Use Somebody

by Riley Jean

  I looked back up to Vance and met his sad eyes again. It didn’t look right. He needed to be happy. It made me sad to think he was worrying over me. I wasn’t worth worrying about.

  My fingertips reached up to smooth the worry lines in his forehead and along his temple. There. That was better. I didn’t want my friend to be sad. I knew I complained about him having to touch me, and I grumbled the entire time, but he was seriously the greatest person ever for doing that. He carried me for all those miles and cleaned my injuries and sang to me. I never had a friend who would take care of me like this before.

  Vance cleared his throat and looked away from me. My hand fell from his face.

  “Let’s wrap that ankle.”

  By the time he finished bandaging me up, my injuries had regressed from throbbing to a dull ache. My eyes were drooping in exhaustion.

  “Couch or bed?” he asked, hooking an arm around me and taking my weight.

  The couch was closer, but I wanted my own room.

  “Bed…” As in my bedroom. How scandalous. I smirked at my own joke. “It’s upstairs though.”

  “C’mon.”

  He let me lean on him for the first few stairs, but I was moving so slowly that he gave up and picked me up into his arms again. After that hike from hell you’d think this was the last place I’d want to be, but it wasn’t. It felt familiar. Safe. Warm. I snuggled my cheek against his chest again and sighed with contentment. Mmm. He smelled like spices. And nature.

  Just when I got comfortable, the ride ended too soon. I tried really hard to hide my disappointment. He had me tucked safely under the covers with all my clothes on. No way was I asking for help with undressing. The thought made me giggle.

  He looked at me with confusion and it made me giggle again. He didn’t get it. His sense of humor was clearly “off” tonight.

  “Vance?”

  He used a warm rag to clean the remaining dirt from my face. “Yeah Rosie?”

  I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for ruining our ride. For falling and needing to be carried. For causing him to keep secrets from his girlfriend. For making things complicated with his friends. For always being a bitch when he had only ever tried to be nice to me. And to thank him for being the best friend I ever had.

  But I was asleep before I could say any of it.

  Chapter 14

  Deliverance

  “The Brightest Bulb Has Burned Out” by Less Than Jake

  Summer burst through the door at Mooshi with a skip on her step and the biggest grin I’d ever seen on her face. From behind the counter, Gwen and I looked up right as she raised her hands like she was about to deliver the most wonderful news ever.

  What she said was, “They broke up!”

  I frowned. Not quite what I was expecting after an entrance like that.

  “Who?” I asked.

  “Vance! And! Evelyn!” she sang, and even did a lithe little jig.

  As Summer danced, Gwen sighed, and I was crestfallen, feeling a pang of sadness for my friend and his loss. He must have been heartbroken. All I could remember was how in love he was when we first met. Breakups were never easy, especially with a history like Vance and Evelyn. Four freaking years! The poor guy.

  “Oh don’t look so disappointed,” Summer chided me. “This is a good thing! He is finally rid of that evil bitch!”

  I shook my head at her excitement. She didn’t understand. She had never been in a relationship before. Breakups were complicated and painful, not causes for celebration.

  I gnawed on my lip and pondered the slight possibility that it had something to do with the secrets he kept… secrets involving me. First Honey’s, then the canyon… we’d spent a great deal of time together and we both knew that Evelyn would not have approved. If this was my fault, I’d call her personally and explain everything. The last thing Vance deserved was to lose the love of his life because of me.

  “Do you know why she broke up with him?” I inquired, bracing myself.

  Summer scoffed. “As if! He dumped her.”

  I blinked. Twice.

  Oh… interesting.

  * * *

  It was the first time I had ever been to Vance’s condo.

  San Dimas wasn’t a big town by any means—maybe fifteen square miles total, and the majority of that was rural land. Vance wasn’t kidding when he said it was no trouble taking me home from work. His place was literally only a few blocks from mine.

  The front yard had nice appeal, even boasting its very own stone walkway and a healthy-looking lawn. There was a little dirt patch by the patio that would have looked lovely with roses… not that Vance was the gardening type.

