by Nella Tyler
Was my dad a bully? Well, he wasn't going to bully me. Maybe if I went over and talked to him and explained my side of things, he could explain himself. Only then would I be able to understand. The problem was, I knew how difficult my father could be. When he didn't want to talk about something, he didn't talk about it. Period. Of course, if you didn’t want to talk about something and he did, you had to sit there and listen, whether you wanted to or not.
I felt torn and confused. I wanted to talk to Samantha, but I couldn't, not now. Everything was so complicated, and I knew that Samantha would probably tell me the same thing she had last time. Turn around and walk away. I don't know if it was just innate stubbornness or the fact that I didn't like anyone telling me what I could or could not do, but I realized at that moment that I didn't want to walk away from Luke.
I reached for my phone and tapped the screen, bringing up my contact list. I scrolled down to my father’s phone number. My finger poised over the Call button for several seconds. Then, I sighed and dropped the phone to my lap. I couldn't do it. I was too emotional at the moment. I knew that any argument or discussion with my dad required a calm, rational head and I was far from rational. To be honest with myself, I also didn't want to hear my father's lectures or told-you-so attitude.
Dad was a micromanager, no doubt about it. Perhaps that's why he was so good at business. Still, it didn't really apply to or benefit the personal relationship he had with me, at least, not this time. I know there were plenty of times when my mom put her foot down about my dad's attitudes, but I hadn't been away from home long. Was I worried that if I crossed him, he would kick me out of the condo? Take my car back?
I sat down on the couch, staring out the living room window, contemplating that very thought. It scared me. My parents had made my life very easy. Because I had difficulty finding a job, I knew that it wasn’t easy out there in the big bad world. I knew I would never be able to afford anything close to this place, or even one of the cheapest apartments in the city, on a maid's salary. No, I would have to get another job. I would probably have to work two or three jobs to support myself in Raleigh. Oh, I could find a really cheap apartment, but it probably wouldn't be in the best of neighborhoods.
Come to think of it, even my phone was on our family plan. I shook my head, calling myself all sorts of a fool. I was so focused on just earning a steady paycheck that I hadn't stopped to consider what else I would need, financially, to support myself. If my dad did end up kicking me out of the condo, I would have to find an apartment, probably take over the car payments, pay for electricity, my phone plan, food…the list went on. All of a sudden, I felt so discouraged. I had been trying so hard to make a point that I had overlooked some very important details.
What to do? I shook my head and sighed. Would my father really do that – kick me out of my condo, make me live on my own – just because he disapproved of a job position or the person I was dating? Wait a minute – I wasn't dating Luke, not really. We were just testing the waters when it came to developing a relationship. Those waters had turned into a whirlpool when my dad got involved.
I lifted my phone and once again accessed my contact list, thinking that I needed to get this cleared up. Yet, with my fingertip hovering over the Call button one more time, I lost my sense of bravado. What would I say? How could I defend myself? I, of all people, knew the boundaries between employers and employees. I knew that if I spoke to my dad right now and accused him of spying on me, of having me followed, of checking into my daily life, whatever, I might say things that I would regret.
With a sigh of disgust, I tossed the phone to the other side of the couch. It landed face up, and as I stared at it, the screen lit up. Frowning, I leaned over and grabbed the phone, wondering who it was. When I glanced at the screen and saw the name on it, I stared at it. Luke. He had sent a text message. I wanted to look at it, and at the same time I didn't. None of this would be happening if I hadn't met Luke. None of this would have been happening if my body hadn't betrayed me.
Was sex and attraction all it took to cause a person to lose focus? To make mistakes and decisions that might never have been made otherwise? I had never been in this position before, and I didn't know how to deal with it. What decision would be the right one? Either I damaged my relationship with my father or with Luke. I was being forced to choose! That thought infuriated me. Once again, I grew incredibly angry with my father for putting me in this position in the first place.
