by Nella Tyler
"Do we have to make any decisions right this minute?"
I shook my head no, though my heart sank. "No, Luke you don’t, but I can tell you’re already worried. Truth is, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle this. But most importantly, I suppose I should ask what you plan on doing about it." I stared at him. "So you tell me, Luke. Where does that leave us?"
Chapter 2
Luke stared at me a moment, his face distorted with a combination of regret, annoyance, and impatience.
"Don't take this the wrong way, Molly, because I'm still trying to figure out what the hell is going on. But I think you know and realize that I also have to look out for my business ventures-"
"Are you telling me that you're actually considering taking my father's ultimatum seriously?" I asked, appalled.
"How else am I supposed to take it?" he asked, arms extending outward.
"Look, Luke, I know my father. He's full of bluster, but half the time he doesn't mean what he says-"
"Your father didn't get where he was today, financially or as an important member of Raleigh society, by being a softy. You and I both know that. He may be full bluster when it comes to you, personally, but I can tell you, doing business with your father is cutthroat. He's savvy, he's focused, and he's determined."
I was surprised by the vehemence I heard in Luke's voice. "Can you give me some more information? Are you involved in some type of business venture with him? Negotiating one? What?"
"That doesn't matter right now," he said.
I thought about disagreeing, but held my peace. He began to pace.
"I have no idea how your father found out about us, but it just goes to show you the power he has in the community.” He paused and turned toward the window facing the backyard. “Let me just put it this way, Molly. I stand to lose substantial amount of money if this business deal with your father doesn't go through."
I felt stunned to the core. Finally, I managed to speak. "So what you're saying is that I don't offer enough value to compete with what my father is offering, is that it?" I tried desperately to blink back the tears burning behind my eyes. I wasn't going to show him how deeply his words had stung. Luke turned around and stared at me. He moved to take a couple of steps closer, but I held up my arm to stop him.
“That’s not exactly what I meant, Molly," he denied.
I didn't believe it, not one iota.
"Look," he said, grasping. "This doesn't have to affect our working relationship at all-"
I exploded. "So this," I said, sweeping my arm around the room, and then gesturing between us. "This is nothing? What? Do you just want me to forget it ever happened? You want me to forget that just hours ago, you told me that you wanted this relationship between us?" I turned around and began to walk toward the door.
"Molly, wait," Luke said. "That came out wrong!"
I spun around. "It's funny that a lot of the things you say come out wrong," I commented. "That excuse is getting a little lame, don't you think?"
"Molly-"
I tried not to show how deeply his words were cutting into me. I thought I had prepared myself better for this, but ultimately, I had failed. Samantha had been right all along. There was no possible way this would end well. I had never even considered my father finding out about us. I still had no idea how he had and that was something I would have to work out for myself later. For now, I could barely stand to look at Luke. Hearing what he had to say left me utterly heartbroken. My self-esteem was crushed, but I didn't want to show it.
"I need to leave, Luke."
"Molly, no, let's discuss this, okay? Let's work it out."
I stared at him for several moments. "Luke, what is there to work out? As far as you’re concerned, you're being forced to choose between me and God knows how much money that you have invested – or are planning to invest or gain through a business venture with my father. How can I possibly compete against that? Not to mention that if you did choose me, you would more than likely be kissing any future work with my father or his business ventures goodbye."
I shook my head. "No one has to tell me how important business ventures are. I grew up around them, watched my father wheel and deal, make decisions, compromises, and sometimes, yes, even browbeat people into doing what he wanted. You're right. He didn't get where he is today by being a softy."
"Molly, we don't have to stop seeing each other-"
"So what are you saying, Luke? That I have to spend my time with you in secret, sneaking around, looking over my shoulder every minute to make sure that someone isn't spying on us?" I shook my head. "I don't want to live like that. I don't want to have a relationship like that. If I’m in a relationship, I’m in it. There's no in between."
"Molly, you're my maid, but I'd like-"
"I'm not even sure if that's a good idea anymore," I said, staring down at the floor.
"Are you telling me that you're going to quit? You’re going to walk out of my life without a backward glance?"
I glanced up at him. "What the hell do you want me to do, Luke?” I asked in frustration. “Continue on as your maid and pretend nothing between us ever happened? Or continue being your maid and keep our relationship a secret, sneaking around like I'm doing something wrong? You tell me. What would you have me do?"
"I don't know, Molly," he said, once again turning to the window. "I haven't had a chance to think this through."
"Well I haven't, either, but I can already see where your decision is heading." I moved again to the door.
"Molly, please, let's-"
"I appreciate you being honest and as professional as possible, but I need to think about this. I know what I don't want, Luke, but I also don't want to endanger your business relationship with my father." I paused, eyeing him. "You want to tell me what kind of business you're involved in with him?"
Luke hesitated, and that was enough for me. "Never mind. Don't answer that. It's obvious you don't want to, so I'm not going to press." I recalled his words and my heart hardened somewhat. "So, you worry about your business ventures. I'm going to go home now."
He said nothing, but turned to look at me with a defeated expression on his face. "I'm sorry, Molly, I don't know what to say. I need to process this – to think of something."
