Questions for a Highlander

by Angeline Fortin

  Moira just snorted her denial. “Come now, Abby! You are not that naïve! You know as well as I do where the lads used to sneak off to any time they had a chance. Not just Vin but Jason, Francis, Jack and, yes, Richard as well! It is what men do! They want a body, not a woman!”

  Abby wrinkled her nose. “That might be what young lads do, Moira, but I can guarantee that just ‘a body’ is not what Richard wants any longer, nor does Francis or Jack.”

  “And I see you cannot include Vin in that list, Abygail Merrill!” Moira pointed out. “Because Vin does not love me as you are all loved. Any woman would do for him!”

  “I disagree.”

  “Well, you didn’t see his face when he realized who he was kissing this morning either!” Moira chided as she ferociously stacked on block atop another with a definitive smack. “He looked as if he might be physically ill!”

  “Moira! Now you’re just exaggerating!”

  “No! I am not!” Smack went another block and then another before she pushed the whole thing down sending the little girls into gales of laughter that softened Moira’s ire. She looked at their angelic faces, their shiny blond curls and again felt that pang of envy. How she wanted a pair of lasses just like them or better yet, a lad with black hair and chocolate brown eyes. “I’m his friend, Abby. It is simply what he sees. And I will continue to be that friend for as long as I can bear it because Vin needs all the friends he can get right now. But that is all it can be. He may desire me – I’ll not deny the possibility – but it would never mean more than that and it would be ruinous to that friendship.”

  “I still think that you’re wrong.”

  “You and Eve and Harry all think that! Harry has even set a wager on it.”

  “Did he really?”

  “Yes, he wagered he could drive Vin into a fit of jealousy within a fortnight.”

  “That long?” Abby mused. “I wager he could do it in half that time if he truly applied himself.”

  Moira couldn’t help it. She burst out laughing. “You are fools all! But in the end, I will prove you all wrong, then Harry and I will wed and we can be done with all this nonsense!”

  “Hmmm,” Abby tapped a finger to her lips. “I might have to see this for myself. I think I will send a message over to Eve and see if we might come to dinner.”

  “Do that if you must, but I will not be there.” Moira crossed her arms. “I dashed off a note to Harry this morning asking him to take me to dinner at that new restaurant at the Royal Edinburgh Hotel. I’ll not sit and watch as you plan the poor man’s downfall.”

  “It’s not like you to run like a coward, Moira.”

  “Aren’t you always telling me to try new things?”

  “Of course, but…Moira? Where were you this morning that you caught Vin half-asleep?”

  “Richard, you didn’t mention this afternoon that you were coming to dinner,” Vin said in surprise as he came down for the evening meal. He found the parlor filled with Eve and Francis, Jack and Kitty, Richard and Abby and his sister Fiona but absent the one person he wanted most to see.

  “I wasn’t aware this afternoon.”

  “Where is everyone else?” Vin asked as Fiona bounced over to him and flung her arms around Vin’s neck.

  “Richard told all the lads they had to stay away tonight so you could take us in small doses,” Fiona told him bluntly. “Dorian’s got to be back at Cambridge for the next term anyway and Tam and Ian are going to take Connor over to that new gambling hall in Old Town. I imagined they’ll be laid bare in more ways than one by morning.”

  “Fiona!”

  “What?” she blinked innocently. “Jamie didn’t go with them though. He’s been trailing after that widow of old Mr. Ross for weeks now and I imagine he’s about to make his move.”

  “Blossom!” Vin choked. “You shouldn’t talk of such things!”

  “Och, and sure it’s all right that I know about them! I just shouldn’t speak of them?” she asked defiantly. “I have ten older brothers, Vin! Really how did you expect me to turn out?”

  Before Vin or Richard could answer, the Glenrothes butler, Hobbes, stepped into the room addressing himself only to Eve as was his habit. “My lady, Lord Aylesbury has once again graced us with his most distinguished personage. Might I do us all the favor of showing him in?”

