The Secret Keeping
Page 33
He looked thoughtful for a second and then shook his head. “I can’t even guess about such a thing.”
_____
She knew the minute she arrived for dinner that Helaine had seen the video. She knew it at the door when Helaine offered her cheek instead of her mouth. She knew it as she watched her struggle with the wine bottle, and when in exasperation she handed it over with a “get that for me, dear” that sounded flat and tense. She could tell by the way Helaine avoided eye contact, by the way the table was set for two on opposite sides, by the way she seemed to be constantly sidestepping her, by the unspoken words that lurked beneath her small talk as she fussed with the pots and pans on the stove, by the way she was pretending she hadn’t seen it at all.
Lydia got out of her way and sat in the dining room. She was surprised she could think of nothing to say.
She even wondered if she should volunteer to leave, but she was afraid Helaine might agree to that. With dread she glanced toward the bedroom and was taken aback to see that the door, usually open, had been closed tight. She folded her hands in her lap and studied Helaine’s back as she worked in the kitchen…
_____
“How is the–you haven’t tasted the wine, Lydia. Pour us,” Helaine said, trying to sound cheerful. “Please, the food is ready.”
Lydia poured the wine and sat up straight as Helaine served the food. She watched the steam rising from their plates, evaporating above them. She shouldn’t have come tonight. Helaine should have told her not to.
“Darling…please…eat.”
“Helaine–”
“Don’t,” Helaine interrupted. “Let’s just eat. It’s fine.”
Not hungry now. “But–”
“I’m not mad, Lydia. I just don’t discuss these things. I don’t discuss them.”
Lydia threw the napkin beside her plate with a disgusted sigh. “You got the original tape from my lawyer, yes or no?”
Helaine put her fork down and picked up her wine. For a moment it looked like she intended to throw it.
Lydia almost preferred that over her current approach.
“I saw both.”
They stared at each other across the table.
“Helaine–”
“I understand. Please eat. Your food’s getting cold.”
They ate in silence without a toast. Afterwards Lydia followed Helaine into the kitchen with her plate and hung sheepishly beside her as she washed the dishes, drying them and putting them away as instructed. When all the proof of their dinner was finally removed, Lydia remained at the sink, waiting with trepidation to be told what to do next. Helaine spoke without looking at her.
“I’m exhausted,” she said.
Lydia hung the towel on its hook. “I’ll go then.”
“I mean from all of this. Not you.”
“What do you want me to do, Helaine?”
She contemplated the question and shook her head. “I’m an old lady, Lydia.”
“Helaine, no.” Lydia made a motion toward her and was met with an uplifted hand.
“Yes, I am. Too old and too sensitive. Will there be a special boxed edition of your love scenes with Joseph Rios? I couldn’t bear that.”
“Helaine, of course not. That’s–”
“I made a lot of mistakes as you know. With Sharon.”
“I’m not Sharon.”
“Humiliation is humiliation.”
Lydia pushed past her hand. “Helaine–”
“DON’T.”
Lydia stopped within an inch of her. “Why didn’t you cancel dinner then?”
“Because I love you.”
“Then why can’t I at least kiss you?”
“Because I hate you.”
“Oh.” Lydia retreated.
“Do you still need him, darling? It sure looked it at the end.”
“I’m going now.”
Helaine watched Lydia from the kitchen as she buttoned up her overcoat. She saw the door opening wide and Lydia passing through it.
“Tell me you love me, Lydia Beaumont.”
Lydia turned in the doorway. “Let me show you.”
“Show me, how? Sex?”
Lydia stepped inside again and closed the door behind her. “However,” she replied, walking slowly toward her. “I’ll just hold you if you like. You have my word.”
Helaine sighed. “I have your word, do I? Good. Then hold me.”
“Hold…right…lying down?”
Helaine unbuttoned Lydia’s coat. “Hold is all you said.”
Lydia pulled her inside the open flaps. She was so warm now. “Helaine…?”
