Ashamed (The Family #3)

by Sam Crescent

  The thought of Xander doing something so awful wasn’t right. It was out of place, and no, he couldn’t believe it. Not now, not ever.

  Finding a large rock, he sat down on top, and took several deep breaths. Anything to clear his mind.

  If Donnie thought it was a good idea to have a meeting, then Luiz had no choice but to find out everything he needed to.

  Opening up the file after a good five minutes of hating it, he stared down at the details before him.

  It was a nightmare.

  Bracken had been perfect. The best soldier they had to offer. Their fathers had seen to his destruction, and in doing so, they had ruined him. Now he wanted revenge.

  Luiz’s cell phone started to ring, and he closed his eyes. He couldn’t handle this shit right now, and didn’t want to deal with it.

  Turning off his cell, he read through the file. Only when he’d forced himself to read through every single piece of paper did he leave the comfort of the forest, get back into his car, and drive back home.

  There was still time before they had to worry about Christie.

  Entering his apartment, he saw Raine near the window with the phone in her hand.

  “I’ve been trying to call you.” She placed the phone back into the cradle. “Where have you been?”

  “I had to think.”

  She paused, and he stared at her. Raine, everything pure and good. He’d brought her into his world.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “I’ve found the person who killed Xander.”

  “You have.”

  “Yeah, I’ve found him.” He stared at the paperwork, and handed it out toward her. “He wasn’t after you, or Christie.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s all there. The truth about what Xander did to him. This was about Xander, and revenge.”

  Raine frowned and flicked open the file.

  “Beaten, knifed, raped, what the hell is all this?” she asked.

  Luiz took a seat and urged her to do the same.

  “You’re scaring me.”

  “It kills me to have to tell you this. We both know Xander. The good inside him.” Going against everything he knew, Luiz explained to her everything that he had come to see.

  “No. No. Xander wasn’t like that. He was a sweet man. You know him.”

  “Before he was almost killed, he was a monster.” Like every single person in The Family. No one was left unharmed by their surroundings.

  “I can’t believe this.”

  “It’s all there, Raine. Everything.” He took a deep breath. “Donnie wants to meet him, join forces.”

  “What?”

  “This was a revenge mission for Bracken. Donnie believes we can be stronger by partnering up with him, controlling The Family together. We’re not like our fathers. We didn’t do any of that shit to him.”

  “He killed Xander.”

  “He killed the man who raped and beat him.”

  “No!” She yelled the word, and threw the file away. “I don’t give a shit about what that says. It’s lies. All of it is lies. I don’t believe it. I won’t.”

  She stormed toward the window, wrapping her arms around herself.

  He released a breath. “I’m sorry.”

  “You can’t be serious about this. We knew who Xander was. You promised you would get revenge.”

  “The Family has to come first.”

  “You and this stupid family. Does that mean more to you than your real family?” she asked, turning on her heel and rushing toward him. “Xander, Christie, me, we’re your family. We’re the ones that have cared for you through everything.”

  “Donnie, Tonio, and Jake have been there forever for me.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t … deal with this. You’re going to face the man who ordered his death.” She pointed at the urn. “Why don’t you just throw the ashes in the trash?”

  “Stop.” She was hurting, exactly like him. He held her arms and pulled her close. “Please, baby, I don’t want to do this.”

  “Then don’t. Don’t let them win.”

  “I have to do what is better for The Family.” He ran his hands up and down her arms. “Please, Raine, trust me.”

  She stared at him, and all he saw was the pain. “I’ve got to get dinner in the oven.”

  Luiz watched her walk away. He had to find a way to reach her, to stop her from reacting rashly. Reading all the shit inside the file, he’d known that Xander wasn’t an innocent man. He’d been brutal, and even had a reputation of his own.

  Xander had asked him for a chance to make amends for all the wrong in his life. He’d done what he thought was right.

  Now he had to wonder if this was just another one in a long line of bad decisions.

  ****

  “This is ridiculous. I don’t know why I’m even going out,” Raine said a week later.

  Paige was in her room, fixing her hair into ringlets.

  “You and Luiz have never gotten out before, and it’s time. You’ve got that connection.”

  “I don’t want to spend any time with him. Not right now.”

  For the past week they hadn’t avoided each other. They had simply … not spoken to each other.

  “Donnie told me what happened. How are you coping?”

  “You mean, how am I coping with the fact that the guy who I’ve lived with for the past seven years could have raped and beaten another man, and got killed from it? Or do you mean how do I feel that The Family wants to meet this guy, and join forces?”

  “All of it?” Paige asked.

  “I’m struggling.” Raine found the whole situation a nightmare, and it made her feel sick to her stomach. The one thing that hadn’t changed was her feelings for Luiz.

  “I don’t want to think about it. All I want to do is forget it ever happened.”

  “Did you read that file?” Paige asked.

  “I did.” After Luiz had left to pick up Christie, she’d gathered the file, and read every single word. “I can’t imagine the guy I was living with, who I joked with, and loved as being that horrible.”