With a growl of frustration, I looked at the phone and accessed my text messages. After only a brief hesitation, I opened the message from Luke.
I want to talk about what happened.
I thought about that a moment, shook my head and texted back.
What's to talk about? You made the call that you felt you had to make.
I didn't really want to get into this discussion at the moment. More than anything, I didn't want to make it more than it seemed, at least, as far as Luke was concerned, anyway. If I said anything more, I would be making this personal. That was just it. I wasn’t sure how personal this was to him. I didn't want to take it personally, either. But the plain truth of the matter was that Luke had rejected me or at least, that's how I felt at the moment. He had chosen a business relationship – and money – over me.
My phone screen lit up as another text message came through. Again I wanted to read it, but at the same time didn't. Rejection hurt. What had I wanted? Luke to cut off all ties with my father so that he could have me? Have me for what? We hadn't even begun to develop a relationship! This was turning into a big mess. My interest in Luke had not only endangered my job, but had potentially endangered Luke's business. If my dad got to the point where he didn't like Luke at all, he could make any business ventures that Luke attempted to develop in the Raleigh area extremely difficult. That wasn't fair!
At the same time, my relationship, whether it was real or not, could very well drive a wedge between my father and me. While my dad annoyed me on numerous occasions, I'm sure that I annoyed him, too. I had been forced to realize that I was not nearly as independent as I thought I was, but it was more than that. I had a relatively good relationship with my parents and I didn't want to see that destroyed, at least, not because of a man I barely knew.
What a conundrum! I glanced down at Luke's next text message.
I'm sorry.
He was sorry? He was sorry! That's it? My emotions took over and I angrily tapped out a reply.
I won't be coming to work tomorrow.
He texted back.
That's fine, but before you come back, I want to talk.
Before I came back? How could he be so arrogant? What made him think I would come back at all? Did he think I was going to come crawling back on my hands and knees and beg him to allow me to keep my job as his maid? Or worse yet, did he think that I would continue this sexual relationship with him just because he offered it? That royally pissed me off. Before I could even tap out a reply, he sent another text.
That didn't come out right.
In a fit of pique, I replied.
You better believe it didn't!
As soon as I sent the message, I turned off my phone. Tears burned in my eyes. Trying to maintain control over my emotions was nearly impossible at the moment. I felt so confused, I just wanted to crumble into a heap and cry my eyes out. Why did everything have to be so difficult? What happened to turn my life into such a mess all of a sudden? I tried to push all my concerns and worry out of my head and went into my bathroom to take a shower. I stood under the hot water for quite some time. As the warm water soothed my muscles and the steam floated around my head, I began to cry.
Eventually, I cried myself out. I couldn't even explain why I was crying, exactly, other than I just wasn't used to dealing with such stress. For the first time in my life, I felt attracted to a guy, right or wrong. Since then, my thoughts had been trapped in a maelstrom. To make matters worse, my father was involved, leaving me feeling as if I was in a rat
her precarious position. I knew that at the bottom of everything was the fact that my dad and Luke were the ones making all the decisions. I was caught in the middle. It seemed to me as if neither of them had even considered my own opinion and attitudes regarding the situation. The thought that these two men could so completely control my immediate and potentially future destiny pissed me off to no end.
I finally turned off the water, stepped out of the shower, and toweled dry. I felt exhausted and emotionally drained. After pulling on my oversized T-shirt that I used as a nightgown, I turned off the lights and just climbed into bed. I tried not to think about Luke or about my dad. Tomorrow, I would call Samantha. I needed someone to talk to, and even if she gave me an I-told-you-so, I knew that she would be there for me. The thought made me feel a little better, but just a little.
Chapter 4
I woke up feeling refreshed and calm the following morning, but then I remembered everything. My pleasant mood evaporated like steam. Shit. My heart pounded dully in my chest, and I felt a hollow, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. All of this is because I had wanted to prove to myself that I could earn a paycheck – to prove to my dad that I could be self-sufficient and independent. Well, that hadn’t gone over too well, had it? I had come to the realization that I wasn't self-sufficient at all. If I really wanted to prove something to my dad, I would have to tell him I would pay rent for the condo or find my own place. I would tell him that I would make the payments on my car.