  Vin nearly groaned aloud. Bugger it! The fellow was here again? And he’d managed to win the approval of Eve’s persnickety butler as well? The old man didn’t seem to like anyone besides Eve and perhaps Kitty.

  When Aylesbury entered the room bowing over a huge bouquet of roses, Vin found his wasn’t the only strong reaction in the room. “Would you look at that bonny man?” Fiona exclaimed under her breath. “I don’t know what Moira has been thinking if she hasn’t snapped him up yet. I wouldn’t wait so long if he turned those bonny blue eyes on me!”

  “Blossom,” Richard reprimanded their little sister. “You’ve barely given the man a moment’s rest when he’s come to dinner; please allow him a moment to breathe!”

  “What’s this?” Vin asked.

  Richard shrugged dismissively. “Fiona fancies Aylesbury.”

  Vin gaped down at his baby sister. A myriad of thoughts inundated his mind but the one that headed the flood was, “Why?”

  “I don’t expect you to understand, Vin,” Fiona sighed as she took in the marquis with adoring eyes as he greeted Eve first and made his way around, greeting the others near him. “Aylesbury is everything a woman could want: handsome, titled, wealthy, witty, dashing…”

  “Enough!” Vin cut her off, unwilling to hear the fellow’s accolades listed so fervently. “I didn’t know he was coming to dinner.”

  “Oh, he’s not,” Fiona told him with regret clear in her voice. “He’s only here to get Moira…again. She’s so lucky.”

  At that moment, Moira herself appeared in the doorway, again dressed in such stunning fashion she took Vin’s very breath away. This time it was a dark emerald green brocade dinner gown with a low-cut bodice edged with a band of narrowly pleated fabric that swept across her breasts and around her arms. The hip-length bodice clung to her tightly cinched waist emphasizing the exaggerated flair of her hips. A cascade of diamonds hung around her neck drawing his attention to her breasts and upward along the slim column of her throat. Her hair was piled high tonight in a knot on top of her head. She looked so lovely that he should feel nothing more than awe at her beauty.

  However, Vin felt desire; desire to claim her as his own and push that low bodice down until he could free her breasts and capture them in his hands. Shaking his head, Vin forced the thoughts away. Hadn’t they cost him enough for one day? He hadn’t seen her at all since dawn. He had missed her all because he hadn’t been able to control himself.

  Vin watched her as she took the extravagant bouquet of roses from Aylesbury and sniffed them with appreciation before handing them off to Hobbes. She spoke to Eve and Abby and said her goodbyes to the room without ever looking his way. When she turned, the skirts that gathered over her bottom before draping down to the train of the gown, swept along on the floor behind her. Once again, Vin felt the hound on the hunt. It was mesmerizing to watch the sway of her hips translate into the swish of the train.

  Bugger it, but he should hate these feelings! Throughout the day, he’d been determined to push them aside. He knew it was the right thing to do. She was his friend and, if he wanted her to remain such, he needed to get control over his irrepressible desire. Vin wondered where this new gambling hell was his brothers were going to tonight. Perhaps there he might find someone to vent this frustrating lust on so he might look on Moira in the more brotherly fashion he used to.

  Vin eyed Richard askance wondering how he might separate him from Fiona to ask. Hell, perhaps he should ask Fiona herself. He’d wager she’d have no issue with telling him exactly where the club was located!

  “You know what red roses mean, don’t you?” Fiona whispered in a defeated tone that drew Vin�
�s attention. He raised an inquiring brow. “They mean ‘love’. Surely it won’t be long now, I think.”

  “Before what?” he asked.

  “Before she weds him, of course.” Fiona scowled at her brother. “I know you’ve been gone a long time, Vin, but surely you remember that a gentleman only gives a woman red roses when a proposal is imminent?”

  “Aylesbury has already asked to speak with her father, I hear,” Richard confided.

  Vin’s heart pounded furiously against his chest as these tidbits of information were revealed. He had sensed it was coming, of course. Anyone with eyes in his head could see Aylesbury was serious in his intentions, but he hadn’t imagined that it would come so soon! Not when he’d just returned. Not when he wanted…no, needed her the most!

