Use Somebody

by Riley Jean

  “I don’t like this conversation,” said Cole. “It feels like I’m losing.”

  “Spoken like a man,” Kiki replied, arms crossed.

  Vance looked up when I entered.

  “Hey!” He patted the couch next to him. “Sit by me?”

  I smiled. “Sure.”

  I had almost convinced myself that things were back to normal, but when I settled in next to him, he was smiling at me in that dreamy-eyed way again. With nothing more than a look, thoughts of last night came unbidden into my mind, and immediately I felt foolish for hoping this would be simple.

  “What?” I said, self-conscious and stiff.

  “You look tired, Rosie,” he noted, gently touching the tender flesh under my eyes. “Looks like you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Something on your mind?”

  Good gracious. All day I’d been worrying about how we’d interact, and here he was making jokes about it! I couldn’t stop the blush that engulfed me from the way he was looking at me, just like he had last night…

  Before I could say anything, someone cleared their throat. The girls had returned and everyone in the room was grinning at us… all except for Summer. She looked downright pissed.

  I knew Summer was protective of Vance right now, and I didn’t want to disrespect her in her own home. Nor did I want his friends to jump to the wrong conclusions. So I scooted away from him and decided to avoid any further conversation. His brooding went ignored. That’s what he gets for not behaving himself.

  Summer started the movie and we all settled in to watch. Halfway through I realized I had no idea what was going on. I was concentrating so hard on trying to ignore the strong opposing vibes I was getting from Vance and Summer, I wasn’t paying any attention to the screen. It was unsettling from both fronts.

  I hated it—this disconcerting feeling that came from unspoken words. Last night, before the almost-kiss, I remembered telling Vance that if another issue came up, I wouldn’t sweep it under the rug. I’d stand up for myself and deal with the confrontation before things got out of hand. Little did I know I’d have to do it again so soon.

  At one point, I saw Summer get up and slip into the kitchen and knew this was my opportunity. I followed her and approached when we were out of earshot.

  “Are you mad at me?”

  She looked up from the tray of treats she was preparing. She aimed to smile, and maybe I was getting a little better at this discernment thing, because I could tell it was forced. “Of course not, Scar. What makes you think that?”

  Not wanting to play games, I shot straight. “Your chronic glare, for one thing. And you totally ignored me at the door today.”

  “Oh, that didn’t mean anything!” she said with an off-handed flick of the wrist. “I just know you’re not, like, interested in fashionable clothes and that sort of thing.”

  A backhanded excuse. Nice. “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Is it Vance?” I pried. She didn’t say anything. “I know you’re looking out for him. And I get how it looks, alright? Sometimes he does things and I don’t know why. But nothing’s going on. Nothing’s going to happen. I swear it.”

  To be honest I was getting irritated that I kept having to bend over backwards to defend myself. Wasn’t my word good enough? Vance was the one making all those subtle comments. Why wasn’t everyone hounding him with questions and giving him the stink eye? Why did it all have to be directed at me?

  She looked me up and down, her blithe smile growing less and less convincing by the second. “Oh sweetie, you think that’s what this is about?” Her head tilted sympathetically. “I think I know Vance well enough to know exactly what’s going on here. We’ve all been friends for years. Why do you think you’re here tonight? Why do you think you always get invited along?” She put her hand on my shoulder. “It’s because you don’t have any friends of your own, and he feels sorry for you.”

  I nodded slowly, absorbing her words, her tone, her posture. She was trying to hurt me, but her words bounced right off. Unfortunately for her, it didn’t tell me anything about Vance that I hadn’t already figured out, but it was everything I needed to know about Summer. I could recognize a warning when I saw it. The message came across loud and clear.

  “Well… he was wrong,” I said with as much grace as possible. “If this is really how you feel, I’m afraid I don’t need your friendship.”

  This time, I didn’t raise my voice, stomp away or slam any doors. I recognized my cue to leave, but I would exit gracefully. I wasn’t going to stay here in her house and pretend like everything was okay, when clearly it wasn’t. So, calmly as possible, I picked up my purse without disrupting the movie and slipped away, briefly hearing someone call out my name before the front door shut behind me.

  * * *

  He was on my heels just as I made it to my car. Ugh. I knew how it looked with him chasing after me. It would only fuel their fires. Even though I wasn’t a big fan of Summer right now, she was still one of his best friends, and I didn’t want to make things worse.

  “You’re leaving? In the middle of the movie?”

  “Vance, please, for once in your life just listen to me and go back inside.”

  “Hey.” He put himself between me and my car, resting his hands on my hips in a gentle embrace. “Don’t go yet.”

  He was doing it again. Crossing that forbidden line. Changing things after promising it would all stay the same.

  Circumspect, I sighed and stepped out of his hold. “We need to talk.”

  “Alright.” With an expectant grin, he folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against my car. I frowned. Why did he look so hopeful? Didn’t I just say the universal phrase that indicated ‘bad news’?

  “Well…” I hadn’t exactly prepared for what I was going to say, and I was terrible at winging it. This was going to be messy. “About last night. It’s just, I’m not ready for anything… you know.”

