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I Hate You, Love Me

Page 21

by Jamie Knight


  And in my fantasy, he is now on top of me. I feel his full weight. He is kissing me madly and holding me from underneath. He keeps me in place while his big cock fills me. It starts to slide in and out, in and out.

  I feel it stretching my pussy to the point I feel some pain, but it’s the kind of pain that you want to last. The kind you’ll feel for hours after, an ache that reminds you that you were his.

  “Harder, faster, deeper!” I cry out loud.

  Was that in the fantasy or the real world that I half-spoke, half-moaned? Right now, I can’t tell the difference.

  He is pounding me. The wand is vibrating. Fucking. Humming. Banging. Buzzing. Bubbles popping. Water almost to my nipples. It is now forming tiny waves in the tub as I move my body to reach orgasm.

  Harder, faster, deeper… In my fantasy he comes deep inside me, letting out the roar of a man fully satisfied with his victory.

  And in the real world I find release.

  “Uhhhhh…” I moan in pleasure, as my pussy pulses.

  I come and all the energy inside is released. I sink back and bask in the afterglow.

  And then there’s a knock on the door.

  Chapter Eight

  Cassie

  “Mommy, I need to potty,” a little voice says from outside.

  Oh, my God, it’s Alice! I must’ve woken her up. I turn off the vibrator and open my eyes.

  “Just a moment, sweetie,” I say as I reach for my towel. I get out, dry myself off a bit, put the towel on, and hide the wand under the sink.

  “I really gotta go,” she complains. “Why is the door locked, mommy? Can you please let me in? I really gotta pee.”

  I walk over to the door and unlock it for her.

  “Come in, darling,” I say.

  She rushes over to the toilet and lifts the seat to pee. She’s a big girl now and can do this on her own.

  I decide to walk out into the bedroom to give her a little privacy. I take a few steps, look down the hallway, and sigh.

  What a fantasy I had. But then, suddenly, Devon peeks out from his room.

  “The shower is all yours,” he calls out.

  I definitely want to hop in and wash away the grime of these thoughts. But a shower after a bath like that? Where I sweated and came and writhed in maximum pleasure?

  Screw it, I need it and I make no apologies about it. After telling Alice where I’m going, I dash down the hall to the other bathroom.

  As I step out of the shower, I hear my phone ringing. I’m not quite in the right mindset. I don’t have a handle on things, as Devon as thrown me off base.

  “Hello?” I say, after pressing the answer button.

  “Mrs. Prichard?” say the woman on the other line.

  “It’s Ms. Prichard,” I say curtly.

  I shouldn’t have been so curt with my correction. But I’m still sexually frustrated. I had a hot vibrator session but I want the real thing – with the man I hate.

  Damn. Get it together, girl. Devon is just a man you want to fuck. Shake him off and get him out of your head.

  “Oh, my apologies,” the voice on the other end says. “I’m calling to let you know that we need a realtor. Our current company hasn’t been as proactive as we’d like. We saw your ad and want to see if it’s a good fit.”

  Wow, this is awesome and completely unexpected news.

  “Thank you for contacting me,” I say, trying to be as professional as possible right now –– there’s money on the line! “I would be happy to meet with you to discuss options.”

  “We need you to come down and speak to us right away,” the woman says. “We are incredibly short staffed.”

  “Of course,” I tell her, thinking that the sooner I can start making money, the better.

  I write down the address she gives me and hang up. I’m elated for a moment, then I realize that Amanda is still passed out. I need to go now, or I might lose this opportunity. I can’t bring Alice. That would be a bad look.

  Do I leave her with Devon? The guy just had a brain injury! And I just had a sex dream about him. Gah, the confusion!

  But it seems like I don’t have any better options. It’s either ask Devon, or miss out on this opportunity. I slowly walk down the hallway and stand outside his bedroom. After a few moments I knock.

  “Devon?” I say, in a softer tone than I’ve been using with him.