  Look at me! his mind screamed as Hobbes handed Moira’s cloak to Aylesbury so that he might be the one to hold it for her. He watched in frustration as the fellow again went through his ritual of aiding Moira into the garment. A smooth move that seemed to impress Fiona as she sighed deeply with appreciation at the gesture. Look at me, lovey!

  She did not, of course. Moira merely scowled fiercely at Abby as she took Aylesbury’s arm and let him lead her from the room. Instead, it was the marquis who turned and caught Vin’s eye. As he slid his arm around Moira’s waist, Aylesbury tossed him a knowing grin and waggled his brows.

  The smug bastard, Vin thought.

  Chapter 19

  There is one friend in the life of each of us who seems not a separate person, however dear and beloved, but an expansion, an interpretation, of one's self, the very meaning of one's soul.

  - Edith Wharton

  Later that night

  “You weren’t going to come to me tonight, were you?”

  Moira peeked out from under her blankets to find Vin framed in her bedroom door. He was still dressed, though not properly. He was wearing loose trousers of Francis’ and a shirt open at the neck and hanging loose about his hips. With his black hair rumpled and day’s growth of beard darkening his jaw, he was devastating and ruggedly handsome in the flickering light of her fire. With a groan, she pulled the blankets back over her head wishing she could hide from him forever. It had been hard enough to do it for the course of one day. The family had still been talking in the parlor when she returned from dinner with Harry, so she had slipped up to her room unnoticed.

  And waited.

  But no sounds had emerged from below.

  “You would let me suffer as you did the other night?” Vin continued gruffly when she didn’t answer.

  Would she have gone to him if he needed her? Yes. She couldn’t bear to let him suffer again knowing she could help him. “I would have come,” she mumbled into her pillow.

  “When?”

  “When you needed me to,” she answered, peeking back over the covers. “I hadn’t heard anything so I thought you might be doing alright.”

  “I can’t sleep at all.” Vin wandered into her room, closing the door firmly behind him. The lock snicked loudly in the silence of her chamber.

  “Wh-what are you doing?” she stammered in a quavering voice.

  “If Mohammed won’t come to the mountain…” he trailed off as he approached the bed and sat on the edge. “I am a weak fool, lovey. A selfish one as well. Now that I know what you can give me, I want more of it.”

  Aye, his mind mocked him, but you’ve only a hint of what she could really give you!

  Vin forced his thoughts back to the topic at hand. “I know it is beyond improper, but might I lie with you for a bit?”

  Wordlessly, Moira scooted to the far edge of the bed offering her consent. It pleased her that he liked to be with her even if he considered his reasons selfish ones. She did not. She felt sometimes she was the selfish one for taking what she could from him when he was unaware. At least this way she could be with him without it being a guilty pleasure.

  Vin eased down on top of the covers but when Moira chided him against doing so on such a cold night, he hesitantly slipped under the covers to lie on his back staring up at the silken canopy over the bed. He was very aware of her by his side. His nerves were alive in her presence and he knew even taking on this insanity would be a test of his control. Perhaps he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all knowing she was just an arm’s length away. However, he decided a sleepless night lost in the agony of unfulfilled desire was better than a night spent in torment of another kind.

  Moira stared hard at the canopy to keep her eyes from straying to the man at her side. The silence was stiff and uncomfortable…for her anyway. She had felt all day that she would never be able to look him in the eye again after that morning’s debacle. She practically pounced on him! Despite what Abby said, any man would react as he initially had when a woman leaped on him first thing in the morning. His secondary reaction was the one that plagued her all day.

  “Vin, I…”

  “I’m sorry about…”

  They turned their heads and looked at each other. “You first.” They again spoke at the same time and a hesitant chuckle sounded from each of them. The tension engulfing them melted away.

  Vin’s hand took hers under the blanket and for a long while they lay there holding hands, each lost to their own thoughts before Vin quietly spoke.

