Twice in a Lifetime

by Jodie Griffin

I did some chores and tried to relax, but all I could think about was the look on her face when I’d said the unspeakable. I wanted to call her, but I didn’t want to disturb her at work, and wasn’t sure she’d even answer if she knew it was me. It set off memories I wish I could forget, like arguing with Seth the night before he died, and I spent the entire morning unsettled and stressed out.

  I was utterly relieved when she called me a few hours later.

  This time, she was the one who apologized. “I shouldn’t have walked out, but damn it, Tal. That hurt.”

  I’d felt like shit all day, and I felt like shit now. “I know, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just . . . I want to be able to do the things other dating couples do, you know?”

  She sighed. “I feel the same way, but let’s just see how this plays out, okay?”

  “Okay.” It was hard to agree to, but we hadn’t been together that long, and I got why Eve wanted to be careful. If it didn’t work out between us, and the world knew? Awkward, and potentially devastating for her career. “Will you come over later?”

  “I can’t tonight—boring family thing I won’t subject you to.” Her voice warmed slightly. “How do you feel about the Inner Harbor tomorrow?”

  It was one of my favorite places in Maryland. “If we can go to the aquarium, then yes.”

  “I’ll meet you at your house at nine?”

  “Sounds good.” I paused, not wanting to end the call. “Eve? I’m really sorry about what I said. It wasn’t fair, and I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “I know,” she said softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I was awake by eight, dressed and ready for the day by eight forty-five. I’d had a restless night filled with dreams about Seth and the argument we’d had the night before he’d died. He’d been late coming home every night that week, working overtime, and my temper had gotten the better of me. He hadn’t deserved it—just as Eve hadn’t deserved me lashing out at her for something she couldn’t control.

  So when she rang the doorbell just before nine, I dragged her into the house, closed the door, and kissed her hard up against the closet door. I cupped her cheek, rubbed a thumb over it. “I’m so sorry. Forgive me?”

  She slid her hand around my waist, leaned her forehead against mine. “Forgiven. I wish we could do what we wanted, I really do. It’s not fair, but it’s what we’ve got.”

  “I know.” I sighed, then grabbed my purse from the table in the hallway, tugged a light coat off a hook on the wall. “Unfair sucks. That’s all I’m saying.”

  She snorted. “No lie there.”

  After another—this time lingering—kiss, we stepped outside into the bright morning light and I squinted, putting on my sunglasses. “Who’s driving?”

  “You are. I don’t trust you to keep your hands to yourself, so best to keep them occupied. Besides, I’m a better navigator than you are.” She winked, then slid her own sunglasses on.

  No lie there, either, but . . . “Hey. I’m not the only one who can’t keep her hands to herself.”

  She laughed lightly. “Let’s go before I change my mind and we wind up in bed.”

  “Wait, that’s an option for today?” I asked, stopping in my tracks. I liked that idea. A lot.

  “No. I promised my girlfriend we’d go on a real date to the aquarium, and I don’t like breaking promises.”

  My pulse got all fluttery at her simply uttered but obviously heartfelt words. “Then let’s go,” I said, my voice husky.

  I behaved in the car and so did Eve, and the drive was filled with running commentary on the bad drivers we passed. She had me sticking to the speed limit—mostly—and we found an all-day spot in a parking lot just a few blocks from the harbor.

  The weather was beautiful for November, and I enjoyed the walk over to the National Aquarium with Eve, though I wished we could hold hands.

  “We can’t. We’re still too close to home.”

  Oy, I said that out loud? “I know, I know.”

  I went quiet for a few minutes, silently stewing about it and trying to hide my frustration from Eve, but I’d never had a poker face.

  She pulled me around the side of one of the buildings, out of sight of the tourists flooding the Inner Harbor, and stepped close but didn’t touch me. “Tal.”

  I sighed. “I know, okay? I don’t have to like it.”

  She blew out a breath. “You think this is easy for me? It’s not. I hate it as much as you do. You have to give me some room here, babe.”

