“You always run away before we’re finished,” she heard him mutter. But she didn’t linger and listen to anything else he had to say. His reaction to her revelations had indicated to her that he might have stood up for her. The fact that he’d wanted her to stay tonight said he didn’t care about appearances.
All those years ago, Gina had thought she’d left Logan for all the right reasons. But now she realized she’d simply been too insecure to stay and fight.
Logan rang the doorbell of the Victorian, not sure what he was doing there. He just knew he and Gina had to talk. For almost twenty-four hours, he’d mulled over what Gina had said about his father. Long dusky shadows were beginning to fill corners as he pressed the bell again.
Suddenly the door opened and Gina was there, looking breathless and beautiful in jeans and a lime-colored blouse. “I was out back,” she explained. “The evening was just too nice to stay indoors.”
“Are you home alone?” Logan asked, thinking they could go for a drive if she wasn’t.
“Yes, Raina is at her brother’s. Come in,” she said, motioning him inside.
She switched on the Tiffany light in the foyer and its jewel tones dispelled the shadows. When she led him into the living room, he noticed the kitchen beyond, then the hall that led to other rooms. It was an intriguing house, definitely large enough for two or three women to share.
“Would you like something to drink?” she asked. “I have…a local wine, soda, juice, beer.”
Did she think he’d turn down anything but the finest champagne? Did she have the beer for men friends she might invite over?
“I’m fine.”
She nodded as if she didn’t know what to do next.
“I thought we should talk,” he said bluntly, motioning to the sofa to indicate this wouldn’t be a quick conversation.
They rounded opposite sides of the coffee table and met in the middle.
He waited for her to be seated, and then he lowered himself a good six inches away. “I want to know more about the conversation you had with my father.”
She took one of the fringed throw pillows into her lap and held it as if she needed something to hold on to. “I’m not sure there’s any point.”
“I believe there is.”
Staring across the room rather than at him, she pulled the pillow into her chest. “The truth is—I wasn’t mature enough or assertive enough to stand up for myself, but I think that’s because I believed he was right.”
“That you were a nobody?” She’d been intelligent and bright and sweet.
“You made me feel like somebody, but I knew that wasn’t enough. I felt I had to be your equal. Your father didn’t think I was, didn’t see that I was, so I was sure I wasn’t.”
“You really believed that?”
She nodded and swung her gaze toward him. “I didn’t have the latest clothes. I wore Josie’s hand-me-downs. I wasn’t a cheerleader or even a debater because I always had to get home to take care of Angie. I never resented that because I found satisfaction in taking care of her and fulfilling my role in my family. It was important to me, and it helped my mom bring home a paycheck, too. But that role also kept me isolated from my classmates. When I met you, you didn’t know that I wasn’t the most popular girl in school. You didn’t care that I wasn’t a cheerleader. You were somehow beyond all that. At least, that’s what I thought.”
“But my dad made you feel differently.”
She hesitated, then seemed to choose her words carefully. “Your dad made me see who I truly was. That wasn’t going to change unless I changed it. I could do that by going to college. I could not only change who I was, but who Angie could become. Oh, Logan, I wanted to stay. But there were so many pressures that pushed me to leave. Once I was in college, I still had regrets, but I—”
The look on her face forewarned him that he wouldn’t like what was coming. For a moment, just a moment, he glimpsed that something soul-shaking had happened to her.
“So when I called, why didn’t you talk to me? Did you really have a test?”
She looked down at her hands folded across the pillow. Her dark lashes were so feminine on her cheeks, but he sensed her calm exterior was hiding a wealth of turmoil underneath.
“I had a test that day, but…I couldn’t call you back.”
More than anything, he wanted to reach out and take her hand. He wanted to reach out and touch her face. When they touched, all heaven broke loose and he could use a little of that now. But this wasn’t about him and his feelings. It was about her. He’d never put himself into her shoes because he hadn’t wanted to, because her reasons for leaving weren’t as important as the reasons she should have stayed.
“Tell me what happened.”
It was a request more than a command, but the intensity behind it made her hold the pillow tighter.
“You’ll never look at me the same again if I tell you,” she said, so reasonably he almost believed her. But then he saw she wasn’t being reasonable at all. She was afraid…afraid of his reaction.
“What happened?” he asked again, gently so she’d know she had nothing to fear.
He saw the pulse at her neck was beating fast.
She took a deep breath, held it, then let it out. “I was date-raped.”
She uttered the words very softly, but they slammed into him like a body blow. Their impact took his breath away. If they did that to him, he could only imagine what they did to her. Should he gather her into his arms? Let her explain? Tell her she didn’t have to say anything else?
He was at a total loss. He felt frozen.
She must have seen how absolutely he’d been affected by what she’d told him because she said, “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know why I didn’t come back, why I didn’t call, why I felt even more insecure about the differences between us.”
“My God, Gina, insecure? You were raped! Insecurity has to be the least of it. Who in the hell did this? Did you press charges?”
