I Hate You, Love Me

by Jamie Knight

  “Let me ask you,” posed Lindsay. “What would you think of Seth if you hadn’t had all this history with him? If you just met him for the first time in college?”

  “Oh, I’d still hate him,” I insisted. “He’s a jerk.”

  “For what?”

  “He wouldn’t let me have my parties. For instance.”

  “You partied non-stop in your room, you told me. He’s down the hall trying to study. What other reaction do you expect him to have?”

  I looked down at the ground, feeling sheepish. “He could’ve come over and partied.”

  “You didn’t invite him.”

  “That shouldn’t matter,” I said with a wave of my hand I knew she couldn’t see. “It’s college.”

  “Do you hear the words that come out of your mouth sometimes, Tina?” she asked, exasperated. “You wanted to punish Daddy, so you did. But now you like the boy you used to hate.”

  “I don’t. He’s gross.”

  “Gross enough to fuck?”

  “I never had sex before him,” I countered. “He was just a convenient… dick.”

  “Uh-huh,” she said unconvinced. “You don’t even sound convincing saying that.”

  “Okay, maybe I’m just super attracted to him because he’s the first guy I did it with,” I suggested. “But that hold… I mean, I could get with another guy.”

  “You just told me you turned down a guy. You could’ve fucked him. And you would have, if you weren’t in love with Seth!” insisted Lindsay.

  “I think you’re just obsessed with him,” I said aloof. “That’s not healthy.”

  “Admittedly, if I wasn’t engaged and my best friend wasn’t totally in love with him, I might, possibly think he’s hot,” said Lindsay. “You’re probably going to hang up this phone and fuck him within the hour.”

  “I am not.”

  “Who are you trying to convince, Tina?” she laughed. “You moved in with him.”

  “But…”

  “Do you have to be so in denial?” Lindsay stopped me. “Just date him. You’re already living with him. You might as well enjoy it. Are you actually going to not-date him when you’re sleeping right next to him? I mean… Talk about an awkward break up.”

  “All right. I have to go. Thanks.”

  “Enjoy you’re amazing sex with Seth in like ten minutes,” she sang.

  “Shut up. Bye.”

  I walked home, annoyed with Lindsay and myself. Did I love Seth? Did I want to have sex with him again? I did. I thought about having his hands on my body. His lips on mine. I wanted to put my hands all over his hard, muscular body. I wanted his cock in my mouth.

  The bathtub was empty when I got home. Seth had left a note. He had gone to the library to work on his internship presentation.

  Damn.

  Feeling frustrated in more ways than one, I got my project out and started working on it too.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Seth

  Days later and it was time for our presentations to Dean Williams. I had everything ready for my project: charts, prospectus, numbers. Everything in one slick package. I had gotten it done in plenty of time, so I wouldn’t be scrambling.

  Tina was scrambling. When I got up to get ready to see the dean, she was still making posters for her project. She looked really upset. I tried to give her some space first and went into the bathroom to grab a shower.

  While I was in the shower, I tried to decide whether or not I should offer my help. Things had been tense around the apartment the last few days. We hadn’t talked or done anything together. And we definitely didn’t have sex. That had been fine with me. I was busy and spent most of my days in the campus library on the computer gathering data for my project.

  Tina, on the other hand, kind of worked on her project, but also threw two parties. Well, the second wasn’t really much of a party, but still. She was drinking and not working. I don’t know how she expected to get it done. I sensed that she was in a little over her head.

  I should just let her fail and not help her. Who cares what her presentation is like? She didn’t even wake me up for the last interview. If I hadn’t gotten up that day, I might not even be in the running for the internship. She would be on the internship right now and I’ll be wondering what the hell happened to my life.

  Then I thought, Is this the kind of person I want to be? I mean, seriously, if you can help someone in their time of need, why wouldn’t you? Sure, she hasn’t always been nice to me, but you have to turn the other cheek. The truth was, I didn’t want to be angry and bitter toward women like my father. I had known that, quietly inside for a long time. I had to be the better person, not for her, but for me.

  I had dismissed this when I was mad at her, which was often, but Tina always did seem to have it rough with her folks. They were very strict and more religious than my family. I had to put myself in her shoes, I guess. When I really thought about what motivated her irresponsible behavior, I couldn’t deny that she seemed to be desperately trying to get away from them and enjoy a little bit of life, even if she did overshoot the mark here and there. That was a shame. I mean, I had my problems with my dad for sure, but I didn’t want to move out just to get away from his very presence.

  I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be constantly pressured by your parents to get married and have kids. Basically, that was like being told, over and over, that you could never be anything more than a mother and wife. Like you couldn’t also have a life and career while having a family? What century did her parents come from?

  For me, I needed to work. Working was who I am. Without a job or without a career, I’d be adrift without purpose. And while, on the one hand, there’s nothing wrong with having kids and staying home to raise them, it’s still a big commitment. It’s almost impossible to do that all by yourself, and have a real career.

  My dad constantly preached about that. He said the family unit was being undermined. But it was hard to separate that from his bitterness toward my mom. I couldn’t blame him though, she was selfish for leaving the way she did.