  “I’m sorry. Again.” Guilt flooded me, but that was my baggage, not Eve’s. Shoving it aside, I injected a teasing whine into my voice. “It’s just . . . What am I supposed to do with all these feelings?”

  Leaning close, Eve whispered in my ear. “Save them for the bedroom.”

  A shiver slid down my spine, and I laughed, though it was shaky. “Fair enough. But you’d better take your vitamins, woman, because I’ve got a lot of feelings I need to express.”

  “Counting on it.”

  We stepped back into the flow of people headed toward the aquarium, bought our tickets, then headed inside. I’d been here many times over the years on school field trips and family outings, and a plan hatched in my brain, but I kept it to myself as we started our tour.

  “It’s different being here without Derrick,” Eve said. “He loved it when he was little. I think the scuba divers in the ground-level tank are what made him want to go to the Naval Academy. At one point he wanted to be a SEAL, but he changed his mind and decided to be a Marine like his father. He wound up getting his scuba certification, though. Tried to teach me, but I didn’t like being that far underwater.”

  “Too claustrophobic?” I guessed.

  “Oh, yeah.”

  We shared our observations and sat through a dolphin play session, then headed over to my favorite part of the aquarium, the multilevel tank that was mostly dark as you walked around it. I turned to Eve. “I have a very important question for you. Top to bottom or bottom to top?”

  “Definitely top to bottom,” she said. “It’s the only way to do it.”

  I grinned. “Same for us. I don’t understand the people who go the other direction.”

  “I knew I liked you.”

  “Same.”

  We wandered up to the rainforest, then started our walk down the ramp that wound around, taking our time and enjoying the sights. It was crowded, and dark, and without giving myself time to worry about whether or not it was a good idea, I reached for Eve’s hand.

  In the bluish light from the tanks, I saw Eve’s eyes sparkle as she squeezed my hand and shook her head, a wry grin on her face. She leaned close, her lips tickling my ear. “Devious wench, aren’t you?”

  I smiled serenely at that, and we walked together, hand in hand, until we reached the end of the darkness.

  I was loath to end our contact, but I squeezed her hand once and let it go, knowing it was the right thing to do. Hating it, but knowing it. We stepped out into the light again, blinking.

  And came face-to-face with Rebeccah Kohler, a woman I knew from the synagogue, and her husband. I’d met him once, briefly, but he didn’t attend services with her.

  “Talia!”

  “Hi, Becca,” I said warmly, giving her a hug. I turned to Eve to introduce her to them and was surprised to see dismay in her eyes. It was only there for a brief moment, but I saw it.

  “Kohler,” Eve said with a nod.

  I glanced at her. She knew him?

  His smile was friendly though tired. “Lieutenant.” He tugged Becca forward, looped an arm over her shoulder. “This is my wife, Becca. Bec, this is Lieutenant Poe. She’s the commander of Community Relations.” He cocked his head at me. “I’m Jeremy Kohler. I’ve met you before, haven’t I?”

  My mind raced. He was a cop? No wonder Eve had seemed dismayed. I nodded at him, smiled faintly. “At the synagogue a few months ago. I’m Talia Wasserman.”

  “That’s right. Good to see
you again.” He smiled, then frowned. “Wait. Wasserman? I saw your name somewhere recently.”

  If I hadn’t known Eve intimately, I’d have missed the hitch in her breath. I turned to her and watched her paste a teasing smile on her face. It didn’t reach her eyes, but it would probably fool anyone who didn’t know her like I did. “Well, at least I know you’re reading your briefings on night shift,” she said. “Talia’s working in my office. She replaced Bev.”

  Understanding lit his eyes. “Now I remember. Sorry, ma’am. Night shift is a whole different world. I’m just coming back onto days after a three-month rotation on nights, and I’m still in zombie mode.” He laughed, as did Becca. “Trying to get my days and nights switched back around is brutal.”

  We spoke for a few more minutes, and then the Kohlers headed out for the drive home, while we went in search of food.