Agitated now, she tossed down the pillow and walked over to the bay window looking out into the front yard. “I didn’t bring this up to rehash it. I got counseling. It’s over.”
He couldn’t stay away from her now. Crossing to her, he gently laid his hands on her shoulders. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay, but please turn around and look at me.”
She did then, and he could tell it took an effort for her to keep her chin lifted. He could feel the tension in her body, see the lines on her brow, and abruptly he realized what facing him like this cost her. Without a second thought, he wrapped his arms around her and brought her into his chest. They stood that way for what seemed to be a very long time.
Seconds passed. Minutes passed. He didn’t know how many.
When Logan finally leaned back to look at her, he thought he might see tears in her eyes, but he didn’t. That surprised him.
“You say you’re over it, but can you really be over something like that?”
A long sigh escaped her lips. “For the most part. I still have some trust issues with men, trust issues in general, really. I didn’t tell anyone what happened. It would have been a ‘he said, she said’ situation. He didn’t even go to the college I attended. He was a friend of one of the frat guys and just happened to be at the party that night. I was lonely and had drunk punch that was spiked. I don’t know how much liquor was in it. But that was no excuse. I never should have gone with him to that room. I thought we were going to talk.” She let out a humorless laugh.
That laugh was like a lance to Logan’s heart. Gina had been trusting and innocent, shy and vulnerable. How much of that had been taken away from her? He was filled with righteous anger.
She pushed away from Logan. “I can see what you’re wondering. I said no, Logan. After a few kisses, I said no. But he wouldn’t listen, and he was stronger and bigger than I was.”
“Don’t, Gina. I’m not doubting you.”
“Aren’t you? The co
unselor warned me about any responses a man in my life might have. That’s why I never told my parents. Can you imagine what my father’s response would be?”
“And your mother doesn’t know, either?”
“No, no one does. It happened in Connecticut. I dealt with it there. I didn’t want it intruding on my family or on any time we spent together.”
“Don’t you think they had a right to know so they could help you?”
“They couldn’t help me, Logan. I had to handle it on my own. I had to take my power back. I had to work through the anger, and then I had to go on.”
“But did you go on? Or is this the reason you never married and had a family?”
“I don’t know. I do know I got caught up in my studies and my work and that’s what became all-important to me.”
As he studied Gina, he saw there were no external remnants of what she’d been through. But he suspected on the inside, she’d been changed in an elemental way. As he thought about everything she’d told him, he found his fists clenched by his sides.
She glanced at him warily. “You’re going to be different now, aren’t you? Please, Logan, don’t be. I just told you all this so you’d understand why I couldn’t…stay in touch.”
“Essentially, you didn’t trust me to understand. You thought I’d blame you.”
“Trust? I don’t think that even entered into it. It took me a long while to recover—months, a year, probably even longer than that. I just put one foot in front of the other and took a step each day. My counselor and group therapy were a large part of my college years. I made excuses not to come home until I had put myself back together.”
He instinctively wanted to touch her again, but didn’t know if he should. “Does it bother you to be…close to a man?”
“Strangers. Sometimes if they get close, I pull away. But with you, I’m…fine.”
Was that longing he saw in her eyes? Longing for what? What they might have had? For his kiss? For his forgiveness? He’d come here to settle something between them. Instead, everything had gotten more complicated. He was at a loss as to what to say or do, and he wondered just how he would have reacted if she’d told him right after the rape had happened.
“So the guy who did this—”
“I didn’t even know where he was visiting from, or who his friend was. I only knew he was charming and complimentary and seemed like a genuinely nice guy until after we went into that room. Could I have found out who he was? Maybe. But I wasn’t in any position to play detective. Shouldn’t I have discovered who he was and outed him? Yes. As soon as it happened, I should have gone into the hall and screamed bloody murder. But I didn’t. What I did do was rebuild my life. I made my parents proud. And I helped put Angie through school.”
She walked away from him, over to the sofa, agitated, as if telling him had brought everything out of the dark of the basement, and she didn’t want to see it in the light. He couldn’t blame her. He shouldn’t have asked her questions. He should have just listened.
Logan went to her, caught her hand, and tugged her around to face him. “Do you have plans this evening?”
She looked flustered. “No.”
“Then come home with me. We can spend some time with Daniel and take him to that carnival that’s in town. He’s never seen Ferris wheels or merry-go-rounds. I’d like to take some pictures when he sees all of it for the first time.”
“Why are you inviting me?” she asked, her huge brown eyes direct. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I put the past behind me and I have a life I’m proud of.”
No matter how courageous, forward-looking or optimistic anyone was, trauma colored their future. He remembered the weeks by Amy’s side as she was dying, Daniel’s birth, not knowing whether his son would live or die. He’d pushed all of that to the back of his mind and to the back of his heart, but it never really went away.
“I’m asking you along because Daniel and I want to enjoy his first carnival with someone, and you’re the someone I’m choosing. There’s nothing complicated about it, Gina. Just cotton candy, a merry-go-round and an escape from everyday reality for a little while.”
