Sentenced

by L. L. Collins

  “Thanks,” Madeline said, uncrossing her legs on the leather couch. Her eyes told me everything I needed to know. If I wanted it, she was offering. She was wearing a very small denim skirt, a tank top, and boots. I immediately wanted to put my hand up her skirt and see if she was bare. I didn’t even care if the rest of them wanted to watch.

  I wanted to fuck. I needed to get lost in the feeling of great sex so I could forget what an idiot I’d been to let Bex into my heart.

  “I’m going to say hey to Kirk,” Tiffany said, a blush creeping up her cheeks. I’m sure Kirk would get one of the other guys to cover the bar and show her his ‘office.’

  “Sounds good,” Jennie said, her eyes never leaving mine. Ooh, two of them interested. This could get really fun, quickly. I was glad I stopped in today. I’d have my own workout in here and not have to hit the gym tonight. Plus, they would keep me from having to take care of my own problem later.

  Barbie said something about getting a drink and calling a boyfriend (bummer, three would’ve been a lot of fun), but the three of us didn’t respond. When the door shut behind her, Madeline walked over and locked it.

  “Can you handle both of us?” Oh, she was forward. I liked it. She stepped up to me, and I looked into her clear blue eyes, forcing myself not to compare them to the eyes of the woman I wished was in this room right now. The one woman.

  “Sweetheart, I’ll have the two of you screaming my name so loud they’ll hear it in the bar over the music. Can you two handle me?”

  Jennie laughed. “Maddie, he doesn’t think we can handle him.”

  “It’s our lucky night,” Maddie said. “I mean, it’s your lucky night.” She unbuttoned my jeans and shoved them down my hips until they puddled on the floor.

  Jennie stepped up closer, and I took the opportunity to crush my lips to hers. She responded immediately, her tongue twirling with mine as Maddie stroked my hard dick. Yes. This was exactly what I fucking needed. I didn’t care if there was one or a hundred of them as long as they made me forget.

  I broke away from Jennie and indicated the couch. “Let’s get rid of some of these clothes,” I growled, settling myself on the leather. “Show me, girls.”

  They laughed, both of them flinging their tops off and into my lap. I stroked myself as I watched, my eyes bouncing back and forth between the two of them as they lost their bras, then skirts. They stood in front of me, their long blonde hair falling over their shoulders, each wearing only a thong.

  Maddie nodded to Jennie and she settled on my right side, her hand replacing mine as she stroked soft, then hard. Jennie sat on my left, joining Maddie’s hand on my dick. This was going to be epic.

  I suckled Maddie’s full breasts, my fingers finding her as Jennie continued stroking me. We then switched, my mouth and fingers finding Jennie as they both took me to oblivion. They both helped roll a condom on my dick—he was getting suited up for this—and I got to work. Their simultaneous groans mixed, and the unmistakable sounds of sex filled the room.

  I took turns fucking them until I couldn’t possibly think of anything else. While I was taking Maddie doggie style, I was fondling Jennie and sucking her tongue into my mouth. While Jennie was riding me, I’d been three fingers into Maddie. Then when they stood next to each other and fondled each other while I took turns going from one to the other in every position I wanted them in, I finally gave in to the euphoria and let myself go.

  It didn’t work.

  The second my dick was back in my pants, Bex was all I could think about.

  I pushed the door open to Julia and Carter’s house. I’d stayed away two weeks, but here I was. I had no idea what I was doing anymore with my life and it was about time I figured it out. All I knew was, Denver hadn’t been the place for me anymore.

  “Johnny! You’re home!” Julia flung herself into my arms, and I wrapped my body around her, feeling more at home than I had in weeks. She was the only one that made me feel that way.

  “Hey, Jules,” I kissed her cheek and ruffled her hair. “I’m home.”

  She stepped back, eyeing me. “You look like hell.”

  I laughed. Only she would say that to me. Any other female in my life would be running their hands along my chiseled abs or bulging arms. “You look beautiful, but thanks.”