  But I tried to put it all out of my mind. Thinking about my folks always put me in a dark mood. I needed to be “up” today for my presentation. You wanted to look happy and full of energy. You couldn’t do that when you’re internalizing about your parents’ divorce. I had to leave that unpleasantness behind me and stay in the moment.

  I got out of the shower, got ready and got dressed. Meeting a client wasn’t just about how the project looked, it was also about how you looked. I didn’t want the dean to see me as a student giving him a presentation, but as a man who had come in with a business idea and who was pitching him a viable business proposition.

  When I left the bathroom, Tina was still scrambling. She had papers laid out across the floor and was trying to remember all the pieces of her project to get it right. The struggle was evident, but I couldn’t let her simply drown. It just wouldn’t be right. I sighed and walked over to her.

  “Would you like some help with this?” I asked, sitting down on the floor next to her.

  She stared at me for a long minute, one eyebrow raised, trying to surmise my motivation.

  I shrugged and put up my hands. “Honestly,” I said. “I just want to help. C’mon, we’ll get your project done and then go see the dean together. What do you want me to do?”

  She nodded and looked down at her work. After shuffling things for a few minutes, she pulled out a few poster boards of various colors. “Can you paint the letters on these posters?” she asked. She smiled at me a little.

  I nodded. I was pretty good with signing lettering. I had a steady hand and my penmanship was always sharp.

  I grabbed a nearby sharpie and started outlining the letters she had traced in pencil in black ink. Having an outline would make painting easier. The poster I started on was labeled food. “So, what’s your project?” I asked. “Some kind of carnival?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “I figured we can do rides,
games and food. All the proceeds would go to the school.”

  “Solid pitch,” I said, reaching over and grabbing the yellow paint. “You know, you could probably cut the costs by getting local businesses to sponsor some of the prizes. And, you know, the fraternities are always looking for charity work. You could have the brothers run some of the games, rides and vendors.”

  She pulled herself up to a kneeling position and looked thoughtful for a moment before reaching for a stack of printed out photographs. “I don’t know if I like the idea of frat brothers handling money,” she said, chewing her bottom lip slightly. “Won’t they just steal it?”

  I shook my head and started filling in an O with yellow paint. “Most of the fraternities are about doing public service,” I noted. “Plus, they have such a horrible reputation nationally, all the frats are desperate to change their image. Plus, I think the dean would love the idea of getting them involved.”

  “It would involve the college and save on overhead,” she thought. “That’s actually a great idea. Any others?”

  “Yeah, you could get all that vegan, non-dairy, gluten-free stuff,” I suggested. “Then you can charge through the nose. People pay big bucks for that. The key is, make the carnival cheap to get in, but you jack up the food prices. Once people are in, they’ll get hungry and thirsty and won’t want to leave because they are already inside. No one wants to risk waiting in line again.”

  She looked over at me and cocked her head to the side. Her long blonde hair spilled over her shoulder. “That seems kind of dishonest,” she said thoughtfully.

  “Selling is not dishonest unless you’re lying about the product,” I pointed out. “I’m merely suggesting that invested customers won’t leave right away. And if they do, they’ll be wasting their money.”

  She nodded at my words, then leaned down to start painting in the letter G in games. “Why are you helping me, Seth?” she asked not looking at me.

  “Because you appear to need help,” I said. She looked over at me and rolled her eyes. I set down my paint brush and turned to her. “I don’t really know, Tina. I want to end this stupid fighting. I want to be a better person.”

  “I feel like such a jerk that I didn’t wake you up that day now,” she said, dropping her gaze to the poster beneath her hands. “I’m sorry. I should have.”

  “Water under the bridge,” I dismissed.

  “No, it was wrong. I felt like a lesser person right after I did it,” she said. “I shouldn’t even want to think that way. People who do that? Karma catches up to them and punishes them. I swear, I’ll never do something like that again.”

  “Alright, thanks,” I said and started painting again. “So, have you thought about extra bathrooms for this thing or whether or not anyone from off campus will be allowed to come?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, I was hoping to advertise to all of the towns nearby.”

  “Okay, yeah, that can work,” I agreed. “I think the college has a deal with the town cops. You could augment security with the student patrol. Should save the college some money.”

  “I don’t know,” she said unsure. “Students policing students? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” I admitted with a shrug. “But plenty of those students are majors in criminal justice. I don’t think they’ll want something crazy on their records.”

  “True,” she said. “I wish I had consulted you earlier. Then I’d have more time to check all this out. You’re really good at this.”

  “Hey, it’s my major,” I shrugged again. “But don’t worry. I think you’ll do fine. The dean likes you and it’s a good pitch.”

  “Thanks, Seth,” she smiled, her cheeks turning slightly red. “That means a lot. Seriously.”

  We finished up her posters. They looked okay, but her pitch was a little incomplete. I mean, it was a good idea, but she didn’t have all the nuts and bolts yet. It would’ve been stellar for high school, but this was college work. I helped her carry them onto campus.

