Long Gone Lonesome Blues

by Maggie Shayne

  Garrett shook his head, sighed heavily. “It’ll be hard, Ben, but you have to do it. You have to tell her. For God’s sake, you can’t just let her go on not knowing—”

  “Now, hold up a minute,” Elliot cut in. He turned to pace a few steps away. Then he turned to face them all again, swiping the hat from his head in the process. “I think you all are overlookin’ the obvious, here.”

  Wes straightened from where he leaned against the pickup’s shiny fender. “And what’s that, little brother?”

  Elliot lifted his brows and hands at the same time. “Did she look sick to you? Because I’m telling you, boys, she sure didn’t look sick to me. Not even a little bit.”

  There was silence as Ben glanced at each face, each set of eyes, and saw hope flashing only in one of them. Elliot’s. “Doc was sure about the diagnosis,” he told his optimistic younger brother softly. “And the symptoms were getting worse all the time. There was no doubt it was HWS.”

  “That’s just my point!” Elliot shook his hair with his hands and then replaced his hat. “Hillman-Waite Syndrome is progressive. Gets steadily worse. There’s no remission, no sudden recovery. Doc made all that pretty clear to you back when he first diagnosed Penny with the disease. So, as sick as she was just before the accident, how the heck is it that she’s walking around looking just like peaches and cream now?”

  Ben dragged his gaze away from the youthful hope and zeal in Elliot’s eyes and met Garrett’s instead. Garrett shrugged. “You gotta admit, it’s a good question.”

  “You should get Doc over here, have him take a look at her,” Adam told him. “Maybe there’s more going on here than we know. I mean, she said she was in Europe, right? They’re always coming up with new treatments and—”

  “Don’t say it, Adam.” Ben held his hand up to stop his brother. Then he turned slowly, putting his back to all of them. He braced his arms straight out against the pickup and let his head hang between them. It ached. His whole body ached, but most particularly in the area where his heart was being systematically shredded. “Don’t even think it.”

  “But if there’s hope—” Adam began.

  “Hope can be a cruel thing, Adam,” Wes said slowly. “It can lift you higher than you’ve ever been, and then just let you go—no net, no parachute and no anesthesia. I think Ben would prefer to keep his feet on the ground for now.”

  Ben said nothing, but felt his brothers’ eyes on him. Felt their concern touching him even when they kept their hands at their sides.

  “That’s probably the best thing to do,” Garrett said, reverting to the parental tone he used whenever he felt his full-grown siblings needed to hear it. “Be realistic, and don’t go falling for that old wishful-thinking trap. This is hard enough without false hopes. But it’s okay to wish it was different, Ben. It’s okay to wish she wasn’t sick, and it’s sure as hell okay to hate that she can’t remember you.”

  The red-orange sun blazing down from the huge Texas sky made the fender warm on his hands, and yet Ben still felt chilled to the bone. “Penny’s the one who feels like hell, not me. Imagine how it would be to wake up one day and realize you’ve lost your whole life. Your past. Everything.” He lifted his head, turned around slowly, knew his eyes were probably red rimmed. “And on top of that, imagine being told you probably won’t live long enough to make any new memories to replace the ones you’ve lost.”

  Elliot shook his head hard. “She’ll get her memory back, Ben. She has to!”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  “But she has to remember you. She loves you!”

  Ben faced his youngest brother, seeing the hope in his eyes, despite Garrett’s warnings against it. God, to be that young again, to be able to see everything with optimism, to believe in happy endings. “Loved me, Elliot. Now…now she doesn’t even know me.” Ben’s voice broke, and he had to avert his eyes.

  Wes clasped Ben’s shoulder, his own voice slightly choked, raspy. “Whatever we can do….”

  “We’re here for you,” Garrett said. “You know that. We’re family, Ben.”

  “Yeah.” Ben looked at each of his brothers in turn. When one Brand stubbed his toe, another one cussed. They were that close. He prayed they always would be. “I know,” he said.

  “You okay for the moment? Up to talking? Because in the meantime, Ben, we have a hell of a hornet’s nest to deal with here. And the sooner we get moving, the better.”

