Questions for a Highlander

by Angeline Fortin

  The crowd was starting to grow restless. Some would want to see the MacKintosh clan falter a notch. Others knew the brothers were always good for a scandal. There were some however, that heard some truth in Lady Glenrothes’ words. What other reason would an heiress of Lady Moira MacKenzie’s magnitude have for remaining unwed all these years?

  Sensing that he was losing his audience, Wallis laughed away Eve’s reasons. “That’s all nonsense! Everyone knows that Lord Aylesbury has been courting Lady Moira these last months. Any fool could see that he meant to marry her.”

  “Nonsense,” Abby shot back. “Those in the know are aware of no such thing.”

  “Ahh, yes, family unity in the face of scandal,” Wallis’ words dripped with sarcasm. “It is easy to see you’re trying to cover up this disgrace with a quick lie. But no one here believes that for a moment.”

  “Perhaps then, you’ll believe me.” There was a renewed murmur in the crowd as Lord Aylesbury himself appeared at Wallis’ shoulder standing tall with his arms crossed over his chest. He did not look down at the gossip but rather at Moira. His voice when he spoke was soft but dangerous. Low but loud enough to carry over the amassed gentry. “You think to know my mind, Wallis?”

  Wallis jumped back but, despite a shiver of apprehension, could not seem to stop himself from arguing. “You were courting her! It was obvious! This whole ‘engagement’ is just a ruse to avoid scandal!”

  “And I say differently. I say that I knew of their previous understanding from the day I met her and of their renewed engagement since the moment of Lord Clarendon’s return. She informed me the moment Lord Clarendon returned that she intended to renew their old agreement.” With a soft smile for Moira, Aylesbury turned and looked down at Wallis. “It is true I once thought to make Lady Moira my bride, for she is a beautiful woman and damned good company. But I tell you now, Lady Moira and I are naught but friends though I have appreciated her assistance these past weeks of keeping the matchmakers from making me their next mark until I return to London. Such a diversion also allowed Lord Clarendon time to recover from his trials before announcing their engagement.”

  “You were a very convincing friend, Aylesbury.” Wallis had never known when to quit.

  “Are you doubting Aylesbury’s word?” Francis questioned in low voice that caught everyone’s noticed and suddenly had heads turning back and forth between Wallis and Aylesbury.

  “Doubt his…?”

  Wallis’ mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water as he searched for an escape but Aylesbury was not finished. “You might dispute the truth from Lord Clarendon’s family given the timeliness of this announcement, but are you going to dispute me, Wallis?”

  “Aylesbury…”

  Kitty slid to Wallis’ other side and glared up at him coldly. “I should really hate to have to bloody your nose once more, toad.”

  Wallis swallowed turning a bit green, but seemed to know when he was outnumbered and undone. “May I be the first to offer my congratulations on your…timely engagement? Lady Moira? Lord Clarendon?” With a bow, he melted nervously back into the crowd more afraid of that pregnant, angelic woman than any subtle threat the arrogant marquis of Aylesbury might have carried.

  Glenrothes waited with all the nobility of his station stamped on his face, glaring at his brother while Eve calmly shooed all her guests back down to the proper floor and encouraged them all back to the dance floor. “Everyone else go back to ballroom,” Francis ground out between gritted teeth. “Celebrate, look damned happy. You,” he pointed to Vin. “And you,” to Moira. “Come with me, now.”

  They followed him silently to the opposite end of the hall and into the private sitting room he shared with his wife. Crossing over to a table near the window, the earl poured himself a healthy dose of whiskey before turning back to them.

  “Well, Vin, you’ve stepped deep into it this time,” Francis said, tossing back a large swallow. “I hope you are prepared to speak with Moira’s father and Mercea as soon as possible after such a display.”

