Sentenced

by L. L. Collins

  It hit me that I’d been dreaming. Oh, my God. What was Johnny doing here?

  I sat up. “What the fuck?”

  “I must’ve fallen asleep,” Johnny said. “I’m sorry. I was sitting here in this chair, and I just woke up to you crying out.”

  I flung back the covers and stood up. “You need to go.”

  “I know,” Johnny said, coming around the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to still be here. I guess I was worn out, too.”

  I looked at the clock next to the bed. I’d been asleep for over two hours. It was almost dawn.

  He stood at the door, his hand on the handle. Johnny turned back to me. I was still standing next to the bed. I’m sure I looked like a hot mess, but I felt like even more of one. He’d heard me talking in my sleep. God knows what I’d said.

  “Tell me one thing,” he said.

  I said nothing. I didn’t plan on telling him anything.

  “Are you okay?”

  I sucked in a breath, biting my lip to keep the emotion from my dream at bay. Before I could answer him, he crossed the small space in between us and hauled me into his arms. He wrapped his arms around me. I stood, shocked, for several seconds before I realized my arms were wrapping around his waist. I was touching him. He was touching me. He was hugging me.

  I couldn’t tell you the last time someone even tried to hug me. They knew better. He smelled like the shampoo we’d used in the shower and something that was just . . . him. My brain screamed to push him away and kick him out of this room and out of my life.

  But the other part of me wasn’t listening.

  Johnny

  I knew she was fighting with herself over me holding her. I could feel it, and I understood the feeling. I wasn’t overly sure what I was doing, but watching her as she thrashed in her nightmare, echoing ‘no,’ ‘please stop,’ and ‘help me’ over and over again had done something to me.

  Someone had hurt her. She was in constant pain. I could identify with that. We were more alike than either of us realized. I was afraid to say a word for fear she’d smack me, cuss me out, and kick me out of her room. I was afraid to even move or breathe. I kept my hands still on her lower back and concentrated on her steady breathing.

  I wasn’t sure how long we stood there, but she finally pulled back just a little to look at my face. “Thanks.”

  I was shocked at her reaction. Did she just thank me? “You’re welcome. Are you okay?”

  Bex nodded. “Yes. I haven’t had a lot of sleep and probably am overtired. You know how your mind goes when that happens.”

  Even though I knew she was full of shit, I let it go. Questioning her on it was only going to get her to shut down further. Ask me how I knew this.

  I dropped my arms from around her. “I better get home.” I didn’t want to leave, and it shocked the shit out of me.

  “Wait,” Bex said. My pulse pounded in my ears. What was I doing? What was she doing? “Would you . . . stay?”

  I searched her eyes. What was she saying? “Stay?”

  “I . . . never mind. I’m sorry. You’re probably exhausted and want to get home.”

  I would usually nod my head and agree, then run for the door. But this time, I didn’t want to. “No, not really.”

  “Not really?” We were playing a ridiculous game here.

  “I want to stay. If you want me to.” I was shocked at myself. Never, ever in my life had I said those words to someone after Jill. She had been the only one that I’d wrapped my arms around, hoping to protect and love us both out of the life we had been in. Not that it had done me any good.

  Bex looked just as shocked as I felt that we were having this discussion, but she nodded and walked back to the bed. She climbed in, holding the covers open for me. I kicked my shoes off and shed my shorts and shirt, leaving me in boxer briefs.

  She didn’t try to hide that she was checking me out. “You like what you see? I didn’t give you enough earlier?”

  Bex laughed. She actually laughed. The sound sent electric shocks from my head to my toes and back. I was afraid to move or smile for fear she’d realize what she’d done. “You gave me plenty. Now get in here and let’s sleep.”

  I was going to sleep in a bed with a woman. I couldn’t do that. I hadn’t done that since . . . no. This would never work.

  She must’ve seen the panic on my face because her smile fell. “Johnny?”

  I slid into the bed, avoiding eye contact. Why the hell did I do this? I was so dumb. There was a reason I never slept with a woman in bed. Yet she’d somehow made me lose my mind when she asked me to stay.

