A Taste of Reality

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “And he’s right.”

  “But think of all the problems you’re going to have to struggle with.”

  “Every couple has problems.”

  “But the problems that interracial couples have are much different.”

  “And we’ll deal with them.”

  “Like I said, I can’t believe you’re telling me this.”

  “Well, it’s true, and you may as well get used to it, Monica, because this is how it’s going to be.”

  “I’m never going to get used to you messing around with a man whose ancestors raped our own.”

  “Monica, please. How many years ago was that? Huh?” I was becoming irritated. “And what does that have to do with Frank?”

  “It has everything to do with him. You’re just in denial about it.”

  “What is there to deny? His ancestors did some things he’s not responsible for. Plain and simple.”

  “I just can’t believe this.”

  “How many times are you gonna say that?”

  “Until you stop seeing him.”

  “Well, that’s not going to happen, and what I need is for you to support me on this. You and I have been like sisters since forever, so I know you’re not going to turn your back on me now.”

  “I’m not turning my back on you, Anise. I’m just trying to get you to see what a huge mistake you’re making.”

  “I can see right now that this conversation is going to be a no-win situation.”

  “I think you should tell your mom about this.”

  “I’ll tell her when the time is right.”

  “Didn’t she go to your aunt’s after we left the restaurant?”

  “Yeah. So?”

  “I think you should call over there and talk to her. This is more serious than I think you realize.”

  “I’m not calling Mom about this because I’ve already decided that I’m not going to tell her until my divorce is final.”

  “You’re making a big mistake.”

  “Well, if I am, then I’ll be the one who suffers the consequences, won’t I?”

  I was furious and Monica noticed my tone.

  “Look. I’m sorry. You do what you have to,” she said, just as irritated. “It’s your life.”

  “Exactly. Which is why I didn’t come over here to ask your opinion. I came to share with you what’s going on in my life. I know you don’t agree with what I’m doing, but I still expected you to be here for me no matter what.”

  “Like I said, I’m sorry. But you’ve really caught me off guard with this.”

  “I realize that, but I can’t help that I’ve fallen in love with someone other than a black man. And I know it’s wrong to see any man while I’m still married, but if David hadn’t betrayed me, I never would have allowed myself to open up to anyone else. I was vulnerable, and to a certain extent, I was looking for anyone to fill the void I was feeling. David made me feel ugly, but Frank kept insisting I was beautiful. He calls me beautiful every time he greets me, and I feel like I’m on top of the world when he does that.”

  “So what does Frank look like?” Monica finally broke down and asked.

  “He’s Italian, and he’s gorgeous.”

  “Really, now?”

  “Yes. And, Monica, girl, he makes me feel like I’ve never been in love with anyone else. I thought I loved David, but now I know that what we had was so superficial. It was based on status and a lot of other stuff that has nothing to do with intimacy.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  “It was, but now I’m feeling a lot better.”

  “You haven’t slept with him yet, have you?”

  I turned my head away from Monica and glanced across their backyard.

  “Anise? Please don’t make me have a heart attack out here.”

  “Okay. Then I won’t answer your question.”

  “You didn’t? Please don’t tell me you slept with this man after only being with him a couple of times?”

  “Well, I did.”

  “Not you? Not the person who criticized every girl in college who slept with someone she hardly knew?”

  “Things change and so do people.”

  “I’ll say they do. Because the Anise I’ve known most of my life is not the same one sitting next to me right now.”

  “I’m the same, just wiser.”

  “I hope so. Because you’re going to need all the wisdom you can get to deal with this.”

  “I’m going to need it to deal with everything. My divorce, my relationship with Frank and my issues with Reed Meyers.”

  “And what exactly are you planning to do about Reed Meyers, anyway?” she asked in a less combative tone, and I could tell she was still concerned about my job situation.

  “I’m planning to beat them at their own game without filing a claim with EEOC or filing a lawsuit in court. Actually, part of the reason I went to visit Frank was because I needed him to help me obtain some confidential information from the corporate system. But I wasn’t planning on falling for him the way I did so quickly. So when that happened, I didn’t have the heart to ask him to help me. He even offered when I was at his house on Friday, but I didn’t feel comfortable. I love him, and I don’t ever want to give him the impression that I’m using him.”

  “You are so caught up. I’ve never seen you like this with any man. Not even with David.”

  “I told you, no one can compare to Frank. He’s one of a kind and in my heart I know we were meant to be together.”

  “What about his family? What do they have to say about all of this?”

  “His parents don’t care who he dates so long as he’s happy. Thank you very much.”

  “Hey, I’m just asking, because I don’t want to see you going through a lot of changes because of this decision you’re making.”

  “The only person who can’t accept it is you.”

  “It sounds like I don’t have a choice but to accept it, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

  “That’s all I’m asking. You’re supposed to be my friend, and friends don’t judge each other.”