When she didn’t respond immediately, he prodded her. “So what do you say? Will you ride on the merry-go-round with us?”
Chapter Seven
What are you doing here? Gina asked herself later.
Beside her, Logan pushed Daniel’s stroller over the ruts and bumps of the unpaved walkway in the field where the carnival had been set up, heading toward the cotton-candy vendor.
She knew Logan had only asked her along because he felt sorry for her. That had been the problem with telling him about what had happened. She didn’t want his pity and knowing he felt sorry for her might put even more walls between them.
Or maybe he thought she was a coward for not trying to prosecute her attacker. He might also believe she’d invited what had happened. She’d analyzed her behavior over and over again until her counselor had told her she had to let it go. But that was difficult to do.
Every time Logan glanced at her now, she thought he looked at her a little more kindly. But she didn’t want that, either.
What did she want?
Wasn’t that the most mind-boggling question she’d ever encountered? She’d said she wanted Logan’s forgiveness, but maybe what she really wanted was to find the missing piece of herself she’d left behind in Sagebrush fourteen years ago.
Logan had wheeled Daniel up to the cotton-candy cart that sat next to a corn-dog stand and a funnel-cake maker. “Can you watch him while I get the cotton candy?” he asked her.
He trusted her more and more with Daniel and that made her feel better than she should.
She gave Logan a smile and crouched down with Daniel to talk to him in his language for a few minutes, to play with the small toys on the tray on his stroller. It was a state-of-the-art stroller with all the bells and whistles, sturdy and solid with a canopy that would protect a child against almost any element. She could only imagine what it had cost. In the future, how would Logan keep from spoiling his son and buying him the best and the finest? How would he teach Daniel he had to earn what he wanted most? Would Logan even make him do that? She remembered how Josie had married right out of high school—secondhand supplies were all her older sister had ever known for her kids. It had broken Gina’s mother’s heart and she’d helped provide what she could, but the rest of the family had been on a thin budget, too.
When Logan returned, his smile was bittersweet.
Gina had been at a carnival with Logan that summer she was eighteen in another small town an hour away. They’d wanted just to be themselves, go someplace they weren’t known and where people wouldn’t talk. They’d shared a stick of cotton candy and gotten it all over their mouths, their fingers, their hands. They’d kissed it from each other. When Logan turned her way, she could see that he was remembering that night, too. Those sparks of desire in his eyes were easy to decipher.
Now, however, he merely offered her a pink wisp of the candy. She took it, feeling her fingers get sticky. When she touched it to her lips, she remembered Logan feeding it to her that summer night when they hadn’t had a care in the world. At least that was how it had seemed until Logan’s father had warned her away from his son…until her parents had talked to her about the future and her dreams…until her older sister described being saddled with a baby when she was practically still a child herself. If she had followed her own heart back then and fought for the love she and Logan shared, there might not be this distance between her and Logan now. There would have been no trauma to explain.
Daniel reached out to her swath of pink fluff, filling one little hand with it and squeezing it into his fist. It turned into pink goo. Daniel chortled and touched her cheek with his messy hand, leaving sugary fingerprints. Gina heard Logan’s camera beep.
Laughing, she took Daniel’s hand and kissed it, then wiped it and her face as best she could with her napkin.
&n
bsp; Logan’s voice was husky when he said, “I have a jar of baby food in the backpack of the stroller. There’s a canopied dining area over there. If you want to head that way, I’ll grab some food and drinks. Root beer, right?”
He’d remembered. Tears formed in her eyes. She didn’t know why that little thing unlocked the door where feelings waited to rush out, but it did. Still…it took until she found them a table in the cordoned-off area, until she took Daniel from his seat and held him on her lap, for the tears to stop. She’d had an unexpectedly emotional evening. That was all.
A few minutes later, Logan came toward them managing to balance two boxes—one with food, another with drinks. She helped him unload the corn dogs, burgers and chili, then the sodas.
While Logan held Daniel, Gina fed him the baby food.
“It must be awful to be down there sitting in that stroller all the time, unable to see what’s going on up here.”
“Do you think he minds?” Logan asked, as if he hadn’t considered the idea before.
“I just think he’ll like it better up here.”
Daniel seemed content to stare at all the sights while they ate. Lights were beginning to come on now, transforming the carnival into a magical place.
“I forgot to ask if you got donations for your charity from the oil man,” Gina said, finished with her cup of chili, needing to make normal conversation so emotion wouldn’t get the best of her again.
Logan’s eyebrows lifted. “I wish you had come in for dinner.”
She kept silent.
“You’re going to have to deal with your insecurities, Gina,” he said, a little sternly. “You have a Ph.D. and a successful practice. You have nothing to be insecure about.”
She glanced around, seeing that nobody sat at the tables close to theirs, and anyway, everyone else was involved in their own conversations.
They were being so honest with each other. Should she tell him what his father had threatened to do? She’d always wondered what Logan would have chosen. Would he have chosen a life with her, without riches? Or would he have turned his back on her for the life his father had planned for him?
The Texas Billionaire's Baby Page 9
