“Around noon.”
“I’ll see you then.”
When Logan hung up the phone, he wasn’t sure if he’d done the right thing. He’d find out on Saturday.
Chapter Eight
Logan balanced on his feet in the rowboat beside the cooler, holding his hand out to Gina, who was standing on the dock.
Gina thought he looked too tall for the rowboat. Too muscled, too broad-shouldered, too ruggedly ready for rowing. This was a different boat from the one they’d taken out on the lake fourteen years ago. Thank goodness. As it was, a memory of the night they’d kissed under a full moon while floating in the middle of the water slid before her eyes as if it had happened yesterday. Was Logan remembering, too?
Since she’d arrived, his expression had been unreadable. She wasn’t sure exactly how to act or what to think. Was this a date?
When she stepped down into the boat, Logan held her hand a little longer than he had to. The warmth around her fingers made her feel safe, though the boat teetered a little.
“Do you want to have lunch on the lake, or should we just row for a while?”
“Let’s just row. We have the cooler. If we get hungry, we can eat.” She didn’t know whether to sit beside Logan or across from him. Across from him, she could see his eyes and look at his face. Maybe at that vantage point, she could interpret glimmers of what he felt.
Logan settled himself with the oars and began rowing.
“Do you want me to help?”
“I’m good. I’ve been coming out and rowing around the lake for exercise. It helps work off frustration.” As soon as the words came out, he looked sorry he’d said them.
“Frustration from work? Or frustration from having me back in your life?”
He grinned ruefully. “You always did see too much.”
“I don’t think I saw enough. I’m only four years younger than you, but back then, those four years meant a lot. I hadn’t broken my ties with my parents yet, definitely not with my family.”
“I didn’t know about the kind of ties you had with your parents,” he said. “After my mother died, my father really started earning his fortune. He was never home. We lost a lot of years until he was interested in me because I was growing up and could be groomed to take over the business.”
She heard his father’s voice echo again. If he marries you, I’ll disinherit him.
“Did you want to take over the business?”
“I don’t think I ever thought about it. To me it was expected. On the other hand, it did interest me. I knew the business here could lead to a wider range of opportunities. I’ve invested in condos in Sydney, a winery in the Loire Valley, and I even have an interest in a high-rise in Hong Kong. Not that I’m trying to impress you,” he said with a grimace. “I’m just saying my father didn’t have the curiosity I do for the world at large.”
Would Logan have developed those interests if she hadn’t left? Did she want to tackle that subject, too? Maybe in a roundabout way. “How do you feel about the rest now that you have Daniel?”
He continued rowing slowly, his Stetson shading his face so she really couldn’t see his eyes.
“Now my world revolves around Daniel,” Logan responded. “That means when I’m working, I think about leaving him a legacy like my father left me. It means I make time away from work to be with him. It means nothing is more important than his welfare.”
“You can’t give him a perfect world,” she warned.
“No, but I can do my best to make sure it is in every way possible.”
Suddenly Logan stopped rowing. He was looking over her shoulder and he patted the seat next to him. “Come here.”
She wasn’t sure what he wanted her to see, but she gingerly managed to step over the cooler to sit beside him on his seat.
He pointed to the edge of the lake under the willows and she had to smile.
“Ducklings!” There were five of them all swimming after their mama. “You weren’t kidding,” she said, laughing again.
“No, I wasn’t.” The gravel in his voice turned her head toward him and their gazes locked.
In that moment, everything he’d been through and everything she’d been through fell into the background of their lives. She was close enough to him that she could feel the restrained desire in his body, the kiss that was brewing in his thoughts. If he kissed her again, what would it mean? More than the fact that he was still attracted to her?
“The last time I kissed you, afterward you said a kiss has to mean something. I understand that better now. So I have to ask how you feel…about being close to a man. Being intimate.”
She took a deep breath, stared at the diamond sparkles on the water and considered his question carefully.
“Gina?”
When she looked at him, she wanted to tell him desire was a good thing. It was healthy. She’d felt it once more when he’d kissed her. But it was a complicated issue. “I can’t give you a simple answer to that. I had counseling, Logan. Yet, faced with a man’s desire, that’s a different thing than talking about it, analyzing it or even wishing for it. I’ve dated since the rape. I’ve been kissed and I didn’t panick. But I don’t know how much I was there for it, either. I didn’t respond very well and I guess that’s why the relationships didn’t go any further. Maybe I just wouldn’t let them.”
He was studying her, trying to figure out what was behind the quiver in her voice, the emotions she still kept in check. “What do you mean, you weren’t there?”
“Do you know what dissociation is?”
“I’ve heard the term, but tell me what it means for you.”
“When he started violating me, I went away in my mind. He was strong and big and I couldn’t escape, at least not physically. But I disappeared mentally and emotionally. I closed down because I didn’t want to feel anything that was happening.”
“Gina,” Logan murmured, his voice filled with tenderness as he took her hands.
