Between Hope & the Highway

by Charissa Stastny

  Seven months had passed since I broke her heart. That’s how I measured time now.

  Benny read Edward’s line. “Nobody will believe that, you know.”

  We were to the hospital scene where Edward just saved Bella in the school parking lot and she knows he lifted the van to save her and they are having a passive-aggressive argument about why, or if, he did what she knows he did.

  Benny’s voice went up in a high falsetto, making me smirk. “I’m not going to tell anybody.” I said each word slowly, carefully controlling my anger.

  The book conversation continued until Edward snapped. “Can’t you just thank me and get over it?”

  “Thank you.” I waited, fuming and expectant.

  Oh yeah. Bella was so much like Lizzie.

  “What?” Benny glanced up at me as I chuckled.

  “I like Bella.”

  He nodded and picked up where he left off. I closed my eyes and listened, wondering what Liz might be doing. Had she gone home? Was she back at school? Or had she taken a job with another equine business? I was certain Dad would’ve given her an excellent reference. Part of me wanted to get in the truck as soon as the doctor cleared me for driving and head down to Vegas to search for her. But the smarter side knew that’d be a fool’s errand. Lizzie was strong and knew her own mind. Leaving like she’d done had sent a clear message that she didn’t want anything to do with my sorry hide. She was better off without me. The same wasn’t true for me though. I missed her like a beached whale misses water.

  Benny yawned and stuck a Star Wars bookmark between the pages. “It’s good so far, isn’t it?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Alice said this series is her favorite ever.”

  “Well, that’s saying something since she’s probably been reading books for nigh on a year now.”

  He shot me a scowl.

  “Just kidding. It’s not as bad as I expected.”

  He grinned. My baby brother had grown six inches since summer, almost catching up to my 6’3”. He was still all legs and arms, but what fourteen-year-old boy wasn’t? The most impressive change I’d noticed was in his gait. When I’d returned from Europe, his left leg from the knee down still jerked out awkwardly; but with the help of his therapist and lots of hard work, his spastic swing had become much less pronounced.

  “Did you have an awesome Christmas?”

  If I hadn’t, it was no fault of his. He’d gone beyond the call of duty by entertaining my sorry, bedridden self. We’d played video games, watched movies, and played a few card games before reading from his girly vampire romance. I reached out to rub his head, but he ducked back a few steps and smirked.

  “Sure did, bro. Thanks for keeping me company…and thanks again for the painting of the bull moose.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “How are things between you and chatterbox Alice?”

  He blushed. “We’re just friends.”

  “Have you tried to kiss her?”

  “Nah,” he squirmed. “I don’t think she likes me that way.”

  “Why not? You’re a handsome kid, and she seems to go out of her way at church to talk to you.”

  “Why don’t you try to find Liz?” he retorted..

  “Maybe I’m just waiting to get my strength back so I can.”

  He bounced up and down. “Really? You’re going to look for her?”

  I rolled my eyes, not wanting to talk about the woman who’d stolen my heart. “Why not? Grab my laptop.”

  He crowded onto the bed with me as I typed Elizabeth Ruthersford into the search bar. I’d dialed her number several times after I got out of rehab, but she must have changed numbers. Still, Benny was right. I needed to try again. If the girl was going to stick around in my head, I had the right to talk to her in person. I needed closure.

  “There’s a match.” My brother pointed at the screen.

  “Nah. That Elizabeth lives in West Virginia.”

  Google didn’t bring up any other promising morsels. As I scanned news sites in Vegas, I discovered that a construction worker named Bradley Ruthersford had died in October when a CAT accidentally flipped over and crushed him. I had no clue what the name of Lizzie’s father was, but I did recall her saying he owned a construction company. Could this guy be her dad? As I perused the clipping, I realized it wasn’t. The only survivors were a wife named Ilene and two daughters, Esther and Belle. I wrote down their names to contact later if needed. Maybe they were relations.

  “Wait,” Benny said. “Lizzie worked for a lady in Vegas who Dad knows. Right? What was her name?”