  “I agree, but I don’t want to see you get hurt either. You’ve already had to hear some derogatory comments from David, and those comments would be even more hurtful if they ever came from Frank. Because somehow being called a black bitch by a black man is not the same as when a white man does it.”

  “I don’t think Frank would resort to something like that.”

  “If he became angry enough, you don’t know what he might say or do. You haven’t even known him long enough to know one way or the other.”

  “And I’m not going to worry about any of that either. I’m going to take my chances with him the same way I took them with David. End of story.”

  “Okay. You know what’s best.”

  “I do, and I hope this doesn’t come between you and me.”

  “Don’t ever think that. I have my opinions, but that has nothing to do with our friendship. I love you the same as I always have, and I’m here for you.”

  “I’m not saying things will be easy, but being with Frank is what I want.”

  “And I respect that.”

  We chatted another hour about how she wanted to plan a surprise birthday party for Marc in a couple of months, and how she wanted to do the same thing for Tamia next year. Our lives were so different, yet we were as close as two women could be. We had our disagreements, but it never changed the way we felt about one another. Our friendship was bond, and no matter what, I knew Monica would be here to pick up the pieces if things didn’t work out, as I’d been there for her. I didn’t let on, but I knew she was right when she said I might get hurt. But there was also a chance that things would work out the way I wanted them to.

  That, of course, is what I was counting on.

  I didn’t bother waiting until I got home to call Frank. I called him from my cell phone instead, as soon as I left Monica’s subdivision.

  “So did you sleep well a
fter I left this morning?” I asked, and turned down my CeCe Winans CD so I could hear him.

  “Yeah, I had to get at least some sleep, because you kept me up all night,” he said.

  “Look who’s talking. I was the one who had to force myself to get dressed and then try to stay awake in church once I got there.”

  “So did you have a good time at dinner?”

  “I did. And I’m just now leaving my friend Monica’s now.”

  “Did you tell her about us?”

  “Yes.”

  “What’d she say?”

  “She wasn’t too happy about it, but it’s mostly because she thinks our relationship can’t work, and that I’ll end up hurt.”

  “But you won’t. I promise you that.”

  “I hope not, because I don’t think I could handle being treated the way David treated me all over again.”

  “Your husband is a jerk, if I must say so myself. And I would never treat any woman the way he’s treated you.”

  I didn’t comment, but I prayed he was telling the truth.

  “So what are you getting ready to do now?” he asked.

  “I’m on my way to pick up some office supplies and then home, so I can go over some of the documents I pulled from the manufacturing system, and so I can start drafting the memo I’m going to give to the Big Three.”

  “Who’s that?”

  “Jim, Lyle and the CEO, of course.”

  “You crack me up.”

  I was pleased that he enjoyed my sense of humor.

  “You know, Anise. I’ve spent all day thinking about what you’re up against, and I’ve decided that I’m going to help you in any way I can. Not just because I love you, but because it’s flat out wrong the way they discriminate against certain people.”

  “I told you, you don’t have to do that.”

  “I’ve already made up my mind. And it won’t be that hard because you know I’m friends with Todd, the director of MIS, right? Actually, he’s one of my best friends.”

  “Yeah, I’ve heard that before,” I said, and felt a little guilty since that was one of the reasons I’d been so willing to go to dinner with him in Schaumburg.

  “He’s a good guy, and if I tell him what I need and why, he’ll give it to me. No questions asked.”

  “Do you think?”

  “I’m positive.”

  “But what if you get caught and you both lose your jobs over this?”

  “I really doubt that that will happen, but I’ll discuss everything with Todd to make sure all our ducks are in a row.”

  “Well, all I can say is that you really must care about me a whole lot to risk your job and your reputation like this.”

  “I’m in love with you, Anise, and I would do anything for you. And like I said earlier, I’m also doing it because the way they treat women and minorities is wrong. Enough is enough, and somebody has to stand up for what’s right.”

  “I keep hearing you say that, but it’s hard for me to believe that you feel the way you do about discrimination. And it’s even harder for me to understand how you feel about me and how I fell for you so quickly.”

  “Some things are meant to be. It was love at first sight for me, but I had to grow on you.”

  “Still, it didn’t take as long I would expect.”

  “I don’t think you can put a time limit on love. It hits you when you least expect it, and even if the time isn’t right, I think you have to go for it. I know you’re still concerned because you’re still married to David, but I think you have to keep in mind that he’s seeing someone else, too.”

  “But no matter how I try to pretend like there’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing, deep down I know it’s completely wrong. It was also wrong when I made love with you practically all night and then came straight home this morning to get ready for church. I felt so guilty the whole time service was going on. My morals have always been so much better in the past, and I can’t deny that I’m being a hypocrite. I’m committing one of the worst sins there is. It’s one thing when you do wrong without knowing it, but I’m wholeheartedly aware of what I’m doing. I’m committing adultery, and I’m going to have to pay for it somewhere down the road.”