“It took a couple of years to let myself feel in the moment because afterward I filtered everything, everybody. I just wanted to be alone and study and focus on the print in a textbook because there wasn’t any danger there. I kept my apartment door dead-bolted and chain-locked. I had a can of mace in my purse and kept it under my pillow. When the counseling began to have some effect, I became more proactive. I took several self-defense courses and then finally I started getting ‘me’ back. I found my people-radar was darn good and I had absolutely nothing to fear from children. They were honest and innocent and responded to love. I could totally be there for them. They didn’t question motives or agenda. I just wanted to help them develop into healthy adults.”
She felt unsettled by everything that had poured out. “That’s more information than you wanted to know, I guess.”
He squeezed her hands and his thumbs moved over her palms in soothing circles. “It’s hard to hear. But I want to know, Gina.”
“I think that’s enough for now,” she said with a small laugh, wanting to cut the tension that had coiled around them.
“You were here during our kiss, unless I’m totally off the mark.”
“Yes, I was. I don’t know if it was because the kiss was a surprise or because of what we once had, or because I’m not afraid of you.”
“I hope that’s the reason,” he said with heartfelt sincerity.
“I haven’t talked about this with anyone because I don’t want them to walk on eggshells around me. I don’t want you to walk on eggshells.”
“I suppose all we can do is be honest with each other.” He brushed a tendril of hair from her cheek and she wanted to curl into him, lie against his chest, feel his strong arms around her. But that might never happen for lots of reasons. Today, the most she could hope for, was that they would finally begin to reestablish a real friendship again.
Beside Logan now, she helped him row to the other side of the lake. There was no dock there so they paddled as fast as they could into the shore and push
ed with the oars to find a secure mooring. As they climbed out, mud squished around their feet. Gina’s foot slipped and Logan caught her. His arm held her securely around the waist, and she reached to his shoulder for support. The willow branches seemed to stop swaying, the birdcalls faded, the sun’s heat mingled with theirs.
“I don’t know how to treat you,” Logan said huskily.
“How do you want to treat me?”
He shook his head. “I’m not sure.”
“Then we shouldn’t do anything we’ll regret,” she decided reasonably, not feeling reasonable at all.
His gaze lingered on her lips, then his hands released her as he mumbled, “Right.”
After he fetched the cooler, he carried it through some brush and over grass laced with tiny blue and white wildflowers. The quilt Logan had brought for the occasion looked brand-new.
“We’ll get it dirty,” Gina protested as he spread it over the grass near a cottonwood.
“Hannah says it will wash. I use it on the ground for Daniel when I take him outside.”
“Do you do that much?”
“Not enough. I’ve had too many conference calls lately. This week I’ve been discussing foundation work with the governor.”
“You’re trying to find more funding?”
“That and we’re planning activities that go statewide—coordinated walk-a-thons, bike races, that kind of thing.”
As they lowered themselves to the quilt, she and Logan settled their backs against the same tree trunk.
“I’ve been thinking about the day-care center,” Gina said.
Logan seemed to be relieved at that subject. “What about it?”
When she didn’t respond quickly, he opened the cooler and took out two wrapped sandwiches.
“Do you have a name yet?”
He shrugged. “I hadn’t thought beyond getting it built. What’s your suggestion?”
“How about the Amy Barnes Day-Care Center?”
His hand with the sandwiches stopped in midair.
“It’s just a suggestion, Logan. I wasn’t sure if it would be a good one or a bad one. How do you feel about it?” She knew “how do you feel” was a very different question than “what do you think?” Would she get either answer?
“I didn’t consider that. Naming the center after her would be a tribute to her, wouldn’t it…a tribute for what she did for Daniel.”
“And you.”
“Right. And me.”
He laid one of the thick roast-turkey sandwiches in front of her on the quilt. “As Daniel grows older, he’d understand better what his mother did for him.” Logan seemed to be warming to the thought. “Thank you, Gina, it really is a wonderful idea. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it.”
Gina knew suggesting his wife’s name had been the right thing to do. She also knew that the day-care center would be a huge reminder of the life Logan had shared with Amy.
She picked up her sandwich, unwrapped it and began to eat. But she had no appetite.
Later, as Logan drove back to the house, Gina sat quietly, staring out into the cotton fields.
“Are you up to a game of tennis?” he asked.
Her attention veered from the rows of green leaves to his profile as he drove.
“You don’t have to entertain me, Logan. If you’d like to look in on Daniel, we can do that.”
She’d always had the damnable habit of reading him too well. Amy had never even attempted to read his thoughts. She expected him just to tell her if he had something important to say.
Don’t compare, he told himself sternly.
“I’d like to look in on Daniel,” he said. “But tennis might be good afterward. I haven’t had anyone challenge me in a while. Have you kept your game?”
He’d taught her how to play and she’d been good.
“I still play now and then, but I doubt if I’m as good as you are.”
A recognizable tune played somewhere in Gina’s vicinity. She said, “Sorry,” and dug in her purse. She brought out her cell phone and checked the caller ID. “It’s my mom. I’d better take this.”
Logan knew Gina’s family came first. She’d proven that. When he glanced at her, their gazes held, and he suspected she knew what he was thinking once again.
