The brim of his Stetson might have hidden his eyes but as he set her back on her feet, the barn light lit the angles of his face. They were standing close, much closer than they should. She held her breath, not knowing what he might say, not knowing what to expect. The night air drifted across them, but she wasn’t chilled, not when she was standing this near to Logan, feeling the heat of his body. He reached out and slid his hand under the hair at the back of her neck. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. She just stared into his eyes, hoping to see a glimmer of the gentleness she once knew.
“Gina?” His voice was rough.
The desire she saw in his gaze made her tremble. He wanted her. That was obvious in the tension in his fingers, the tightening of his jaw, the tautness of his stance.
The anticipation of another kiss brewed and ripened between them. Yet she knew what she had to do…until they could find an emotional bond once more.
She stepped away from him before anything could happen, before the desire in his eyes became another kiss they couldn’t undo.
His expression changed, becoming remote, guarded.
“Logan—”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, or I guess I wasn’t. For a minute old memories made things seem different than they are.”
“So many things have changed,” she murmured.
“For both of us,” he agreed.
She could tell him now. She could just open her mouth and let it all come pouring out. But the timing seemed off. They didn’t even have a friendship to lead them to share.
Yet if she wasn’t honest with him, they’d never be able to share anything substantial. “Logan, I didn’t back away because I didn’t want you to kiss me again. I backed away because I thought it was the right thing to do.”
At her words, he studied her with deepening determination, looking behind them and underneath them. “Right for you, or right for me?”
“For both of us. We have enough regrets between us. I didn’t want to add to them.”
“You have regrets? You did what you had to do.”
“It isn’t that simple.”
“Nothing in life is simple, not even what seems right. I found that out when you left. I found that out when Amy died.”
He stiffly handed her the reins and led his horse into the barn, saying, “We’d better groom them.”
Grooming horses together felt familiar, too, yet she knew familiar wouldn’t be comfortable. Nothing was comfortable between her and Logan now. She’d been right to back away from another kiss.
Yet she knew she’d dream about it tonight.
After keeping his distance for a couple of days, Logan called Gina and asked her to his office on Thursday to examine the revised day-care plans.
This wasn’t complicated, he told himself as he ushered her in to his office. But the perfume she wore, some kind of fruity floral scent, had already distracted him.
Gina had never dressed provocatively—she’d dressed practically. In summer she’d worn mostly jeans and T-shirts, or a pair of shorts when they weren’t going riding. She’d never needed clothes to enhance her beauty. Now, however, it was as if she chose clothes that would hide her womanly curves.
This evening, she wore a shapeless navy pantsuit—a boxy jacket, slacks with wide legs—and navy ballet flats. As always, though, his attention went directly to her face, to her huge dark eyes, to the full mouth that he’d almost made the mistake of kissing again. He was still attracted to her, damn it, whether they were on a night ride, or in his office. So he’d better be careful.
“Hi,” she said brightly, as if the other night hadn’t happened at all.
Just wipe it off the slate? he wondered. The same way she’d wiped him out of her life for the past fourteen years?
How could he be angry with her when he’d done the same? No point asking, really—he still was. Even though he’d met, fallen in love with and married Amy, he’d never forgotten Gina’s betrayal because she’d been the first woman he’d really cared about.
He pulled one of the burgundy leather captain’s chairs from in front of his desk around the corner, next to his own. “I think you’re going to like these. James took all of your suggestions seriously.”
Setting her purse on his desk, she came around the corner. Instead of sitting, she studied him. “You didn’t need me to look at these plans. If this is about the other night—”
“This is about the day-care center, Gina. I asked for your ideas because I thought they’d be valuable. If you don’t want to see what the architect has done, just say so.”
After another long look at him, she turned the chair slightly toward his and slid into it. “Okay, show me.”
Those words—show me—thrust him into the past, into the pool house after an evening swim. “Show me how you want me to touch you,” she’d requested. “Show me how to make you satisfied, too. Show me what passion is all about.”
He could hear her voice in his head now, as he sometimes did in his dreams.
“Logan?”
He had to get a grip. After all, this was a business meeting of sorts. Blueprints carried a serious message—Job in Progress. They were going to focus on that job.
They had to sit close together or they couldn’t see the plans. His arm brushed against hers as he leaned forward. The tension between them was already ratcheting up and he knew talking about it would only make it worse. So he acted as if sitting with her like this was the most common occurrence in his world.
He pointed to the blueprint of the day-care center. “That’s a small kitchenette. Great idea so the personnel can deal with snacks. We’ll be feeding the kids from the cafeteria. Those meals can be wheeled in on individual trays or we can keep the food hot with warmers. We have either option. And James divided the larger space into two with observation windows in both.”
Gina pointed to the outside space. “I like the shape of the area with the jungle gym and the swing sets.”
“The equipment and ground covers are made of the latest materials. Safety is a major issue.”