  Ben drew a deep breath, squared his shoulders and nodded. “Let’s get to it, then.”

  Elliot lowered the tailgate on the pickup and used it as a seat. Wes pulled up a bale of hay and settled there.

  “Tell me what we need to do, Garrett,” Ben said softly.

  “First we go ahead with the exhumation. We have to find out who’s in that grave. They might have family, too, somewhere. I’ll see to that myself. Then there’s the matter of Penny’s little crime spree.”

  “I’ll pay the dealer for the use of the car. Hell, I’ll buy it if he wants. Give him more than he’s asking,” Ben said.

  “He’ll probably go along with that. And I imagine the hotel in El Paso will drop the charges if we explain things and settle up with them. The stolen credit card, though….” Garrett shook his head. “See, there’s more to that. The owner of that card has come up missing.”

  Ben’s head came up fast.

  “She was a nurse,” Garrett said. “From England. The good news is, the police know Penny was here in the States before the woman vanished. Bad news is, they still think she might know something about it.”

  “They’ll want to question her, then,” Ben said softly. He shook his head. “You know I’m not gonna allow it, Garrett. She’s sick. I have to take protect her.”

  Garrett nodded. “I’ll put them off as long as I can, Ben.”

  “Good Lord, what in the world has that wife of yours been up to?” Wes asked.

  Ben shook his head, realizing this was the first Wes had heard of Penny’s crimes. “Long story, and I don’t know half of it.”

  “Kirsten will know,” Adam said. He’d been leaning against the pickup, but he straightened now and that old grimness was back in his eyes—always was when Kirsten’s name came up. “It’s high time she get over here and answer a few questions.”

  Garrett put a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “I’ll call her. You’re still too angry. But not today. We have enough on our plate without adding another course just yet. Meanwhile, Ben, don’t you think we oughtta have Doc come by and take a look at Penny? After all she’s been through, and given her condition and all?”

  Ben shook his head. “She’s dead against it. Threatened to take off if I tried to push the issue. Which makes me all the more curious about that clinic in England. What the hell happened to her there that left her like this? I’m telling you, Garrett, when I suggested she see a doctor, she went white. She was scared. Hiding it, like she always did, but scared.”

  Garrett nodded. “Take it slow with her, Ben. If you can get her to tell you any more about the place, maybe I can have it checked out.” His eyes were sympathetic and worried. “We’ll get to the bottom of this. I promise you that.”

  Wes nodded. “In a few days, when she’s more comfortable, maybe she’ll reconsider about letting Doc take a look at her. Hell, he delivered her.”

  Ben nodded. “And he was with her parents when they died.” He lowered his head. “Tough to believe she doesn’t even remember them. Or me.” Drawing a deep breath, he went on. “I’ll convince her to see Doc, though. Don’t see that I have much choice about that.”

  “And you’ll tell her about her condition….” Garrett prompted.

  Ben met his brother’s eyes, set his jaw. “Not until Doc sees her and confirms it.” Garrett frowned, but Ben held his gaze. “I can’t do it to her, dammit. Not yet. Let’s give her a few days of peace before we tear her world apart all over again.”

  Garrett held up a hand in surrender. “All right, okay, we’ll keep quiet un
til you decide to tell her. But don’t wait too long, Ben. She has a right to know.”

  “Damn, this is hard.” Ben shook his head slowly. “I want to hold her, touch her…but I have to keep reminding myself that as far as she’s concerned, I’m a stranger.”

  His brothers nodded. And he knew that Garrett and Wes, at least, could understand. They had wives they adored. The thought of losing them, then getting them back only to realize they really were still beyond their reach—that was one they could sympathize with. “I have her back for a little while,” he said softly. “But I don’t. Not really.”

  “One step at a time, Ben. Just hold on, okay? Hold on to us,” Adam told him.

  Ben nodded. If there was one thing he could count on, it was his family. They’d be holding him up right to the end. No matter what.