  I knocked lightly, then noticed the welcome mat I stood on had butterflies and ladybugs smiling back at me. Weird.

  “Whoops,” said Summer when she opened the door and followed my line of sight. “Forgot that one!”

  She shooed me off the mat then rolled it up and stuffed it in a big black bag that was already looking pretty bulky. I followed her to the side of the house where she threw it into a large trash can.

  “I’ve waited a long time to de-Evelyn-ize this place!” she smiled, smacking her palms clean. Then, her work done, she led me inside.

  This whole breakup party was Summer’s idea. I wasn’t sure it was the best approach, but surrounding him with friends was a good start, so I came along to be supportive. If he needed a break from Summer’s cartwheels and cheers, if he needed someone who understood, I would be there.

  “So, Summer… I just found out one of my aunts works for an airline, and I was thinking—”

  “Yeah, about that…” she toyed with her pearl necklace. “Actually, I don’t think being an airline stewardess is going to work out after all.”

  “Oh really? Why’s that?”

  “What can I say, it wasn’t right for me. But I’ve got a new idea and this is totally it!”

  I smiled at her enthusiasm. “What is it?”

  “An event planner! I throw the best parties in town, and everybody already knows it. I could totally turn that into a job!”

  This time I just smiled and nodded. “Great.”

  For a bachelor pad, the inside was nicer than I expected. There was no basic Ikea furniture or dirty laundry in the corners. The only evidence that a twenty-year-old guy lived here alone were the essentials: a Play Station and a large screen TV. The inside was painted a warm beige with dark wood accents and beautiful tile floors. The walls were mostly bare, but I did notice a pile of empty frames that must’ve been recently de-Evelyn-ized.

  “Are you limping?” Summer questioned.

  “Oh, yeah… kinda rolled my ankle. But it’s getting better.” A slight limp was a huge improvement from the first few days where I was hopping around on crutches. The cuts on my arm were healing too, covered by my ever-present long-sleeves.

  She nodded. “What have you got there?”

  I handed her the plate. “Mint chocolate chip cookies.” I figured Vance might like them given his favorite ice cream flavor was cool mint.

  “Oh… great. Come on, let’s put this in the kitchen. I want to show you what I brought!”

  The kitchen was surprisingly spacious and well stocked—the countertops updated with a pretty black granite, the cabinets a rich brown. Magnets held a couple pictures to the front of his fridge. One was a young version of Vance with two other boys, most likely his older brothers. They were all grinning and petting a golden retriever with white around her face. Sure enough, the littlest one had buck teeth and glasses. Freaking adorable.

  The young boy in the photo looked vaguely familiar. I studied it, but it didn’t trigger any specific memories. Growing up in the same town, and even having a couple similar friends, we were bound to cross paths. It’s crazy how we didn’t officially meet until now.

  Summer set down my plate of cookies right next to a cake. A closer look revealed the depiction of a bird flying away from an open cage drawn in icing. Frosted across the top with
big block letters was the word, “Congratulations.”

  I gaped at the cake, then at her. “Seriously?” I whispered. “Don’t you think this is—I don’t know—a little insensitive?”

  “No way,” she waved me off. “He’ll think it’s hilarious.”

  Somehow I doubted that. Very few things were hilarious after a breakup. I had yet to see or talk to Vance since learning of their split, but he always seemed so in love with Evelyn. No matter who broke up with whom, the conclusion of a four-year relationship was like the end of an era. Not exactly something to celebrate.

  After my first breakup, I spent every night in a dark room journaling and listening to Senses Fail. I couldn’t really picture Vance behaving like that. He seemed too secure, too strong, too happy. But once upon a time, I was all those things, too… before I knew heartbreak for myself.

  I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard his laughter. A few seconds later, he and Cole filed into the kitchen, right behind Kiki who was telling a story with animated hands. Summer joined the circle and the foursome prattled along. But I was frozen to my spot.