  Vin had seen it coming, of course. There was no chance he had misinterpreted those moments in the hall. It had been stupid and he didn’t know who he was angrier with; Wallis, Moira or himself. Damn, but he couldn’t let this happen. None of them knew what a true disaster it would be in the long run to cave to the pressures of Society now. “I have no intention of marrying, Francis, ever.”

  “I don’t believe the option is yours any longer. You weren’t just caught kissing in the corner, Vin,” Francis pointed to Moira. “Look at her!”

  Vin looked at Moira and winced. Her hair was tumbling half out of its once soft arrangement, one sleeve was pushed off her shoulder. The worst of it, though, was the red chafing that trailed down her neck to the love bite on the top of one breast. She looked as wonderfully tussled as she had that morning in his bed. Bloody hell, he knew what he should do, but the words just wouldn’t come to his lips. No matter what was best, he couldn’t bind himself to Moira without her being aware of the truth. Vin shook his head. He wasn’t prepared to face the truth as yet even with Moira’s future on the line.

  Misinterpreting Vin’s denial, Francis barked imperiously, “You will marry her.”

  “I will not,” Vin ground out, watching his brother’s eyes darken with rage.

  “Francis,” Moira began, holding up her hand. “Perhaps tomorrow…”

  “No!” Francis shook his head. “We need to go out there now and announce a wedding as if we’d been planning to all night.”

  Still Vin shook his head.

  “Bugger it, Vin,” Francis spat out, his brogue deepening with his anger. “I’ve stood by and let ye fook the lass in my own home for the past two nights because it made ye happy, it made her happy! But if ye don’t wed wi’ her now, there are going to be a lot of unhappy people here starting wi’ me! Ye’ll do right by her now. I willnae see Moira ruined because yer a thick-headed lout who cannae see the truth right before his verra eyes!”

  “What truth?” Vin barked back. “The only truth I know is that marriage doesn’t work and eventually every woman betrays their husband sometimes with his own brother. Even Moira! I caught her kissing Aylesbury tonight. Why doesn’t he marry her? She wants to marry him!”

  “He didn’t get caught!” Francis yelled.

  “I will not get married just because I was caught!”

  “Then ye should do it because of what ye did wi’out getting caught! Because, I know she wasn’t sleeping wi’ him as she was ye.”

  “How can ye know that?”

  “Because all of us know he was just trying to make ye jealous, that’s why!”

  “Aye, it is what they do!”

  Every word tore at Moira’s heart. He had no faith, he didn’t care. But she knew she had to try one last time even if it meant baring her heart to him. “Francis, my I have a word with Vin alone, please?”

  Francis looked with some disgust at his brother. Vin had always been one to see only what he wished, to see in the world what he wanted. He didn’t look beyond that. Had never been able to, but he wasn’t normally this obtuse either. It was as if he thought denying it could make it go away. He shook his head.

  Or there was something holding him back, but Francis couldn’t imagine what it might be that Vin would sacrifice Moira’s reputation for it. By God, he just wanted to pound some sense into his brother before he drove Moira away from him for good, before he lost a savior for his life.

  “You think you can talk sense into him?”

  “I can try.”

  Chapter 36

  Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.

  - Friedrich Nietzsche

  “Vin…”

  “You don’t want to do this, Moira.”

  “Of course I do,” Moira said brightly to cover her hurt. “Didn’t you know that I’ve been in love with you for years and I never married because of you?”

  Vin snorted, crossing his
arms over his chest feeling the sarcasm in her words. “You can’t change my mind, lovey, so don’t try.”

  “Do you believe I would ever betray marriage vows with you, Vin? Do you truly?”

  “I have already found you in another man’s arms this night.”

  Moira shook her head, approaching him to lay a hand on his arms and felt his muscles tense. “What Francis said was true, Vin. I only let Harry kiss me like that because he knew you were coming upstairs. You see, I was trying to make you jealous. I wanted you to be jealous enough to fight for me, to keep me as yours and only yours.”

  It had worked, Vin snorted mentally.

