If You're Willing

by Ivy Symone

  “Fuck,” she groaned.

  “How do it feel?”

  She didn’t know. It felt good but it was still uncomfortable. The pained expression on her face gave him cause enough to stop.

  He chuckled, “You ain’t really ready for that, but you tried.”

  She was so relieved. He left her on the bed. Seconds later she could hear the shower running.

  “Princess,” he called out. “Come in here with me.”

  She got up and went to him. He escorted her into the shower. As they soaped up and tended to the other, she realized he didn’t use a condom this time. When she was about to question him about it, he distracted her by picking her up. She wrapped her legs around him and held onto him by wrapping her arms around his neck. The next thing she knew, he had her against the shower wall with his naked dick in her once again.

  He felt too good to ask him to stop, both now and earlier. It made her wonder why he was so cautious their first two encounters, but chose not to be this time.

  After their fervent exchange in the shower, they tenderly dried one another off. She tried to keep her eyes averted from looking into his. The way he was looking at her made her uncomfortable.

  “Stop that,” he whispered softly. He offered her a comforting smile. “You're looking scared. What’s to be scared about Princess?”

  She shook her head, and walked out of the bathroom. She began searching for her clothes.

  He stopped her as he embraced her from behind. “Baby, what are you doing?”

  “Trying to get dressed,” she replied as she gripped his arms.

  He placed sensual kisses along her neck to put her at ease. “You're not getting dressed yet because I plan to keep you all night.”

  “All night?” she asked for clarity.

  “Mmmhmm,” he moaned as he continued to kiss her.

  She closed her eyes and allowed herself to get lost in his affection.

  He whispered in her ear, “Are you mine?”

  She nodded, this time she was sure.

  He sucked her neck. He spoke softly. “I hope you’re okay about me not using a condom. I just needed to feel my Princess, and let you know that this what we got is special. You’ve been marked.”

  She smiled, turning her head so they could share a kiss. She didn't mind being marked, but would he mind dealing with the consequences of his actions? Should she inform him now that she wasn’t on any contraception?

  Chapter 12

  Momentarily, Cassie forgot where she was. She assumed it was morning, but the room was still dark. After what her body went through the night before, she fell into a deep slumber. Despite being exhausted, she awakened with a strong need. She couldn’t explain exactly what he had opened up within her, but she couldn’t get enough.

  She flipped over to see if he was awake. He lay on his back but his head was turned away from her. She watched his chest rise and fall. She took the time to admire his body. Her eyes traveled from his neatly trimmed beard, down his neck, over his chest, and across his stomach. That’s all that was exposed; the sheet covered the rest of him. The hair on his lower abdomen traveled down disappearing under the sheet. Even though he was clearly asleep, she could see his manhood was awake. It wasn’t exactly sticking straight up but she could see the outline of it.

  Cassie was extremely taken with him. But she wasn’t supposed to be with someone like him. She wondered how Jazmin would feel about this? Hell, she didn’t even want to hear Jah’s reaction. He could get ignorant and embarrass her to a point of no return. And though she knew she needed to end this, she didn’t want to. She wanted him to herself, freely. But was he available for that? Was he ready to be public although he asked her to be his? Would she care about what the others thought if this could be the love of her life?

  She moved closer to him pushing the sheet further down. It was nothing like pleasing a man first thing in the morning. She began sucking him, but more so in a loving passion as opposed to the hungry devouring she had previously done. His dick expanded in her mouth and he stirred out of his sleep. Moaning, he placed his hand on her head, intertwining his fingers in her hair softly.

  Why did he have to be so endearing? He was making this hard for her. He was supposed to be mean and uncaring. Wasn’t that how most men approached flings? Was this the reason women were drawn to him? Was this how he reeled women in, only to disappoint them because he wouldn’t commit?

  Tears came to her eyes. She didn’t understand her sudden rush of emotions. She tried to blink them back as she removed her mouth from him. Unable to look at him, she proceeded to straddle him, easing him inside her. As she rode him, she could feel him willing her to look at him. She refused to.