Her cheeks became a little brighter as she answered. “Hi, Mom. What’s up?” There was a pause. “Sure I’ll be there tomorrow. I wouldn’t miss Josie’s birthday…I can pick up the balloons. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Gina closed her phone.
“A birthday party?” he asked.
“My older sister’s. My mom wanted to make sure I’d be there.”
“You’re not as close to your family as you once were.”
“It was hard to stay connected when I was so far away.”
“But now you’re back.” After a pause, he added, “Maybe you should tell them what happened.”
“I can’t do that!” The idea really seemed to horrify her.
“Why?”
She sighed. “I think my parents are still fairly naive. They were sending me to a good college where I’d study hard and find a brilliant future. They would never even imagine something like that could happen there.”
“But it did. Don’t you think your mom and dad have worried about the changes they see in you?”
“I always acted perfectly normal when I called, and it was almost a year afterward until I came home for a visit. They didn’t suspect anything.”
“Oh, I’m sure they did. They just couldn’t put their finger on what it was. Even my father, as remote as he was sometimes, could read me better than I liked.”
“Tell me what happened after he recovered.”
He knew what Gina was doing—switching the focus from her to him. “I’d taken a semester off to help with his rehabilitation. At the start of the new year, he insisted I go back and get my MBA. He had a valet who was with him twenty-four hours a day. He also had a physical therapist and a nurse when necessary. I knew he was well taken care of so I got my MBA at Texas Tech instead of going back to Texas A&M. I was around as much as he wanted me to be around. Since I’d taken over most of his business dealings during those first few months, I kept my hand in. After I earned my degree, I started some ventures of my own. He didn’t approve of condos in Sydney or even of the golf courses in Arizona. But I wanted to build, and I felt I had the foundation to do it. After a while, he stopped protesting. He had some memory problems after the stroke. Because of the weakness on his left side, he’d stopped riding and hated that. He hated having someone help him do anything.”
“He died five years ago?”
“Yes. A year after I married Amy.”
“Did he like your wife?”
“He adored Amy. He’d known her father and—” As soon as Logan said it, he knew he shouldn’t have. “Gina, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay, Logan. Your father knew the kind of woman he wanted you to marry.”
“I didn’t ask Amy to marry me because of my father.”
“I wasn’t insinuating you did.”
“You were insinuating I chose from the right crowd.”
“Logan, I was not. You chose the woman you loved. Your father happened to approve. That was good.”
Logan knew he shouldn’t have sounded so touchy about it, and why was he? He had married the woman he wanted. But deep down, he’d known his dad had disapproved of his involvement with Gina. Had he suspected that was one of the reasons she’d broken off her relationship with him?
The stifling silence was only broken by the sound of the tires on the gravel lane as Logan wended his way toward the house.
Ten minutes later, Logan found Hannah and his son playing in the sunroom.
“I thought he could use some fresh air,” his nanny explained, motioning to the sliding doors that pushed open to reveal long screens. The windows were all open, too, giving the feeling of being outdoors.
As soon as Daniel saw Logan, he waved
, and said, “Da da da da,” then jumped up and down in his play saucer. Logan felt deep abiding happiness make his chest swell. He picked up Daniel, kissed him on the cheek, and tucked him into the crook of his arm.
“Did you miss me, buddy?”
Daniel babbled something Logan took as a definite yes. “I missed you, too. Gina wanted to come say hello. We came to play with you for a while. What would you like to do?”
Daniel pointed to the big exercise ball that Gina often used with him. “Baw,” he said.
“Good choice.” Gina captured the ball and sat on the floor with it as Logan brought Daniel to her.
Instead of going for the ball, Daniel crawled straight to her, saying, “Gee, gee, gee,” and climbed into her lap.
When Gina hugged him close, Logan’s heart ached. How could he feel so many things at once—Amy’s absence, regrets about Gina, worry that Daniel had bonded with Gina, the intensity of his attraction to her?
He took off his Stetson and tossed it onto a side table. Then he lowered himself to the floor to enjoy playtime with his son.
Gina knew Daniel’s attention span and switched from one activity to the next before he got cranky. They were playing with blocks on top of a step stool when Hannah brought in a snack for Daniel, bites of banana on a dish. “Look what I have for you,” Hannah said, setting the dish on the wicker table.
Daniel didn’t seem interested. He was too busy watching Gina build a tower.
Logan was engaged in building a bridge, hoping his son would help him. His hip was lodged against Gina’s. Once in a while, their arms brushed. Leaning this close to her felt unsettling as well as exciting. Sitting like this, playing with Daniel, felt simply…nice.
Gina added a blue block to Logan’s all-orange structure. “You need some variety,” she teased.
He stared at her tower. “This from a woman whose building wobbles with every new floor.”
They both laughed.
Daniel, suddenly interested in the dish of fruit, crawled over to it on his knees. Unable to quite reach the top of the table, he pulled himself up to stand and snacked on a bite of banana.
“The blocks will stay together now,” Logan warned her. “They’ll have sticky fruit between them.”
The Texas Billionaire's Baby Page 11