  He opens the door and waves that I can come in.

  “Oh hi,” he says, being nicer as well. “Sorry about earlier. It was… unexpected.”

  He’s dressed and he sits on his bed to put on socks and shoes. He gives me a lazy smile.

  Darn it. He is cute when he is trying to apologize.

  “No, I’m sorry,” I say. “Listen, can you do me a favor? I mean, a really big favor. Like, the biggest.”

  Stop with the hyperbole, Cassie. He gets it.

  “Um… Sure,” he says, sounding surprised. “What is it?”

  “I just got a call and have to go to a very important meeting,” I explain. “Would you mind watching Alice for a couple of hours? You’re not going anywhere today, right?”

  I realize too late that it’s presumptuous of me to think that. He did just get out of the hospital and doesn’t have to work or anything. But he’s also dressed and was putting on his shoes, so maybe he has plans I don’t know about.

  He shakes his head.

  “Hmmmmm… No, I don’t have any plans. I just like to get dressed and try to stay active so that I don’t feel like I’m still laying around in some hospital bed and gown. So yeah, I can do that,” he says, almost as if he’s thinking out loud. “But what about Amanda?”

  I do a hand motion, signifying that she had a few too many drinks last night and is hungover. I wonder if he’ll get the reference, considering his condition and all.

  At first he looks confused, but then a lightbulb does seem to go off over his head, which is encouraging. Hope is always a good thing.

  “Oh, she got wasted last night,” he whispers.

  I put my index finger up to my lips to shush him. He nods in further understanding. I smile, because I can’t help myself. And so does he.

  “Yes, we had way too much fun,” I say, whispering as well. “So, you’ll do it?”

  “Yeah, sure,” he says. “What do I need to do?”

  “Thank you!” I say. “I really owe you one. Alice is pretty self-sufficient for a 5-year-old. Just keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t, you know, hurt herself or anything. There’re juice boxes in the fridge and some snacks in plastic totes in the pantry. I shouldn’t be gone more than an hour or so.”

  “Sounds easy enough,” he says.

  “Thank you, again,” I say, grinning at him. “You have no idea how much this helps me out!”

  “Think nothing of it,” he says.

  I will have to introduce him properly to Alice, so she’s not scared. Poor child, I feel bad leaving her behind again, but I absolutely need to nail this meeting. Our lives depend on it.

  We convene with Alice back in my bedroom. She is so adorable while she listens. That innocence again. I wish we as adults could call upon it when needed. It might make us better and happier people.

  “Alice, you remember Devon, right?” I ask.

  “Yes, Mommy,” she says. “His memory is all fuzzy wuzzy, right?”

  Oh, my God. I just asked this guy to watch my darling daughter and she is already saying wild stuff. The things kids hear and pick up on. And their lack of filter – it can be hilarious but also embarrassing at times.

  “Well, he has a condition called ‘amnesia’ but it’s not contagious,” I explain. “It just means he doesn’t remember certain things from the past. He is actually a good friend to everyone here which means he is your friend. You can trust him.”

  “Amnesia?” she says. “That’s a funny word.”

  “It really is kind of silly sounding, but it’s a serious thing,” I say. “But honey, I need to ask you a favor. Can you be a
big girl for me?”

  “Yes, Mommy,” she answers.

  “Thank you,” I say. “I have to go out for a little while and do something. But I can’t take you with me. Can you be a good girl and stay here? Devon will watch over you.”

  She looks up at him, then she looks at me, then she looks at him, then finally back to me.

  “Okay, Mommy,” she says.

  “Thank you, sweetheart,” I say.

  I give her a big hug, then make sure I have everything on me. I pull Devon aside to reveal one last bit of info. I really have to go, so I make it quick.

  “Amanda likes to sleep in until half-past noon after a night like last night. I don’t know if that is the exact time she will wake, however,” I say in a way that sort of throws her under the bus for being a bit of a lush. “You are really helping me out. Thank you so much!”