  “Why would you do that?”

  “Can you truly be so blind, Vin? I’ve asked myself a thousand times. Can you not see that…” Moira paused and took a deep breath. “Can you not see that I love you, Vin?”

  “Just because I made love to you…”

  “No, Vin, not just because of that. What Eve said is true. I’ve been in love with you for years…forever,” the words came out easier this time.

  “Nonsense, you always thought of me as another brother, just as I thought of you as a sister.”

  Moira laughed, resting her forehead against his hard chest and shaking it before she looked up at him. “My God, Vin! In my entire life, I never once thought of you as a brother.”

  “But I always thought of you as a sister.”

  “Do you now?” she asked.

  Vin didn’t answer but just looked down at her standing so close to him even though he was angry with her. Even with him denying her, probably hurting her feelings, she still looked up at him with affection, her eyes were bright with it. Was that the love she claimed she’d always had for him shining there? Because her expression didn’t seem any different from a thousand others he’d seen in his life. In previous years, he’d assumed it to be sisterly affection because he had needed it to be. Just as he needed to believe for his own sanity – if not for his life – that all the affection he felt for her was brotherly.

  That was the way it had to be for the sake of his friendship with Jason. Vin didn’t believe, despite Richard’s fine example of Jack’s eventual acceptance of his relationship with Abby, that Jason would have ever been so understanding. Jack was a caring brother but Jason was much more impulsive and temperamental than Jack had ever been. Jason would have easily killed him if he’d seen that episode in the hall, especially years ago when he’d been so overprotective of Moira.

  It had kept him from thinking too hard about Moira and, if Jason were here today, none of this would ever have happened. Perhaps it was actually Jason’s absence that, not so much allowed his feelings to change, but allowed Vin to act on the ones long buried deep within him. Did he still look at Moira as a sister? Hell, no!

  Still, he couldn’t give her what she wanted and needed after all of this. A part of him wanted to. Though he thought Francis’ first marriage would provide him an excuse through eternity not to wed, he knew deep down Moira would never betray him if they were to wed. Not because of the wedding vows themselves – he still believed too many women were able to set them conveniently aside if it suited them – but because of their lifelong friendship. If for no other reason than that, he knew he could trust in her fidelity.

  No, at this point that was nothing but a convenient excuse not to do this terrible thing.

  And that kiss with Aylesbury had been meant as nothing more than a means to draw out his jealousy? Had he understood that correctly? Well, it had certainly worked, he reacted to the green monster within him according to their plan, but look where it had left him. Trapped between the whims of Society and Moira’s pleading eyes.

  He felt his will crumbling, torn between doing what was expected of him and what he knew he had to do to spare them both.

  Moira sighed as the stubborn light burned again in Vin’s eyes. “When you asked me years ago why I had never wed, I told you that it was because I loved a man who didn’t know of my love. I couldn’t tell him even when you insisted I should because he was standing right in front of me. A week ago, you asked me the very same thing, and I said I’d never married for love of that same man. I always hoped one day he would come to love me as I did him. Even when I was told he was dead and never coming home, I could not bring myself to wed with another because of my love for him. That man was you, Vin. It’s always been you.” Moira slid her fingers along his jaw and forced him to look at her before adding more sincerely this time, “Didn’t you know that I’ve been in love with you for years and I never married because of you?”

  Vin’s heart soared but he quashed the emotion relentlessly. “You don’t love me.”

  “I do.”

  Vin’s heart throbbed painfully at the thought. Looking back over the years, he remembered her always chasing after him and Jason, always following them. However, she begged for their attention equally so there was no help there for him as he forced himself to see it. As a lass on the verge of womanhood, she plied him with her novice flirtation, but she did so with his brothers as well and even Jack. He watched for years as other men courted her and, to him, it seemed she enjoyed their efforts. Though he hadn’t been home often in those years, he couldn’t recall a single moment when it seemed as if she wanted anything more from him than friendship. Except during that last ball. Moira had seemed especially excited about their waltz and afterward on the balcony, he’d gotten the impression she was hoping he would kiss her. And he’d wanted to do it.

