“What are you thinking about?”
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
He frowned. “Nothing you want to talk about, you mean.”
“You think you can still read my mind?” she joked.
“Obviously I can’t.”
Daniel squirmed to be let down, ready to explore something else. “Why don’t we take Daniel on a pony ride?” Logan suggested. “After that, maybe we can listen to the bluegrass concert. I have a blanket in the car we can spread out. He might fall asleep on it if we’re lucky.”
“And if we’re not?”
He shrugged. “We can take him home.”
Logan seemed more relaxed with Daniel’s schedule tonight than he’d been the evening of the picnic with her family. Maybe he’d been uncomfortable with them, but tonight he was at ease with her. Or maybe he sensed what was best for Daniel and just followed his instincts.
Gazing into his eyes now, she knew that was the case. “You really understand putting kids first, don’t you?” she asked softly.
“I do,” he said.
A bond of understanding tied them together. A hot tingle skipped up her back as she gazed into his green eyes and remembered all the things she’d felt as a teenager. Now she was feeling more…excited? More wishful? More intoxicated by his mere presence?
Why was she here?
Maybe by the end of the night, she’d find out.
Logan’s gaze fell on Gina for the umpteenth time as they sat on a blanket listening to guitars strumming along with a banjo and fiddle. He couldn’t get her revelations out of his mind. The rage he felt for her was similar to the fury he’d felt against Amy’s cancer. His wife had been a beautiful, vibrant woman, cut down by an evil disease. There had been no good answers for her, not where she and Daniel had been concerned. So she’d lived with the decisions she’d made, and she’d died because of them…without regrets.
Admitting he had regrets was difficult. He regretted that they hadn’t laughed more and traveled more and tried to have a baby sooner. He wished he’d been more attentive. Then he might have caught her symptoms sooner, maybe even before she had. Those feelings still weighed him down in the middle of the night. He was always digging through it all, coming to terms with the pain, learning to live with it.
And Gina…she sat here tonight, years removed from what had happened to her. But he knew trauma like hers couldn’t be left behind so easily. He’d already noticed the ways it had affected her personality, making her quieter and more self-conscious where men were concerned. He’d seen that with James Wolfe.
Yet she’d kissed him without hesitation. Because he’d surprised her? He’d surprised himself. That kiss hadn’t been the kind of intimacy they’d once known. How would she handle that kind of involvement?
Why was he even asking?
There were many sleepless nights when still he tossed and turned because of the decisions he’d let Amy make…because of the way he hadn’t bonded with his son the first month, because he’d been afraid Daniel would die. After Amy’s memorial service, he’d vowed loving a woman hurt too much. When he was ready, he’d have no-strings sex. It would be about having a physical need fulfilled, no more. But he hadn’t even contemplated it. He hadn’t gone out on dates, or asked a woman to any of the dinners he attended, the cocktail parties, the charity functions. He went alone. Because?
Because it was safer. Because he only had the energy for Daniel and work. Because getting involved in any fashion just hadn’t been in the cards he’d been dealt.
He did not want to get involved with Gina now. Yet sitting on this blanket across from her made his insides jump, made him feel heat under the collar of his shirt, made him resurrect the past when that was the last thing he should do.
“You’re frowning,” she noticed, her voice soft in the growing darkness as the band took a break. “Is it getting too late for Daniel? We can leave anytime.”
Daniel was sitting on the blanket between Logan’s legs, chewing on a plastic giraffe he liked to carry with him. Suddenly the giraffe held no more interest and he tossed it at Gina. As she grabbed for it, her T-shirt sneaked up her midriff and Logan caught sight of skin. She was as slim as she’d ever been, her breasts still as pert.
Unnerved by desire that had no place here tonight, he picked Daniel up from a sitting position and balanced him on his feet. His little sneakers rocked on the blanket but he kept hold of Logan’s hands.
Gina turned to face Logan squarely, and touched her feet to his, making a channel between them. She lifted Daniel’s giraffe and waved it at him. “Look here, Daniel, see what I’ve got. Do you want him?”
Logan turned Daniel around so he was facing Gina. He knew what she was trying to do and he held his breath to see if it would work. But at that moment, Daniel decided to plop down onto the blanket and knee-walk toward her.
She gave him a bright smile. “Well, that’s new.”
He took the giraffe from her and began to gnaw on it. A drum roll startled all of them and, for a moment, Logan thought Daniel was going to cry. He was ready to go to him and comfort him, but Gina already had her arms around his son. She stood him up, supported his hips and pointed to where the band started to play again. She looked like any mother would, her face close to Daniel’s, her lips at his cheek, telling him about something new.
But Amy was Daniel’s mother. Logan could never forget that. He could never let Daniel forget it, either.
So why had he invited Gina tonight? Because he felt sorrow for what she’d gone through? Because he wanted to know more? Because the old attraction was tickling his libido in a way he couldn’t scratch?
He crossed one ankle over the other, kept his gaze on his son and concentrated on the music.
