Rock the Heart

by Michelle A. Valentine

“What did he say?” she whispers.

  My stomach ties in a knot as I think about Bill trusting me with his HIV secret, and making me promise not to tell Holly or he’ll expose my identity to her, which would be bad. She just sat here and said she hates people like me. I need more time to prove to her I’m a decent guy. I like having her around, and I want to keep it that way.

  She’s still waiting on me to answer her, so I say, “Not much, just that the two of you no longer get along and he talked a little about why that was.”

  “I can hardly look at her. She doesn’t even look like my mom anymore. Every time she comes around, I’m reminded of how she chose drugs over us, and despite everything my dad is always willing to help her. I just don’t understand. I’m so scared I’ll be like her someday. That’s why I went away to college and was studying psychology. I guess I was hoping if I understood why addicts do the things they do, I would be able to stop that from happening to me.”

  I tip her chin with my finger, making her look up at me. “You won’t be like her. You’re too smart for that.”

  Holly gives me a sad smile. “I hope you’re right.”

  “I know I am.” I kiss her lips.

  She bats away a tear from her eye. “I’m sorry I’m crying. I know that’s a guy’s worst nightmare after sex.”

  I wipe another tear from her beautiful face. “Holding you in my arms is far from a nightmare, Holly. I’m glad you’re opening up to me. It means you trust me.”

  “I do trust you. I know I gave you a hard time when you first got here, but that’s only because I love this track and I didn’t think someone who looked like you could care about this place the way I do. You’ve proved me wrong since you’ve been here, putting all the work into getting to know everything about the place and us. I never did thank you for convincing your friend to go into business with Dad. That was really amazing, so...thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I smile.

  “I still don’t know much about you though. Tell me something about yourself—something personal.”

  I clear my throat. If I want to be with this girl she might as well know the darkest details about me. “I was married once.”

  She instantly stiffens in my arms. “Ma—married? When?”

  “I was nineteen, and stupid. It didn’t end well.”

  “What happened?” Holly asks as she sits up straighter in my arms.

  I pinch a strand of her blonde hair between my fingers and twirl it as I gather my thoughts. “The typical thing that happens to most marriages involving young people—she found someone else, but neglected to tell me about it until I caught them together.”

  She gasps. “That’s terrible! You found them in bed together?”

  “No. I used to play in a band, and when we took a quick break, I found Jessica, my wife at the time, practically fucking some dude in the corner of the bar. I didn’t think Jessica was a willing participant, so I reacted like any other man protecting his wife would. I grabbed the guy and nearly beat him to death, thinking he was forcing himself on her...only he wasn’t. She had been seeing the guy behind my back for as long as we had been married.” I take a breath. “I ended up going to jail for assault that night. They both pressed charges against me. She told the cops I hit her that night too, but I didn’t. I have a fucked up criminal record now because of her.”

  Holly looks up at me. “Trip, that’s...I don’t know what I can say other than I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”

  I give her a sad smile. “It was a long time ago. I learned how to deal and move on from it.”

  “Is that why you’re the way you are?” she questions softly.

  “What do you mean?”

  She sighs. “The first night I met you at the bar, you went from me straight into the arms of another woman. Then when you came here and kept coming onto me the way you did, and how you seemed like the type that never took anything seriously, I figured you only wanted to have sex with me. I labeled you as a player without ever knowing you because I never dreamed you had this other side to you.”

  “A non-player side, you mean?” I tease.

  “That, and how smart you really are.” She taps the binder lying on the counter top. “In the couple weeks you’ve been here, you’ve organized this place and helped point out all the spots where Dad was losing money. I can see you believe in this place, and want to help it succeed. That made me change my mind about you, and I even found myself thinking about you more and more often.”

  I smile. “Are you trying to say that you are falling for me, Holly?”

  She laughs. “I don’t know what I’m saying, but I do know that when you first came here I would’ve never pictured myself in this moment—wrapped in your arms after having the best sex of my life.”

  To hear her say some of the same things I’m thinking right now is crazy. “I know exactly what you mean. Ever since Jessica, I’ve kept my emotions on lock-down. I’ve never spent much time with a woman until you. Normally I just...” I freeze trying to refrain from sounding like a complete asshole.

  “Normally you just have sex and then get rid of them?” She fills in the blanks.

  “Yeah...that makes me sound like a shallow fuck,” I admit.

  She nods. “It does, but given what you’ve been through with your ex-wife, I understand why you’re like that. I don’t know what makes me so different, though.”

  “In the bar when I first kissed you, I’ll admit I had every intention of sleeping with you and then walking away. I know that’s harsh, but it’s the truth. I saw you and I wanted you. I didn’t even care if Max was with you or not. I planned on stealing you away from him, taking you to my hotel and having my way with you. But Max threw a wrench in that plan with he dragged you away. I stood there for a second, debating whether to chase you down...”

  “But?” she prods.

  “Another chick threw herself willingly into my arms and latched her lips on mine, so I took the easy way out. I figured Max was your jealous boyfriend and if I went after you there would be a fight. As much as you probably don’t believe it, I try to avoid those at all costs. I, more than anyone, know how quickly a simple fight can escalate to the point where the law gets involved.”