  He chalked the moment up to a girlish crush until she’d told him of the man she loved. He’d been jealous then though he hadn’t recognized the emotion at the time. He hadn’t liked the thought of her loving another man. Hadn’t liked the thought of her being hurt by another. But he’d never been given reason to think it was him she yearned for. If she’d loved him, she’d kept it well hidden.

  Vin shook his head insisting, “You might have then, you were but a lass then and impressionable. But you don’t love me any longer.”

  Moira stared into his eyes. “I do.”

  “You cannot.”

  “Why?” Moira again made him look at her. “Because you’ve changed so much? Because you’re different than you were before?”

  Again, she was so spot on that Vin cringed. Despite their years of correspondence, she had little idea how the years had truly changed him. He wanted to explain this to her but Moira went on, “And because you’ve changed so much, I could not possibly love you any longer?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Why?” Moira crossed her arms over her chest watching his face, the emotions flitting across it. “I said why? Do you not enjoy reading any longer?”

  “I do but….”

  “Philosophy then. Or the opera.”

  “Lovey, don’t…”

  “Fishing? Riding? Playing golf? You don’t like to play chess any longer?”

  “I still enjoy things, but…”

  “Oh, it’s a philosophical difference then? You’ve become a Methodist, is that it? Or perhaps you no longer believe in God at all? Charitable works no longer interest you? Or, Heaven forbid, you’ve become a Conservative since you left?” Moira shuddered.

  If Vin hadn’t been so upset, he might have laughed at her antics but he could see she simply wasn’t understanding his point. Even given their interactions over the past two weeks, she still thought nothing had changed. It wasn’t a matter of preference or habit. It was weightier than that…like a constant millstone he was dragging with him until it was likely to crush him. A weight that had nothing to do with who he was but what he had become.

  “What has changed exactly, Vin? I understand you have had a tragedy in your life and are plagued by demons but that hasn’t changed the man I know you are. I love you because of who you are. Love doesn’t die because of conflict and challenge. It makes it stronger. It made me come to your bedside each night to soothe your troubles, it makes the conversations we share more meaningful.”

  If she only
knew how much those conversations meant to him, how much he cherished the normalcy talking to her provided. It swept away the past if only briefly. It allowed him to forget for a moment what he wished was gone forever. But the past had an ugly habit of raising its head when least convenient. It hadn’t yet but he could not hide from it forever. “It doesn’t matter, lovey. I cannot marry you.”

  “Cannot or will not?” Moira asked, feeling her heart break a little more. It was a lost cause. Better to accept now that it would never change, that he would never allow himself to have more from their friendship. Where years before she had waited for the wondering, perhaps it would be good for her to have it done now so she could accept it and move on with her life.

  Of course, she would have to ask Francis not to insist on Vin’s acceptance of what everyone else might consider inevitable. She simply couldn’t live with him if he were forced to marry. She wanted him of his own free will. “Very well, Vin. I will talk to Francis.”

  “I will do it.” Vin could see the hurt on her face and suddenly felt as if he was doing the wrong thing but couldn’t convince himself there was any other option. “Will I still have your friendship, Moira?”

  Moira looked down at the hand Vin held out to her wishing suddenly she could punch him. How could he even ask such a thing of her when her heart was clearly breaking?

  Her eyes were bright with unshed tears as she looked up at him and Vin felt them like they were a dagger being driven through his heart. But that pain was nothing compared to what followed when she spoke. “I think we’ve moved beyond that possibility now, don’t you?”

  She slipped through the door as Vin’s hand closed around the empty space where she had stood. The pain in his chest burst into anger, not with her but with himself. Bugger the past, his mind bellowed as he turned and punched the wall.