  “I’m happy to,” he says.

  I give Alice another hug, walk out to my car, turn back and wave, and then drive off. I hold back the tears as I drive down the road.

  I just left my darling baby girl with someone I really only barely know. And my future seems so uncertain. How I wish things were different.

  How I wish I had my act together. How I wish that I too had the freedom to sleep in until half-past noon.

  Chapter Nine

  Devon

  I just can’t figure Cassie out. One minute, she’s acting all annoyed and mad at me. The next minute, she’s trying to use the guest bathroom I had been told was mine.

  I hadn’t meant to act so mean when she tried to come in, but I had been taken off guard. Plus, I had a raging hard-on at the sight of her, and I didn’t want her to see it.

  And now, she up and leaves me with her child. That one really takes the cake in odd, unexpected things for her to do.

  What do I know about watching kids? I can’t even remember being one myself. In fact, it feels like I’m going through some sort of childhood myself right now. A 34-year-old man-child. How appealing.

  Cassie left me with Alice and very few instructions. Each kid should have their own manual, right?

  Chapter 1: The Food Alice Eats

  Well, is she allergic to anything? Like peanuts? If not, does she like peanut butter? Is she gluten intolerant?

  Can I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat bread with strawberry jelly? Oh, she hates strawberry jelly, you say? What about grape? White bread is good?

  Great! Oh, I have to cut the crusts off?

  Chapter 2: The Things Alice Is Allergic to

  See Chapter 1 for peanut butter. What about bees? Can we go outside?

  At least I don’t have to change any diapers. The smell of baby poop… Wait, why do I remember that? One of my friends must’ve had a baby at some point. Whatever situation it was, where and when I smelled it, it was not good.

  So what instructions do I really have? All Cassie said to me was to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself or get into anything potentially dangerous.

  Does that mean stay away from drawers with sharp knives? Or take it easy on the juice boxes? It all seems pretty vague, if you ask me.

  Maybe the title to the book should be By the Way, There Really Are No Rules: A Manual for Watching Alice.

  Alice seems to be getting really bored and antsy. I guess I’d be too, if I didn’t have anyone my own age to play with. Kids need that, I think.

  I seem to know that much, so that is a good thing. Maybe I should take her to the park nearby? It’s just up the road aways. I saw it on the drive in. Yeah, that will be okay, I think.

  “Alice, do you want to go to the park?” I ask.

  “Um, will there be cotton candy there?”

  She responds to my question with her own question.

  “I don’t think so,” I answer. “But I think there are swing-sets and other playground stuff. That sounds like fun, right?”

  “Ummmmmmmmm, okay,” she says, in a kind of detached manner.

  The kid needs fresh air. I don’t ever think I’ve seen her go outside since I got here. That can’t be healthy. And I am all about going outside and keeping fit if I supposedly enjoy cliff diving and other activities. I can’t be the kind of person who stays inside watching TV all day if I do stuff like that, right?

  But am I doing something wrong by taking her over to the park? Am I stepping out of line?

  Sure, I gotta get out of here, myself. Some sunlight would do wonders for my mood. But shouldn’t I just wait until Cassie gets back?

  I find that when I am by myself now, I question everyone and every decision. Are they just doing things to placate me? Like I myself am some little child. Are they really being condescending towards me? Do they secretly despise me because I need them?

  Cassie lets Alice kind of have the roam of the house and Amanda and Charles don’t say anything. I recall that children need boundaries? But they also need to play?

  It’s no wonder we grow up so confused! All these questions fill my mind.

  I look down at Alice and she gives me a lazy smile.

  “Do you need to wear anything special when you go out to play?” I ask her. “Like pads or a helmet?”

  “I don’t know what those are,” she says.

  She’s a lot like me: Certain words hold no meaning. It’s kind of sad that I relate more to a 5-year-old than I do to people my own actual age.