“Don’t you dare. I have your word.” Her hands were in her hair. “How was your dinner?”
Lydia attempted to kiss her. Helaine hid her face.
“Delicious,” Lydia murmured. “Can we–don’t you think we shou–?”
“No,” Helaine replied, undoing herself.
“Just sit on the couch then?”
“Just hold me.”
Lydia shivered despite the coat. “I am,” she said through clenched teeth.
“Am?” Helaine teased. “Am what, darling?”
“Helaine…don’t then.”
“Can’t?”
Lydia tried to laugh; it sounded like swearing. “I need to sit down. You have my–”
“Word, you said that.” Helaine leaned backward, her front exposed. “What else do I have?”
“Ummmm.”
“What else?”
“Helaine…you are lovely. This is about the video?”
Helaine let her go and walked into the darkened living room.
Lydia stood rumpled at the kitchen counter. “Can I stay? Should I take off my jacket? Yes, please, my love. Let me take your jacket…Helaine?” She found her fully undressed, lying on the couch.
“Should I…what am I doing, Helaine?”
“Holding me.”
Lydia examined the ceiling.
“Well?
Lydia kept the coat on and lay down beside her. “You’re testing me, right?”
“Do you feel tested?”
“Helaine–”
“Hold, not touch, my love.”
Lydia held her. “I love you, Helaine Kristenson.”
“No negotiation,” Helaine whispered, slipping inside the coat.
Lydia put her face into the blond hair and pulled her closer. Helaine reached between her own legs and began touching herself. Lydia gripped her tightly around the waist and protested. “Enough, Helaine.”
“Hold me.”
Lydia put her hand on her breast and Helaine removed it. “Why?”
“I don’t want to spoil you,” Helaine whispered.
Lydia slid her leg between hers. Helaine shuddered. “Okay?” Lydia asked, trying to rise from the couch.
Helaine pulled her down by her lapels. Lydia tried once more to touch her and was once more rebuked.
She dropped her body heavily into Helaine’s and pushed against her, grasping Helaine’s hands and holding them still at her waist.
“Lana…why are you doing this?”
Helaine laughed.
“You’re pleased? Can we go to bed now?”
“No. You’re going home.”
“Dr. Kristenson…this just can’t be right.”
“Discipline, darling.”
Lydia groaned out loud. “Me?”
“You. Yes.”
“I am over-sexed, Dr. Kristenson?”
“What are you thinking right now?”
“That’s your fault.”
“Hah! If you promised not to and I begged you to, which would you do?”
Lydia put her forehead on the armrest. “I’d break my promise.”
“Goodnight, dear Lydia.”
“Helaine, I’m not going. I did what you asked.”
“You’re going.”
Lydia made herself heavy again. “Because?”
“Because I’m desperately in love with you, Ms. Beaumo
nt. You make everything ache.”
“I see. Then I’m definitely not going. I’ll sleep in my clothes on the couch.”
Helaine gripped her tight between her legs and wrapped her arms around her neck. “You are very engaging, my love. He must miss you.”
Helaine masturbated; Lydia held her.
_____
Lydia woke in the morning, alone on the couch, throbbing, and still wearing her overcoat. She got up in a state of agitation and went into the bedroom. The bed had been slept in, but there was no sign of Helaine.
“Looking for me?”
Lydia turned and found her dressed about to leave. “No?”
“Hmmm. Here’s your coffee. Light and sweet, just like you.”
“Helaine. I thought–”
“I know what you thought. It’s all over your face.”
“Thanks,” Lydia answered sullenly, “for the coffee that is. Where are you going on a Saturday?”
“I have some morning sessions.”
Lydia sighed. “That’s right. And then what?”
“Then? And then we have to end this somehow,” Helaine said, heading for the kitchen. “They’ll never give us any peace if we don’t.”
_____
“Liddy!”
“Del, you’re courageous. Come on up.”
