.

  “And?”

  He smiled again, knowing he’d need to wrap his brain a lot more firmly around everything that had just happened before he could even begin to discuss it with Amber. All he could honestly say at this point was, “I’m glad she and I finally talked. In any case,” he added before she could push again, “like I said, you don’t need to worry about me, honey. But I’m glad you do.”

  They went back and forth for another couple of minutes about directors and scriptwriters and waiting around for an hour to get a shot that lasted only a few seconds. It was good to hear about everything going on in Amber’s life—and to know how great it all was. Jason had always wanted to be there to help his niece build an incredible future. Of course, he’d never expected that Liz would factor into Amber’s future—or his own, for that matter.

  “Earth to Uncle Jason?”

  “I’m still here,” Jason assured her. “Tell me more about the tweaks you’re making to get the script to work.”

  “No, we don’t need to talk about that anymore. Not when I know you’re thinking about something else. Someone else.”

  “How do you know I’m not thinking about my novel?”

  “That’s a different kind of preoccupied face.” She looked over her shoulder. “They’re calling me back to the set, but promise me that you will tell me right away if we need to look for another wedding venue.”

  “We’re all set with Married in Malibu,” Jason assured her. “You focus on your movie. Let me take care of everything else.”

  But Amber was right that he couldn’t stop thinking about Liz. After being so close to her again—and finally talking about their past—it was impossible not to. Being alone in the same room with her was hard enough: She was so beautiful that he could barely keep his hands off her. But what she’d said had made it even harder.

  “I left because I was holding you back” had shocked him. “I never expected to find a love that eclipsed everything else” had resonated deeply with him. But it was “Why couldn’t you let us each have a little space?” that kept repeating over and over in his head.

  When he’d first seen her again that morning in her office, Jason had been able to use the fact that Liz had left him like a shield to protect himself from what he felt, making it easier to keep his distance. It was never truly easy to stay away from Liz, but at least it had been possible.

  But now?

  Well…now he wasn’t at all sure that keeping his distance was what he wanted. Not when everything he’d believed about their breakup had turned out to be so wrong.

  Love hadn’t died. On the contrary, it had bloomed so fast that it had taken over everything in its path.

  Jason went back to the window and saw that the ocean looked calmer than it had a short while ago. Not pulling in so many different directions, simply moving with a steady power and weight that would sweep along anything that went out into it.

  Just the way he had swept Liz along all those years ago.

  Looking back, he could see now how young they’d been. He’d fallen so hard for her and had been so desperate to keep her that he’d told himself he didn’t need anything but Liz to be happy. But he could no longer deny that Liz was right—he had needed to run free when he was in his twenties, needed to go out and live some of the lives that he wanted to write about. See places with his own eyes that up to that point had only been images on a computer screen and pictures in magazines. He’d needed to turn imagined settings into memories before he would ever be ready to settle down.

  “She knew me better than I knew myself,” he said to the empty room.

  And the truth was that she always had.

  The problem was that he hadn’t known her well enough. Hadn’t seen that he was suffocating her with his intensity, with his passion, with his love. He’d wanted so badly to be there for her, to prove to her that nothing was more important than their love, not even their individual dreams. But he could see now that if he and Liz had gotten married, they would both have ended up feeling completely smothered by their life together. Ten years ago, Jason had been barely more than a kid. He’d wanted to be there for Liz, for Amber, for his writing career, but he hadn’t known how to do it all. He’d been stretched so tight emotionally that there were times when he had been afraid he would snap. He hadn’t seen enough of the world, hadn’t built up enough life experience to truly be ready to share it with anyone, not even
Liz.

  Just as she’d said today, love was supposed to make you better, stronger, fuller. But they’d both been too young, too immature, too lacking in confidence. Especially him. Which was why he’d clung too tightly. And she’d run.

  Now, however, both of them were doing precisely what they wanted to do for a living. They were also older, full of hard-won life experience, and so much closer to living their dreams.

  The only thing either of them lacked now was love.

  Suddenly, everything clicked into place—both for his book and for himself. Because he finally realized that the protagonist of his book didn’t need to be put through the wringer of any more dark moments. And neither did he. Instead, they both needed to risk everything for true love.

  With only a few hours at his keyboard, Jason knew he could completely transform the life of his fictional hero. When it came to real life, however, he suspected wooing Liz was going to be a heck of a lot harder.

  But he also knew that nothing would ever be as hard as living without her.

  Chapter Seven

  “I’m almost done setting up the sound system,” Tyce Smith told Liz a few days later. “If you could put me in touch with the artist you’ve booked to play the first wedding, I’ll tweak things to their specifications.”

  “I haven’t booked anyone yet, but I’ll let you know as soon as I have.”

  Liz could hardly believe that Tyce had set up their sound system. Even knowing that he’d started out working as the Rose Chalet’s music director didn’t take away from the fact that he was an increasingly big star. There were a dozen more important places he could have been, but he was clearly so loyal to Rose that he was willing to put those other opportunities aside.

  Tyce wasn’t the only person Rose had sent their way. RJ was helping to finish the renovations to the venue, which meant that Nathan had no excuse not to give his full focus to solidifying the framework for their computer system. Liz had already forwarded Amber’s measurements to Anne Farleigh, the Rose Chalet’s talented dressmaker, while Phoebe Davis was currently in the garden with Kate. Liz had half expected her gardener to resent the Rose Chalet florist’s intrusion into her territory, but the two women were bonding over an azalea bush that needed careful management. In addition to being given assistance with setting up the music, lights, and floral arrangements, Married in Malibu would also be working with Julie and Andrew, the Rose Chalet’s caterers, to help Jenn with the food for their first wedding.