Sure, I could do that with my access to my trust fund, but that was defeating the entire purpose of claiming self-sufficiency, wasn't it? Maybe what I needed to do today, instead of wallowing in self-pity, was make a budget. What exactly were my living expenses? I had no idea. Anything I needed, I put on a credit card that I had owned since I was eighteen years old. My father had given me a spending limit for every month and made the payments on the card as long as I adhered to the agreement. I had – no questions asked. As far as I was concerned, this was normal for any daughter.
I paid for my own food. Well actually, I guess I didn't. I had yet to receive my first paycheck from Luke, so I guess I wasn't self-sufficient at all. Everything I had bought up until this point had been funded by my trust fund or the bank account that my parents had set up for me years ago. I was careful with my money and didn't spend it on frivolous things like thousand-dollar shoes or purses. Actually, I was rather frugal, I thought.
Still, the realization that I was so far from being self-sufficient than I had considered myself to be left me feeling deflated, discouraged, and depressed. I found my phone on the couch and accessed my contact list. I had Samantha on speed dial and pressed the button. After two rings, she answered.
"Hey, Molly, how's it going?"
"Not too well," I admitted.
"What's happened? What's the matter?"
"Are you doing anything today?" I asked her.
"No, I actually have the day off and was just planning on hanging around the apartment, doing laundry, you know, the boring stuff."
"I don't have work today, either," I said. I didn't give her the reason why. "You want to hang out? Go window shopping or just hang out at the park?"
"Sure, Molly, but-"
"I just need a girl's day out,” I said quickly, heading off any questions. “Maybe we could go to the mall, hang out there for a while, see if there's anything that attracts our interest."
"You know very well that that won't take very long," Samantha laughed. "Actually, there are a couple of things I was thinking of picking up. I could use a couple of new tops, maybe even a new pair of shoes, and…well, whatever else tickles my fancy!"
I laughed, although it wasn't as boisterous as it usually was. All things considered, though, I thought I was faking an upbeat mood pretty well.
"Let me pick you up in about an hour, okay? Most of the shops in the mall should be open by them."
"Sounds good to me, Samantha," I agreed. "See you then.”
*
I was actually having a good time with Samantha. We had been at the mall for a couple of hours already and it was nearing lunchtime, but I enjoyed just hanging out with my friend while she shopped for this or that. I wasn't much in the mood for shopping, and after my debates with myself, I decided that I shouldn’t be spending any money on things that I didn't really, honestly, truly need.
For the first time, I realized that I often did that. I would often see an ad for something that garnered my attention. It wasn't really any big stuff, mainly clothing, but still, I realized that there were many times I went out and bought something, even though I didn't really need it. In my mind's eye, I revisited my closet and realized that I had a lot of clothes that I didn't even wear.
I frowned.
"You've been awfully quiet," Samantha commented, flipping through hangers of jeans on a circular rack in one of the clothing stores. "Something on your mind?"
I glanced from her fingers busily sorting through the hangers toward her face, only to find her watching me with a knowing eye. I shrugged.
She nodded. "I knew it." She shook her head and smiled. "Let's just shop for a while, enjoy our time, and then we can have a heart-to-heart over lunch, okay?"
I said nothing.
"I know there's something on your mind, girlfriend, and I can tell when you need someone to talk to." She sobered as she pulled a pair of jeans from the rack and examined them with a critical eye. "Look, Molly, I know you were disappointed in my comments the other day, but I want you to know that whether I agree with you or not on anything, you can always talk to me. You don't have to figure everything out by yourself."
A surge of affection for my best friend swept through me and I smiled. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Samantha. You seem to always know what I need when I need it."