“Ahh, who cares about reporters. Hey, look at this,” she said, holding up a magazine. “You’re setting fashion trends now.”
“I am? She looks like me?”
“SEXecutive. Clever, huh?”
“Del, she looks like she just got rolled in the sack. And her shirt’s open to her bellybutton.”
“Seen yourself lately?” Delilah said, pointing at the front of Lydia’s blouse.
Her shirt was open. “Oh, shit. No wonder everyone seemed so happy to see me.”
“Long night?”
Lydia groaned and unlocked the door to the penthouse. “Yeah, on the couch.”
Delilah laughed.
“Why is everything always so funny to you?”
“You’re dense, Liddy, and it is funny.”
They went inside.
“She thinks I’m undisciplined. Can you believe?”
“Uh-oh. That’s about the security tape?”
“I’m not exactly sure. It’s very complicated.”
“Ooh! She’s playing voodoo on you, sweetie, that’s all. Pulling your chain.”
They threw themselves into the task of coffee and donuts.
_____
LOVERS’ SPAT! TROUBLE IN PARADISE!
_____
“Hello, Mr. Keagan.”
“Your majesty, what a thrill. Everybody, please. The face that launched a thousand lips is here. Allow me to present Lydia Beaumont.”
They clapped. She stood flustered. “Robert, thanks.”
“Introduce yourselves if you dare,” he instructed his guests.
“Red or white?” Kay asked, double-fisting the wine. “Thank you for coming.”
“Red. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Here’s a glass,” Robert said, “Helaine’s not here yet. I don’t think she’s expecting you. Ah, this is Dr.
Jon. Jon, Lydia. Lydia, Jon.”
“How do you do?”
“I’ve heard a lot about you, Lydia.”
“Well, that’s a mouthful,” Robert said. “And Stan you already know.”
“Stan. Nice to see you, I think,” she said with a grimace. “Went over like ten lead balloons.”
Jon shot them a puzzled glance. “Where’s the beer, Kay?”
“In the crisper, Jon.”
Stanley screwed up his face. “So I heard.”
“It’s a buffet,” Kay said. “Help yourself, Lydia.”
“Kay, can I talk to you for a second?” Lydia asked.
“Of course. Living room, five minutes. Red or white?” she asked a newly arrived couple.
“I must say you look fabulous, Ms. Beaumont. In person, too,” Robert said with a wink. “Oops, there’s the door. Excuse me.”
Kay waved now from the living room and Lydia joined her in there.
“Has she said anything to you?”
“She hasn’t, Lydia. She’s being aloof. I hate it when she gets that way. You’re speaking though?”
Lydia sighed. “Sometimes, by phone. Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”
“Don’t be silly–oh, Anna. Anna meet Lydia Beaumont. Lydia, Anna. Oh, I better get that door.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lydia. You’re even more dazzling in person, I’ll have you know.”
“Thank you,” Lydia said, blushing at the sound of the woman’s voice, the bedroom eyes.
Anna smiled. “How is Helaine these days? I haven’t seen her in ages.”
Lydia took a quick breath. “Well, she’s…uh…been quite busy with things…you know…her work and other kinds of assorted things…like that.”
“Oh, dear. Too busy. That must pose assorted difficulties.”
Common knowledge. Lydia shifted her weight from one foot to the other, passed her wineglass from the left hand to the right. “Yes. Difficulties.”
“Quiet evenings must be hard to come by in the limelight,” Anna said, sympathetically.
The glass moved to the left hand again. “No, it’s not very quiet,” Lydia acknowledged with a nervous laugh.
Anna was charmed. “And you, Lydia Beaumont?”
“Me?”
“Now that’s right. I heard you’re in finance. I guess you don’t have any secrets left anymore, do you?”
Lydia clutched the wine glass. “No. At least none I’m conscious of,” she said, instantly regretting her words.
Anna sipped her wine and raised her brows.
“And you? What do you do, Anna?”
“I’m sorry,” Anna said, stepping closer to her, “I didn’t catch that.”