  “Is that why you didn’t hit Jackson back the other day?”

  My nose tingles at the thought of Jackson sucker punching me. If things were different, I would’ve beat that little shit into the ground. “It is. When I was a kid, I fought all the time. I fought with my brother, other kids at school, whoever. All it took was someone to look at me wrong and I would go after them without a second thought. Spending time in jail, and then living on probation for a year, really opened my eyes and I realized that sometimes it’s better to just walk away.”

  Holly shoves her hair back from her face. “She really screwed you up, didn’t she?”

  I sigh. “She did, but I try to focus on the positive side of things. If I hadn’t gone through all the things I have in my life, I wouldn’t be here, right now, with you. This”—I squeeze her in my arms—“is amazing. You’re amazing. I can’t explain why, but I’m happy being with you.”

  She snuggles into my chest. “Me too. All this time, I thought Jackson was who I wanted, but tonight, it’s like I saw his true colors. He’s not who I thought he was, but more importantly, lately he’s not the man that’s been on my mind all the time either.”

  I rest my chin on her head as I think about just how she’s been on my mind too. “You’ve been thinking about me? Why didn’t you say anything? Since that day on the couch, all I’ve done is dream about you. I didn’t say anything to you, because you never mentioned it. You barely looked at me after that. I figured you regretted it and were doing your best to forget, which hurt.”

  She pulls away so she can face me. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I felt confused and I had to take a step back from you. I’m not the kind of girl that sleeps around and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that with you yet. I felt a conne
ction with you, and I’m pretty sure you felt it too, but part of me was still in love with Jackson. I had to sort out everything I was feeling for both of you.”

  I tuck a strand behind her ear. “I guess I can understand that. You were with Jackson a long time. Are you sure things are really over between the two of you? I need to know now because when I fall in love, I fall hard. I don’t want you to give me yourself now, but then decide you still love him.”

  I swallow as I wait on her answer, knowing exactly how dangerous it is to open up my heart to someone again. Something I swore to myself I’d never do again.

  Holly touches my face with her fingers. “It’s hard to say this, but I’m over Jackson. I know now what we had wasn’t love. I mean, real love wouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself, or hurt you all the time, right? I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m still searching for the right guy.”

  I bite the corner of my lower lip. “And you think that’s me?”

  She shrugs. “I have no idea. I just want someone’s unconditional love—something that’s true.”

  I thread my fingers through hers. “Everyone wants that.”

  I don’t believe I’ve ever said a more true statement in my life. I had always been a hopeless romantic until Jessica crushed the idea of love for me. Opening myself up to someone isn’t something I believed would ever happen again—that is until Holly. There’s something about her that feels like home and is safe, and she makes me want to love someone again. Being with her is changing me.

  Chapter 11

  Radioactive

  Holly

  Trip tugs his cell phone out of his pocket and glances down at it. “It’s getting late. We should probably go in.”

  I swing my legs off his lap and place my feet on the floor while grabbing his hand. “Come on. We can go to my room.”

  A wicked grin spreads across his face. “Again? You’re going to kill me on our first night together. You really were deprived.”

  I giggle and lead him towards the door, walking backwards in front of him. “I really was. Looks like we’re just going to have to keep at it until this craving goes away.”

  He shakes his head and grabs me around the waist, pulling me against his body. “I don’t think it’s ever going to go away for me. I’m addicted. You’re stuck with me.”

  I smile and grab a hold of his shirt. “I think I’m starting to like the sound of that.”

  “You do, huh?” He kisses my lips. “Me too.”

  I nod and start to open my mouth to tell him exactly how much I’m starting to like the idea of being with him when headlights shine through the windows. “Who is here this late?” I turn around and squint, trying to make out the make of the car that pulled up next to my house. When I recognize the car, my brow scrunches. “What in the world is Max doing here so late?”

  “It’s after one in the morning. Does he make a habit of showing up in the middle of the night?” Trip asks as I lead him through the door.

  I shake my head. “No. Never. Something must be wrong.”

  My heart thuds in my chest as we get closer to the car and Max hasn’t attempted to get out. The engine still runs as I approach the driver’s side and peer into the window. Max is slumped over the steering wheel with his head resting on his arms.

  I tap on the glass. “Max? Are you all right?” He doesn’t respond immediately, so I knock on the glass. “Max? Answer me. You’re starting to scare me.”

  This time Max slowly pulls his head up and turns in my direction. I gasp and clutch my throat as Trip yanks the door open. “Jesus!”

  Max’s face is swollen and covered in blood. There’s not a single inch of his face untouched. “Max? Oh my God. What happened? Are you okay? We should take you to the hospital.”

  A million things rush through my mind while I wait on his answer. He obviously didn’t wreck his car, so something else horrible has happened to him.

  Trip reaches in the car and shuts off the engine. “Can you walk? I think we should take you to the hospital, Max. You look like hell.”

  “No,” Max rasps. “If I go to the hospital, they’ll want me to press charges.”