  Eve was quiet all through our meal, and I started to get worried, though I let her have the time to think. It wasn’t until we were inside the car, away from anyone who might overhear, that she spoke. “And this is why we have to be careful. In town, and out of town. Because no matter where we go or what we do, there is always the chance we’ll run into someone we know.”

  “He doesn’t seem like the kind of person who’d care that we’re dating.” I slid a glance her way in time to see her thunk her head back against the headrest, eyes closed.

  “He’s one of the most solid officers I’ve ever met, and I’d trust him at my back anytime. But if he’d seen us holding hands . . .” She sighed. “I don’t know. I just know that we can’t risk it again.”

  My heart sank, but I had to trust her on this. This was her career on the line. “Okay. I hate it, but okay. We’ll do this your way.”

  The day before Thanksgiving, I stood in my kitchen, sipping my first cup of coffee. I’d woken early, as if for work, but I’d taken the day off to get everything ready for tomorrow. Rissa was home, still crashed in bed. Eve was working so that she could have Friday off, since Derrick would be home on leave for the holiday. He was due to land at BWI tonight, and she’d asked me to go with her to pick him up. His fiancée was coming with him, and Eve was all twisted up about meeting her.

  This Thanksgiving would be interesting, and the stress leading up to it was getting to both of us. We’d been bickering all week, pretty much about everything, but if nothing else, at least we’d come up with a solution for Thanksgiving.

  Normally, the girls and I went to Noah and Rachel’s house because theirs was the largest and Rachel’s brothers all attended as well with their families. When I’d found out Derrick would be home, I’d asked Eve if she wanted to join us. But her family had a big Thanksgiving too, and if she went to my family’s celebration, hers would be put out. Instead, we’d decided to do our own in the afternoon, at my house with my girls and Derrick and his fiancée. That way, neither of our extended families would feel slighted and our children could get used to us together before we shared that information with anyone else. We’d make the rounds to other people’s houses later in the day.

  I was a little nervous about the whole thing, though. I wanted Derrick to like me, to think that I was good enough for his mother. And while I was fairly sure they would, I needed my girls to like Eve. Rissa had only talked to her on the phone, so this would be their first meeting. At least Lila had come with us when Eve and I had spent the previous Sunday in DC exploring the recently opened National Museum of African American History and Culture, and that had gone well.

  Over the last couple of weeks, it had become both harder and easier to keep things all business while we were at work. Easier, because we had the benefit of age and experience, and we spent the evenings together whenever possible. Harder, because the more time we spent together, the more we craved each other’s touch. All those teens and twenty-somethings who thought women in their fifties were dried up and sexless had never met an actual woman in her fifties. I pretty much wanted her all the time, and the feeling was mutual.

  The only person at work who seemed to notice our new intimacy was Delia, and it was obvious she’d told no one. Everyone else seemed oblivious to our personal relationship, and that made it easier.

  It was our lives outside the office where I struggled. If we went out somewhere, which was rare, we didn’t do it in our own backyard, going to Baltimore or DC instead. I still hated that we couldn’t be open with everyone and live our lives as we wanted—movie dates, weekend breakfasts out, things other couples took for granted—but after running into Jeremy Kohler at the aquarium, Eve remained ultra-careful if we were anywhere we might see someone from work.

  And though I understood the reasoning, and I’d agreed to go along with it, I resented it and I couldn’t see an easy way out. I didn’t want to give up my job with the police department because I loved it, but there was absolutely no way I would let Eve sacrifice her career for us. Yet, something was going to have to change before I lost my damn mind.

  This worry about the damage that having our personal relationship discovered could do to our jobs vied with my nearly constant fear for Eve’s safety. The investigation into the vague threats to female cops that we’d received before the festival had been stepped up, because whoever it was had escalated. One female officer had been out on foot patrol, and when she’d returned to her squad car, it had been spray-painted with the word bitch. A Maryland State Trooper had been lured to a burglary call and she’d been ambushed and knocked unconscious. Her car, too, had been spray-painted with the same word.

  But no one knew who or why, and everyone was on edge.

  I forcibly shoved the unease from my brain. Today was not the day for worry. Today, I had to prep for Thanksgiving dinner. I lifted my cup to my mouth again just as my phone rang.