"There's not much to think about, Luke,” I said softly as I turned the doorknob and opened the door. "Either I'm in or I’m out.” I shrugged. "You've made it pretty clear where your priorities lay, and you should. What do we have going for us, anyway? This fling…" I said, making a lame gesture with my hand. "I had a feeling that it wouldn't end well, but I wasn't expecting this any more than you were. But you're the one that has a decision to make. It's obvious that you're not ready to make it right this minute. So, I'm going home. You do your thinking, and you better seriously consider what it is you want because to be perfectly honest, Luke, I'm not someone who likes to be dangled on a string."
"Molly, I never meant-"
"I know,” I said, stepping through the doorway. "But the fact is, that’s the way it feels right now. Goodnight."
With that, I softly closed the door behind me. Blinking back tears, I made my way down the short hallway to the staircase. I glanced down before I started descending, but didn't see anybody. If the chef was the spy, he was awfully good at it. I made my way into the kitchen and toward the cupboard where I kept my purse. The chef stood at the stove, slicing something on the cutting board. He glanced over his shoulder at me.
"Everything okay, Molly?"
Forcing a smile, I nodded. "As far as I know it is," I said. I gave him a short wave. "Have a good evening."
He reciprocated and I left the kitchen, heading for the front door. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't! I got to my car, started it, and slowly drove down the driveway. However, the minute I passed the boundary of Luke's estate, the tears began to fall. I couldn't help it. I couldn't hold them back any longer. I was so confused, I didn't know which way was up. My head spun in circles.
How had my father found out about us? I didn't want to doubt Samantha’s loyalty, but she was the only one to whom I had confided. What about Luke? Had he, as Samantha had warned, told someone and somehow through the grapevine, the information had gotten back to my father? Or worse yet, was my father spying on me? Did he have someone reporting to him about my every decision, my every move? A Had someone followed us down to the beach? Had someone snuck around his estate and seen us in the Jacuzzi? Even worse – taken photographs?
Oh God, I didn't know, and I had no idea what to do. I had never felt so defeated in my life. All I was trying to do was work! Why did everything have to be so filled with drama? In frustration, I wiped the tears from my cheeks and focused on getting home, where maybe, just maybe, I could think this through and make some sense out of it.
*
By the time I got home, I was reeling with a myriad of emotions. The most overriding one was a sense of betrayal, not only from Luke, but my father. I tossed my keys and purse on the kitchen counter and then headed toward the sofa. My head hurt, but I was too lazy and discouraged to even go into the bathroom to get some aspirin. I flopped onto my back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. I wished today had never happened. I yearned to forget that it had.
Unfortunately, my anger just continued to grow. I was so mentally exhausted, I couldn't even think straight. Nevertheless, I tried to hold it together. It wasn't as if I was in love with Luke or we had a long-term relationship. So what exactly did we have between us? Great sex, sure, but that wasn't something I wanted to be the foundation of any relationship I had. Luke had been hesitant to tell me anything about his business dealings with my dad. While on one hand I didn't expect him to blab everything, after all our relationship was still new, but still, he was doing some kind of business with my father. Because of this latest development, didn’t I have a right to know? It involved me, too!
And my father…what right did he have to invade my privacy or control my life from afar? To have the audacity to give someone an ultimatum over me? It pissed me off to no end. I had no idea how everything could possibly have gotten so out of control – and in less than two weeks! I was just trying to hold down a job, for crying out loud. The fact that I had already made some errors in judgment was beside the point. Was this the way it was going to be for the rest of my life? My father constantly looking over my shoulder and micromanaging my life?
Why couldn't he let me make my own mistakes? Why did he have to peek into every one of my decisions? I knew my parents loved me; I had no doubt of that, and I loved them, too. But my mother didn't butt in the way my father did. If anything, she had raised me to be independent and self-reliant. It seemed as if my father was trying to accomplish the opposite.
My biggest problem right now was that I didn't know how to put a stop to it. It bothered me to no end. All I had ever wanted from taking this job, or in fact any job, was to earn a steady paycheck. To say that I had gotten more than I bargained for was an understatement. Luke had been more than I had bargained for. The entire situation was. Then again, I was an adult, and I had the right to make my own decisions, didn't I? I glared up at the ceiling. According to my father, I didn't.
Again I wondered why in the world my father felt the need to intervene so blatantly into my personal life. I came back to the question whether he knew something about Luke that I didn't. If he did, and he was so invested in my private life, why hadn't he called me? Why didn’t he tell me himself? Why threaten Luke? What if Luke hadn’t said anything to me about it? What if he had continued things the way they were, hoping my father didn’t find out?
My heart thudded dully inside my chest. Was there something about Luke? Something I didn't want to know? Was there something about Luke or his past that my father didn't approve of? Still, regardless of what he had discovered, did that give him any right to interfere so blatantly? To give the guy an ultimatum? I didn't agree.
The fact of the matter was, if my father knew about Luke and me, and if he did know that we had already slept together, wouldn't it stand to reason that if he were concerned about Luke for some reason, he would have given me a head’s up? Why hadn’t he called me? Why sneak around behind my back?