  A lone tear rolled down her cheek.

  He sat up, instantly falling in to protective mode. “Cassie, what’s wrong?”

  “Don’t call me Cassie!” she snapped. She tried to push him away from her, but he had a tight hold on her.

  “Okay, but tell me what’s the matter with you. I don't want to see you upset.”

  “It's nothing,” she said, looking away. She asked, “Do you wanna finish or what?”

  “Do you?”

  She nodded.

  The rest of their session felt like she needed it to feel. Straight fucking. None of that affection and love in his eyes. It seemed as though he got angry with her and flipped her over onto her back and punished her. She squirted but he didn’t seem as fascinated anymore. He just wanted his nut to get it over with.

  They remained awkwardly quiet while cleaning up and getting dressed. There was no hand holding on the way to his car. Once she was settled in, she realized how bipolar she was. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t want to be strung along and get deeper into it.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just think this isn’t a good idea anymore. But no matter how much I try to convince myself of that, I just don’t feel it. I wanna keep seeing you but I don’t know what will become of this. I’m afraid.”

  He remained silent and focused on driving.

  She said with a slight laugh. “I wonder what my friend Eli would think of my behavior.”

  He looked at her. “Your friend?”

  “He’s my boss too.”

  “Why are you worried about what he would say?”

  “Because we’ve become close and what he says matter to me now. Besides, he’s always saying something that'll make me laugh. And I wanna laugh right now.”

  “Well, call him up and get with him so he can make you laugh.”

  She caught the attitude in his tone, although he tried to remain indifferent.

  She waved off the notion. “I don’t think he’s in the mood to make anyone laugh. I probably should be trying to make him laugh.”

  “Why are you talking like that when you’re here with me?” he asked.

  She shrugged. She blinked back tears and said with uncertainty, “I don’t know. I just wanted to lighten the mood I guess; get off the subject since you weren’t responding to me.”

  He didn’t say anything else. She looked at him and could see his eyebrows pinching in a frown. She really made him mad.

  “I said I was sorry,” she said softly.

  “You cool,” he mumbled.

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know…ask Eli.”

  Cassie stopped trying. He wasn’t going to let her get very far anyway. With the exception of the radio, they rode in silence all the way to her car. He didn’t even wait for her to get in her car, before he was pulling off. The sports car’s tires even made a screeching noise as if he couldn’t wait to get away from her.

  Sadly, she got in her car and drove home.

  Colette greeted her as she walked in her apartment with a smug look on her face.

  “You didn’t tell me your hot ass was going to stay out all night,” she said.

  “I’m sorry, but I thought I was grown and didn’t have to answer to anybody,” Cassie said smartly. Sh
e stepped into her room.

  “Was you out with your new lil boyfriend?” she asked following her to her room. She stood in the doorway watching Cassie walk towards her walk-through closet.

  “None of your business,” Cassie said. “When do you plan to get out of my place? I need my space.”

  “Your space? I don’t get in your way. I’m barely here,” Colette argued.

  “Yeah, I just wanna come home and not see your face or hear you fucking,” she said flatly. She walked further into her closet in search of something to wear for the day.

  “I guess the nigga didn’t do a good job. If he did, you wouldn’t be so fuckin’ grumpy,” Colette joked.

  Cassie ignored her. She heard the door to the bedroom Colette was staying in open. Colette leaned back and waved at the person. “I’ll be in there.”

  Cassie looked at her mother in an annoyed way. “You have company?”

  “He’ll be gone in a minute. Hey, do you think you can run down to the store and get me a pack of cigarillos?” Colette asked.

  Cassie rolled her eyes. Her phone rung. She answered it when she saw it was Tanya.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “So?”

  “So what?”

  “I know you went to go be nasty at Jouissance. What happened?”

  Cassie’s eyes went to Colette. “I’ll tell you about it. What are you getting into today?”