  I hit my head. Why hadn’t I thought of that? Typing in Viktorya Lohman, I found the number of her dressage facility on her website. Surely she would know Lizzie’s whereabouts. Calling the number, I waited and hoped.

  “Hello?” The thick Russian accent made me smile.

  “Hey, Viktorya. Rawson Law here.”

  “Rawson!” she sounded delighted. “How’s my favorite Montana cowboy?”

  “Doing good. And you?”

  “Can’t complain. Business is decent.”

  “Great. I hope you had a merry Christmas.”

  “We sure did. How about you?”

  “It was perfect.” I cleared my throat. “I called to ask a favor. That girl you sent up to us two years ago—Liz Ruthersford—do you have her contact information? Ours is outdated.”

  “Lizzie? I haven’t heard from her since she left to work for your dad. I heard she was home last summer and tried to call her, but her mother said she was moving to El Salvador or somewhere like that.”

  She gave me the address and phone number she had on file, but it was the same outdated ones we had. That house had been foreclosed on a few months ago.

  Viktorya sensed my disappointment. “Sorry I can’t be more help. If you have any luck finding her, tell her to give her Russian friend a call, no? I miss that girl and want to catch up on her life.”

  I promised I would before ending the call. Growling, I smashed my hand into my blanket and cursed.

  “What?” Bennie cried.

  “Lizzie moved to South America,” I said, still feeling sucker-punched. How in the blazing world would I ever find her now?

  Chapter 88

  Liz

  Pushing the heavy drape aside, I peeked out the window. I didn’t feel graceful butterflies in my stomach as I waited for my date to arrive. I felt the frantic beating of moth wings against a hot light instead.

  “Are you expecting someone?”

  The curtain fell as I whipped around to face Mom. She’d been in bed when I checked earlier and I’d hoped to leave without her noticing. Two weeks ago when Gary had shown up to take me on our first date, Mom humiliated me by practically drooling all over him during introductions. She’d definitely approved…a little too much.

  “Umm, yeah.” No sense lying. She possessed a sixth sense when it came to sniffing out ways to shame me. “Gary flew into town again. He’s taking me out tonight.”

  Her smile surprised me. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her look happy. “That’s wonderful, dear. You must not have made too bad of an impression on him last time.”

  I ignored her subtle jab. “I guess not.”

  Gary had been Justin’s college roommate. Justin and I double-dated a few times with him and Diane, and became engaged the same month. When Justin died, I lost contact. All I knew was they ended up getting married and Justin and I didn’t. One day, I opened Facebook and saw a message from Gary. He wrote that he remembered me fondly from college and wondered how I was doing. I replied that I was fine, and asked how he and Diane were? He replied that they’d recently divorced. Not knowing what to say to that awkward piece of news, I sent a crying face emoticon to end the conversation. Dealing with Mom was hard enough; I didn’t need anyone else’s problems.

  A week later, my cell rang. I stared at it, wondering if it was a sales call. Not recognizing the number, I hesitantly answered.

  “Hey, Liz,�
�� an exuberant voice boomed.

  “Who is this?”

  “It’s Gary. I messaged you on Facebook, but I guess you didn’t check.”

  “Uh, yeah. I don’t get on there very often.”

  “Smart girl. Facebook is the biggest time waster on the planet.”

  I gnawed at a hangnail.

  “Well, if you’d checked, I told you I’d be in Vegas for a convention tomorrow and thought it might be fun to reconnect.”

  “How did you get this number?” As he hem-hawed, I realized I was being catty, like Mom always accused. Who cared how he got my number? He was a friend—one of Justin’s, at least. I owed him civility, not an interrogation. “Never mind. So you’ll be in town?”

  He recovered his enthusiasm. “Yeah. Would you like to get together?”

  I had a mountain of assignments to complete for my online college course, and told him so, but he convinced me to spare him an hour.

  When he picked me up the next night, I was startled by how much more handsome he was than I remembered. Of course, in college, I’d only had eyes for Justin. When Mom gushed and threw herself at him, I figured it would be a one-date wonder. No man would be coming back for more crazy. He could have any woman he wanted since he was not only easy on the eyes, but well-off judging by the red convertible BMW in the driveway.