  “What I’ve come to see with The Family, they are all doing a job. It’s not personal to any of them. They have all done something they hate or regret.”

  “I don’t think I should know this stuff about Xander.”

  “Do you think, even just a little, that it could be true?” Paige asked.

  Raine’s throat was swollen from all the tears she had shed. “That’s what I hate. There is a small part of me that thinks it’s true.” There were times that Xander would be thrown into a terrible depression. He wouldn’t be able to smile. She’d take him a cup of hot chocolate, and sit with him. It would help a little.

  “Tell me what’s wrong, Xander. I hate to see you like this.”

  “There are many things in my life that I regret, sweet girl. Some days it’s harder to forget than others.”

  She didn’t want to think of him being a monster, or there being even the slightest chance of him doing those things to a somewhat innocent man. Bracken hadn’t deserved what was done to him.

  It had been an act of jealousy. This life, it was dangerous, and she couldn’t believe her sister hadn’t even thought about it.

  Knowing Lora the way she did, she’d probably thought it was really exciting.

  “You can’t let the tears get to you, Raine. What happened, happened, and it’s not your fault.”

  “It’s hard though. If Xander did those things, shouldn’t a small part of me hate him for it? He was never like that with me or with Christie.” She sighed. “He was the perfect father figure to be honest.”

  “Then be pleased that you were able to give him a small feeling of being normal. Of being accepted. You’ve got to remember one thing,” Paige said.

  “What’s that?”

  “He was acting on orders. It wasn’t his choice.”

  “He could have told them no, Paige. Xander, he was a bad man, and I ha
ve to accept that. He changed, but he was still a bad man before.” She couldn’t argue with the facts that she had seen. Luiz was the one that was helping her to make sense of everything.

  “There, you’re done, sweetie. You look beautiful.”

  “I feel silly. After everything that has happened, don’t you think we should just stay in? Watch a movie?”

  “Donnie and I are going to look after Christie. You’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about. Go out, have some fun. Enjoy your time. It’s important.”

  “Is this what you do?”

  “All the time. You’ve got to learn to separate the good with the bad. This is a bad point, and you will get over it in time.”

  “You sound like you know.”

  “Of course I do. I’m married to Donnie. We’ve had our bad moments. A hell of a lot of good but there are bad ones. Like in any marriage. Just because we’re young doesn’t mean we don’t have a lot of problems. Enjoy tonight.” Paige leaned down and kissed her cheek. “You look beautiful.”

  “She really does,” Luiz said.

  Raine turned to find him leaning against the doorframe. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

  “You were talking. It’s nothing to worry about.”

  Silence fell between them.

  “I’m going to go. Donnie is waiting for me. I want you both to have fun. That is an order!”

  Raine smiled, watching her go.

  They waited for the sound of the door to close, and Luiz was the first to talk. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I think so. You?”

  “I am. If you want to stay in tonight, I’m happy to do that.”

  Raine looked down at her clothes. She wore a beautiful red cocktail dress and heels. For the first time, she felt like a woman.

  “Nah, I’d like to go out. It’s the first time I’ve gotten dressed up.” She stood, pushing her ringlets over her shoulder. “How do I look?”

  “Beautiful. I always think you look beautiful.”

  When she went to grab her purse, he told her not to bother.

  “I’ve got this, baby. Tonight, is all on me.”

  “It seems a little surreal. You and me, going on a date.”

  “I know.” They locked up their apartment, and made their way down to his car in the parking lot.

  “Has there been any news about Bracken?” she asked.

  “Donnie told me that tonight I can’t talk about anything. I’ve got to focus on you.”

  “You’re going to do as he ordered?”

  “No. I’m going to do what my friend advised me to do. Donnie’s not my boss. We’re all friends, and we had hoped to build a better world. I had hoped that with time, we could come away. We put targets on our backs, and for that, I’m sorry.”

  “I promise I won’t talk about anything to do with your work.”

  “So, tell me about your day.”

  Raine told him everything, from cleaning Christie’s room, to dealing with the apartment, to even baking an assortment of cookies. “That’s what I do. Take care of the kids, clean house, and bake.”

  He chuckled. “I was going to ask, would you like to finish college? Go to college? Do some work, or something?”

  “Xander told me it was against the rules.”

  “It’s not. Making you stay at home all day is a waste of time. I want you to be happy, Raine. This is what this is about. Making you happy.” He took her hand, and pressed a kiss against her knuckles.

  She couldn’t help the sudden indrawn breath or the tingles working all over her body. He made her feel so much.

  Her mouth went dry, and words failed her.

  “I feel it, too,” he said.

  “What?”

  “Whenever I touch you, I feel awakened once again. It … makes the entire world feel amazing.”

  She smiled. “Really?”

  “When Xander told me you were on a date, I wanted to slaughter the guy. I didn’t want him to have a chance to prove to you that you could have a great life away.” Luiz sighed. “I’ve been keeping you safe for myself.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “At first, you were young, and I was hurting. Christie was alive, and you were there. You were way too young, but I saw how sweet you are. How caring. That has never changed. Lora told me you were too sweet for your own good. Had a temper on you at times, and could be prone to bad language, but completely good.”