  “Supposed to be meeting with Jazz for brunch at Saint Anejo. You coming?”

  “What time?”

  “One o’ clock. Just meet us down there so you can fill us in. Oh, ask Romyn if he wanna come too.”

  “Okay,” Cassie said. “I’ll see ya’ll then.”

  Once she ended the call with Tanya, she dialed Romyn.

  “Hey lil boy,” she said into the phone. “What are you doing today?”

  “I was waiting on Lonzo but it seem like he got family duties,” he said. She could hear the disappointment in his voice.

  “You wanna go to brunch with us?”

  “Who is us?”

  “The usual. Me, Jazz, Tanya…”

  In a hushed tone, he asked, “Will Eli be there?”

  “I don’t know. Probably not,” she said.

  “I’ma call him,” Romyn said with playfulness.

  “What’s up with you and him? Ya’ll done became buddy-buddy or something.”

  “He’s just a friend,” was all Romyn said.

  “Well, Saint Anejo at one o’ clock. Do you want me to scoop you up?”

  “You can. What’s that hussy mother of yours doing?” he asked.

  Cassie looked at Colette still standing in her bedroom’s doorway. “Being a hussy.”

  Romyn laughed. “You need to get that bitch out of your place.”

  “I’m working on it. Bye boy,” Cassie laughed.

  She looked at Colette and asked, “Is there something you need?”

  “Are you about to go somewhere?” Colette asked.

  “I am so ask whoever the john is in that room to go fetch you some cigarillos,” Cassie said.

  “That’s fine,” Colette said with a huff. She walked away.

  Cassie shook her head. She couldn’t get rid of the premonition that Colette was up to no good. She no longer wanted her at her place. She didn’t want Colette bringing any drama her way. She was known for causing havoc in other people’s lives. It was why no one wanted to deal with her.

  Cassie dressed in a pair of floral print leggings with a cap-sleeved white hi-low top. She slipped on a pair of gold gladiator style sandals. Since her hair had been destroyed in all of that bedroom wrestling she done, she decided to brush her hair up into a bun.

  She didn’t bother letting Colette know she was leaving. She was really hoping she got the hint and would find herself somewhere else to go.

  After grabbing Romyn, they headed over to Saint Anejo. Jazmin and Tanya were already inside waiting. When Cassie’s eyes landed on Eli, she looked over at Romyn.

  “Did you ask him to come here?” she asked.

  Romyn smiled. “No, he was already coming.”

  “Hey Cass!” Jazmin greeted. She stood up to give Cassie and Romyn both hugs.

  Tanya followed suit. Eli didn’t bother. Cassie sat down in front of Jazmin at the end of the table.

  She looked over at Eli and cautiously spoke, “How are you Eli?”

  He gave a listless response and focused on the menu in his hand. She looked at Jazmin and Tanya for an answer. They both shrugged.

  It was surprising to see Gio had joined them as well. With all of them at the table, it became noisy with chatter and laughter. Cassie kept looking at Eli to see if his mood had changed. He was talking but not really one hundred percent present. At this point in their friendship, Cassie was always concerned about Eli and what he was going through.

  Cassie was nursing on her third round of sangria, when she happened to look up and saw Sean walk in with Michelle. They were with two more couples.

  “Oh shit,” Cassie mumbled.

  “What?” Jazmin asked. She turned around to see what had Cassie’s attention.

  Tanya did as well. They both turned back around with scowls on their faces.

  “Of all places in the city, he had to come here today,” Jazmin griped.

  “That’s what I’m saying,” Tanya said.

  Gio said with his never going anywhere smile, “Hey, ain’t that Sean.”

  “You know what,” Tanya said. “I keep forgetting he work at BevyCo too.”

  “Yeah,” Jazmin rolled her eyes. “I tried to get my daddy to have him fired, but instead of firing him, they transferred him to the Brentwood office. I guess that was alright as long as I don’t have to look at him.”