  Trip leans in and wraps Max’s arm around his shoulders, helping him stand. “Who in the hell did this to you?”

  Max’s bloodshot eyes cut to me. “Jackson.”

  My mouth drops open and my hand rushes to cover it. “Jackson did this to you? Why?”

  Max doesn’t answer me as Trip helps him inside the house. Trip deposits Max gently on the couch while my head continues to spin. Why would Jackson do this to my best friend? I thought he liked Max. They always seemed to get a long so well. Did he do this because he was angry at me?

  Anger builds inside of me and I fight the urge to jump in my car and find Jackson myself. This isn’t right. He needs to be punished for what he’s done to Max. No one should be allowed to get away with something like this.

  “Holly, can you get some towels and something to clean him up with? We need to know how bad this is. If he needs stitches, we have to take him to the hospital whether he likes it or not.”

  Max sighs through his fat lip. “No hospitals.”

  Trip shakes his head. “No promises, buddy.”

  I run upstairs and grab some towels and then head back to the kitchen. The first aid kit under the sink is dusty. The last time we had to use this was when Grace showed up here stoned out of her mind with cuts all over her body. Dad freaked out and went to work, cleansing and covering all her wounds, yelling at her for coming around here like that. It was one of the only times I can clearly remember him raising his voice to her. For some reason, her showing up here bleeding all over the place pissed him off far more than when she shows up in her regular state, begging for drug money.

  I wipe the dust off and carry the box into the living room where Trip is sitting on the coffee table across from Max. “You should tell her.”

  I hand Trip the towels and the box. “Tell me what?”

  Max shakes his head. “Nothing.”

  Trip narrows his eyes at Max. “Don’t act like this isn’t a big deal. Either you tell her, or I will.”

  Fear creeps down my spine as I sit down next to Max. The fact that Trip knows something about my best friend that I don’t can’t be good. I take Max’s hand and cradle it in my lap. “What is it? I thought we told each other everything?”

  Tears fill his eyes and when he blinks they stream down his face. “Not this. I never wanted you to know this.”

  My vision begins to blur with tears of my own and I take a ragged breath. “Please, Max. Tell me. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

  Max bursts into full-blown sobs and I instinctively wrap my arms around him and pull him into a hug. I glance over at Trip. His face is marred with concern. I stroke the back of Max’s head and mouth to Trip, “Tell me.”

  Trip takes a deep breath and says, “This has been going on for a while. Jackson apparently saw fit to use Max here as a punching bag whenever he felt the need.”

  My eyes widen. “For how long? And why am I just now finding out about this?”

  Max pulls back and wipes his tender face gently. “I didn’t want to lose you, Holl. I knew you thought Jackson was some great guy and I couldn’t risk telling you that he liked to beat me up on a regular basis. I didn’t want to lose your friendship. You’re my only friend. It would’ve killed me if you took his side over mine and never spoke to me again.”

  My heart cracks and I fight back my emotions to keep from bursting into a million tears. I’m such a terrible friend. If this is my chance to attempt to make this situation right, then I’ve got to take it.

  “So you allowed him to continue to do this to you right under my nose and not say anything? Max, I would’ve dumped his ass and encouraged you to go to the police about all this,” I tell him firmly. “Please don’t ever be afraid to tell me the truth about something. I love you. You’re my best friend.”

  “You say that now, but if I were to
tell you about this a year ago when it started, would you have been so willing? He had you snowballed for so long. It was scary how much control he had over you.”

  I take one of the towels from off the table and open the first aid kit to pull out some peroxide. I soak the corner of the towel and go to work on cleaning Max’s face. As much as I hate to admit it, Max is right. It’s hard for me to believe this is real when I have the blatant proof right in front of my eyes. I can’t imagine how difficult it would’ve been for me to fathom my sweet, loving boyfriend being such a monster. But there’s no point in admitting that. It won’t help anyone to worry about anything other than the here and now.

  Max winces as I clean his split lip. “I’m sorry this happened to you. It wasn’t because of me, was it?”

  He frowns. “When you called and told Trip that Jackson just left you stranded, something snapped in me. I had to confront him, so I set out to find him and tell him what a piece of shit I think he is. He can treat me like shit all he wants, but not you, Holl. You don’t deserve that.”

  A tear falls down my cheek and I shake my head. “Neither do you. We should go to the police. We can’t let him get away with this.”

  “I don’t want people to know. I’m ashamed I allowed him to bully me for such a long time. Plus, if I go, I’ll have to give the details. Everyone—my parents—will know that I’m...”

  I pat Max’s leg. “I’ll be right by your side. You won’t be alone. No one is going to love you any less when they find out you’re gay.”

  “And I’ll go with you,” Trip adds beside me. “You shouldn’t let this get swept under the rug, man. It’s time to fight back and stop being that asshole’s punching bag.”

  I finish wiping up Max’s face and he leans his head back and closes his eyes. He’s struggling. I know more than anyone how hard coming out to the world will be for him. Turning Jackson in for what he’s done will get not only everyone in this town involved, but the press too. A star motocross rider assaulting a gay man will make headlines for sure. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for him.