  Raine smiled. She missed her sister.

  “You grew up, and every time I walked away, it was harder for me not to look back and have a second look. You were always smiling, always so innocent. Your cheeks would heat at the slightest flirtation. I knew you weren’t ready, and then there was the fact that I am who I am.”

  “Being part of The Family, does it really bother you?” she asked.

  “It can. It can be damn hard at times. I know this life is not for everyone, and I don’t want to pressure you.”

  “I’m safer with you than we are apart.”

  “That’s not why I want you to stay.”

  “It’s not?”

  “No. I want you to stay because you want to. I’ll always protect you. I hope you know that.”

  “I’m here because I want to be here. There’s nowhere else I’d like to go.”

  “Good.”

  He rode toward the city, and she watched the passing scenery go by, loving every how busy everything was. It was a complete change from the life she remembered, which to her wasn’t a bad thing.

  “Italian?” she asked when he pulled up outside of a very posh-looking restaurant.

  “I had to do better than that guy.”

  “Shoot, Bradley. I completely forgot. What should I tell him?”

  “I already took care of it. He knows you’ve moved away.”

  “When did you see him?” she asked.

  “When I grabbed the rest of your stuff. I should have told you.”

  Raine stared at him, and waited for him to say anything more. He didn’t. There was nothing more to be said.

  “Stay here,” he said.

  She frowned, watching as he climbed out of the car, and stopped the usher, or whatever he was called, from opening her door. Luiz held open her door, and offered her a hand. “Would you care to join me?” he asked.

  “Yes, I would.”

  Taking his hand, she climbed out of the car, and smiled at the man as Luiz handed him the keys.

  “What was all that about?” she asked.

  “Simple. This is my date, and I’m not having another guy help you out of the car.”

  “This is a date? Like a real date?”

  “Of course, and I do expect to get my kiss at the end of it.”

  Her stomach filled with butterflies. She was nervous yet excited about what was to come. The night was only getting started.

  Chapter Nine

  No expense had been spared this evening. Luiz wanted everything to be perfect. He’d gone to Paige and to Donnie, asking for their help. He wasn’t above begging either. The tension between him and Raine was unbearable. He didn’t like it, and tonight he intended to end it.

  The private booth was romantically lit with two long-stem candles either side of them. The pristine white tablecloth was beautifully offset by the dim lighting. A beautiful red wine was already breathing beside him.

  “Wine, miss?” the waiter asked.

  “Not right away. Water, if that’s okay.”

  “Certainly.”

  The waiter left to bring her some cool water. Luiz decided to take the cool water as well. This night had to go perfectly. He didn’t want to be outdone by Bradley. His own jealousy surprised him.

  Once they were left alone after their drinks, Luiz took her hand across the table. “Do you like it?”

  “It’s certainly very intimate. You’ve picked a very romantic place, Luiz.”

  “I want you to feel special.”

  “Right now, I can safely say that I do, and it’s all your doing.”

&
nbsp; “I hope that’s a good thing,” he asked.

  “I think it is. At least, I hope it is.” She chuckled. “Ignore me. I’m just being silly.”

  “No, you’re not. Tell me. Help me improve.”

  “What is this, Luiz? I mean, seriously. Is this trying to make me happy? Is this so I won’t go on any other date? What is it?”

  “I was hoping it would be the start of something more for both of us.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “We share a bed, Raine. One day, I’m hoping we can share more than each other’s warmth. I want you. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help what I want, and I want you.”

  Her cheeks had already gone a delicate shade of red. Like all the other times, he found it utterly charming.

  “Sex?” she asked.

  “That as well.”

  “I want love, Luiz.”

  “Do you think you can’t love me, or learn to love me in time?” he asked.

  “It’s not just about me. What about you? Can you learn to love me?”

  Luiz squeezed her hand. “It’s not something I need to learn. I know I have feelings for you already, baby. I want to give you everything, and make you happy. I’ve got a past, you know that. I’m hoping you can see past it to give me a chance to prove to you that I can be something worth fighting for.”

  “Never doubt it. You’re worth fighting for.”

  “Even with this Bracken problem?”

  She sighed. “Even with this Bracken problem, and with you being some mafia lord, and with you saving me and my niece. I’ve never hated you, Luiz. Not once. You’ve annoyed me. Made me really frustrated and angry. I’ve never hated you.”

  “You’ve told me you had.”

  “That’s emotions talking. It’s not real, and please don’t take it personally. I tell everyone,” she said with a chuckle. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Anything.”

  “What was your sister like? I didn’t even know you had one, but you mentioned her the other day, and I’ve been curious. You don’t own any photograph albums, or have any pictures of your family.”

  “Maria. That was my sister’s name. She was a couple of years older than me, and she liked to play pretend.”

  “Pretend?”

  “It’s what I refer to her behavior as. She used to pretend that she didn’t know what this life was like, or what it entailed. She pretended to be the damsel in distress, much to Tonio’s pain.”