  “Well, you are wearing shoes, right?” I ask her.

  “Yes, sir!” she says, while saluting me.

  Funny kid. I wonder where she learned that from? Is it from a TV show Cassie lets her watch? Maybe Alice spends too much time in front of the screen.

  “Okay, just stay close to me,” I tell her.

  Charles gave me a key to the house, so I make sure I have it in my pocket.

  Alice immediately runs out of the house and down the driveway.

  “Hey, wait!” I call out.

  I close the door behind me and lock it. Then I turn and run to catch up with the little speed demon. The last thing I want is for her to go out into the middle of the street!

  “Alice!” I call out in vain again.

  She thankfully stops and turns around.

  “What? Let’s go!” she says, impatiently.

  I catch up to her. I don’t want to grab her, as that would be weird. The only power I have is the tone of my voice and my body language.

  “Alice, I need you to stay by me,” I explain calmly. “There are cars that drive through here and if you’re not careful, one could hit you and hurt you.”

  “I know. Mommy told me that too,” she says, in a matter of fact manner.

  “Well, do you listen to her?” I ask.

  “Sometimes, yeah,” she says.

  Oh jeez, I might have made a big mistake. This kid might be more confused than I am. Or worse: oblivious.

  And now we’re out here on the street and I can’t grab her by the hand to pull her along. I’m not her parent or legal guardian. I could get arrested! And how awful would it be to be an amnesiac in jail?

  “Can you stay by me while we cross the street?” I ask.

  I want to dish out commands but know I can’t.

  “Okay,” she agrees.

  We make it across the road okay, but as soon as we get to the sidewalk, she takes off again.

  “Leeeeeeet’s go!” she yells out.

  I rev up my running speed and catch up to her. I’m barely winded. I must work out, like, a lot. I should get back on that. I probably belong to a gym somewhere and they’re wondering where the hell I’m at.

  We get to the park and there are some other kids playing there. A couple of moms are sitting on benches supervising, if you call supervising looking up from your phone every so often to make sure your kid is still there and breathing.

  One of the moms locks in on me with her eyes for a moment, I wave, and in a somewhat dismissive fashion, she returns to scrolling on her mobile. The world must’ve been like this before my accident.

  I wonder if I was as
addicted to my phone too, like so many others are. It seems that everyone’s life revolves around it, so I’m sure mine was no exception.

  “Do you want to do that?” I ask Alice, pointing out the swing-set.

  “Ummmm,” she says, in an almost humming manner.

  It seems like deep thought, but I know that, really, she is just trying to decide the coolest thing to do at this exact moment.

  “Okay.”

  She runs to the swing-set and hops into the seat on my left.

  “Push me!” she commands.

  See, she can get away with that. The 34-year-old grown man, not so much.

  I am little hesitant, but I get behind her and start pushing her. After a few swings up and down she gets really high in the air and I get a bit worried.

  “Wheeeee!” she cries out.

  I back off, so she will start to slow down, but she knows how to work this thing. This is not her first time riding. Clever girl. I might as well let her expend some energy.

  Maybe if she plays enough, she’ll take a nap when we get back. That would make Cassie quite happy, I’m sure.

  Speaking of Cassie, just where did she go to in such a hurry?

  I wonder if she’ll ever tell me just what goes on in her life.

  But do I care?

  I keep telling myself I don’t, but I can’t get her out of my mind.

  I must care more than I’m wanting to admit.

  And that’s almost as fucking scary as when her daughter runs into the street.

  Chapter Ten

  Devon

  For about twenty minutes, Alice behaves. She tries all the different recreational equipment the park has to offer. I even join her on the seesaw for a while.

  That one is no fun if you don’t have someone to counterbalance. I make sure to not put all my weight on it, to keep it from becoming lopsided.

  Alice eventually makes her way to the sandbox area, where other children are playing. I nod to another mom sitting on a bench and she gives me a pursed smile.

 

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