“He’s still asleep,” Gina murmured as Logan pulled into the driveway at the Victorian, feeling as if the ground beneath her feet had shifted again.
Ever since she’d told Logan about the rape, he’d been different. During the concert, he’d distanced himself from her. Yet that shouldn’t be a surprise. He’d been doing it ever since fate had brought them together again.
“If I’m lucky, I can get him into bed before he wakes up too much. I think he had a good time tonight.”
“Did you?” She probably couldn’t eliminate the distance between them if Logan was determined to keep it there, but she could chop at it.
“Yes, I did,” he responded, but Gina knew it was a reflexive, polite response.
“I shouldn’t have told you.”
Logan put the Range Rover into Park, but let the engine idle. “What do you want me to say, Gina?”
“I want to know what you’re feeling. You’re thinking I deserved it for leaving? Do you—”
“No, Gina. For God’s sake, don’t you know me better than that?”
“I don’t know. Everything between us is so complicated. One minute I think we’re becoming friends again, then I feel this wall between us. Tonight, we were having a good time and then suddenly, you were a thousand miles from me. I felt as if I’d done something wrong.”
Logan cut her a sideways glance. “You and Daniel have bonded.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? If he and I have a connection, when I work with him, we’ll make better progress.”
Logan kept his gaze straight ahead at the detached garage twenty yards away. “You don’t understand what’s happening, do you?”
She wished she did. Maybe he’d explain the turmoil she felt in him when they were together. “Tell me.”
The engine of the Range Rover hummed in the background. The only other sound was the pounding of her heart as she waited, giving Logan time to put his thoughts together.
Finally he wrapped his hands around the steering wheel, still not looking at her. “Hannah and I have cared for Daniel since he came home from the hospital. I trust her to care for him the same way I do. I’m used to seeing them together.”
In a jolt of insight suddenly Gina knew where this was going, a
nd her heart hurt for this man she’d left.
“You together with Daniel,” he went on, “that’s different. When he looks up at you and laughs, when he puts his little hands on your face, whenever you hold him, I think about Amy and the way this should have been.”
“Logan, I can bow out of your life. I can have one of my therapists work with Daniel and you won’t ever have to see me.”
Already Logan was shaking his head. “That’s the thing, Gina. If we do that, nothing’s resolved. Do you understand?”
Oh, she understood. She’d returned to Sagebrush to resolve something in her life, something that had to do with Logan. “Maybe what happened between us and what happened afterward will never be resolved.”
She touched his arm, her fingertips aware of the strong sinew of his muscles, strength in Logan that he also used as a defense mechanism. “You miss Daniel’s mother. I do understand that. You not only miss her, but you miss the life you would have had together…you should have had together. Nothing I can say will change that.”
In the silence, Gina could hear Daniel’s little sighing noises as he slept. He was becoming dear to her, maybe too dear. Maybe in trying to reconcile the past with Logan, she was setting herself up for another world of hurt.
Releasing Logan’s arm, she wasn’t sure what to do. She sensed he’d said everything he was going to say. Maybe they’d had enough of talking and they were both better off if they kept a lid on the emotions they considered private and too painful to share.
She unfastened her seat belt. “I’d better go in. You have to get home and put Daniel to bed.”
He didn’t protest or argue, and she knew she was right. Daniel’s next appointment was scheduled for tomorrow evening. “If you want me to find another therapist for him, just let me know.”
“I’d walk you to the door, but I don’t want to leave Daniel alone in the car.”
“I know. I don’t have far to go,” she said lightly, hoping Logan would at least look at her.
“I’ll wait until you’re inside.” He did glance at her then. It was only a glance. She understood why he didn’t make eye contact. If he looked at her, they’d both feel more than they already did—more regret, more sadness, more uncertainty about the future.
She opened the car door and climbed out. When she closed it, she felt as if she were shutting the door on a chapter in her life. She looked over her shoulder, wishing she could give Daniel a kiss, wishing she and Logan could wipe the slate clean.
With her heart hurting, she hurried up the walk to the Victorian, unlocked the door and stepped inside. As the door clicked shut, she heard Logan backing out of the driveway.
Raina called, “How was the carnival?”
Gina had left a note on the refrigerator so her housemate would know where she was. When she walked into the living room, Raina took one look at her and from the easy chair used the remote to turn off the TV. “What’s wrong?”
Gina shook her head and dropped down onto the sofa. “It can’t be so obvious.”
“You sat in the driveway for a long time, so either you were making out or having an intense discussion.”
“We could have just been talking about the weather,” Gina tried to joke.
“When I was married, Gina, my husband and I had a few of those in-the-driveway talks and make-out sessions. Young love was wonderful—all highs and lows and not much room for anything in between.”
“I remember,” Gina said solemnly. “I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left and turned my back on Logan.”
“Why didn’t you return to Sagebrush sooner?” Raina asked, reaching for a hair band on the end table, sliding it into her hair.
Gina knew it was time that she started letting go of the past, too. A part of her letting-go process had to be talking about it.