  He smirked at my awkwardness. “You said that already.”

  “I know, but, I don’t think you really get it.”

  “Oh I get it, it was too fast. But that’s okay, we can slow down, I can wait—”

  “No, no, it’s not that, I don’t want… you shouldn’t wait for me.”

  He chuckled and began to casually rub my shoulders. “Why are you so tense? Relax! It’s just me,” he said the last part low in my ear.

  I stilled under his hands for a second before batting them away. Who the hell said he could touch me like this? I thought for sure that with a good night’s sleep and fresh eyes, he’d realize last night was a mistake and come to his senses. Evidently that was not the case.

  I was losing control here. This was not okay.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I said firmly. “Did you fail your merit badge in listening skills?”

  “Admit it. The uniform thing turns you on.”

  “Stop it. You’re giving everybody the wrong impression.”

  He shook his head with conviction. “Wrong impression? According to whom?”

  My eyes widened. “What about Summer? She doesn’t like this at all.” She’d gone from acting like my friend, to being icy cold. She’d been the biggest advocate of Vance breaking up with Evelyn, and it seemed she wasn’t on board with the idea of him with someone like me, either.

  He leaned on my car again. “No. I can’t imagine she would.”

  “Then why are you doing this? Especially right in front of her house!”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “Summer doesn’t really have a say in this. She’s my friend and all… but you’re different.”

  “I’m different?” I took a step back, hurt. “You mean, she’s your friend… and I’m not?”

  It was Vance’s turn to roll his eyes. “You know that’s not what I mean.”

  I held a hand up to stop him. “I get it.” Vance had known Summer and Cole his ent
ire life. Just because he had become the person I felt closest to, it didn’t mean I overrode his best friends. “You don’t want to complicate things by hooking up with a real friend. But I’ll do.” I couldn’t disguise the resentment in my voice.

  He laughed once as if he couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you serious?”

  Yes, I was serious. What else could it be? Neither of us were at a place where we could consider anything more. He just broke up with his girlfriend of four years, and he knew I was too screwed up emotionally to date. It didn’t seem promising for a healthy, budding romance. So what else could he possibly want from me? It was obvious: a casual, meaningless hookup. A rebound.

  I couldn’t help but feel insulted by the whole thing. Not so very long ago, Vance had assured me that I could trust him, that he was safe. And now his behavior was the exact opposite of safe. It pissed me off, especially after I had allowed myself to trust him against my better judgment.

  However, on the other hand, nobody could relate to loneliness, confusion and rebounds as well as me. I totally understood what he was going through, what he must be feeling. The problem was—his friends didn’t.

  “But… they think…” I didn’t know how to say it. The girls had started to become suspicious of us before Vance was even single. And as far as I knew, they didn’t even know about the almost-kiss. Summer was treating me like the new Evelyn, Gwen was convinced we were soul mates, and Kiki was just hungry for the latest gossip. I felt like I was walking on eggshells to avoid everyone twisting our situation. And Vance’s little comments, touches and looks were only giving them ammunition.

  “It doesn’t matter what people think, remember?” he said.

  “Okay… I don’t know what to think.”

  Vance tilted his head and studied me with narrowed eyes, like he wasn’t sure if I was kidding or not. “How can you not know?”

  “I just don’t! I don’t know if you’re bored or curious or if you’re playing games…”

  “Games?” he demanded.

  I sucked my lower lip into my mouth. Okay, ‘games’ was a bit harsh. I had just associated Vance with all those other guys who only cared about conquests and one-night stands. I didn’t exactly think he was playing me like that, but I did think he was lonely and confused. Just like me, after my breakup with Nathan. Vance was me, and I was Miles.

  “I get it. You miss your girlfriend. You’re just trying to fill that void.”

  It was a rare sight: Vance’s smile dropped. His mouth parted slightly and his eyes flared. He looked appalled, almost angry.

  “How could you think—”

  “How would Evelyn feel if she knew? It’s been two weeks!” It was dirty to use his guilt against him, but the words were out of my mouth before I thought it through.

  He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, Rosie. She was with someone else a few days after. Besides, I haven’t spoken to her since Smudgepot.”

  That hardly meant anything. “That was only a week ago! And it didn’t look like she was ready to accept your breakup to me.”

  A brief look of remorse crossed his features, but he forged through it. “She won’t call. And if she does I won’t answer. I told her that it was over.” He smiled sheepishly. “I told her that I was going to try pursuing something with you.”

  “Me?” I squeaked, “You talked to her about me?”

  “I told her nothing’s happened,” he rushed to assure me. “Just that I was going to try.”

  “Did she give us her blessing?” I spat back.

  “She was… upset,” he winced, “It was right after our… big scene. But I wanted her to hear the truth from me. I didn’t want her to wonder when this started.”

  I laughed once. Of course this whole mess went back to effing Smudgepot. How long had I been in the dark? “I’m beginning to wonder when this started.”

  A sly grin spread across his face. “So you’re admitting there’s a this.”

  I was in no mood for his smugness. “Vance Holloway,” I stuck my finger in his face, “this isn’t funny. If you wanted this before you dumped that girl, you’re practically guilty of cheating.”