  “Have you slept since you left? It’s been almost three weeks. And have you eaten? I can tell you’ve been living in the gym. Hugging you is like hugging a brick wall.”

  Carter laughed from behind her. “Geez, Jules. Give the man a break. You’re shredded, Johnny. Been kicking some ass, huh?” He hugged me and I allowed it.

  I shrugged. “I needed to get some aggression out. It was a better alternative than what I wanted to do.”

  Concern flitted over Julia’s features. “No word from her?”

  “Don’t,” I warned. “Where’s my niece?”

  Julia smiled, thankfully letting it go. “In here laying under her play gym.” We walked into the family room, where Calia was kicking her legs and babbling. She looked like she’d doubled in size.

  I picked her up, my heart melting into a puddle when she smiled at me. “You need to stop growing,” I said to her, rubbing my short beard on her face. It made her giggle every time.

  I felt alive for the first time in several weeks. I didn’t need anything more than what was in this room, right now.

  “Oh, here’s your mail,” Julia put a stack next to me on the couch. I sat Calia on my lap and reached for the pile. Flipping through it, I noticed nothing of importance. Most of my bills came online anyway.

  I threw the pile onto the coffee table in front of me, a small paper flitting to the floor. Holding Calia carefully, I leaned over and picked it up. Opening it, I saw the same capital block letters I’d seen on the previous notes.

  SHE’S ALONE NOW

  What the fuck? Who was alone?

  “What’s that?” Julia asked.

  “I keep getting these dumb notes,” I said, folding it back up and putting it in my pocket. It was starting to piss me off. No one even knew me here. What did they want with me? And who were they talking about? Julia? Bex? “It’s nothing. Probably some punk from the bar.”

  I tried to hold back the panic that was bubbling up in my chest. Who was sending me notes?

  Bex

  I knelt in the freshly dug dirt, my body lying over the small casket. No mother should ever have to do this, but here I was, seventeen years old and burying my child. If it wasn’t for Beau and Natalie, I wouldn’t have even been able to give him a funeral.

  “I’m so sorry, Gibson,” I sobbed, my tears splashing onto the smooth surface of the casket. “I loved you. I would’ve done anything to protect you. I’ll never forget you.”

  I’d give anything to hold him in my arms again. Anything.

  “Come on, Bex,” Natalie said gently. She and Beau lifted me, both of them holding onto me while they lowered my son into the ground.

  “No! No! Don’t take him away! Gibson!”

  “Bex, wake up,” Natalie shook me and my eyes flew open. As soon as I realized she’d woken me, I narrowed my eyes at her.

  “What the fuck are you doing?”

  She frowned at me. “You were screaming in your sleep. You’re welcome, you raging bitch.”

  She was right. For the last month, I’d been nothing but that to all of them. We’d had a fabulous tour and Halestorm was wonderful. We’d been getting some great press and it was more than likely that we’d be at least a blip on their radar after this. It was my dream come true, but I hadn’t let myself enjoy it.

  It would be a wonder I’d have a band left at all when we got home to Florida. Speaking of that, we should be there anytime. I couldn’t wait to get to my own bed and off this bus. Actually, I didn’t care at all if I had no band when we got home. If they wanted to leave me, I’d open the door for them. When you’re a bitch and push everyone away, this is what happens. It’s what you want, right?

  “You know what, Bex
? I’ve put up with a lot of your shit over the years because I understood. But this? I don’t understand. You’ve been so terrible over the last few weeks that you have me wondering if I can continue this with you. Give me something. Explain.” When I didn’t respond, she continued. “What happened with Johnny? It’s about time you tell me. We’re going to be home in an hour, and when we get off of this bus, you’re going to stop acting like this to the only people who have ever been there for you, because if you don’t, you aren’t coming home with us.”

  She was giving me an ultimatum. She was going to kick me out of our house and her life. “He was a fucking drug dealer.” There. That wasn’t so hard to say.

  Natalie’s mouth opened and closed, her wide eyes trained on mine. “What?”