“This really looks perfect, Logan,” she said enthusiastically. “If your personnel are as great as the facilities, I wouldn’t hesitate to send my child there.”
“Are you as good at furnishing day-care centers as you are at planning them? I also need a list of equipment that might be useful.”
She glanced down at the plans and then back at him, and he knew what was coming.
“Are you sure you want me to help you with this? Wouldn’t you be more comfortable with a professional?”
“You are a professional.”
“Logan, you know what I mean. Whether we want to admit it or not, everything is still awkward between us. Do you want that interfering with planning the day-care center?”
She was so damn honest. She always had been. It was one of the qualities he’d liked about her. Amy had always softened her opinion when she knew he might disagree, but Gina had never done that. But he shouldn’t be comparing his wife with Gina.
“We’re adults. Working together doesn’t have to be awkward.”
“The other night was awkward.”
Moving his hand through his hair, he thought about what his reply should be, then decided to be as honest as she was. “I don’t know what got into me. Probably memories. We spent a lot of time in that barn and outside it. I almost felt as if I were twenty-two again.”
She ducked her head for a minute, then returned her gaze to his. “I know what you mean. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could escape that easily?”
What did Gina have to escape from? Was she running from something in New England? Or was she trying to escape into the past instead of looking for a future? He knew all about that.
They were still sitting very close, almost leaning into each other. He knew he should move his chair, get up and walk around the room, anything to be away from her perfume, her softness, the understanding in her eyes. That understanding twisted a knife in
his gut.
“More than anything else, Logan, I want to be friends again.”
Friends. Could he do that? Could he relegate Gina to that category? Even in friendship, there had to be loyalty. His rational mind told him she’d been young. She’d had a future ahead of her. She’d been afraid to risk believing in them. Yet another part of him wondered about that loyalty and if she’d break it again.
However, risking friendship was a hell of a lot easier than risking more.
He had no intention of risking more ever again.
“I don’t know, Gina. It can’t be forced.”
Sadness clouded her eyes as if she knew the trust she’d broken with him was going to affect them for the rest of their lives. Still, she forced the clouds away and smiled. “I won’t force anything. That would make us both uncomfortable, but—”
She looked pensive and uncertain for a few moments. Finally she said, “My family is having a picnic by the lake on Sunday. We’ll probably play softball, eat hamburgers. Would you and Daniel like to come? There will be children for him to play with.” She stopped. “You probably already have plans.”
He imagined extending this invitation hadn’t been easy for her. They still weren’t from the same side of the tracks. Their lifestyles were very different. That didn’t matter to him—but did she feel the same way?
“What about your parents? They weren’t fans of mine.”
“My dad respects what you’ve done with your father’s company. And my mother knows we’re not young and naive anymore.”
He couldn’t keep from touching Gina. He just couldn’t. He held her chin gently and asked, “When did you stop being naive?”
Something flickered in Gina’s eyes that almost made his breath hitch. For that moment, he thought he glimpsed excruciating pain. But from what? Another breakup? Was that her MO? Love ’em and leave ’em?
She recovered quickly, all expression dropping from her face.
She responded, “College was a learning experience for me. I lost my naïveté there.”
Partial truth? Complete truth? Just when in college had she lost that naïveté? He had the feeling it had to do with a boy and it had to do with sex. That was an old story. But he didn’t press her for more.
Suddenly emotion flickered in her eyes and he could see she was worried that asking him to the picnic had crossed a line. Maybe it had. Long ago he’d told himself that if she ever came back to Sagebrush, he’d avoid her. So why had he asked her to become involved in the day-care center? Why continue Daniel’s care with her?
Why continue thinking about her night and day?
Because Gina was a puzzle to him now, one he wanted to unlock, to understand. Maybe he never would but he had to try. Maybe if he tried and succeeded, some of his own shadows would finally vanish.
“All right,” he decided. “I’ll come to your picnic. I’m sure Daniel will find it a lot more fun than crawling around his playroom with me. Hannah will be gone for the weekend and it will be just the two of us.”
“Gone?”
“She does have a life,” he said with a smile. “She’s made us her family, but she has a son in college as well as a sister and nieces and nephews in the area.”
“You trust her, don’t you?”
“Implicitly. She was our housekeeper before everything turned…serious. She was wonderful with Amy and when Daniel came home, she mothered him when he needed it most.”
Gina’s eyes grew shiny.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, leaning closer, reaching out and twirling one of her curls around his finger. “Everything’s in your eyes, no matter how you try to hide it.”
“You’ve had a tough road,” she murmured, her voice catching.
She was obviously feeling compassion for what he’d gone through and that touched him in a way a woman hadn’t in a long time. Maybe that was why he revealed, “When Amy died, I wanted to—” He halted, then went on. “There’s that old saying, Fake it until you make it. So I did, for my sake and Daniel’s. About six months ago, I stepped outside one morning, took a deep breath of fresh Texas air, stared up at that blue, blue sky, and realized I was glad I was still here.”