“I said–I asked what keeps you busy?”
“Oh, I’m not too busy. I’m a fashion consultant.” She reached inside her jacket and produced a card.
“Not that you need my advice. Your dress does wonderful things for your eyes by the way. My favorite color.”
“Robert, get that!” Lydia heard Kay order.
Robert went to the door. “Dr. Kristenson, what good timing you have.”
“Why?” she asked him. “What’s wrong?”
He grinned and offered her a glass of red wine as he took her aside. “Ms. Beaumont’s here,” he informed her.
Helaine smiled back. “To see me?”
“You threw her out of bed, Helaine?”
“Robert! She said so?”
“Of course not. Here, I’ll take that.”
“And how do you know this then?” she inquired, handing him her coat.
“She has that distinct look. You know the one Caesar–the newspapers, Helaine.”
“Robert, please. I know what I’m doing. Where is she?”
He folded the coat over his arm. “I’m glad to hear that,” he quipped as he headed for the closet, “because she’s in the living room…with Anna.”
She glanced in that direction. Sure enough. She could see the side of Lydia’s face. She was wearing that startled expression Helaine was so fond of. Anna would find it irresistible, too. Helaine began weaving through the guests, toward them.
“Dr. Kristenson, what a pleasure to see you again. Sorry to hear abou–”
“Please, call me Helaine. Excuse me for a moment.”
“Helaine, how are you?” asked Jon.
She smiled politely, her eyes on the pair in the living room. “Jon, excuse me, won’t you?”
“Isn’t everyone acting strange tonight?” Jon asked his beer bottle.
“Jon, you look lost,” Kay said. “Have you tried these? They’re delicious.”
“In case you ever need assistance,” Anna was just saying as she dropped her card into Lydia’s hip pocket.
“Getting dressed that is.”
Ooh–Lydia stepped back.
> “Anna,” Helaine called from the doorway. Not her most cordial voice.
Lydia turned her head, surprised.
“How nice to see you again,” Helaine said, laying her cheek against Anna’s. “Offering her redress?” she whispered.
Anna laughed. “How are you, Helaine? Lydia and I were just discussing you.”
“Of course you were,” Helaine replied, turning to Lydia and planting a kiss on her mouth. “I hear you’ve been looking for me.”
At least. The party had hushed considerably. Lydia had little doubt that if she glanced behind her there would be an audience. Still, a kiss on the mouth…she put her arm around Helaine’s neck and kissed her back.
“Always looking for you,” she said, lowering her voice. “I hope you don’t mind I’m here.”
“It was delightful to meet you, Lydia Beaumont,” Anna said, making her exit. “Helaine, you look as radiant as ever, if not more so. Call anytime, Lydia,” she said over her shoulder.
Lydia gave Helaine an apologetic smile and mindful of the Keagans’ guests, terminated the embrace.
The show was over. The party’s volume rose to normal again.
“You will not call her,” Helaine said through her teeth.
“Why, Dr. Kristenson, I didn’t think you cared,” Lydia teased. “For jealousy that is.”
“It is something to resist. If one can.”
“Can one?”
Helaine took a gulp of wine. “Shopping for a new wardrobe?”
“Shopping for Dr. Right. My couch or yours?”
“Hah! There’s a devil in you. Probably got that from Edward, as well.”
“Ouch. I’ll tell him you said so. He’ll be pleased to hear it. What are you doing later?”
“Lydia Beaumont…I’m taking a breather.”
Lydia nodded grimly. “You’re punishing me for someone else’s crimes.”
“I am not. I’m simply trying to avoid the same mistakes. You found my friend appealing?”
Lydia sighed. “I’m not attracted to women. Just you.”
Helaine laughed. “Flatterer. Your father taught you well.”
“When do you plan on sleeping with me again, Helaine? Before or after my gonads fall off?”
“They do not fall off, my dear.”
“Atrophy then?”
“Tell me you love me anyway, you gallivant.”