  He reeled back from my allegation like I had slapped him. “You know it wasn’t like that!”

  “I don’t know what to believe!”

  Up until that attempted kiss, I had truly considered us just friends. But now I was beginning to question every word, every gesture. When had our friendship turned into more in his eyes? When had his playful banter become flirting? Vance had become my closest friend, all while he was building towards a different conquest. After scoffing at the girls and refuting their accusations, I felt absolutely clueless.

  He had manipulated me into trusting him, and I confided in him while believing his intentions were pure. Had I learned nothing?

  “Tell me the truth,” I stared into his eyes. “Did you break up with your girlfriend because of me?”

  I knew it sounded presumptuous. But it had only been two weeks since their breakup, one week since Smudgepot, and twenty-four hours since he first made his move. It was too fast. There had to be overlap. If this wasn’t a rebound, nothing else made sense.

  Vance met my gaze unblinking. Although he gave me no words, the tightening of his jaw that rippled under his skin said everything that needed to be said.

  I backed away slowly, sick with disappointment. In both of us.

  This was much uglier than a rebound.

  This revelation changed everything. It tainted our friendship, which I had considered the one solid thing in my life. It affected the way I felt about myself. I was no better than any other dirty home wrecker. I wasn’t Miles, I was his mistress.

  I may not have been Evelyn’s biggest fan, but I sympathized with her in that moment. She and Vance had been happy together for four years, then I came along and broke them up.

  “We can’t do this,” I shook my head. “I won’t do this. So you can just crawl right back to Evelyn.”

  His forehead creased as if my suggestion were ridiculous. “She wasn’t right for me,” he answered in haste. “That’s why we broke up. You just helped me see it.”

  “This is so messed up!” I grumbled, grinding the heel of my hands into my eye sockets.

  “No,” he put his hands over mine to still them. “That’s why I cut those ties, I didn’t want it standing in our way.”

  Our way. As if we were already an item. His confidence that I would change my mind was maddening.

  He may have been ready to move on, but I was still mourning the loss of his relationship. It’s not that I wanted him with Evelyn, per se, but I missed the way our dynamic used to be. “Taken Vance” was my friend… comfortable, safe. “Single Vance” was just another guy looking to hookup. And I didn’t know how to handle that.

  I thought back through the weeks to see if I had ever given him any indication that suggested otherwise. We had talked about life and relationships, but in my eyes it had all been strictly platonic.

  I took a long, deep breath. “Vance, I—”

  “Wait,” he pressed a finger to my lips and I was shocked into silence. “I know what you’re going to say. You’re not ready, right?”

  At least he wasn’t totally thick. My shoulders relaxed a little and I nodded.

  “I can be patient,” he smiled and lightly touched my cheek. “You’re worth waiting for.”

  Oh. Snap.

  “Look,” I said, seeing red and smacking his hand away from my face. “You need to stop saying shit like that. I never asked you to wait for me. The yellow rose stands for friendship, Vance, which means this is not going to happen. Can’t you take ‘no’ for an answer?”

  Vance looked taken aback by my sudden brashness, but answered swiftly. “Well, you never actually said ‘no.’ Just that you’re not ready.”

  Was he serious? Was it not clear when I turned away from his kiss? I’d been saying it over and over, that… that…

  Oh no, he was right! I had sugarcoated my
rejection in an attempt to soften the blow. And instead of letting him down easily, I’d been too vague.

  My bad.

  Have I mentioned I suck at this stuff?

  Maybe this was partially my fault. But I would not continue to string him along.

  I tried to muster up as much firmness in my voice as possible. “That’s the truth, Vance. I’m sorry I haven’t made myself clear. You’re just my friend, I don’t feel that way about you.”

  There. Succinctly stated. Clear enough for you now?

  I watched him and waited, hoping my words finally sank in. I knew the pain of rejection personally. You’d think it’d be nice to be on this side of the equation for once. But if possible, it felt even worse. Particularly because the person I was rejecting meant a great deal to me. He was a nice guy—kind, caring and thoughtful—I felt bad for shooting him down on (potentially) his first try in four years.

  But I remained quiet, reasoning that it might hurt his ego for a minute, but he’d bounce back. My role as his friend was to be honest with him. To protect him from situations like this. From people like me.

  When he finally looked up at me, his smile didn’t look forced, hurt, or even humbled. He looked… confident.

  He let a few quiet seconds pass, then lifted himself up off my car, standing only inches from me. His hand came up to gently lift my chin until I was looking into his eyes. “I heard what you said the first time,” he flashed me a smile, “And you should know by now, I’m very persistent.”

  Before I could form a single thought, he opened my car door behind him and stepped aside, gesturing me in. I shot him an angry look and got in the car. Why wasn’t he listening to me? What was it going to take?

  He spotted the yellow rose lying on my dashboard and smiled that same tender, dreamy smile as last night.

  “Good night, Rosie,” he said softly, and shut my door.

  Chapter 20

  Jilted

  “Thanks for the Memories” by Fall Out Boy

  Ricky: party tonight. you in?

  I had to reread the text a few times for it to sink in. A local party? With Ricky? That was certainly a first.