“And how do you feel about Daniel?”
He withdrew his hand, wondering why she could possibly be questioning his feelings for his son. “I love Daniel.”
“I don’t doubt that, Logan, but after Daniel was born, how did you feel then?”
“I told you, I faked it. I put one foot in front of the other and got through each day. I spent most of my hours at the hospital, watching over him.”
“But how did you feel?”
His jaw tightened. He could feel the muscle in his cheek jump. Finally he gave in to her question. “I felt nothing. Amy died so he could survive. I couldn’t absorb it. All I knew was that she was gone and I had a son who might not live, either. How do you think I felt?”
She studied him with huge, dark, sympathetic eyes. “Have you ever talked about this with anyone?”
Now he shrugged and ran his hand through his hair. “Talk about it? Gina, get real. Why would I want to talk about it? Talking only brings up everything I want to forget.” He sighed then blew out a breath. “I’m not clueless. I know what you’re getting at. You think I didn’t bond with Daniel.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to. And the truth is, I didn’t the first month. He was so frail…I could touch him, but couldn’t hold him. He was hooked up to machines in a plastic bubble. But eventually…he grabbed my heart. Luckily I have a good team at the factory because I took a lot of time off. And when he came home, I was there, along with Hannah.”
“I can see you and Daniel have a wonderful relationship.”
“But…” he said warily.
She laughed. “Nothing. Except maybe…” She smiled. “You indulge him a little too much. But that’s a parent’s prerogative, right?”
“Except when it gets in the way of Daniel functioning as well as he should.”
“You’re doing all the right things, Logan. Just give him some time. If you come to the picnic, he’ll have kids to play with and sights to see and new foods to try.”
“So you’re inviting me to this picnic for his sake?”
“No, I’m inviting you both so you can relax. My family can be fun.”
He knew what she was thinking. He’d never had a chance to know them because they hadn’t approved of him. Maybe now that would all change. Did he really care if it did?
Logan couldn’t stop the collision.
Rounding the bases during the Rigolettis’ softball game, he and Gina reached home plate at the same time. Her shoulder slammed into his. Somehow their feet tangled and they both went down.
The end-of-May sun shone brightly on them as his arms went to protect her rather than the ball in his glove. He didn’t know why, but holding on to her at that moment was more important than winning the game.
They landed with a jolt, his worse than hers because he was on the bottom. That was good and that was bad. He could feel the hard ground under him—his shoulders pressed into it. But Gina was soft. Her T-shirt had ridden up and his hands were on soft skin. Her body was everything a woman’s body should be as he registered the imprint of her breasts and her pelvis, her thighs stretched along his. Memories flooded back of another time in this position and he knew that she knew he was aroused.
“Damn it, this was supposed to be a safe game of softball.” He didn’t realize he’d said it aloud until she’d scrambled off him as fast as she could.
He reached for her and snagged her arm. “Gina, I just meant—”
She was kneeling beside him, her face red. “It just meant you came today for a beer and playtime for Daniel. Don’t worry, Logan, I understand that.”
He didn’t let go of her arm. “Are you okay? I mean, did you get hurt in the fall?”
“No. Did you?”
Other players were gathering around now and they w
ere close enough to hear what he and Gina were saying. He levered himself to his feet and held a hand out to her. “I’m fine. I think we both just had the air knocked out of us.”
Gina’s brother, John, who’d pitched the ball to Logan, shook his head at his sister. “Sorry, kiddo. He caught it about a second before you slid in. You’re out.”
“Only for this inning,” she said with a smile Logan knew was forced. Then she walked away without a backward glance and headed for the cooler of water.
Logan was still staring after her when he felt a presence close beside him and turned to see Angie, Gina’s younger sister, rolling Daniel toward him in his stroller. The little boy was grinning from ear to ear, kicking his feet and babbling his enjoyment of the day and the company. Gina’s mother and sister had convinced Logan to go play the game while they took care of Daniel. He’d seemed perfectly comfortable with them, so Logan had agreed.
Now he took his little boy from the stroller. “Are you having fun?”
Daniel babbled and leaned forward to put his little arms around Logan’s neck.
Angie laughed. “He likes us, but he likes you better.”
Logan knew Angie was twenty-seven now. She was a beauty with dark brown wavy hair and golden-brown eyes. She was a little shorter than Gina, but slender like her sister. Now she tilted her head at Logan and asked, “So I guess you and Gina are…friends again?”
He shifted Daniel to a comfortable position in his arms, much more comfortable than answering that question. “We’re not friends, exactly. She’s working with Daniel so we’re getting to know each other…again.”
“You mean you can’t go back to what you once had.” Angie was frowning and looking troubled.
“You can’t relive the past, Angie, no matter how hard you try.” They were both watching Gina, and Logan found himself saying, “She’s different now.”
“Different how?” Angie asked warily.
The Texas Billionaire's Baby Page 7