  “That’s pretty deep. I didn’t realize you were that religious,” Frank said.

  “I don’t attend church as often as I should, but I’ve been going since I was a baby. Then, when I was five, I joined the Angelic Choir. When I was ten, I became a junior usher, and when I was thirteen I joined the young adult choir. I didn’t just go to church every Sunday, I was really involved with it.”

  “Is that right? Well, my parents never spent much time in church, and I’ve only been maybe a couple of times in my life. Unless you count weddings and funerals.”

  “You do believe in God, don’t you?” I wanted to know.

  “Let’s just say I don’t disbelieve.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “It sounds like you don’t know one way or the other.”

  “Sometimes I believe there’s a higher power, but when I see children being abused, people living in the street, and innocent people being killed, it’s hard for me to understand how a merciful God could allow such things to happen.”

  “I can understand that, because I’ve had my own questions from time to time. But I still believe in Him, and I try to keep my faith as strong as possible. Although I’ll admit, it has been a little shaky lately, because I feel like everything is piling up on me all at once.”

  “Not every day can be the same with anything.”

  “This is true, but I have to ask this. Are you open to going to church with me in the future?”

  “I don’t have a problem with that.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course, because I can tell it’s important to you, and I don’t want you to stop doing something you believe in because of me.”

  I didn’t know if this was going to cause an issue between us later on or not, but I knew that successful relationships required both giving and taking, so I didn’t have a problem with working out our differences when they occurred.

  I turned into Target’s parking lot and pulled into a stall. Normally I would have gone to Office Depot, but they were already closed for the day.

  “So what about you? What are you doing for the rest of the evening?” I asked, pushing my gear in park.

  “Not much, since it doesn’t sound like I’ll be seeing you.”

  “I would come by, but I need to spend some time going over those documents I brought home so I can figure out how I’m going to go about writing my memo.”

  “I know. And I think I’ll call Todd when I hang up with you to see what he can do for us.”

  “I really appreciate this. It’s a major undertaking, and I’ll owe you for the rest of my life.”

  “If you spend the rest of it with me, you won’t owe me anything.”

  My heart did that fluttering thing again, and it was so good to feel this happy about at least something.

  “We’ll have to see about that,” I said.

  “You do know that before the ink is dry on your divorce papers, I’m going to ask you to marry me?”

  My throat muscles contracted. Partly because I was shocked, but mostly because his promised proposal made me feel uncertain.

  “You did hear me, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I guess you’re surprised about that, too?”

  “Sort of.”

  “I’m in this for the long haul, and I hope you feel the same way.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You do love me?” he asked.

  “Yes. I do.”

  “Well then, why shouldn’t we be married?”

  “I didn’t say we shouldn’t, but there are still so many things we need to learn about each other before doing something like that.”

  “I agree, but I also think that with love, you just have to ta
ke a chance.”

  “We’ll see,” I said.

  “I hope so.”

  “Well, as much as I hate to go, I need to go inside the store to pick up a few things. But I’ll call you later, okay?”

  “I’ll be here. I might step out for a minute to get something to eat, but that’s about it.”

  “Okay, then I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Bye, beautiful.”

  “Good-bye, Frank.”

  I shut off the air-conditioning and the ignition and stepped outside. I was starting toward the entrance of the store when I saw a black woman and white man walking out. They were laughing with each other like they’d just won the lottery. They looked so happy, and I wondered if Frank and I could really have a great life together. I hated worrying about what other people thought, but it was hard not to. I wanted to love him unconditionally and not care whether people approved of our relationship or not. I hoped I could move past these self-conscious tendencies once I was finally able to see him publicly. If I didn’t, I knew our love for each other wouldn’t be enough. We wouldn’t stand a chance, and our relationship would be doomed immediately.

  I saw people, both black and white, stare disapprovingly at the young couple, and it bothered me that they stood out like plaids and polka dots. I wondered if anyone noticed how happy they seemed with each other, rather than their difference in color.

  What bothered me most, though, was that I, too, would have noticed color before happiness before I fell in love with Frank.

  CHAPTER 22

  MONDAY ARRIVED in record time. I’d spent most of the evening comparing salaries of manufacturing employees, but I hadn’t found much to help me prove discriminatory practices. Mainly because it was hard for management to offer unequal pay to the factory employees, since the union implemented a set rate for everyone, depending on the person’s job class. I’d started outlining the memo I was going to give my superiors, but I still needed additional information to back up what I was planning to accuse them of. So I was elated when Frank called, asking me to drive to his house right after work. At first I thought he wanted me to come for personal reasons, but then he told me in so many words that he’d taken care of everything.