  The whole scene looked so… normal. He didn’t appear to be devastated. Not even a little bit. He seemed like his usual, happy self. If Summer hadn’t told me about the breakup, I never would have guessed by looking at him that anything was remotely wrong.

  “Rosie!” Vance waved me over, and his smile stretched even wider.

  “Hey,” I smiled back hesitantly, then made my way towards them. “You look… good?” I commented, unable to disguise my surprise. My eyes scanned his posture, his clothes, his face. He wasn’t disheveled in the least, nor was he drunk, far as I could tell. How could I reconcile this person with the boyfriend-of-the-year I had come to know? I expected this breakup to tear him apart, but he looked totally fine.

  In fact, he looked better than fine. There was something in his eyes that looked like a weight had been lifted… he seemed at peace.

  Maybe he was high?

  “Thanks,” he responded after a deep inhale and exhale. “I feel… free.”

  I nodded slowly. Either he was just humoring everyone with this celebration thing, or he was definitely high.

  Or maybe the truth hadn’t quite sunk in yet. Yes, that sounded right. The doubts usually didn’t come until a little later. Like the next time he sees a couple holding hands, and looks down at his own empty one. Then the other shoe will drop.

  Relationships are like that. Each time you fall in love with someone, you give part of your heart away. And when they’re gone, they take it with them. Some people gave little pieces away too many times, like Lexi. Some people gave their whole heart away once, like Gwen. When it ends, what is left of their heart? A smaller piece? A large hole? Could you fill it up, would it heal over or grow back?

  And what happens when there’s nothing left to give?

  “Don’t look at me like that,” he said, interrupting my thoughts.

  I blinked away my thoughts. “Like what?”

  “Like you feel sorry for me. This is a good thing. And I’m okay. Honest.”

  I smiled at my friend, so sure of himself as always. But I knew better. The worst part of breaking up wasn’t the actual time-of-death. It was surviving, day after day, dealing with the loss.

  But there was no reason to call him out in front of everyone. Once the heartbreak set in, I’d be there. Until then, I decided to let it go. For now.

  * * *

  We moved the party to The Alley, a local hang out that had pool tables, dart boards, retro arcade games, a DJ, and yes, bowling. Tonight was karaoke night. Most young adults came here because it had a bar, and it was as close to alcohol as us underage youngins could get in public. They were pretty chill about not checking for ID unless you actually ordered a drink.

  Summer brought Vance and everyone else here to celebrate, so celebrate he did.

  He grasped the microphone in both hands and belted out the words to Less Than Jake’s “The Brightest Bulb Has Burnt Out.”

  Bless his heart… the goober could not carry a tune in a bucket.

  I watched with a huge grin as he sang for the crowd with absolutely no shame. I didn’t mean to laugh at him; he just looked so adorable up there singing his heart out but missing all the right keys.

  The crowd cheered along as he jumped around the makeshift stage unabashedly like a rock star shaking off his heartbreak. Everything came naturally to him, including entertainment. I learned at the very beginning of our friendship that Vance would do almost anything in his endeavor to make someone smile, including make a fool of himself. All that mattered was making other people happy. That’s just who he was.

  Kiki came bouncing up to me, Summer at her heels. “Do you see?”

  “Oh yes,” I laughed a few notes. “He’s kind of hard to miss.”

  “No! I mean do you see the way he’s looking at you!” She grabbed my chin and aimed it back at the stage area. Sure enough, his smile broadened when our eyes met. He extended his hand towards me as if his fingertips could reach, even from several yards away.

  “Don’t be silly, Kiki,” said Summer, waving back at Vance. “See? He’s looking at all of us!”

  “Yeah, you wish!” Kiki laughed. “He’s singing right to her, and it’s making her twitterpated!”

  I looked at Kiki with arched brows. “Are you serious?” Everybody in the room was watching him. I ignored them and went back to enjoying his performance.

  Just then, the song hit the halfway point where the beat drops and the tempo picks up. He really let loose and wailed into the microphone about letting the past go. The crowd loved it, and I lifted my rock-on hands in the air, singing along.