  I nodded. “When I went with him to the hearing in Denver? They were talking about him having been in prison for drug trafficking.”

  “Shit,” Natalie said.

  “Right. I have no idea how he got out, or how he was going to get his record expunged, but I know what I heard.”

  “Bex,” she said. “Did you talk to him about it?”

  Nausea rolled through my stomach, and I gritted my teeth against it. “No. I left.”

  “You left without saying a word?”

  I nodded, trying to breathe through the nausea.

  “But what if that’s not the whole story?”

  “How could there be a different part to this story, Natalie? I won’t do it.”

  She nodded. “Wow. I would’ve never guessed. I mean, he had that whole bad boy vibe going on, but shit. Never in a million years.”

  Visions of his face buried between my legs, pushing inside of me, and kissing me with the most talented mouth I’d ever experienced flashed through my brain like a movie. Touching myself to the thoughts of the things he’d done to me wasn’t enough. I’d never have that feeling again.

  Not to mention all of the things I’d finally shared with him and the things he’d shared with me. I’d been so stupid. I’d allowed myself to have feelings. I didn’t do feelings, and this was exactly why. I hated myself for not being able to turn off what had been switched on by him. He’d changed me, and I liked to think I changed him. We’d been there for each other. Now look where it fucking got me. I’d told him so much about me without even knowing who he really was. What if he told everyone what he learned about me? No. He wouldn’t do that, especially since I knew a lot of information on him, too. But did I know for sure?

  Breathing and gritting my teeth wasn’t enough to keep the nausea at bay. Thinking of him made me sick every time. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, losing what little I had in my stomach.

  “Fuck you, Johnny,” I said to my bleary reflection.

  I slammed the door to the bathroom so hard it rattled the wall to Natalie’s room. I’d care if I wasn’t hunched over the goddamn toilet again.

  I had to stop thinking about him. I’d woken up horny, and I’d touched myself thinking of the last time we’d had sex. Just as I’d finished, I’d had that feeling again.

  I was broken. I couldn’t even think about sex anymore without being ill.

  I was a head case, for sure.

  I brushed my teeth and opened the bathroom door, refusing to think one more second about Johnny ever again. I’d thrown up enough over the last week.

  Natalie stood in the kitchen when I walked in, pouring creamer into her coffee. “Bex,” she said in her serious voice. Uh oh. What had I done now? I hadn’t meant to slam the door.

  “Yes,” I said, grabbing a coffee cup and pouring the hot liquid in. I brought it to my lips, the smell of it making my stomach roil again. Fuck.

  “Did you just throw up again?”

  I’d decided to chill the hell out with my band after Natalie kind of put me in check. It was none of their faults that I’d been a fool and let Johnny in, so since we’d been home I’d been nicer. Mostly.

  “Are you writing a fucking book?” Ok, I was still a bitch.

  Natalie sipped her coffee for a moment. “Bex, don’t fucking give me an attitude. I need to ask you something serious.”

  I bit back a nasty response, knowing Natalie was like the sister I never had and truly cared for me. “Okay.”

  “When was the last time you had your period?”

  My mouth dried out and my heart started pounding so loud I could hear it in my ears. My mind raced a million miles an hour. Holy fucking shit.

  When was the last time I had my period? I had the shot, so I didn’t get it too often. I stood, my chest constricting painfully. I fought to breathe.

  “Breathe.” Natalie appeared next to me, her hand on my back. “Bex. I think we need to make an appointment with the doctor.”

  I heard the words she was saying, but all I could think was how epically I’d fucked up. Again.

  Natalie sat next to me in the small waiting room. I’d been here many times for my yearly exam and my shots, but this was different. She’d worked her magic and gotten me in quickly.

  I was in denial.

  She’d bought me home tests, but I’d refused to take them. I couldn’t.

  Thoughts of Johnny had kept me from sleeping one wink last night.

  What the hell would I do if I was pregnant? Would I tell him?

  No.