  But I was wrong about the one-night wonder. Gary took me to an over the top restaurant in the Monte Carlo Resort with chandeliers and tablecloths, crystal goblets and fine china place settings. He told me about his successful law career in Los Angeles, and that he competed in surf contests on the weekends. I felt his eyes on me the whole night—and yes, it ended up being much longer than an hour. Gary brought me home way after midnight, and gently brushed my cheek at the door.

  “You know, even back when I dated Diane, I thought you were incredible and was jealous of Justin.” I blushed and shook my head at his stupid charm. When he leaned down and gently kissed me, I thought, Maybe, just maybe I can do this again.

  “Well, make sure you don’t scare him off.” Mom’s abrasive voice interrupted my reflection. She grimaced as she pushed a stray curl from my face. “You should have taken the time to straighten your mop. I’ll never understand why you insist on this wild Merida style. She’s the only Disney princess who didn’t get a man.”

  I let her rant as I silently played Rawson’s Love Triangle game. I love my thick, curly hair. I love the freckles on my nose. I love my sense of style. His insistence that I tell him three things I loved had rankled me when I lived at the ranch, but it’d become my life preserver in the stormy waves of Mom’s disparaging remarks.

  Rhythmic rapping on the screen door saved me from Mom’s assault. I wanted to leave, but she had other ideas.

  “Invite him to come in, Elizabeth. Don’t be rude.”

  I gestured Gary inside, hoping for the best.

  Mom pranced across the room and grabbed him by his tie. “Ooo-la-la, don’t you look scrumptious, Gare-bear.”

  I wanted to crawl behind the couch as I watched the woman who brought me into this world simper and flirt with my date as she raved about how hot he was and apologized that I wasn’t.

  “I tried to get her to straighten that rat’s nest, but Elizabeth has never had any sense of fashion. I mean, look at that dress.” She didn’t finish her statement—not with words—but her look conveyed disgust.

  He chuckled. “Ellie’s a handful, Ilene. That’s for sure. How about I take her off your hands for the night?”

  I whipped my hand away from him. He hadn’t outright mocked me, but close enough. Whose side was he on anyway? And when had he become so chummy with Mom that he knew her first name?

  By the time Gary extracted us from Mom’s claustrophobic grip and led me to his car, I was ticked. It irked me that he’d kissed up to Mom, chuckling at her put-downs and acting as if he was doing her a favor by getting me out of the house…like I was a child who needed tending. Cool air blowing from the vents caused goosebumps to form on my arms. I’d forgotten a coat. Folding my arms across my dress, I chalked up another point against Gary.

  “Why so quiet, Elle?”

  That was another thing I couldn’t stand. Where did he get off creating nicknames for me? I’d cringed when he started calling me Elle as we Skyped. Mom had told him my middle name and he thought he was clever combining both.

  “I’m cold. Could you switch it to the heater, or at least turn off the A/C?”

  “Sure, baby.”

  Since when had I become his baby?

  “I’ve missed you, Elle.”

  I didn’t respond. He was losing points fast.

  When he pulled onto the side of Boulder Highway and parked, I wondered what he was doing. He undid his seatbelt and reached for me before I could protest. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, baby.” He pressed demanding lips to mine.

  “Gary,” I pushed against him as he tried to deepen the kiss.

  He retreated, leaving me breathless and befuddled. What in the heck? We were on the side of a busy road.

  “Sorry, babe. I’ve dreamed about kissing you since I last saw you, and Skyping each night’s only made me want you more. How I’ve missed you.”

  I think he wanted me to tell him I missed him too, but I still smarted from his interactions with Mom. It wasn’t what he said necessarily, but what he hadn’t. Did he agree with her that I looked crummy? Were my curls too crazy? Rawson had seemed to love them.

  Clenching my teeth, I reached for Gary’s hand and pasted on a smile I didn’t feel. “I missed you too.” No thinking of Rawson Law tonight.

  Gary reached behind his seat and retrieved a silver package. “For you, babe.”