  “How many kids that nigga got now?” Tanya asked.

  “He should have three now,” Jazmin said.

  Cassie’s eyes followed Sean and his group as the hostess led them to the table across, but three down. As he was being seated, he did a double take and locked eyes with Cassie. He smiled. He whispered something to Michelle which caused her to look their way. Her messy tail just had to get up and come over to speak.

  “Hey ladies,” Michelle beamed.

  Tanya turned on the phoniness and grinned. “Hey Michelle. You’re looking good. How old is that baby now?”

  “Should be the same age as Jazz’s new one,” Michelle answered letting her eyes tease Jazmin.

  Jazmin scoffed and looked the other way.

  Michelle looked at Cassie with her head cocked to the side. “Hi Cassie. You’re looking pretty. You either got a new job or a new man, cause I know Rock ain’t taking care of you like that.”

  Cassie gave her a quick sarcastic smirk.

  Sean walked over standing behind Michelle. “Hey everybody. What’s up Gio? Eli? Ladies, ya’ll look lovely. Hey Cass.”

  Cassie let her eyes shift to him. He looked as if he wanted to open his mouth and say the wrong shit. She just stared at him.

  “C’mon baby so we can order,” he told Michelle.

  Once they walked away, Eli got up excusing himself. Cassie’s eyes followed him as he went out on the large patio where the outside dining took place. He began talking on the phone.

  “What’s wrong with him?” she asked.

  “He ain’t really been saying much,” Tanya said. “I hate when he’s like that cause he don’t be no fun. I miss stupid Eli.”

  “I do too,” Jazmin said.

  Cassie stated, “There’s more to Eli than always being silly, y’all know that, right?”

  “Yeah, I know,” Jazmin said with thought. “But when he’s silly Eli, he seems to be happy.”

  “Or masking how he really feels,” Cassie posed.

  Jazmin nodded. “I think you’re right. I be glad when this Kris mess is over with. I would have never guessed her to be so stupid.”

  “He told you?” Cassie asked.

  “What?” Tanya asked. “What’s going on with him and Kris?”
<
br />   Jazmin explained, “He broke down this morning and confided in me and Jah. He said that they’re getting a divorce. And he just looked so sad and he started talking about Abe. Eli is really hurting ya’ll. So I insisted he come along with us. I don’t want him sitting up in that big house all alone.”

  “Where his kids?” Tanya asked.

  “They’re at Lovely’s,” Jazmin answered. “He’s talking about going to Italy for a few weeks to clear his head. I told him that might be a good idea.”

  “Shit, I need my head clear. I’ma ask him can I go,” Tanya joked.

  Gio said, “You don’t have vacation days for that.”

  “I’m just playing. Dang!” Tanya said in a playful scowl. She added, “But if I go and if Eli’s gone, you and Cassie can work together.”

  Cassie shook her head at Tanya as she got up. “I’ll be back.”

  She headed to the restrooms on the other side of the restaurant. Before she could reach the door she heard him calling her name. She stopped and glared at him.

  “Why you looking like that?” he asked.

  “Cause you look like you wanna say something. I ain’t playing. Don’t say anything in front of them,” she warned.

  “I said I wasn’t,” he insisted. He nodded towards the open outside bar. “Ain’t that your friend Eli?”

  She looked towards Eli. He was really wrapped up in his conversation. He happened to turn in their direction, but he quickly turned back around.

  “Yeah. Now can you get far away from me?” Cassie said as she went in the ladies’ restroom. She handled her business and exited the stall. She halted when she saw him in the restroom. He pushed her back in the stall and closed the door.

  The thing she liked about the stalls was that they were more like little closets with a toilet. There was an actual door that went all the way to the floor for added privacy.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered.

  “I’m still mad at you, but I want you.”

  He attacked her with unrestrained kisses. She reciprocated the same passion. He tugged at the waist of her leggings. Her hand went to his to protest.