  “When I joined the guards and we saw our first fighting at Alexandria, I knew I was going to see things, do things that I had never imagined in my whole life. I think Jason and Richard felt the same way. But we were men among men. We could not speak of those fears. I could not speak of those fears, or of the disgust with the things we had to do. Even to them. My closest friends.” Vin fell silent. Moira waited just holding his hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze of encouragement. She knew he had more to say. “I killed people, lovey. Many of them. And I was good at it, too. I know there are men who enjoy it, but I never did. It was my duty and I carried it out. I saw men die in front of me. Men I had come to consider friends. I know many of us had similar thoughts about the whole thing, but it wasn’t something men could talk about among themselves.

  “I loved being able to write to you. All those years, I could tell you everything I could not say to anyone else. I gave you all of it and you wrote me back with words so understanding and compassionate that I felt you really could understand.” Vin rolled onto his side, crooking one arm beneath his head so he could face her and Moira did the same. He reached out and took her other hand in his. “That’s when you became a true friend to me, lovey. Before that it was mainly because of Jason, but with those letters, you became so much more. They meant a lot to me.”

  “They meant a lot to me as well, Vin,” she whispered.

  “I’m sorry about his morning,” he said finally. “You were dreaming, half-asleep. I took advantage of that. It’s just…”

  “Been a long time?” she finished for him and they both laughed again.

  “I don’t mean to vent it on you.” He did, truthfully, though he couldn’t tell her so without again putting a strain on their more important friendship. He was disgusted with himself for his lack of restraint but Vin knew he had to get it under control, was determined to get it under control! He didn’t want to drive her away from him again as he had today.

  I don’t mind, Moira thought but could not find the courage to say the words aloud. Instead, she offered, “I would do anything to help you through this, Vin.”

  That softly spoken ‘anything’ sent a multitude of scenarios dashing through Vin’s mind. Each one sexual in nature but Vin ruthlessly pushed them away knowing that Moira did not intend her words in that context. “I hate that, you know.”

  “That you need help?” she asked perceptively.

  “That everyone thinks I need help. They stumble over themselves to ‘help’.”

  “And it drives you mad.”

  “It does,” he admitted. “I can’t talk to anyone. It’s awkward. They’ll say inconsequential things that make me mad. Why can I talk to you? I actually say complete se
ntences to you.”

  “You like me better?”

  Vin chuckled seeing her wide, toothy grin in the dim lighting. “I guess I must. I need to be with you right now, lovey. I hate to be so needy.”

  “You think it’s unmanly.”

  “Again you’re spot on.” He shook his head. “I’m not a coward, lovey. I have faced things… I can take pain without cowering or begging for mercy. But, it’s as if I see my salvation right in front of me and I just have to take it whether it comes as a blow to my manhood or not. You give me what I can’t find anywhere else. For some reason, your presence makes the rest recede away from when everyone else pulls it toward me.”

  Moira’s heart ached for him. She understood what being a man in Scotland meant. She had been raised among them. Scotsmen were descended from a warrior race. They did not show weakness. Even in this day and age, some were still so immersed in that mindset they couldn’t even court a woman with words of love and tenderness. Still, his words sounded like love to her, why couldn’t he see it that way as well? “You can take what you need from me, Vin. I’d give anything to see you happy again. I’d give it gladly.”

  Again, Vin read a double entendre in her words and almost shuddered as desire flowed through him again. She could not know how her words affected him! How they emerged as an invitation for him to plunder her for all the things that would truly make him happy. Vin shifted to relieve the pressure on his painful erection and forced the lust away. He should leave before things got out of hand once again. He knew it was the right and best thing to do, but somehow could not force himself to rise. Instead, Vin just looked into the warmth of Moira’s eyes, knowing there wasn’t a single place on earth that he would rather be.

  “You missed the news tonight while you were out,” he announced, determined to change the course of his thoughts by changing the subject.

  “Really? What news?”

  “A messenger came. It seems Queen Victoria has decided to honor me for my ‘sacrifices’.”