  She clicked off the light, and I let out the breath I was holding. In the dark, I felt less exposed. “Are you okay?” They were the same words I’d asked her. She’d lied to me, and I was going to have to do the same.

  “Yes,” I lied. I’d just lie here and let her sleep next to me. I had to stay awake. There was no option. If I was shocked she’d asked me to stay, I was frozen in place when I felt her rest her head on my chest and sigh heavily. Bex was . . . cuddling with me. I could smell the shampoo we’d used earlier in the shower. It didn’t smell nearly that good on me.

  It was mere seconds when I felt her body relax, and I knew she was asleep. I stared at the ceiling, wondering why I’d agreed to stay. Why had she asked me? I knew she’d been having a nightmare when I woke her up. I didn’t even know why I’d stayed in the first place when I’d seen her starting to fall asleep. Something kept me rooted to the chair, watching her. But I couldn’t relax that much now. Sleeping next to her would only end up in disaster.

  I thought about what I’d done to Julia when she’d tried to wake me up. No way was I sleeping. The good news was it was already morning so hopefully Bex would have to get up soon in order to get ready to go home.

  She was complex that was for sure. I hadn’t thought when I met her that she’d end up being just as complicated as me, but it sure as shit seemed like she’d been given a raw deal in life, too.

  I kissed Jill’s full lips, smiling against them as she wrapped her arms around my neck. “I love you, Johnny.” She wrapped her naked body around mine, and I came alive again. No matter how many times we made love, I was always ready for more with her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I’d found my soul mate at the young age of twenty.

  “I love you, too,” I murmured. “We’re going to get out of here. Together.”

  She nodded. “I believe you. How’s your plan coming?”

  “It’s coming. I don’t want you to know anything just in case they figure out something and ask you. The less you know, the better. Just know I’ll always protect and take care of you, Jill.”

  She nodded, her big blue eyes filled with love and trust. “I know. It’s you and me, baby.”

  “You and me,” I echoed.

  The door swung open, flooding light into the room. “What the fuck is going on in here?”

  Ray. I hated this prick. Hell, I hated all of them, but him I hated more than most. “What’s it to you?”

  Ray crossed the room so fast I only had time to tuck Jill behind me before he hauled me to my feet. “I asked you a fuckin’ question, Frat Boy. When I ask you somethin’, you answer me. What are you doing with this hooker? You fucking her? Or getting high?”

  Jill made a small noise from behind me, but I knew I couldn’t turn to comfort her. “Yeah, I fucked her. So?”

  An evil smile crossed Ray’s face. “Is that so? She good? Because she looks fucking good enough to eat.”

  I shook my head. “She’s alright. Gets your dick wet and does the job.” I knew where this was going. He hadn’t messed with Jill in the months she’d been here, and I didn’t want it to start now.

  Ray eyed me, and then looked over me at her. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

  “No.” I was bigger and stronger than him. If I didn’t let him past me, he wouldn’t get to her.

  “No? Is that what you said to me? You think you have som
e sort of power to tell me no?”

  Ray stepped back to the doorway. “Prince, come here!”

  Jill looked at me wide-eyed. I couldn’t show her how afraid it made me to hear him call Prince.

  Prince’s large frame filled the doorway. He was a scary motherfucker. “He thought he was going to tell me no, I couldn’t tap a piece of that.”

  The two of them laughed. “Will you help me out?”

  Prince nodded. He had at least fifty pounds on me, and Ray knew it. Jill whimpered as Ray approached her, unbuckling his pants.

  “Hey there, sweet thing. Your buddy said you weren’t any good. I don’t believe him. I think he just doesn’t want to share you. That’s not any fun, is it? What’s your name?”

  I lunged for Jill, but Prince stepped in my way. “Move, and I’ll knock you the fuck out.”

  “Don’t knock him out,” Ray said. “He’s going to watch me fuck this one. This will teach him that he doesn’t backtalk me.”

