Fractured: Volume One

by Alexis Noelle

  Chrissy comes up to me and I brace myself for judgment. “Shay! The food was absolutely delicious. I have to say I was skeptical when Steven said that you would be doing dinner.” Yea, you and me both. “You did a great job though the girls and I all agree that we should do this more often.”

  Hell no. “Thanks, Chrissy, I think I will just leave it to you girls in the future though.” She nods almost like she expected that answer and then rejoins the group.

  As much as I know I should lean on the other girls when Cam is gone, I usually don’t. I prefer to turn into a recluse, but at least with my book releasing I’ll be able to stay somewhat distracted.

  Jacob barely took any food and hasn’t said a word to me. There is really something different this time. He is usually Oscar the Grouch, but never to this extent. He is barely even talking to the guys, I would love to ask him about it but that didn’t get me too far last time so I’m just gonna keep my mouth shut.

  Everyone starts to say their goodbyes, it’s nothing over emotional. That comes tomorrow.

  Chapter Nine

  Cam helps me clean up but neither of us really says anything. I’m sure he is dreading tomorrow just as much as I am. He has been packing all week long and it’s been driving me absolutely crazy. Every day something else gets put into his bag, a part of me wants to jump in it and stow away. I know, in all reality, that I don’t want to be where he is going but I also don’t want to be without him.

  As I’m standing at the sink washing the last of the dishes, Cam comes up behind me. His hands snake around my waist and he rests his chin on my shoulder. “Tonight was nice, baby.”

  “Yea, I think the girls liked it.” I turn staying in his arms, and wrap my arms around his middle.

  “The guys did too, although they had no idea what most of it was.”

  “Why don’t you guys just start saying you want something simpler?”

  He places a kiss on my lips. “We have talked about it before but the consensus is that if it makes the girls feel good to do something fancy for us before we leave them, then we will do whatever they want to make it easier. Well of course, that goes for the wives who like fancy, next time feel free to do something easy.”

  “Next time?” I pull back to look at him. “If you ever think about nominating me for that shit again I will go Lorena Bobbit on your ass.”

  He laughs against my neck. “I’m gonna miss you, gorgeous.” His voice sounds so serious with a hint of sadness.

  I want to tell him not to go then, but I know that isn’t an option. I know that this is what he loves to do, the thing he loves to be a part of. If I tried to ask him to give that up it would be selfish. It’s what I want, but it’s self-serving. “Me too.” That’s all I can bring myself to say.

  Cam’s phone rings and he walks into the living room to get it. I finish cleaning up hoping that once he gets off the phone we can shut out the world. I finished the book and now all I need to do it hit publish. Which is probably the scariest part of the process. It’s like having a baby then handing pieces of it away to strangers.

  I walk into the living room to find Cam and he is sitting on the couch. He seems so exhausted and I know that this week has been rough on him. Between the extra hours and the looming deployment. “Hey, why don’t we go take a nice relaxing bath?”

  His eyes meet mine as he smiles at me. “That sounds great, baby.”

  I grab his hand, leading him upstairs to the bathroom. I told Cam whenever we got a house one of my requirements was a tub built for two. I turn on the hot water and get some bath salts. As much as Cam says they are girly he loves them. Two strong arms envelope me from behind.

  “I love you so much.”

  I relax into him. The two of us just standing there not daring to move. My hand reaches behind his head gently threading through his hair, and he places a kiss on my neck. I turn to face him, “Let’s get in.”

  We both get undressed and sink into the water. I move in front of Cam and lay back against him enjoying the feel of his skin against mine. My hands run up and down his legs, gently rubbing out the tension. I turn to face him, my hand moving to his shoulders and working out all of the kinks in them too.

  When his eyes open he does nothing more than look at me. “When I’m away, this is the moment I’m going to think of. Being here with you no bullshit, no boundaries, just the two of us. I am going to miss you with every damn inch of me, Shay. I know that you’ll be okay though, as much as you think you can’t handle it.”

  His hand threads through my hair, pulling my mouth to his. When our lips touch it starts a fire in both of us. Before long we are gripping each other like we are holding on for dear life.

  I pull away from him resting my forehead on his. “I don’t want you to worry about me.”

  “Baby, that’s like telling me not to breathe. You’re my entire life. There isn’t a moment on this earth that I’m not thinking about you.”

  I sigh. “I’ll be okay. You just need to worry about coming home to me.”

  “There isn’t anything that could keep me from coming back to you.”

  We sit there with each other for a while, the water has turned cold, but we aren’t ready to move. It’s like if I get up, if I break this connection, then he will be gone and I can’t bear that. Cam grabs one of my hands that is wrapped around his neck, and kisses the top of it. “I don’t want to move either, babe, but I need to leave tomorrow.” My shoulders sag at him reminding me of this. “If I’m going to get up in time, then I need to start now.” His hands grab my butt and he slowly stands up taking me with him.

  “Start what?” I ask as he is stepping out of the tub.

  “I am going to make love to you in so many different ways tonight that it will hold you over until I get home.” Well, who could argue with that? Cam walks into the bedroom and sets me down onto the bed. I used to get self-conscious when he would examine my body, but now it just excites me, my whole body comes alive and is tuned into him.

  My hands grasp his biceps and I lift myself up to place a kiss on his lips. He deepens it, pushing me back into this mattress.

  “Are you ready, Mrs. Wilson?” There is a playfulness in his eyes but under that I see something that makes me squirm.

  Pure unaltered passion.