  “Talia.” It was Eve, but her voice was tight, nothing like her usual, easygoing tone.

  My heart raced. “What’s wrong?”

  She made a pained noise in the back of her throat. “I got a call from the chief a few minutes ago. You and I have a meeting on Monday with him. He’s away for the holiday, or else we’d be in his office today.”

  My mind went blank, then filled with a million different thoughts at once “What? Why?”

  “Someone saw us. I’m not sure who or where, but the cat’s out of the bag and he was less than happy with me.” She made another small pained sound, and my gut knotted as deep-seated fears resurfaced. Was she sorry we’d started this? But then she continued. “Goddamn it. I should’ve gone to him first.”

  “We’ll deal with it. I’ll resign if I have to. I can find another job, but you’ve worked too hard to lose your career because of me.” I said the words instinctively as I tried to reassure Eve, and I meant them, but the thought of giving up this job that I loved made my stomach knot. While Seth’s life insurance covered the mortgage, I still had living expenses and college tuition for Rissa and retirement to worry about. Never mind the fact that I was over fifty and the market wasn’t exactly overflowing with job offers for women my age.

  Eve made another noise, this one of annoyance. “We’ll talk about this later, Tal.”

  Once again, I shoved my worries back into the recesses of my chaotic mind and slammed the door shut on them. There wasn’t a damn thing we could do right now, and Monday would be here soon enough. “What time do you want me to pick you up?”

  We were taking my SUV to the airport because it had more trunk space than the tiny car I called Eve’s windup toy.

  “Four, if you can. There’s going to be a lot of traffic as people start traveling. Need to give ourselves some extra time.” She sighed, and I could picture her rubbing the heel of her hand over her forehead. “I can’t wait to see my boy, but I’m not sure about this woman. And now this, with the chief.”

  I wished I could hug her. “It’ll all work out. You’ll see.”

  After the longest drive to the airport I’d ever had and hoped never to experience again, Eve and I stood waiting for Derrick’s flight to arriv
e. On the drive in, we’d discussed the meeting with the chief ad nauseam, and I was tired of thinking about it. I shut the worry down—something I was getting a lot of practice doing—and focused on the here and now. The baggage claim area was mostly clear, and we’d snagged a spot by the arrival board so she’d see Derrick right away.

  She’d changed out of uniform into a pair of slim jeans tucked into flat leather boots and a soft sweater that kept slipping to the side, baring one smooth and sexy shoulder. With her phone in her hand, she began pacing, muttering under her breath. I watched her, both amused at her uncharacteristic behavior and wanting to yank her out of her weird head space.

  When she passed by me on her fifth lap around the still mostly empty area, I reached out and snagged her by her belt loop, pulling her to a stop. I got close behind her and whispered in her ear, sliding my hand around her waist and just under that delicious sweater. “You’re going to wear a hole in the carpet, babe.”

  She sagged against me the tiniest bit, but steeled her spine almost immediately. “Can’t help it. Have to move.”

  I kissed that bare shoulder lightly, ignoring the side-eye I got from a sour-looking woman standing nearby, then released my grip, letting her pace.

  If it helped, it helped.

  Within the next twenty minutes, the luggage area became a sea of people. I saw a large group of young men and women in fatigues walking toward us, and then Eve let out a small, stifled sob and was running, flat-out running, toward a tall young man with a mostly shaved head and a grin that was exactly the same as hers. I’d seen pictures of Derrick, but they didn’t do the family resemblance justice. He dropped the bag he carried and scooped her up in his muscled arms, squeezing the hell out of her.

  My eyes teared up and my throat grew tight.

  Eve kept touching him as though she didn’t believe he was really there. I hung back, not wanting to intrude on this emotional moment, and I noticed a petite, dark-haired, olive-skinned young woman doing the same, her eyes also suspiciously bright.

  It didn’t take a genius to figure out this was Derrick’s fiancée, Gabriela Munoz. She didn’t rush over, didn’t insist on being part of this mother-and-son reunion, and I liked her immediately for that.