  As Vance took his final bows, I clapped and cheered along with the crowd. But the girls’ eyes were on me like hawks.

  “You should totally go for it!” said Kiki, giving me a devious grin.

  Summer stood with a hand on her hip, wearing a sour expression. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, considering he just broke up with Evelyn, like, two days ago. Isn’t that right, Scar?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You guys are inventing things.”

  But they did not let up.

  I looked around for a reprieve, bummed that Cole had to leave early to work the night shift at the hotel, which meant I had no one to run interference with these two.

  I started to get annoyed. There was nothing going on between Vance and me. Summer had said it herself, he just got out of a relationship. And on top of that, I wasn’t interested in dating. Period. It doesn’t get much simpler than that. If they were so convinced, I’d just have to prove it to them.

  I stalked away from them with purpose. There was someone else who hung out at The Alley regularly. I had noticed him in the bar tonight, and was now going to use it to my advantage. One quick stop at the food counter and then I was pulling up to a poker table.

  “Hey Ricky,” I smiled, offering the box of pizza to the table. “Your friends like pepperoni?”

  Boys were easy enough to please. One thing I learned from Lexi was her secrets to a boy’s heart: sex, alcohol, and food. I had limited options from this list, given I wasn’t old enough to buy drinks, and sex was off the table. But in my experience, food alone generally did the trick.

  “Hey kiddo,” Ricky replied, while his friends hummed in appreciation and made room on the table for the greasy box. “Thanks.” The ghost of a smile appeared on his face as he reached for a cheesy slice.

  I leaned over the back of a chair and peered at the cards. “Texas Hold Em?”

  “Yeah,” he said, tapping the ashes of his cigarette into a tray. “You wanna play? I’ll buy you in.”

  That’s what I loved about Ricky. Here he was spending time with the guys, yet he didn’t mind letting me tag along. James would have never even acknowledged me in public. No way would he ever invite me to play cards with his friends. Yet Ricky didn’t think twice, he just welcomed me to their table as if I belonged.

  �
��I’ll buy myself in,” I smiled, pulling out my wallet. “You winning?”

  “Course.”

  He laid down his hand, ending up with three kings. The boys groaned while he began collecting the chips.

  “Deal her in Farrell. Scar, this is Xavier, Otis, and Farrell. Boys, this is Scar.”

  I smiled as the boys grunted their welcomes and gave a few bills to Farrell in exchange for a three piles of chips. I liked poker, but I was a terrible bluffer. I could only hope they wouldn’t catch on to this so soon.

  “Here you are!”

  I turned to see Vance, flanked by Summer and Kiki, expressing varying degrees of surprise. Bet they weren’t expecting to find me here. The Scar that they knew was aloof and antisocial. Who would have guessed I’d be sitting at a poker table with guys like Ricky Storm?

  Determined to continue my disinterest so the girls would give me a break, I coolly muttered, “Hey,” then turned my attention back to the table. I hadn’t yet forgiven their accusations about me and Vance, and I wasn’t ready to join them.

  “Did you see me sing?” Vance asked, coming to rest his elbows and lean on the back of my chair.

  One of the guys snickered and the one with dreadlocks—Farrell—elbowed his ribs.

  “Yes,” I replied casually, confused by his question. He had seen me in the crowd cheering him on the entire time. “You did great,” I said, placing an ante of two white chips into the pot.

  Vance’s fingers drummed on the back on my chair. “You wanna shoot a game of pool?”

  I sighed. He really was not helping our case, doing this in front of the girls. I just knew this was fueling their fire. I resisted the urge to look up at them. “Not now. You guys go ahead and have fun. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  My inability to even turn around made my dismissal clear. After the three walked off, Ricky shot me a knowing look, then laid down a red chip.

  “Raise you twenty.”

  I peeked at my cards again. Hmm. I had a chance at a flush, if the last card was a diamond, but if not, I had jack squat.