  At Dean Williams’ office, Tina went first. I offered to go ahead of her to give her the advantage, but she thought it would be better if she went first. I tried to insist, because to me, that was a rookie mistake. The second presentation always sounds better. It’s fresh in the client’s mind. You can literally just bulldoze a client’s brain if you go a little longer. They won’t even remember the first presentation.

  Still, Tina’s pitch was good. I mean, I could see a carnival working. Certainly, there were plenty of couples on campus that would come. And even the singles would. College students are basically just kids at heart.

  The dean seemed receptive to the idea. I felt a certain amount of pride too. I was glad Tina did well. I didn’t want to win this thing just because she had a bad morning.

  Then it was my turn.

  “Good morning, Dean Williams,” I greeted. “My idea is to have the college host a color run on campus. We’ll invite runners from all over the region. Even from other colleges. Then we get local businesses to sponsor them.”

  “Interesting,” said the dean. “Have you done any research on the interest in this?”

  “Yes,” I said handing him a portfolio and turning to the appropriate page. “This is a list of local businesses that already gave me a verbal commitment and the amount of money they’d be interested in donating. Now this is just preliminary, but as you can see by the numbers, we could make a substantial amount of money. And I haven’t even checked with some of the businesses near the other colleges.”

  “Wow, this is great, Seth,” said Dean Williams, impressed. He flipped through the pages in my portfolio. “I think you’re really onto something here. Not only that, I think this something I can sell the alumni association on. We could get old students to sponsor current ones.”

  “Exactly what I was thinking,” I agreed. “We could offer package deals for legacies that have their kids here or they can sponsor their own kids and relatives. I mean, who wouldn’t want to, right?”

  “Dynamite,” muttered the dean, closing my portfolio with a light smack. “Dynamite stuff.”

  I could tell that I had the dean. Tina was already looking dejected. But, what could I do? There wasn’t time to work out the hard numbers on the carnival and that’s exactly what Tina was missing.

  I felt bad. I had to do something and quick.

  “And I think the carnival has good merit too, Dean Williams,” I added. “Maybe we can do them both. The run could be the big event that ties it all together. People go on some rides and then they watch the run, spend a little money...”

  Tina brightened up. I gave her a wink.

  “Yes, interesting notion,” said the dean. “Allow me some time to consider it. That would make for quite a large production, but I like where both your heads are at. I’ll look this over and get back to you. Thank you both for coming in today.”

  We shook hands and headed out. I felt good about what I had done. If I hadn’t helped her, I wonder how Tina would’ve faired in this proposal. I didn’t want to make it all about me, but at least, this way, she had a chance at getting her idea out there.

  Chapter Twenty

  Tina

  Wow, I was just stunned. I couldn’t believe Seth put himself on the line for me like that. Quite frankly, my presentation was just off. I knew it, the dean knew it and I think Seth knew it too. I had been so distracted of late, and my work was suffering. I needed to get focused and figure out my life. Maybe with Seth and I working together, I could finally do that.

  On the walk back to the apartment neither of us said anything. I was just so grateful for Seth’s actions. I tried to figure out how to thank him, but the words kept getting caught in my throat.

  We got back to the apartment. Seth went into the kitchenette, made himself a sandwich and then offered me one. I couldn’t take it any longer. I had to say something.

  “Seth,” was all I could say.

  He turned around and looked at me. I looked deep into
his brown eyes. As he started to turn away, I lunged for him, turned him back around and kissed him hard. I couldn’t find the words, but I just had to have him.

  We made out in the kitchen. It was intense, reckless and passionate. I adored having his muscular arms around me. When he kissed me, he lifted me up to him and I could feel the raw power in his body. It was such a turn on. His face was rough, but his tongue was warm and inviting. Soon, he was pushing me up against the refrigerator, kissing my neck. I could feel his erect penis trying to poke out of his clothes and pushing against me.

  I started pulling off his clothes. I couldn’t wait to feel his skin against mine. Seth did the same and we dropped our shirts and pants in a trail from the kitchen toward the bed. By the time we reached the bed, our underwear was on the floor and we were both naked. We were still hungrily kissing and licking each other. He tasted so amazing. He was like a candy I couldn’t stop eating.

  We fell down onto the bed and continued our touching and kissing. Everywhere he touched me, I was on fire. He brought his hand down between my legs, parted my lower lips and inserted a finger. I gasped. I was already getting very wet. He moved his finger in and out of me, increasing in speed until he was slapping the front of my pussy.

  “Oh. Oh, God,” I gasped, as I bit my lower lip. “I’m cumming. Oh. I’m cumming so much for you.”

  He started kissing his way down my body as he turned completely around. His rock-hard cock moved steadily closer and I closer to it. I opened my mouth and let it plunge into my mouth and down my throat. I gagged, slobbered and sucked his rod with wild abandon. I could hear him slurping and licking between my legs, bringing me to orgasm again and again. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over me and I would periodically just stop to feel it.

  I stopped and pushed him away. I lied back on the bed, parting my thighs.

  “Please, I need it,” I begged. “Put it in me. Put in it in me deep. Please.”