  I opened the gift and covered my mouth. “No way.”

  He removed the diamond necklace and swept curls off my neck so he could clasp it around me. “They’re real.”

  My eyes widened. I kind of wished he hadn’t revealed that detail. The white gold cable chain with eleven diamonds forming an elegant V had to have cost a fortune. I placed a hand to my heart. “This is too nice. I don’t deserve it.”

  He winked. “I’m sure you’ll think of some way to repay me.” His lips claimed mine again, more insistent this time. I experienced another brain and body freeze as my insides looped into painful knots.

  When he pulled back, I felt on edge, not relaxed like a kiss should have made me feel. Of course, I’d never been so indebted to a man. The necklace had to have cost thousands.

  “Let’s start this date, shall we?”

  And off we went in his sleek Series 4 red car that could go super fast. He told me how many miles it could go in 5.5 seconds, but my mind spaced off during his car talk, disturbed by my reaction to his plundering kiss. What was wrong with me? Gary was the real deal. Okay, he was a fast mover, but we’d communicated for over two weeks online. I needed to stop thinking of this as a second date. We were farther along than that.

  Gary pulled out all the stops. He took me to an expensive dinner at the Bellagio hotel and then to a show called O. Dumb name, but it was absolutely spectacular with acrobats diving into water to the beat of exotic music and contorting their bodies in unimaginable ways. Even though I still felt annoyed by his earlier interactions, I managed to shove off my reservations as he wrapped an arm around me. Gary had a lucrative career, a hobby he loved, and important connections. He reminded me a lot of Justin. I should be thrilled to have his attention.

  But when he pulled into my driveway to drop me off, I had to psych myself up for his possessive kiss.

  “I love you so much, Elle.” His hand moved under my dress to touch my thigh.

  That stupid nickname and his wandering hand made me shove him away. At his questioning look, I said, “I’m not the make out on the second date type of girl.”

  He scoffed. “I’m not a make out on the second date kind of guy either, but I can’t help myself around you, Elle. Your mouth says no, but your eyes say go, go, go!”

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nbsp; He pulled me closer and began what Rawson always called nibbling. No overwhelming ecstasy jolted through my veins from his lips making contact with my sensitive neck though. Gary’s mouth didn’t tantalize; he conquered.

  “Ow!” What did he think he was doing? Sucking snake venom out of me? I squirmed out of his arms and opened my door. “I gotta go.” I shut my door.

  As I walked to the porch, he rolled down his window. “I’ll be over tomorrow night at six sharp. Wear something nice again, and don’t be afraid to show off those sexy legs.”

  I gulped. He hadn’t mentioned going out again, and now he just assumed I was his for however long he was in town? “Ummm, I don’t think—”

  He started backing out of the driveway. “I’ll dream of you, Elle,” he shouted from the street.

  I slipped inside the door and made my way to my room in the dark. Locking the door behind me, I ripped off my stupid dress. “Moron,” I muttered. I don’t know if I referred to him or myself. Unclasping the diamond necklace, I threw it on the carpet and sank onto my bed. I don’t know how long I sobbed or why I even cried, but it was long enough for my eyes to sting and my chest to ache. Daddy had been right. Gary was Justin all over again, except the first time around, I’d been too blind to realize just how much Justin walked all over me. He never really listened to me because it was all about him and what he wanted, and being the silly girl I was, I handed over my dreams in exchange for holding onto his coattails.

  Throwing sweats on, I grabbed a DVD from a case on the floor and put it in the player. Even though it was almost one in the morning, I started Phantom Menace. Every quote reminded me of Benny and Rawson. But Yoda’s wisdom literally slapped at my heart.

  “Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering.”

  “Believe me, I know,” I growled at the twenty-eight inch screen on my wall. I’d learned firsthand how those emotions made one suffer. I still battled negative thoughts whenever Mom opened her mouth. But worse, my irrational anger had made me push away the one man I truly loved…and now I was stuck with a jerk who looked good on the outside, but did nothing but make me feel weak, vulnerable, and worthless.