  “I’m going to head into the office,” Garrett said. “Get started on straightening out her legal problems. Gotta get them moving again on that exhumation, too. I’ll let you know what I find out.”

  “Thanks, Garrett,” Ben told him.

  “Elliot and I can handle your classes for today, if you want,” Adam offered. “Not that we know spit about martial arts, but—”

  Ben pressed a palm to his forehead. “I forgot all about the kids.” He glanced at his watch. “I have three groups today. I already cancelled the older kids who come in from ten to noon, but there’s still the middle schoolers after lunch from one to three, and the toddler class from three to five.”

  “We can handle it,” Elliot said. “We’ll just tell them to do whatever it was they did last time.” He looked at his watch as well. “Heck, Adam, we just about have time to get there.”

  Adam nodded, squeezed Ben’s shoulder and turned toward his shiny black sports car that looked as out of place on the ranch as an Armani suit in the stables. Everyone had his own personal theory as to why Adam had driven the car down instead of flying in from New York. And every one of them involved Kirsten and the rich man she’d married.

  “Taylor and I can handle the chores around the ranch today,” Wes said. “Take your time in town, Garrett. Do what needs doing and don’t worry about things here.”

  Garrett nodded. “You okay, Ben?”

  “No,” Ben said. “But I’ll manage.” He looked toward the house, half eager to go inside, half afraid to.

  Wes nodded. “I know,” he said. “But I remember a time not too long ago when you told me you’d give your right arm for another chance with Penny. Now you have it, Ben, even if it is only for a little while. Not many men get that kind of miracle.”

  Ben nodded. His brother was right. He had to make this work, make her remember, make everything the way it was before and make the most of every minute he had left with her. He had to.

  Chapter 5

  Chelsea led her through a sprawling house, where every room seemed like a big, inviting haven. She glimpsed a large kitchen and a formal dining room, but the living room was her favorite. Open and wide, with broad windows that were uncovered to reveal the lush, rolling fields beyond. A huge fireplace took up a third of one wall, and the furniture was overstuffed and comfortable. A braided oval rug covered most of the floor, and a hound dog who looked like his coat needed ironing lifted one eyebrow as she passed.

  “He…won’t hurt Olive, will he?” Penny asked.

  Chelsea grinned. “He can barely work up the energy to hurt his food at mealtime. I think your bulldog is safe. Ol’ Blue never hurt a flea.”

  She led Penny to an old-fashioned, steep staircase and started up it. “There’s more to see downstairs,” she said. “There’s a den, and an office down there, plus the bath. But I thought you’d rather get upstairs where you can be alone and try to digest all of this.”

  “I appreciate that,” Penny said.

  Chelsea led her to a bedroom at the end of the hall and opened the door with a flourish. Penny saw pink. Pink patterns in the wallpaper, and pink lacy curtains to match the pink bedspread.

  “This was Jessi’s room before she married Lash and moved into town. She hated all the pink, but she never had the heart to tell her brothers.”

  “They decorated it for her?”

  Chelsea nodded. “They’re sweet underneath all that macho they wear with their hats. Really.”

  Penny thought she’d reserve judgment on that. But they certainly seemed sweet so far. She sighed and walked to the row of windows that overlooked the barn and stable, and closer, the cluster of Brand men gathered in the driveway around a pickup truck that seemed to be their focal point. Ben glanced up as she looked down, and their eyes met. Something shivered down her spine, right to her toes, and she quickly turned away.

  “It’s better than white,” she said, picking up the thread of the conversation. “In the clinic everything was white.”

  Chelsea gently touched her arm. “It must have been awful for you.”

  Shrugging, Penny scanned the kind woman’s face. “I wasn’t awake long enough for it to be awful,” she said. And she reminded herself that Chelsea was not a suspect here. She couldn’t have been involved in whatever scheme had resulted in the mess she now had for a life. “Chelsea…do they talk about me much?”

  Chelsea frowned a little, but sat down on the edge of the bed and patted a spot beside her. She waited until Penny joined her there to begin speaking. “You were loved here,” she said. “That’s pretty obvious to me. Every time anyone brings your name up, it’s usually with a teary smile. With everyone except Ben, that is.”