  Chapter Ten

  I hear the alarm go off and all I want to do is pretend that it’s a dream. I barely slept last night knowing that this morning, I would be taking him to the base and saying goodbye.

  I can hear Cam moving around and my response is to simply pull the covers over my head. “Babe, you gotta get up.” I groan in response like a petulant child and refuse to move from my cocoon. “Come on.” He says as he yanks the covers away from me.

  I sit up and glare at him. “You know, I could beat you right now for that.”

  He laughs and walks up beside me. “Yea, but you won’t.” He leans down and kisses me. I begrudgingly get up and start to get dressed. The guys all meet at the base and that is where we will say our goodbyes to them. Today is a yoga pants and t-shirt kind of day because I know I am just going to crawl back in bed once I get home.

  Neither of us say a thing the entire car ride to the base, lost in our own thoughts. Cam holds my hand but I can tell he doesn’t know what to say to me. I’m trying to hide my hurt but I can only do so much. My husband is leaving. The man that I want to spend every day of my life with is going to be gone and I’m not even sure for how long.

  When he pulls into a parking spot on base and gets out of the car, I lose it. My door opens and Cam pulls me out, crushing me against his body. We stand there clinging to each other, neither of us daring to move. The other couples are around us in almost the same position. There is no talking, no laughing, just muffled cries.

  I rest my head against his hard chest, listening to his heart beating. "Cam, I don't know how I'm gonna be okay with you gone. I know I said I'll be strong, but how can I?"

  "Because," he looks me at me, kissing my
forehead and the tip of my nose. "You're Shay Wilson. You're the woman I love and the woman who got me through the darkest times of my life. You're the strongest person I know. Baby, it's gonna be hard, but you can do this. Just remember that I'm right here." He presses his hand against my heart and I break down again. Tears stream from my eyes and his. I fucking hate the military and I fucking hate deployment. I hate the decision he made to enlist, but at the same time I'm so fucking proud of him.

  "Promise me something?" His eyes are focused on mine.

  "What, Cam?" I will promise him anything at this point.

  "Promise me that you'll be okay. You're gonna write every day and you're gonna survive. Promise me?" He seems to be almost pleading with me.

  "Then you have to promise me something?"

  His arms tighten around me. "Anything."

  "Promise me you'll come back to me." This is my plea.

  "I promise, baby. I'm gonna come back to you.”

  “All right men! Time to go!” I look to the voice and I see Jacob. He doesn’t have anyone around him, no one to say goodbye to. I look up at Cam. “I love you. Be safe.”

  “Baby, I’ll come back, I’ll always come back.” He repeats the same promise that he gives me every time he has had to leave. Cam turns around and heads to the building where the other guys are entering too. I walk up to Jacob and before he can react, I give him a hug. When I pull away his face shows his confusion. “Be safe.” Is all I say before I get into the car.

  I keep my composure the entire drive home, which is definitely an accomplishment. Once I get into the house I plop onto the couch and cry.

  ***

  Today is the day. I wake up knowing that I will either succeed or crash and burn today. I hit publish on the book last night and see that it is live. A pit forms in my stomach as I think about checking my standings.

  It’s Monday and I haven’t heard from Cam yet but I’m hoping he calls today. The house feels so empty without him, at least during his other deployments not only did we not live together but my apartment was tiny. When you only have two rooms you don’t feel as alone as you do in a big house.

  I spend the entire day in front of the computer checking my standing, promoting the book, and interacting as much as I can with readers. I look over at the clock and see that it is around 4pm. My entire day has been spent in front of the damn computer. I’m still in my pajamas, let’s not even talk about what my hair looks like, and my diet today has consisted of coffee.

  It all seems to be worth it though, I made it to the top ten on Amazon. The smile on my face is so big I feel like my cheeks might crack. I just want to be able to call Cam and tell him. My thoughts go back to him and I wonder what he is doing, where he is, and most of all when he will be home. I miss hearing his voice, and especially feeling his touch. When someone is a part of you, having them away is like walking around with half of you missing. I have actually thought about calling the mafia and seeing if they needed anything. I’m sure as much as I’m hurting it’s just as bad for them if not worse.

  The doorbell rings and my heart stops. Every time the doorbell rings I’m terrified it will be bad news. I walk toward it as if it has explosives wired to it the entire time saying a silent prayer to myself. I open it so slowly that I’m sure whoever it is thinks I’m crazy and if they don’t they will when they see what I look like.

  I breathe a sigh of relief when I see a delivery man standing at my door. “Mrs. Wilson?” He is carrying an enormous flower arraignment and I instantly know who it must be from. “Please sign here.” He holds out his electronic signature pad and I scribble my name. “Have a good day.”

  I take the vase from him not realizing its weight and almost drop it.

  “Are you okay with that?”

  “Yea, thanks. I just underestimated how heavy it was. Have a good day!” I close the door with my foot and put the vase on the table in the living room. There is a card nestled in the bouquet.

  Congratulations on releasing your book, baby.

  Can’t wait to get home and celebrate you becoming a best seller.

  Baby, I’ll come back, I’ll always come back.

  Love, Cam

  A tear falls from my eye as I read it and feel all of the love that he has for me. He believes in me so much and it feels amazing. I decide to put the vase in the window so that the flowers will hopefully last longer. That’s when I see it.

  The big black SUV parked outside my house.

  The two men in uniform getting out of it.

  The doorbell rings again.

  This time I’m not answering it.

  This time I know what it means.

  I collapse on the floor and curl up in the fetal position.

  This isn’t real.