"That's why we’re such good friends," she said with a grin, tilting her head toward the changing room. "I'm going to try these on. You don't find anything that tickles your fancy in here?"
I shook my head. "Not really, but you take your time. I'm having fun." Samantha headed to the changing room and paused to glance over her shoulder at me.
"Liar," she said gently before disappearing into the changing room.
*
An hour later, we sat at the food court with two slices of pepperoni pizza each and two diet sodas. I know that Samantha wanted me to spill, but I wasn't ready to. I was having a nice, calm day with her, and I had done my best to stay away from the subject of Luke because I honestly didn't really want to talk about it right now. Maybe after lunch. Maybe when we were finished at the mall. Samantha didn't press and I truly appreciated her patience. She knew something was bothering me, but she was going to give me the time to bring it up at my own pace.
By the time we left the mall early that afternoon, Samantha carried four plastic bags out with her, while I remained empty-handed. I guess I just hadn't been in the mood to buy anything. Samantha had given me the eye, but merely shrugged as we made our way to her car. The parking lot was crowded, the sun warm, the sunlight glinting off the roofs of hundreds of cars.
Samantha placed her purchases in the backseat and then we both sat down. She inserted the key into the ignition and then glanced at me. "Okay, Molly, where are we going now?"
I glanced at her in surprise. "I don't know. Where do you want to go?"
"Somewhere you'll feel comfortable enough to talk about what's bothering you," she said. "You want to go to the park on Fifth?"
I thought about it for a moment and then shook my head. The park bench I always shared with Samantha had now been shared by Luke, as well. It wasn't our private spot anymore. After thinking about it for a moment, I came up with an idea. "Let's go to the Arboretum."
She nodded. "Good idea!"
Samantha pulled out of the mall parking lot and headed for the JC Raulston Arboretum. She knew where it was because she had graduated from North Carolina State University. The Arboretum on campus was well-known, ranked one of the fifty best p
ublic gardens in the entire United States. Not only was it beautiful, but it was an excellent teaching venue and often hosted educational gatherings, lectures, and symposia year-round.
What better place to lift my mood, I thought as I anticipated walking through the butterfly garden, or along the rooftop terrace. Then again, we could stroll through the Nottingham Rose Garden or the Lath House, perfect for a hot summer day. The Lath House contained over seven hundred popular southern plants that thrived in cooler, shaded areas.
By the time we arrived, I was actually looking forward to the relaxing environment. It was the perfect place to confide my thoughts and feelings to my best friend. We got out and strolled around without any specific destination in mind, enjoying the sounds and aromas that floated through the air. I admired the colors, the beauty, and the peaceful atmosphere of this place. I always had.
"Okay, spill it," Samantha said suddenly. "I know something's going on with you and Luke, considering you don't typically have a day off in the middle of the week."
I stopped and gazed around. The Arboretum wasn't very busy. I gestured toward a wooden bench that stood in the midst of a colorful bed of wildflowers and shrubbery. "Shall we sit?" Samantha eyed me for several moments, and then, lightly grasping my arm, led me over to the bench.
"Before you even start, I want to reiterate what I said earlier. You can talk to me about anything, Molly. You know that, don't you?"
I nodded.
"You and I may not always agree, but you know I would never tell you anything that I didn't believe. I know that sometimes what I have to say doesn't necessarily mesh with what you're thinking, but it is honest. I give you the same advice that I would want from you – meaning honesty. Okay?"
Again I nodded and then rolled my eyes. While Samantha sat patiently, her attention focused on me, I told her the whole story. When I got to the part about my father giving Luke an ultimatum, I saw Samantha's expression change. Knowing her so well, I knew that she was annoyed, probably just as much as I had been to find out that my father had been meddling. When I finally finished telling the whole story, up to and including the last text message I had sent to Luke last night, Samantha stared off into the distance without saying a word. I knew she was processing everything I had told her. I waited patiently for her to respond.