  Ray leaned over, pulling the covers off of Jill’s beautiful body and pawing her full breasts. The ones I loved. I fought Prince, not even caring what they did to me.

  “Stop it! Don’t you dare!”

  Ray looked back at me, pulling his dick out of his pants. He forced her legs open and shoved himself inside. Jill cried as he grunted.

  “I’ll kill you!”

  I sat straight up, my chest heaving. Sunlight streamed through the partially open curtains. It was late. I could tell. Where the hell was I? Then it all flooded back to me.

  Bex. I swung my head around the room, but I didn’t see her. I was still in her room, and I had fallen asleep even though I had said I wouldn’t. At least she hadn’t witnessed the embarrassment of my nightmare.

  I swung my legs over the bed and stood up, pulling my shorts and shirt on. It was after noon. Julia would probably be wondering where I was. Not that she wouldn’t figure it out.

  I looked in the bathroom for Bex but didn’t see her. Okay, then. I guessed this was how it was going to be. I relieved myself and then rinsed out my mouth. Just then I heard the door slam. There she was.

  “Johnny?”

  I stepped out of the bathroom. “Hey.”

  Bex handed me a cup of coffee and a bag. “I got you some breakfast. Hope a bagel is okay.”

  I stared at it like it might grow a head and speak to me. “Uh, thanks.”

  “So let’s not make this awkward and shit,” she said. “Thanks for helping me last night. It was an overall shitty day yesterday. I have to get ready to head out.”

  This was it. I wasn’t going to see her again. “Yeah, no problem. It was nice . . . hell, it was fucking hot to have you for the last two days. You’ll be hard to top.”

  Bex snorted. “I have the feeling you’ll put a good effort into trying.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe.” I had this weird feeling, mixed with the dream of Jill I hadn’t dreamed in years. It was . . . sadness? Longing? I wasn’t sure.

  She opened the door. “See you around.” I was being dismissed. No talk of exchanging phone numbers, hooking up another time. Nothing. Just like I liked it. Right?

  “Good luck on tour.” I sounded like a tool, and I knew it. I’d fucked this woman six ways to Sunday, and that’s all I could say?

  She watched me as I made my way to the door, but she didn’t say anything else. I stepped through the doorway and turned back to her. I grabbed her and pulled her to me, kissing her with all the energy I had that couldn’t be put into words. She responded, twining her arms around my neck as I sucked her tongue into my mouth.

  God, I wanted her again. Forcing myself to pull away, I winked at her. “You know where to find me if your hand or vibrator isn’t doing the job anymore.”

  She gaped. “You act like I don’t get any any other way.”

  “Not any as good as me. Bye, Bex. Thanks for breakfast.” I winked at her and lifted the brown bag with the bagel inside, then turned and walked down the hall away from her.

  I sat on the back porch of Julia and Carter’s house, a pad of paper in front of me, the urge to grab the guitar from my room almost overpowering me. I hadn’t had a feeling this strong in many years, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

  I’d been writing lyrics since I’d gotten home from the hotel. Carter and Julia were at his parents’ house for the afternoon with Calia, so I had the house to myself. The words had just been pouring out of me. I had pages of ideas and a few pages of actual lyrics. I hadn’t felt this inspired in a long time.

  My thoughts kept going back to Bex. Despite what either of us wanted to admit, we’d broken down some walls with each other. It freaked me the hell out. I had to be more careful. Thinking of her made me think of the dream about Jill. The nightmare that had been my reality was a reminder of what love cost me.

  I’d loved that woman with my entire heart. But I should’ve known it was doomed. Me, the idiot that had gotten involved in trafficking drugs, and her, the young girl who’d gotten lured into being the toy of the drug lords. They’d promised her everything, but only I had meant it. Except I hadn’t been able to deliver on my promise, either.

  After that night, Jill had never been the same. Not that I blamed her. Since she’d been with us, she’d only been with me and the rest of the guys had left her alone. But not Ray. He wanted to stick it to me because he didn’t like me, so he made sure to hurt me where it was the most painful.