  Penny lifted her gaze. “Ben doesn’t talk about me?”

  “Ben doesn’t smile. He’s probably the saddest man I’ve ever known, Penny. He never got over losing you.”

  A little lead ball formed in Penny’s stomach. She tried to ignore it, but it only got bigger.

  Chelsea clasped her hand. “But you’re back now.”

  And Penny shook her head. “Not really. I mean, I’m back…but I’m not the woman he’s been mourning all this time.” She closed her eyes and wondered why she felt so much regret when she said that. As if she might want to be that woman…the woman Ben Brand loved. Imagine that. And it was a stupid way to feel, since for all she knew he might have been involved in her disappearance.

  She sighed heavily and shook her head. “I think I’d like to be alone for a little while.”

  “Sure,” Chelsea said, and squeezed her hand. “If you feel like talking later, you just say the word. For now, it’s understandable you needing some time to yourself. I’ll make everyone leave you alone.”

  Penny nodded her thanks.

  “I’ll bring you up some tea in a few minutes. You just call me if you need anything else, okay?”

  “You don’t need to wait on me, Chelsea.”

  “Indulge me,” she said with a wink.

  Chelsea left then, and Penny returned to the windows, parting the lace curtains to stare once more down at the men gathered below. The Brand brothers sat or leaned or stood around Ben. Talking about her, no doubt. Ben seemed tortured. And she couldn’t believe the stunning impact of seeing him in so much pain. Maybe because it was such a contradiction. Such a big, powerful man—his denim shirt straining across the expanse of his shoulders—looking so wounded. She felt badly for him. If he’d really loved her once, it must be hard for him now. Seeing how different she was. It was obvious she was not the woman he remembered.

  And if she’d really loved him….

  Had she? Had she ever looked up into his eyes the way she’d seen Chelsea look into Garrett’s today? Had she slept curled up snug in Ben’s arms? Made love to him?

  A lonely pain writhed in her stomach, and her headache worsened. What must that have been like? To hold such a man inside her? To be that close to him?

  He was a beautiful man. Hair like old corn silk, long and untamed. Blue eyes as deep and sad as the ocean.

  She had to turn away, because staring down at him caused an unidentifiable pain in her belly, in her heart. How could she forget being with a ma
n like Ben Brand? How?

  Sighing, she spun around and collapsed on the bed. And she lay there for several minutes, waiting for her pounding headache to ease.

  There was a gentle knock on her door, and she turned, expecting to see Chelsea with her tea. Instead she saw Olive, cleaner than she’d ever seen her. Her fur was actually white now, and she had a brown spot on her backside that Penny had never noticed before. As Penny got up, Olive looked across the room at her, then raced forward, stubby legs flying, and launched herself. Penny crouched down and gathered the little dog close, nearly toppling backward from the impact, but hugging her all the same, wet fur and all. It was only as Olive kissed her face that she heard the deep laughter from the doorway and looked up to see Ben standing there. Though he was amused, he came forward quickly to ease the dog from her arms.

  “You shouldn’t be carrying her. She’s too heavy for you, Penny.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Penny took the dog back and hugged her tight. “Ooh, you look like a million bucks!” she said.

  Olive kissed her face again.

  “Hope you don’t mind. Jessi thought a bath was in order. And Bubba wanted to help. By the time I found those two, they were wetter than Stubby here.”

  Penny watched Ben’s face. Saw the way he was still eyeing her uneasily and barely restraining himself from reaching out to help each time the dog made a sudden move. “I don’t mind. I was going to give her a bath myself.”

  “Um, Jessi found more than dirt.” Ben came farther inside, reached back to close the door behind him, but then seemed to think better of it.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Put her down, Penny. Please, you’re making me crazy.”

  Frowning, Penny lowered Olive to the floor. Olive didn’t mind. She immediately put her nose to the carpet and snuffled along like a living vacuum. “Okay. She’s down.” She didn’t like his insistence on treating her like a weakling. “What did Jessi find?”