In fact, why did I even care? I had butted heads with my father on more than one occasion growing up. That didn't mean I didn't love or respect him. I did. Still, there had to be some boundaries. Maybe it was time I made that clear to him. I didn't get involved in his private life or business dealings, so why should he get involved in mine? While I understood he would always want to protect me, I had to experience life on my own eventually, didn't I? The minute I had moved out of my father's estate, he shouldn't have had so much influence on how I lived my life. At least in my opinion. Maybe that's why I was so angry. He had tried to force his own decisions upon me, without even discussing it with me in the first place. He had gone straight to Luke. He had threatened Luke; essentially blackmailed him into making a decision that either left me out in the cold or put Luke himself in danger of losing out on his current business negotiations, as well as future ones.
Then again, the fact that Luke had even considered kowtowing to such an ultimatum left me feeling more than deflated, it left me feeling depressed. Did I mean nothing to him? I wished I could talk to Samantha about all this, but the last thing I needed to hear at this point was an “I told you so.”
At that moment, I realized that there were very few people I could trust and rely on in my life. I had relied on Samantha as my best friend for years, but now we were odds – not angry or anything with each other, but our opinions regarding my situation with Luke had been pretty opposite. Even though I understood where she was coming from, I needed the support. Right now, I felt as if I were totally alone. Even Luke couldn't make a decision – not that I expected him to. The ultimatum was ridiculous.
My father and I didn't always see eye to eye, and yes, we did have our arguments, but this was something totally different. I felt insulted. Didn't he think I could take care of myself? He didn't give me any more credit than that? Even if he was trying to protect me from being hurt, wasn't it something I needed to decide on my own? Wasn't getting hurt part of living life to its fullest? How else was I going to learn unless I experienced it, both the good and the bad?
I felt so confused that once again tears rolled down my cheeks. Who could I turn to for comfort, advice, and support? My dad? No. Luke? No. Samantha? I didn't think so. The plain fact was that at this moment, when I most needed support, I had no one to turn to. Yes, I was feeling sorry for myself, but why not? I had just gotten to the point where I had accepted Luke's invitation to begin a relationship with him, and I had allowed my heart to open up to the possibility. One day later, my hopes had been dashed – and by my father and Luke's reaction, no less.
Disappointment, shock, and a growing sense of frustration pulled my mind from one direction to the next. I had no idea what to do, but I realized that whatever I did, it was my decision to make. The fact that my father had forced me into a corner was beside the point. I supposed that eventually I would have to have a talk with him, but I was too angry right now to even consider it. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. The more I thought about the ultimatum, the angrier I grew at Luke. Then, realizing that he was in just a difficult position as I was, I began to feel guilty. He wasn't my knight in shining armor. He had made no declarations of affection, and neither had I. So why did I feel as if he owed something to me?
Did we have anything beyond a sexual relationship? I had enjoyed my day at the beach with him, but it was readily apparent that sex – hot, steamy, and passionate sex as it was – had so far proven to be the foundation of our relationship. The truth of the matter was, I wanted an emotional relationship, as well. Maybe Luke wasn’t ready for that. If that were the case, it would be better if I just backed out as gracefully as possible with as much dignity as I could.
Did I want to? Not particularly, but I didn't see that I had much of a choice. I
didn't want Luke to lose any opportunities to engage in business ventures with my dad. He could go far. While I had no idea what they were doing, it didn't matter. Why should I expect Luke to risk money to have a relationship with me? What gave me that right? We still barely knew each other.
It was then that I realized how unfair I was being not only to Luke, but also to myself. Sure, I wanted the guy to stick up for me. Sure, I wanted a guy to feel so strongly about me that he was willing to make sacrifices. But the truth of the matter was, Luke and I hadn't even really begun a serious relationship. He had mentioned courting me and that hadn't even started yet, other than the day at the beach, which had, once again, culminated in sex.
The more I contemplated what we had or didn't have in our burgeoning relationship, the more I felt even more discouraged. Maybe it was time to back away. Maybe it was time for me to take a serious look at my actions and their ramifications. I wasn't only mad at my dad and Luke, but I finally realized that I was mad at myself.
"You're such an idiot, Molly," I muttered to the ceiling. I closed my eyes and sighed, tried to clear my mind, to think of something pleasant. The problem was, every time I closed my eyes, I saw Luke standing in front of me, naked except for that towel wrapped around his waist. My groin tingled. My nipples hardened almost immediately. Crap. I was in big trouble.
Chapter 3
I thought about calling my dad and asking him about the situation. What was he doing? Had he checked up on Luke? Most of all, I wanted to know how he knew I was working as a maid at the Benning Estate and even more so how he knew about the relationship – or developing relationship – between Luke and me.
As far as I was concerned, this whole mess was his fault. The plain truth was I didn't understand any of this. I felt very let down, not only due to our present circumstances, but in learning a very important truth about my father. Was he really as arrogant and pompous as that? Did he really treat people that way? Was this how he did so well in business and made his money?