  Watching him with her that night had been the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. Even after, when he’d spread his seed all over her, and I’d carried her into the bathroom and cleaned her up, I knew that a part of her died that night. The weeks after that, I tried to love her through it but it was too late. She started snorting cocaine and would spend her days completely out of it. Until the day she stopped being in pain anymore.

  I shook my head, wishing I could scrub my head clean of all of the terrible things I’d seen over the years. It wasn’t possible to rid myself of all of the filth I’d been a part of.

  I began writing, the words not able to get down on the paper as fast as I could think them. I tapped my foot, a rhythm coming to life in my head. I remembered a time when sitting in my basement with my friends playing music was the best part of my day, and the dream of somehow ‘making it big’ kept me going. Ah, to be that young and stupid again.

  I tapped the pen against my lips. If I could go back in time, would I? Not that there was any sort of fucking time machine or anything, but in the proverbial sense that I could, would I want to? I tell you what I wished for most of all: to be able to change leaving Julia. Despite my parents’ disapproval, had I not wanted to ‘make it big’ in Los Angeles, the rest of the shit would’ve never happened.

  Sighing, I threw the pen down on the table and put my arms behind my head. I was tired, but that wasn’t unusual anymore. I made a vow to myself to have less sex and more sleep, then burst out laughing.

  “How about more sex, less sleep,” I chuckled to myself. My brain conjured images of Bex, her long, dark hair covering her face as she rode me, as I took her from behind, and as I had her watch in the mirror. I’d slept with countless women in my lifetime, many of those in the last two years. I knew what I was doing, and I accepted it. I had no intention of stopping anytime soon.

  But then there was Bex. She and I were explosive. We had more issues together than Starbucks had coffee beans. Just the thought of her was stirring my dick awake.

  “You have to move on,” I muttered to myself, looking down at the words I’d written. “She was a hot lay. Maybe even the hottest you’ve ever had. That’s all it can ever be.”

  I knew touching her was a bad idea. As combustible as we were before we slept together, during and after was off the charts. I’d never had a woman hate me so much, and it had been a turn on. I wished I could see her perform with Halestorm. Watching that sexy ass move around the stage in her tight dress, or leather shorts, or whatever equally sinful thing she’d be wearing . . .

  Sig
h. I was hard again.

  “I’m heading out,” I called to Cal. He waved, turning back to the customer in front of him. I was headed to another bar in the area to watch a local band that wanted to play at The Outrigger. It was my technical night off, but I’d come in to do my homework on the band.

  Their band name was Belles and Lace and had only been playing together just over a year. I liked their sound in the demo they’d uploaded online, but I felt better seeing their vibe in person. At least, that’s what I told myself. They were a country band, which wasn’t usually my style, but they had a rock and roll edge to them. Plus, it was popular in the area, so we had to do what would bring in the money.

  It didn’t hurt that the lead singer, Stephanie, was blonde with big tits and a body that wouldn’t quit. The way she filled out a jean skirt and cowboy boots . . . yeah, I had a thing for singers. The entire band was women, none of which I’d throw out of my bed. Tonight, I was going to get lost in one that wouldn’t infiltrate my every thought afterward.

  It had been three weeks since the last time I’d seen or talked to Bex. I knew she was headed out next week on tour, and I needed something to stop my brain from thinking about her or wanting to find her. I’d stopped myself so many times from researching to figure out where she lived or where the band was practicing. The main thing that stopped me was what the hell I would say to her once I found her. “Hi, I couldn’t keep my dick—er, my mind off of you, so here I am? Wanna fuck again?” Yeah, somehow I doubted that would get me very far, and then we’d end up in the same awkward place we were on our last day together. It was better to leave well enough alone and chalk our two nights up to the best sex I might ever have.

  I hadn’t had sex in three weeks. I thought my dick might shrivel up, but so far he was hanging in there. What I had done is think of Bex often, replaying our nights together over and over in my brain. It had been nothing but my thoughts and my hand keeping me occupied over the last several days, and I was over it. It was time to get buried into some feminine warmth, and tonight.