“When I left Logan, I told myself I was doing the best thing for both of us. I tried to forget about him and throw myself into my studies and into college life in general. About two months into the semester—”
She revealed to Raina what had happened to her at that frat party.
As soon as she was finished talking, Raina came over to her and gave her a hug. Sitting beside her on the sofa, she said, “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“I told Logan about it today. I wanted him to know why when he called, I couldn’t talk to him, why I couldn’t make contact afterward. I’ve never talked to anyone about it but my counselor. Now you and Logan in the same night.”
“I’m glad you confided in me.”
“We haven’t known each other long, but I feel I can trust you.”
“I feel the same way,” Raina agreed. “I couldn’t have moved in with just anyone.” She patted Gina’s hand. “How did you and Logan leave it tonight? What was the discussion about?”
“It was about everything, although a lot went unsaid. Do you know what I mean?”
“Oh, yeah. I know exactly what you mean.”
“I think Logan believed he was ready to move on with his life. But when he sees me with Daniel, he misses his wife.”
“I don’t doubt that. But there’s got to be a reason he also wants to spend some time with you. If everything he felt for you was in the past, he wouldn’t feel the need to be with you now.”
Gina could only hope that was true, because she was falling for Logan all over again. This time, the fall could be even more devastating than the last time.
The knock on Logan’s home-office door was a welcome intrusion. He’d been distracted for the past week and not very productive in whatever he’d tried to accomplish.
“Come in.”
Hannah did and asked, “Got a few minutes?”
Logan checked his watch and the video monitor on his desk where he could see Daniel sleeping. “Shouldn’t you be hand-deep into a bowl of popcorn, watching your favorite detective show?”
Hannah smiled broadly. “I will be in about ten minutes. I just wondered if you’re going to make an appointment with Gina this week.”
Logan’s back stiffened and he told himself not to be defensive. Yet he was. He’d canceled this week’s appointment, knowing it wasn’t the best thing to do. But he’d needed some time to think. “I’m not sure yet, why?”
“Because he misses her and because I think he’s right on the verge of walking. She might be the motivation he needs.”
“We aren’t enough?”
“Apparently not, or he’d be walking by now, don’t you think? Logan, I don’t know what happened between you and Gina, but don’t let Daniel suffer for it.”
“It’s one session,” he muttered.
“One session right now could make a difference. Besides that, he needs another woman in his life, one who cares about him as much as Gina does.”
“And just how do you know she does?”
“Don’t play games with me. I can see it whenever she’s with him, and she cares about you, too.”
“Hannah—”
“I know. I should stay out of your personal life.” She glared at him. “Not that you really have one. Don’t you think Amy would be glad if you found someone to look after you and Daniel?”
“You do that.”
Hannah just rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You need more than work and you need more than Daniel, whether you’ll admit it or not.”
Logan leaned back in his chair and studied his housekeeper/nanny. “So your reason for interrupting me tonight is…”
“Make an appointment for Daniel and keep it. Or better yet, make a date with Gina and keep it.”
“You’re overstepping,” he grumbled.
“No, I’m not. I’ve been with you long enough to express my opinion.”
When he didn’t respond, she came toward his desk, put her hands on it and leaned forward toward him. “You need to start living your life again, Logan. There’s no point being here if you’re just going through the motions.” Then she straightened, smiled, said, “You know where I’ll be if you
need me,” and left his office.
Logan stood and paced across the room. He went to the back window and stared at the outside floodlights illuminating the pool area. So much…and so little.
After a few moments, he shifted his gaze again to the monitor on his desk where he could see Daniel. His son appeared to be so peaceful, so caught up in baby dreams.
Dreams. Logan had told Gina he didn’t have them anymore. Should he dream, or should he just take what came, day by day?
Gina had dropped into his life on one of those days and she’d shaken up his universe. Denying his attraction to her was absolutely useless, especially when it seemed to be mutual.
What could come of it?
Didn’t they both deserve the chance to find out?
He checked his watch again. Ten-thirty. Too late or not too late?
Again he studied his sleeping son, then he picked up the phone on his desk. It rang three times and he was almost ready to hang up when Gina answered. “Hello?”
“It’s Logan.”
“I know. Caller ID.”
“Right.” There was an awkward pause and he knew he had to be the one to fill it. “I shouldn’t have canceled Daniel’s appointment.”
“I see,” she said slowly. “You want to schedule another one now?”
He had to smile. “Yes…and no.”
“I have my appointment book downstairs.” Her voice was still filled with puzzlement.
“Gina, I called because I’d like you to spend some time with me on Saturday. I thought Hannah could pack a picnic lunch and we could take it to the lake. I still have a rowboat and…” He felt at a total loss for words. “And there’s a family of baby ducklings you might want to watch.”
She laughed. “Baby ducklings.”
He swore. “I’m not doing this very well. I’d like to spend some time with you, just you and me. What do you think?”
Her answer seemed forever in coming, but finally she answered him. “I’d like that. What time should I come over?”
The Texas Billionaire's Baby Page 10