  My baby didn’t deserve a drug dealer for a father. One that had gotten out of serving his punishment.

  I’d do it alone. Just like I was going to do with Gibson back when I was still a kid myself. This time, I was better prepared. I had my own career and money.

  “Bexley Bryant?” I stood, on autopilot, and followed the nurse through the door. They weighed me and had me pee in a cup before drawing some blood.

  “Wait right in here,” she said, ushering us into an exam room. “I’ll be back in a few minutes to give you the results, and we’ll go from there.”

  We sat silently for what seemed like forever, my stomach churning and my head spinning.

  “Are you going to tell him?” Natalie just couldn’t sit quietly.

  “Shut up, Natalie.”

  “He deserves to know.”

  She was pushing me. “I don’t even know anything yet. Could you shut up?”

  “You know, otherwise you’d have taken those tests. You don’t want to know the answer because you already know.”

  I did already know. I remembered what it was like when I was pregnant with Gibson and had no idea what to expect. I’d felt the same way I’d felt for the last few weeks.

  Sighing, I scrubbed my face with my hands. How in the fuck did I get myself into this? Oh, right. Mind blowing sex multiple times a day with the hottest guy I’d ever known. So much for the shot. Fucking failure. This was the result of me being a goddamn idiot and fucking him without condoms so I could feel his skin against mine. I closed my eyes as the memories flooded my head.

  The door swung open and the nurse wheeled a cart into the room. Natalie and I watched in silence. I knew what that meant. I’d been down this road before. It was an ultrasound machine.

  The nurse must’ve seen the panicked look on my face. “Bexley, the test was confirmed. You’re definitely pregnant. We’re going to do a vaginal ultrasound to see how far along you are. I take it this wasn’t planned?”

  I shook my head, tears threatening behind my eyes. No. I wouldn’t cry.

  “You’ll meet with the Family Planner before you leave today. She’ll give you options if you want them, as well as vitamins and literature to look over.” She flipped through my chart. “I see this is your second pregnancy.”

  Please don’t say it, I begged her in my head. Don’t say, ‘your first ended in stillbirth.’ I’m not strong enough to hear that today.

  “Yes,” I finally managed.

  She didn’t say anything else as she set up the machine. “I’m going to get the doctor. I’ll be right back.”

  I felt like my head was floating above my body as Natalie held my hand while they guided the wand into my vagin
a. Tears pooled in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I was stronger than the need to cry. I was Bexley Fucking Bryant.

  “Here’s your baby,” the doctor said, pointing out a small blob on the screen. “He or she is measuring just about six weeks. Everything looks great. I’ll print some pictures for you. The nurse said you’ve been nauseous?”

  I nodded, my eyes transfixed on the small blob on the screen. Ten years ago, I’d been in a similar room hearing I was going to be a mom for the first time. I watched as the tiny heartbeat blipped on the screen.

  This was my baby.

  I would die before I let anything happen to him or her.

  “You let me know if it doesn’t start getting better once you hit the second trimester or if you can’t keep anything down, and we’ll give you some anti-nausea meds.”

  He withdrew the wand and the screen went blank. My hand went immediately to my stomach, and my eyes met Natalie’s. The tears I had refused to shed were now streaming down her face.

  “You’re going to be a mom again,” she whispered.

  “Do you have any questions?” the doctor asked. “I’d like to see you back next month. On your way out, stop and see Lidia in the Family Planning office. She’ll hook you up with some goodies.”

  When I didn’t have any questions, still too stunned to speak, he and the nurse left me to get dressed. I stood in front of the mirror in the small dressing area, my finger running along the scar on my lower abdomen.

  Had I wanted this? No. Would I do it better this time? Yes. One thousand percent, yes.

  “Congratulations,” Lidia, the Family Planner, said to me. She handed me a baggie with what looked like coupons and samples. “In your bag are some samples of prenatal vitamins. Try them and tell the doctor next time you come in which one you like, and he’ll write you a script. In the meantime, if you have any questions, feel free to call me.”